you are magic

ph: weheartit

if you're not looking for love

ph: weheartit

This doesn't normally happen to me. I'd describe myself as an average girl, pretty, tall and skinny. Average. I've been called beautiful but by people that I didn't take seriously. I was so surprised when he messaged me. He wanted to hang out with me! We met briefly through friends and made light conversation. But, there was something about me that he liked. I was so nervous for our first date. I was a mess. But sitting in his car I relaxed and conversation just flowed. It was so easy with him. I could be myself and not worry about how dorky I looked when I laughed or how uncoordinated I am. He loved every bit of me. I soaked it all in. Every time I get a text or thought about him my stomach would get all funny, like there were butterflies where organs should be. When he told me he had to go, I didn't know what to do. It's not like I fell in love with him after that short amount of time. But I was definitely in like with him. I can tell he's thinking about me when he texts me first or in the middle of the night. I get a goofy grin whenever I text him. If I didn't know any better I'd say I'm falling in love with him. He knows it too. I can't wait until he comes back :) This truly doesn't happen to me. But it did when I least expected it, if you're not looking for love, it'll look for you.

you complete me

ph: weheartit + weheartit

that love story isn’t ours

ph: julialinnea

I think I may actually be over him. It just happened about five minutes ago. I can’t really explain it; I was looking through some old pictures of us in Italy and Paris together, and was staring at his face. That face. That gorgeous face. I actually zoomed in a little. But when I looked, when I really looked, and reminded myself of all the things he’s done, and all the pain he’s caused, that face got…uglier. Feels taboo just writing it. Feels like an almost lie. But you know how people say that a beautiful person can become ugly with their personality? I think that just happened for me.

I reminded myself of how he ignored me over Winter break, didn’t even call on Christmas. I reminded myself of how after a year and a half together he broke my heart and then started seeing Sara, my friend, our friend, just a few weeks later. That that was selfish and thoughtless and desperate. I reminded myself that I would never do those things to him.

I reminded myself of the times he’s been cold, the many times I’ve felt so alone, on my side of the bed, even though he is right there sleeping next to me. I reminded myself of the back and forth game he has played with me since we broke up, saying he wanted to get back together and then backing out. How he drove me home in tears after lunch with his parents and didn’t even bother to text me later on or see how I was doing, after we had just slept together the entire weekend before. How much that hurt me. How he came down for the fourth of July and we slept together again because he told me that the weekend and us being together would “clear up the confusion.” How it didn’t clear up anything. How he implied that we weren’t really one hundred percent broken up…reminded myself when I said broken up couples don’t do this and he said but that’s not completely where we are at. I reminded myself how we are broken up and how that is completely where we are at.

Now, I am thinking about what a fool I’ve been. How I want to be with him just for the sake of being with somebody. Now I am thinking about how one small mistake, like getting back together, could ruin a bit more than I wanted to admit.

Andrew, you were a lovely person to me once. Smart and funny and so beautiful. Now you are not so beautiful. You’ve done it, you’ve really done it. Broken my heart, and half-assed picking up the pieces. Now I think there’s just about a slim to none chance things will ever work out between us. Because I deserve better than someone who has to take half a year to figure out what they want. Because I deserve better than someone who is scared. Because I deserve better than someone who doesn’t want to be with me right now, this minute, no matter what the future brings, even if they are stuck with me forever.

I usually fall for the sappy love story where the two broken hearts realize how much they love each other, and get back together in the end. I usually want to be the leading lady in that love story. Sorry that love story isn’t ours. Sorry it never will be.

Except I’m not sorry at all.

all silly

ph: guy sagy + weheartit

what to do?

ph: weheartit

To all women who are still waiting for their knight in shining armour...

I met him - my knight in shining armour – a while ago. The one we all know about, riding on a white horse, coming to sweep me off my feet. Of course, he did sweep me off my feet, made my knees weak..all that stuff. For a while I was the happiest girl on the planet…until I realised, of course, it is not real. So to all those girls who still believe there is such thing as a knight in shining armour – Don’t. It may seem real for a while but that’s just until reality kicks in.

