Showing posts with label looking for love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label looking for love. Show all posts

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Friday, January 13, 2012

the lovesick

love photo happy happiness joy image, http://xaxor.com/photography/31265-photography-by-quyen-nghia.html
ph: Quyen Nghia

we are the lovesick. the fearless ones. the never giving up.
the hearts undone. sick with the desire to love. to live so far
beyond the boundaries given to us. we are the fence-hopping
fools who never stopped to read the signs. the ones that left
the world behind. like dreams we've drawn in neon light. just
moments in the sea of time. we are the lost ones wandering.
the soon to be smoldering. last to be found. the first to fall and
fail to fly then shatter on the ground. we are the rebels running
wild through a darkness that can swallow us. but we've set fire
to our souls. burning brilliant blinding gold. the flames that illuminate
our lonely road. our futures holding fates untold. we are the
ever-refusing to fold. to fade away or worse to lose. the few that
bend and break apart the cages of our rules. born desperate for the
promise of the mystery unknown. we are the lovesick. and just like
the sun we will always rise. hope still shining in our eyes..
- Jason Reeves.

I have the courage to love.. And I will love you forever.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

who will love the girl


ph: Film Fancier

I haven't fallen in love yet. I'm only eighteen, still a baby, but that doesn't stop me from wanting it so badly.


As my second semester of college comes around the corner, I cannot help but think "will he be in this room?", as I walk into new classes; a clean slate, they don't know me and I don't know them.
Believe it when it's said, I'm not desperate nor do I need a boyfriend. Believe it when it's said, I just want to know what it feels like, to have someone in which you can be 100% yourself, that will love all your flaws as you love his or hers.

You see i am a sucker for books, and sappy stories, though I do not like showing it. Both happy endings and tragic endings appeal to me because the characters in stories always feel something nonetheless. Dreaming is all I have ever known.

So I'm terrified that I'll be one of those girls who never falls in love because it hasn't happened yet. I'm also terrified that I'll be one of those girls who falls for anyone just to see if love could be found there.


Who will love the girl who loves getting lost in a book,
chasing those fantasies that only exist in her mind?

Who will love the girl who suddenly gets quiet because she got a bad vibe,
so it ruins her whole day?

Who will love the girl who gets lost is her train of thoughts and will never be able to tell you why she got lost in the first place?

Who will love the girl who yearns for those midnight talks about life and what it has to bring?
Who will love the girl?

I know that I'm not the only one out there who feels this way. Younger, older, wiser: there are many of us. It's a scary concept, love, but I still want to feel it.

-L.C

Thursday, January 5, 2012

missed connections

missed connections love image love photo the new yorker missed connection, http://ultrabrilliant.tumblr.com/post/5839401528/missed-connections-adrian-tomine-illustration
missed connections missed connection love image love quote love photo, http://weheartit.com/entry/20838324
ph: the new yorker + weheartit

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

a stranger i cant wait to know

a stranger i can't wait to know love image love photo couple pool hall, http://weheartit.com/entry/20737247/via/yasdnil
ph: weheartit

as long as i can remember ive always been searching for "the one." romance novels, disney fairytales, and hollywood chick flicks have put images of white knights and prince charmings in my head that realistically dont exist. alas the hopeless romantic, emphasis on hopeless, that i am keeps her eyes peeled in case one magically walked through a magic mirror into this world searching for me too.

in the past ive gone to many lengths to meet my soul mate. utilizing online dating, missed connection sites, blind dates... yet they all end in failure. in most cases my overzealous heart either mistakes him for someone hes not, or scares them away. and yet no matter how many times my heart has been chipped, dropped, and broken, i continue to pick up the pieces and tape them together again and move on with my search.

more recently i took a step back. trying to rearrange my priorities and get the rest of my life in a place that makes me happy. its taken about a year but i feel im finally there. i know who my true friends are and i make time to invest in them. i have a career i love with all my heart and work for a company i truly believe in. i could hit the gym more often but thats not really impairing my happiness too much. im living with my parents, which isnt the ideal situation, but the 3 of us are getting along well and im closer to my goal of savings to get out on my own again soon! but no matter what i do for myself, no matter how many spa days i allow, big pay checks i get, or pounds i loose, theres still something missing. and that is him. the one. my prince charming. my hero.