You see, he does love me and I do love him. But no matter what people say, love isn’t always good enough reason to stay with someone. I met him when we were both with someone else and weirdly enough, it was the best time we could have met. We tried to be friends and we were the worst friends the world has ever seen. We just couldn’t help it. He left his girlfriend to be with me. You know how people say that if a guy wants to be with you he would do anything possible just so he can really be with you? Well, he did. He told me that even if I decide to stay with the other guy and even if it’s for a long time, he’d still wait, because I was worth it. And he did, he waited for me to decide what I want to do. Of course all the time I wanted to be with him, I just wasn’t sure I can trust him. But I left all my insecurities so we can be together. And for a while, I was the happiest I have ever been. He is the sort of guy every girl would dream of, the perfect boyfriend – he made me breakfast in bed without me asking for it. I didn’t celebrate my last birthday because I lost someone from my family the same day. Few days after he made me a cake and bought balloons for me – he told me he didn’t want me to remember my birthday with something so sad, so he even gave me a present. I hardly knew him then. He likes films like ‘A lot like love’. He sat to watch ‘how to lose a guy in 10 days’ with me, because he likes the film. He loves cuddles. And genuinely loves all this. He tells me he misses me, he tells me he loves me, and he promised to do whatever he can to make me happy. You get the idea, the perfect boyfriend.

That was until I realised he is more in love with the idea of being with someone, of being in a relationship than he is in love with me. That’s how he is, how he’s always been. It just took me a while to realise that. Sure he cares and he loves me. But I recently realised he can’t be alone; he has not been single for years – jumping from one long term relationship to another. But he keeps hurting me without realising. I had to live through the millions text from his exgirlfriend and there was nothing i could say because I was the one who got in the way of their relationship in the first place. I had to just accept the fact she appeared on his door in 4 in the morning, crying, begging to get back with him. I was there for him when he was offered a job he deserved then the company decided to unfairly give it to his best friend instead. I still am there for him for all that. But he doesn’t realise how much all this stuff is hurting me. Or even after I tell him how much it upsets me, he still does it. He is just the sort of person who has to be nice to everyone, that’s just the way he is. And I keep telling myself that it is nothing, and that whatever has upset me will just go away with time. But I am not sure I can do that anymore. I am going away for a month to another country in two weeks to do a work experience..and I really am not sure we are gonna get through it. Or more like, that I can get through it.

I just don’t know what to do. I am in love with him, I can’t imagine losing him but I can’t keep on doubting stuff. I am stuck in a dead end street. Tell me what to do?


-Love,
A.

sometimes

ph: weheartit

you turned my life into something beautiful.

unknown

I Love You Endlessly:

2 years before I met you I would lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and think, I need someone. I need someone so badly to make me feel again. I waited, miserably, for someone to come into my life and turn things around for me.

One day it clicked. Who would love me like this? For one, I spent all day in my room. I woke up, completed my schoolwork, and went back to bed. I avoided human contact, even with my family. If by some chance encounter I actually did meet someone new, why would they ever talk to me? Apart from the forced smile I gave my parents to avoid conversation, I never smiled. I never felt like laughing, I shied away from physical contact and I had no personality anymore. I didn't embody anything that made a person attractive to another person. It wasn't bad luck that was keeping me from meeting someone, it was myself.

When I met you, I was finally content with who I was. Thinking back now, it seems like right when I became okay with myself, you came into my life. I had hoped so badly to meet you before; I just wasn't ready back then.

When we first started talking it was a complete shock for me. I was in a stable place, but I was still seeing in dark colors. You brought color and emotion into my life that I never knew existed. You gave me such butterflies that I felt nauseous. It was so overwhelming it actually made me feel sick.

Before you, if someone brushed up against me at the supermarket, I shuddered away like I had done something wrong. I had never been kissed and I couldn't remember the last time I had been embraced by anyone. But when we met, you touched my hand so lovingly and so gently that I cried. I had never felt so much love from just a touch before. It was electric, overwhelming, amazing.

I trusted you so quickly. I wanted to tell you everything: my past, my struggles, and my secrets. I wanted to talk to you all day everyday and spill everything I didn't realize I was keeping inside.

You were patient and kind and, throughout the 3 years we have been together, have taught me what love really is. You showed me how to let someone love me. You helped me leave behind everything I didn't want to be. I have so many hopes and dreams because of you and I see life in so much color with you around.

It is the best feeling knowing that some of your best days are just waiting to be lived out. I want to have our mattress on the floor and eat Chinese take out with you. I want to pick up hamburgers and french fries on the way home from Thanksgiving with our families because we didn't like the food at their house. I want to ask you how your day at work was and slide your coat off your back when you come home. I want you to sit on our bed while I stand in front of you and tie your tie when we get ready to go somewhere nice. I want to give you a list of easy chores around the house so that you can go to the home improvement store. I want to make you coffee in the morning and bring it to you in bed before you wake up.
Doing anything with you seems extraordinary to me.

You and I have so much to look forward to and I owe that all to you. You turned my life into something beautiful.

why'd you have to be so cute?

ph: weheartit + weheartit

the moments

ph: weheartit

I fell in love with the kind of guy my parents warned me against. He didn’t come from a good family and he spent every minute of the day working for every penny he could get, he used to apologise that he couldn’t buy me diamonds or pretty things or a big house to call our own, but it was only when i met him i realised the best things in life really are free. i realised relationships aren’t about the gifts your given, it’s the moments on the country drives when you tell yourself if they ignore your directions once more you will beat them to death with the A-Z, it’s when in furniture shops and they spend hours measuring bookcases when all you want to do is look at sofas, it’s when they forget to record your TV programmes but suggest now you can watch the match together, its being questioned about all your past relationships and threatening to go back to them, it’s not making the reservations at the restaurant so you end up with fish and chips instead. But it’s when they admit your directions were the right ones, when they let you ramble on about cushions and fabrics and designs without complaining, when they spend the match doing funny commentaries and explaining the rules every time you ask without getting frustrated, its arguing about exes but being glad they’re your exes and he’s your future, it’s eating the fish and chips while you tell each other about your childhood and fears and ambitions and thoughts, it’s also when they know exactly how you like your cups of tea, and when they understand when to hold you during the sad parts of your favourite films. And it’s that moment when you have a stupid argument about putting the red socks in the washing machine with the white shirts and you threaten to leave, but then you look round at this little nest and world you’ve created together and you see the bookcase where his Stephen King’s are nestled in-between your Bronte’s, and the DVDs stacked along the wall with your DVDs hidden in his cases that would take days to sort out, it’s the two Xbox controllers plugged in from when you last teamed up to take on his friends, it’s the sofa where you each have your ‘side’ his with the TV remote and yours with the cushions, it’s seeing the photo album which has pictures of both your pasts and presents – where your childhoods are next to each other protected by a plastic sheet, it’s his clothing lying about that you’ve slowly adopted as your own, it’s realising that not just your belongings but your worlds have become connected, you’re so much a part of each other that you could leave because it’s be leaving part of your heart behind too. So you shut the door and walk back towards him, and he says he’ll put the kettle on and makes 2 cups of tea, one weak with 2 sugars and one strong with none – exactly as you’ve always been.

So you could have all the diamonds in the world but without the laughter and the moments of madness and the knowledge that they love you it’s not worth a penny. You’re a beautiful beautiful person and you deserve to feel loved.

give it time

ph: weheartit + weheartit

i’m sorry

ph: weheartit

I am a true believer that the love between girl friends is something to be cherished, and never to be taken for granted. I’ve developed these beliefs because a year ago I lost two of the most wonderful friends anyone could have asked for. I completely, one hundred percent, took them for granted.

I’ve been through a lot in the past year; my first real apartment, job loss, a break up, and a move 1,300 miles away from my home of twenty-two years. These are the kind of things that are supposed to be discussed over a bottle of wine, or two, with your best girl friends. I laugh, cried, and celebrated alone. Most of my tears were shed not for the losses of a job or a boyfriend but for the loss of friendship.

You see I made some mistakes a year ago and instead of owning up to them, I denied everything. I tried to scheme my way out in the hopes of it all being forgotten in a few weeks time. Like high school drama… there one day, gone the next. Except this wasn’t high school; it was drama that I had brought onto myself. My friends called me out on my bullshit, with what were probably the best intentions, and instead of owning my mistakes I accused my friends of lying. They weren’t. Not even a little bit.

My denial, lies, and selfishness caused me to lose two people who I had considered family. They were done with my crap, and they had every right. Hell, if I were my friend, I’d have done the same thing. I am completely willing to admit (now) that I was the one in the wrong. I will forever regret the choices that I made.

I hope you see this, AB and JB. I know that the damage is done, and I’m okay with that. I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I will always be sorry.