BUT LOW AND BEHOLD!!! a few weeks ago, i was minding my own business at dillards and there he was. i had just gotten off work, i was exhausted and disheveled, and decided to swing by the mall to grab a few things. i had parked in the parking area i always park in and as i was leaving to head home i walked by the holiday decor. with my mothers santa clause collection in mind i popped in to see if there may be a santa she couldnt live without. sure enough, Irish Santa popped out and i commenced my search to find one to buy. of course i couldnt so i went to look for help. approaching the first dillards employee i could find i found my heart start to race. my cheeks flush. my voice retreating. he was the most handsome man ive ever laid my eyes on. now if you remember prince charming is typically described as "tall, dark, and handsome" he fits this mold in his own quirky way. he is tall. not too tall though. perfectly tall. hes strong and fit. in a way that when he wraps his arms around me i feel safe and protected. smaller. i feel like a space was saved for me in those arms of his. oh is he handsome. i believe the term for him is "silver fox." ugh is it sexy. he wears his silver locks in a Madmen style, classic and chic. his smile makes sparks fire within my soul. his eyes are like deep, endless pools that i could loose myself in for hours. oh how i long for him now... even now he distracts me. but anyways, back to the story. i asked him for help finding santa. as he went to the stock room to search i frantically found a mirror and quickly applied lipstick, powder, and let down my hair... my crazy attempt to make myself more attractive for him. oh did i mention he was wearing the cutest red bow tie?! ugh! as he returned he wrapped up my gift and we began to chat. well, he was chatting, i was flirting. we took notice of each others tattoos and learned we were both of irish decent. it was a short lived encounter that i will never forget. he won me over in 5 measly minutes. without even trying. i left the mall with only the name tony to go by. but i HAD to know him. know who he is. what hes about. everything about him. i wanted him in my life from that very moment.

jump ahead past the crazy stalker faze i had when i got home that night frantically searching for him via internet. its amazing how easy it is to find someone if you really want to. so you can guess... i found him, emailed him, and anxiously waited for a response. i soon learned he was more than willing to start a friendship, but the air soon deflated from my bubble when i learned he was seeing someone. *le sigh*

jump ahead again, its only been perhaps 2 weeks. and we are friends. but i have fallen head over heels for him. without a doubt, deep for him. my heart feels as though it has finally found its counterpart. the last piece to my puzzle. my white knight. (as i type this my phone makes is typical text message sound and my heart jumps as i see its from him :) ) hes the man ive been dreaming of my whole life. i know without a doubt, deep in my soul, that he is the most wonderful man ive ever met. his touch makes my stomach tighten. his smile lights me on fire. when he speaks i want to savor every story. i long to feel what his lips feel like. what his breath tastes like. to be as close as possible to his body.

when im apart from him it feels as though my heart has a string tied around it. and he holds the other end. my heart feels like it is being pulled towards this man. this man that i honestly dont know. hes still very much a stranger. a stranger i cant wait to know deeply, inside and out.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Thursday, December 15, 2011

a mutual addiction

a mutual addiction love photo love image, http://weheartit.com/entry/23470530/via/samiaborges
a mutual addiction chuck palahnuik quote love quote love image love photo what I want is to be needed what i need is to be indispensible to somebodywho i need is someone who will eat up all my free time my ego my attention
ph: weheartit + Chuck Palahniuk quote

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

and then you came

and then you came kissing kiss love image love photo, http://imgfave.com/view/588025
ph: unknown source via imgfave

They say, the best people come in your life when you least expect it. I was depressed and my heart ached, and then you came. You taught me how to love and how important God was.

You had the answers to all my questions. I miss the way you told me bedtime stories on the phone. The hours we've spend texting about the most random things. I didn't even notice how I fell in love with you. With every part of you. I fell in love with your hair, your brown eyes and your crooked smile.

I fell in love with the way you've let me sleep against your shoulder. I got used to you, used to everything. Everyone said I changed. In only three months. No one could ever do what you did and I love you for that.

I love you so bad that I can't think of you without crying. It's like my heart is exploding and screaming your name. Over and over again.

I love you so much that I would donate my kidney to you. Because a life without you is no love. Without you, my dearest,my love...there's no me.