Alyssa

owl love you always ♥

ph: chez-sucre-chez via darling dexter

listen to your intuition

ph: weheartit

I used to be the girl that hoped for the most amazing love; and when I met him, I knew I'd found it. He was everything a young girl would fall for: mysterious, unattainable, older, good looking, and such a smooth talker. Being a young girl in high school, it didn't take me long before I couldn't get him off my mind, before I caught myself waiting by the phone for his text message, before I started changing myself to accommodate his expectations. He became my addiction, and I could not stop thinking about him. The first time we hooked up, I was more than ecstatic because that validated that he (or at least, I thought) had feelings for me too, and that he wanted me as well. Right before he kissed me, he said, "I don't want a relationship, but I want you." Being the naive sixteen year old that I was, I took that with a grain of salt, thinking to myself that I could easily change his mind. I just wanted him so badly - it's like, when they say don't push the big red button, its all you want to do. Everyone warned me about him, about how he was a player, about how he was emotionally unavailable, but I was determined to be the exception. I was determined to change that about him. I wanted to be the girl who the player fell in love with - because I knew I could be that girl.

We continued to hook up all the time, but he still wasn't budging. I was giving him everything: hook ups whenever he wanted, but with no strings attached - he got to keep his options open while getting the pretty blonde sixteen year old that no other guy had ever come close to getting.

Why did I let him do this to me? Still, to this day, it baffles me. I was taking from him what I could get, because I liked him so fucking much. He treated me like a friend, he talked to and texted crazy amounts of other girls, used me as a last resort to his plans, but still got me. One hundred percent of me. And I hardly ever even got a stitch of him. He was an asshole, he was a douche bag, he was a jerk. Don't get me wrong though, he was real nice about it - always made sure I knew that the "only reason" why he wouldn't date me was because of school. I knew deep down that was bullshit - my mom always told me, "if a guy really likes you, no matter what is in the way, he will get you. He will WANT to be with you. No matter what." This boy was a master manipulator, and you know, the players always are. They know exactly what to say to the girls who like them to get them exactly where they want. He knew I liked him so much, and he took advantage of it.

And at the end of the day, I ended up with nothing. Why? Because I got fed up - confronted him and put my foot down. I told him it was either all or nothing with me, and he chose nothing. After everything I did for him, after all the bullshit I put up with, he wanted nothing. He said, "you know, to be completely honest, I don't think I ever liked you nearly as much as you liked me." After ages of caring about him, the next day, he was already with someone else.

Here's a word of advice to all those naive girls out there: listen to your intuition. When the red flags come up, don't ignore them. Listen to what people say. Because although infatuation may be the strongest emotion you'll ever feel, heartbreak is much, much more painful, and takes much longer to conquer. I didn't listen to my gut, I didn't listen to my head. I listened to my heart, and I got burnt. I got burnt.

I'm still getting over the heartbreak, I take it day by day. Some days are worse than others, there will be times where I'll wake up in the middle of the night screaming thoughts in my mind about him. Other times I'll be able to put things into perspective and know that I can do better. The player will have a power over you like no one else - he'll be able to make you feel like you're the one at fault, like you're worthless, like you're the one who fucked everything up.

Don't date the player.

Please.

-S

to know nothing but her

ph: weheartit + wehearit

i might just lose you

ph: weheartit

I’m not even really sure how it happened. I’d had plenty of boyfriends before; so many that my friends always told me I was incapable of being alone. It wasn’t that I was addicted to love, it was just that I’d get in too deep to back out. Looking back, I only truly loved one of those boys, and the rest are a blur. I don’t think you’ll ever be part of that blur.

At first, it seemed to start like every other relationship I had. Our friends got involved, saying how great we’d be together. Sure, I was attracted to you, how could I not be? But you seemed arrogant, cocky, too sure of yourself. There didn’t seem to be enough room in your life for your ego and me. But I kissed you anyway.

It wasn’t the can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of kiss one would expect from the boy they were soon to fall in love with. It was a good kiss. It kept me interested. So we kept going: hanging out on the field for most of those September nights, spreading out a blanket on the grass and looking at the stars, laughing as we became familiar with each other. I guess neither of us ever thought it would evolve the way it did. The sense of carelessness just added to the momentum; I fell for you so hard.

It’s ironic now, that you were the one who wanted to label us as an official couple first. I was soon going to learn how scared a serious relationship made you. You couldn’t deal with your emotions, you couldn’t let anyone in. The tough shell you built around yourself challenged me. I knew there was a sensitive boy behind those walls and I was determined to find him and, eventually, to love him.

The fights started coming in higher doses, until I decided I was done with the hurt. You couldn’t admit to yourself that you cared and I couldn’t tell you something you didn’t know yourself. I left for two months, and it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. When you sent me that message, saying I was right and you had made a terrible mistake and needed me back, that was the first time I ever cried over you. I’d never cried over a boy before. I’d never been hurt like I had been with you. I had never had a real pain in my stomach because I missed anyone as much as I missed you.