You're the brightest of all. The sweetest of all. And still i'm waiting, craving for the moment you ask me to marry you. I guess that's all I ever want. Marry you, share the same life, same bed, same house. To share with you is all I ever want to do. But even if the day won't come, and you find love in someone else... please know that you're the bluest sky.

Maybe God has other plans for both of us. Still I pray, each day, for us to get together someday.

Always yours, G.

Friday, December 9, 2011

i am not sure what love is

i am not sure what love is love photo love image, http://www.flickr.com/photos/sommerbrise/6385517469/sizes/m/in/photostream/
ph: sommerbrise

Sometimes I am not sure what love is. Sometimes I would find myself asking is this how love is suppose to feel?

There used to be days I was really sure what it is. Moment of first love that innocent fluttering feeling which comes out and lives within me with excitement made me confident this was probably was love was. Fresh and new and full of excitement. Then in the midst of smiles and laughter, tears came along..with anger and pain. What seem to me like it was everlasting love, flew out of the window in just a blink of an eye. Questions began to rise, isn't love suppose to be everlasting? or is it just a spur of the moment thing? Can you really lose love with time?

Second and third relationships ended up the same way. Things such as 'I felt love in the beginning, but somehow I lost it with you... you'd be better off with another better guy' became a common quote. Innocent image of love gets lost in the process. All you'd recall is just how 'love' doesn't last and that well maybe you just don't know what exactly love is.

Funny, how easy it is sometimes to forget all those happy moments you share with a person that you've build together for a period of time in just a blink of an eye... then later on only recall the pain which acts as the base for the defensive mechanism you unknowingly build around you. Sometimes I guess maybe I chose not to believe in love so I don't get hurt again.

I'm back again on the track but I am not sure what I am feeling is really love, or just a longing to be with someone, since I've seem to have a misconception. The image of love began to be blurry. What exactly it is begins to be uncertain. I doubt almost everything and just things flow, but I can't really feel like I am all there.

In the end I am still not sure.

Friday, November 18, 2011

so yes, keep those lovely memories with you

so yes keep these memories with you pictures love photo love image, http://weheartit.com/entry/29309314
ph: weheartit

I just came across this letter while cleaning out my computer files. Two
years ago I clearly realized that yes life does go on. And I am worth it.

Dear Sidney
Read this anytime you thought life was easy, or hard. “oh take me back to the start” said coldplay. Yes coldplay. The lovely piano that Nathan played for you. He doesn’t like you and its hard to hear. And yes he broke your heart but your worth better. Those drunken hookups were nothing, yeah they were fun but they are not going to get you anyone better than him– and that is what you deserve. So put on a smile. Don’t ignore the fact that your sad, or lonely. But move on. Wallowing does no good, and the memory is important. So yes, keep those lovely memories with you, because it is very unlikely your future husband will love coldplay, john mayer, and johsua radin as much as you do. But if he does, because he will be the best man for you and make you extremely satisfied and happy, look back with a smile at those times. Because you loved them. And they killed you but they were great. Watching the stars on the car, seeing him play at potbellies, driving with him. There were good times and you were friends but that is it. And he broke your heart but it will only make you love someone even more, because he won’t do that to you.

Sidney you’re beautiful and worth it. Don’t cry. Love you.

-Sidney

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

all the single ladies

all the single ladies love photo love image, http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/11/all-the-single-ladies/8654/

I came across an interesting article from Atlantic Monthly that I wanted to share with you...

Recent years have seen an explosion of male joblessness and a steep decline in men’s life prospects that have disrupted the “romantic market” in ways that narrow a marriage-minded woman’s options: increasingly, her choice is between deadbeats (whose numbers are rising) and playboys (whose power is growing). But this strange state of affairs also presents an opportunity: as the economy evolves, it’s time to embrace new ideas about romance and family—and to acknowledge the end of “traditional” marriage as society’s highest ideal.
By Kate Bolick


you can read the whole article >> HERE


found via Gala Darling ♥

Friday, October 21, 2011

Sunday, September 25, 2011

my knight

my knight love photo love image martin dimitrievski, http://1x.com/photos/latest-additions/37862/
ph: Martin Dimitrievski

We are brought up to believe that the right one is out there. That our knight will find us on his white steed and we will live happily ever after. We are impregnated with films and books with the stories about our knight in shining armor. But what happens when you are certain that your knight is not for you? When it's not the guy who is the villain. It’s you. Is there a knight out there then? Because the truth is that I think I found my knight, but the problem is that I do not want the knight who wants me. Will I fall in love again? I will love someone again? Is there a knight for me? Or is the universe mad for me slapping it in the face because I was not happy with the knight that I received? Will the universe be angry that I gave back my knight? Only the future can answer that. But I really hope that my knight is still out there and will find me.