When we finally got back together, we held back, so much so that it didn’t seem like we were to last. Summer was coming and we were scared. What was the point in falling if I was just going to have to pick up the pieces again? But you realized you had been wrong all along. We started spending more and more time together, and as spring came, our relationship bloomed like I could have never predicted.

Summer came, but we got through it together. Traveling to see each other every weekend left such a strong sense of emptiness each time we were apart that the anticipation of seeing you again just fueled our love even further. I suddenly felt closer to you than I had ever felt. I could be weird and crazy and dramatic and ditzy and serious and pensive and you wouldn’t even blink an eye. You accepted me for whatever I chose to be, and the comfort I felt around you will never be matched. I’m going to miss snuggling and just being in your arms; trying to force you to watch Dear John and making fun of you when you cave; the tiny patch of purple zigzags on your back; your blue eyes standing out when you wear the Patagonia I gave you for Christmas; the genuine giggle you let out when I tickle your collarbone; the maturity and confidence I see when you’re talking to daddy; your jokes about being middle-aged with me and not being scared when I told you that crazy psychic said we were soul-mates; how you tell me everything’s okay, even when it so clearly isn’t.

Because you’re going away to school and I might just lose you this time.

Al.

i deserve better

ph: tere arigo

i'd give anything to bring it back

ph: weheartit

I spent a good fifteen minutes just staring at the blank, white empty email awaiting my love story. Or not so love story. I wish I knew what i wanted to say, and it's not even that I have nothing to say, it's just my head is currently such a busy, crowded street with feelings and emotions bouncing off of each other.

I don't know what happened to us. It's like being in a car, driving down hill, and having the breaks go out. You just want it to stop, you want everything to be okay, you want to make it out alive but with the way things are going, it just doesn't seem like such a hopeful situation. But at this point it doesn't even matter because truthfully, I already feel dead. If my heart is still beating, i can't feel it anymore.

We started like any typical couple, except maybe we were jaded from the start. You were twenty one with a good heart, a contagious laugh, a huge fear of relationships, having never even come close to having one. I was healing with little to no hope in love, but you opened me back up and helped pick up the pieces. You were new and sweet and naive and just wonderful. I fell so in love with you, so easily. Your smile helped with that. I had never seen such a beautiful smile, and when you smiled my whole world just lit up. I miss that smile, I haven't seen it in quite some time now. We were just perfect together. We made people jealous and probably sick to their stomach with how cute we were. I miss us, I miss us so much.

But somehow, at some point, everything just started to fall apart. And now those old memories are like walking past your old home where happy thoughts and love used to dwell, and now it's just an old abandoned house with weeds and broken windows and an empty, hollow, sad inside. It absolutely started the day I had to go away to school. Distance kills love. I truly believe that. And especially with us just starting out. We had a month to hold on to each other before I had to be away from you, and i warned you that this would be hard, that it would ruin us, but we blindly took that leap together, ignoring every warning sign. We tried. We tried so hard but come May, things were so bad, and my homecoming- which we thought would save us- just broke us down even further. The insecurities and exhaustion from the distance carried over, the little fights began, then you started to give up ever so slowly. You started to emotionally pull yourself out of the relationship until I was basically alone. I felt like I was in love with a ghost. That beautiful, bright smile was so dim now.

I guess it just became too much for you. This being your first relationship, you had no idea how to handle the rough patches. You truly believed that relationships should always be perfect and that if problems exist, the relationship isn't right. You are a complete idiot to believe that, i hope you know. From then on you just turned cold, and angry, and void. You hated communication and the second I wanted to open up about my feelings, you would just shut down and ignore me or just yell at me. I think that is what holds us back so much. You need communication in a relationship and without it, you'll go nowhere. I felt dissatisfied and hopeless and foolish. I just wanted a sign from you, anything, a kiss, a touch, flowers, a text message- ANYTHING to show me that you still cared, that you still wanted this. I wanted you to fight for me instead of with me. But you can't make someone love you, you can't make someone fight for you. I'm not perfect, I had my flaws, but i never gave up.

And then I came home one night to flowers on my doorstep and a beautiful note. You told me you loved me and that you'd love me through any situation, that we'd work through this and "let's make this count." I still hold on to that note, i still read it every day because for a second I saw the boy I had fallen so deeply in love with. Just for a second though. It wasn't much longer after that you wanted space, and then you started saying you were confused, and then you wanted to leave. We sat outside on your porch, the rain falling down just for us, and you cried and cried and cried. I'll never understand how someone can leave someone, but be sad about it. If it hurts you to leave someone, why can't you just stay and put effort in the relationship? I don't understand it, probably because I've never been one to give up on love no matter how many times love wants to give up on me. I just can't. Once you have my heart, you have my heart and I'd do anything to keep that heart with you.

We've been together a year now. We agreed to keep trying, but it's been the same story ever since. You're still confused, you still want space, and my heart still doesn't want to let go. You keep trying to give up, but only because for you it's easier than working on something. I'm so sick of putting my heart fully into something just to be disappointed all the time. I think disappointment is one of the most painful emotions to deal with. I wish I meant more, I used to mean more. I wish I was worth something. All I've ever known is people leaving and i never wanted you to fall in that category. You're not even the same boy anymore. You're even starting to look different to me. I just wish I had the strength to walk away. I wish I could just give up on you, like you give up on me...on us. But no matter how many times you tell me you can't do this anymore, I end up back on your doorstep, fighting my ass off for you, trying to convince you that this will get better, that we can make it, because i have hope and sometimes that's all you really need. Call me crazy, or pathetic, or stupid... I am all of the above, but i can't let go, I just can't.

I have this stupid image of us in my head, hand in hand, looking back at this time and laughing it off like a bad dream. I just want everything to be okay, I just want us to work out, I just want you.

By the time this story gets published, I'm sure you'll have left me again, but I hope not. I hope just this once love is enough. I'd give anything to bring it back to the way it was in the beginning. Can that even happen? Is it possible for a relationship to hit such a low point and end up better than before? Probably not. And if it were possible, it'd probably require both individuals to want it enough and with your constant giving up, hope is paper thin.

I don't even want my heart anymore, you can just take it and run.

delete from the heart

ph: diary of little secrets

what we are doing is real

ph: casimirpulaskiday

We met in the most unorthodox way possible. I had come to switzerland to visit my father, you had been living there for the past ten years. We both found our way to that club by pure chance (I had actually not considered even going that night). We flirted, we talked. We had a friend in common so it was only natural that we made conversation. Then you invited me to take some air. I refused because I knew it would be weird for that friend and because I had already invested my heart to someone back home. You never gave up. (Which is why I kind of fell for you that night). We found ourselves behind the club, kissing with ardent fever like the typical teenagers we are, giggling at every awkward touch, pretending our friends didn't even exist. This was the case for hours. I never once felt out of place, you made me feel so beautiful. When it was time to leave, we couldn't stop kissing goodbye. I remember me telling you between our pressed lips that I had to go, and in response you held my waist even tighter. I tiptoed back home, making sure not to wake up the sleeping household, and jumped in bed. Although my feet were killing me, my head spinning miles an hour, and my eyelids heavy, I couldn't sleep. I remembered the next day like it was yesterday.

My phone was blinking with a new text message. It was from you:
"Hey can I admit something: I couldn't stop thinking about you last night"
My heart started spinning. This was supposed to be a one night thing. A summer hook up. No baggage. No emotional commitment. But how could I doubt my own feelings? I knew how I felt. How I feel now. I couldn't leave you. You made it so much harder when you told me "Don't go. Stay. Stay with me," But I was leaving the next morning. We spent the whole day getting to know each other, asking questions. Being honest. It was so natural. No drama. We just fit. I remember when we giggled like idiots when you asked me to be your girlfriend and we told our friends how we felt. I didn't fall asleep the night before my flight. We texted all night. I remember sitting in the plane back home rereading all of our texts, with the goofiest grin plastered on my face. Thousands of texts. And here I am. Just five days later. 3953 miles away from you. Still your girlfriend. Terrified about us. About who we are going to be. How we are going to make this work. If it's going to work at all. But I know its going to be alright when you text me goodnight at 6 in the evening here. When I wake up, no matter the time, and you're wishing me good morning.

Here is what I sent last night when I went to sleep: "I think the worst part of this time difference thing is you're not awake when i go to bed to tell me good night."
This is what he replied at 5 this morning: "Yeah I know but I'm awake when you get up to say hello <3"

I can't wait to see you again. I'm going back in December, and when everybody I know think this isn't going to work out, i simply read a text you sent me last night:
"Hey just wanted to say, I know we didn't make a mistake. I still can't believe that what we are doing is real, but I've made mistakes before, and trust me when I say this isn't one of them. Sleep well, i'll talk to you tomorrow morning,"

i miss you

ph: weheartit + weheartit

if we can share something beautiful

ph: weheartit

He is nothing special, but to me, he is absolutely perfect.

I can´t remember for how long we've known each other, but we have shared many moments together. During all these years I've just seen him as another guy. I remember how annoying he could be, how we used to be angry with each other and how I yelled at him. I also remember those times when we laughed together, when we stayed up the whole night watching the lightnings, and how we helped each other. This was many years ago, when we were young. Then we grew up and in some way we lost each other along the way although we never was very close. He was two years older than me and moved away for school. Also I started a new school and found new friends.

Years went by and occasionally we bumped each other but I never really thought about him until a year and a half ago. It was a friday night and I was out with some friends. We were dancing and having a really good time. I was feeling a bit dizzy so I went out to the bar and there he was. We started talking and so we did the whole evening. After that night I began to think about him more and in some way we started to run into each other more often.

Now, in the summer, I see him pretty often. When we meet those chilly summer evenings at the local pub he always puts his arm around me and I just feel so safe in some way. I've now been thinking and I´m starting to realize that I might be having feelings for him. The difficult part in this is that my friends don´t share my thoughts about him. They are making fun of him which makes it hard for me to admit to my friends, myself and of course him, that I like him.

I believe that all the things we went through as young kids makes me feel safe. Now I just have to dare to tell him, to see if he feels the same way, and see if we can share something beautiful.

H.

the difference about like and love

ph: heartless + daisy2klein

i thought you were perfect.

ph: weheartit

It was a Wednesday night the first time we kissed. The nightclub was buzzing with people and music and I could taste the alcohol between our mouths. Warmth flowed through me as your soft lips pressed onto mine. I remembered your kiss still lingered on my lips as I left the club, and I could smell your sweet perfume all over my face. I never expected to hear from you again, but I did.

Two months later you asked me to be your girlfriend. No words could describe how happy I was right at that moment, I had been waiting for weeks for you to finally be mine.

I even remembered the first time you said you loved me. We were at a festival, the sun had gone down and I began to feel the chill of the night so we ran into a tent. The tent was filled with people entranced by the music as it blared through the speakers, it was so loud you could feel each beat vibrating through your body. You were so happy. Your fingers would intertwine into mine. Your hand would fall perfectly on my back as you would pull me closer for a kiss. I could smell your sweat laced with your deodorant wafting from your white singlet. “I love you” you yelled through the thumping of the music. I was so happy.

As each day passed, I fell more in love with you. I loved you so effortlessly.

We did everything together. Our lives meshed together perfectly.

Sundays would be my favourite day, we would wake up late, stay in bed, watch movies all day, and then grab take out for dinner. Even though we did absolutely nothing, Sundays were my favourite because I got to do absolutely nothing with you.

You were the first person that I felt knew me better than I knew myself.

I remembered the night I found out I was pregnant. As the two lines formed on the pregnancy test tears welled up in my eyes and I collapsed to the floor. We were only 19. How could we possibly look after a child? I called you and told you I had to see you. I picked you up in my beaten up car, and as soon as you asked me what was wrong I bursted into tears. You handled it so well. I could tell you weren’t scared at all, not like me. When I decided that I couldn’t keep it, I saw for only a second, a flash of sadness in your eyes. It killed me. I would have loved for you to be that father of my child, to start a family and a future with you, but at this age, I just wasn’t ready, and neither were you. You were there for me the whole time, you were so strong.

I thought you were perfect. But I was wrong.

I was staring out of my window into the hauntingly dark night when I got the call. At first I couldn’t believe it, I refused to believe it. There was no way it could be possibly true. There was no way this one little sentence could tear down my whole life, and shatter my entire heart. I couldn’t breathe.

“He has been sleeping with another girl.”

7 words. All it took was 7 words to make me crumble into pieces of nothing. My fingers were shaking as I dialled your number and waited for your charming voice to greet me with a hello. I asked you, and you denied. You said it was all lies. I said I believed you. But I didn’t.

That night I laid in bed staring at nothing but complete darkness. I could hear my mind ticking over at all the possible ifs and buts and whys. I needed you more than ever, but I resented the idea of being with you. I had to speak to her. The other girl. The girl who has looked up into those blue eyes that I adore and has kissed the lips I always crave to kiss.

She told me everything. She told me how you met her through one of your friends. She told me how it was a bright, summer’s day and how you both swam in the beach and then made love afterwards. With every word she spoke, I felt my soul burning into pieces of ashes. Apart of me wanted to curl my fingers into her tacky brown hair extensions and tear them apart, just like her words were tearing my heart, but another part just wanted to run away from this nightmare.

I remembered I was shaking so much that I could feel my knees about to buckle as I headed to your door. You greeted me with your usual charming smile. As I stood there staring into your gleaming blue eyes, tears began to form. My heart caved in. I blurted out the conversation I had with this girl. And you still denied. You told me she was lying. You were so convincing. I wanted so much to believe you. I had to believe you.

You held me so tight that I could smell the soap on your skin. You kissed me and told me you loved me. I could see the fear and the love in those beautiful round eyes. I had to believe you.

I woke up with my face nuzzled into your chest. I felt the warmth of your breath flowing down my face. I could hear the slow, rhythmic thumps of your heart on your chest. For a moment, it felt so perfect once again.

That morning was the last time I saw you. After you kissed me and left for work, I made the bed, packed my things, and left.

To this day I still don’t know what to believe, and I still don’t know if I made the right decision. There is a part of me that hopes one day you will find me again, and that you will never let me go.

I still love you so much.

SE.

when you talk to me

ph: hardly sweet + gwenisadora

the wait will be worth it

ph: weheartit

All my life, I've been in and out of relationships. Bad guys, good guys, obsessive guys, nice guys, I've dated them. Last Dec, I ended the last relationship after he turned possessive, because I knew I didn't have a future together with him.

I was weak. All my life I was weak, foolish, and dependent. I'm glad to say that in the year 2011, I grew up. I stayed single for the longest time I could remember. I didn't have a guy to fetch me anywhere I wanted, to dine with at any restaurant I craved for, to take me out shopping when I demanded, or watch a movie with me when I
felt like it.

And it's been the best teacher I could ever have. Sure there were lonely moments, low moments. There were weak moments I wished ever so badly I had a good and loving boyfriend. But everyday I grew a little stronger. Everyday, I grew more at ease with myself, I complained less and I loved my family and friends a little more.

I know that someday I will love again. But I'm not going to sit around and wait impatiently for that day to come. I'm not going to rush into yet another relationship that isn't going to last, just because he smiled at me and gave me butterflies. I'm going to live life to the fullest, and appreciate the little things in life.

Because I know that one day, the wait will be worth it.

give a heart to someone you love

ph: weheartit

happy almost 1st year

ph: weheartit

It's been a year since he and broke up and this is a letter that I wish I could send me but can't.

Dear J,

If you asked me last year where I saw myself in a year, I can tell you that this, all of this wasn't what I had in mind. The way things are in general are nothing like I thought they would be. People I've kept close to my heart have now become complete strangers. And people who were once strangers now mean so much to me. This past year has gone by so quickly. It almost feels like nothing has changed and yet when I slow down and think about it, nothing is the same. It's hard to believe how much can change in just a year. This time last year, things were completely different. I was completely different.

We've broken up for a year now. Right now, we're more than acquaintances but less than friends and maybe that's why it feels so strange when I see your name flash on my screen telling me you would like to start a conversation. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy our conversations. Hearing from you always puts a smile on my face. Simple one liners about how your day went. It's nice to know that I crossed your mind but it feels like whenever we do talk, there's a set of rules that we both have to adhere to. It feels like we can only talk about certain things, non-threatening things. We can't talk about our past because it's threatening. It makes me as uncomfortable as it makes you. We can only talk about things like the weather, school, music. I can't and I won't ask you about your girlfriend and you won't ask me anything personal. I feel like I don't have the right to tell you that I'm happy that you've found someone new, that she seems really lovely, with her long silky hair and sweet smile. I feel like I don't want the right to ask you anything personal and I think you feel the same. I remember you used to say that we're similar people and that I always knew what you were thinking. And that's the problem isn't it? Similar people can never get it right.

I censor myself a lot whenever we talk. Like when you told me how stressed out and sleep deprived you are because of your October exam. I wanted to say 'It's so typical of you to frustrate over the little things, things that you don't have to stress our over. You're smart, you'll do perfectly fine.' But instead, all I said was 'take care of yourself.' I guess I did that because I realized that if I could notice that little detail about you, then so can your girlfriend who has been with you for a much longer time than I did.

It's not that I'm not over you. I've moved on. We both have. It's just that a small part of me still misses you. Sometimes I find myself wishing that you would call and ask to see me. Nothing dramatic or elaborate - just us meeting up. Just the sound of your voice saying "I'm sorry, I miss you."

Happy almost 1st year.

Love always,
E