- F from Sweden

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Monday, September 12, 2011

universal truths about love

universal truths about love love photo love image, http://weheartit.com/entry/14669248
ph: weheaertit

I've found there are very universal truths about love...

It will happen when you least expect it.
Like discovering something awful sounding/looking food tastes yummy, or that that taco you had a few hours ago gave you food poisoning.

Example, I joined a dating site looking for friends. Before you beat me to it let me say, “Who the hell joins a dating site looking for friends?!”

Well, this girl of course! *Points thumbs at self*

I’ve met a few people whom I’m now friends with from there. Then I decided to meet with this witty chap one day, and unbeknownst to me, I received a shiny new boyfriend! He came complete with such amenities and features like an education, operational brain, and good sense of humor. I lie to you not when I say he looked at me one night and said, ‘you’re so my girlfriend’, then we were a couple.

It felt like receiving a present you didn’t exactly want at Christmas, like a pair of socks or new underwear. Then you totally appreciate it, the next day or someday, when you realized your laundry is not clean or you wore holes through all your socks and undergarments. GREAT FEELING!

Despite trying, sometimes you can’t help who your heart attaches itself to.
Some women like Prada bags, some chicks dig Vera Bradley, others like hobo bags … personally I have a soft spot for ugly purses. I own one that looks like I pulled the wooly upholstery off a 70’s couch and lined the sides with metallic green material that must have been recycled from a pair of 80’s hooker platform boots.

The thing is we fall for who we fall. My MO is usually funny nerdy guys and chicks with a pompous streak. The mind is so sexy; too bad the ones I meet come with this complex! I’ve fallen for the good looking ones, the bigger ones, the shy ones, the ones with 10,000 holes in their face, jerks, clingers, dependents, independents, and people with more problems than a college calculus final. It just happens.

It’s hard to control the velocity and trajectory of love.
Even aerospace engineers screw up sometimes, and they went to school for this stuff. Google NASA goofs or mess-ups and you’ll see. If you can achieve control over this, you are probably the romantic emotions equivalent of an angry birds master.

Some of my relationships built over years, then faded slowly. Others were quick to ignite and burned out just as fast. My last relationship took a whole week after meeting to officially be a couple. It also went downhill quick too. Like I said, uncontrollable unless you are some sort of zen master.

Love can change.
Like Baskin Robin ice cream flavors, there are many types of love, and the flavors can change often! One minute it can be an intense all-consuming love, and the next minute it’s gone completely off the menu. It can switch between and from intense love, friendly love, deeply passionate love, caring love, devoted love, etc.

I also find that things always change after the ‘honeymoon’ period is over and you really get to know who you’ve fallen in love with. Sure, sometimes it’s good change. You realize you love the true person they are, and maybe you think how they organize their underwear by color, year, and make is really awesome ( Hey whatever rocks your socks! I won’t judge!). Other times you realize their personality and little quirks, like being berated for not decompressing all the air out of the bag of a loaf of bread, will drive you up a wall.

Love will change you.
Emotional connections with people affect who we are and how we act. It can make us a better person, and it can drag us down into a hole; thus turn us into something we want or don’t want to become. This can be both a conscious thing and sub conscious. That is the nature of the beast.

Remember what I said above about the bread? Yeah, it’s one that happened with an ex. I realized after a while I started to squeeze the air out of the bread bag to appease my partner. Sure this was a good habit, it really does help keep the bread fresh longer, but this carried over to other things too. I realized I was changing myself, and I eventually became someone I hated. It’s like that LCD sound system song, ‘I Can Change’. The guy basically falls in love with a person because of who they were, then realizes their partnership is dissolving, so he changes himself to make them fall in love, or stay in love with him.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve gathered great hobbies, habits, lessons and insight into myself from love. Just make sure you define how love changes you.

Love brings both happiness and pain.
While love can be expressed through physical acts, Love is not physical, it’s emotional.

One night I got together with a girl just started dating. Oddly enough she wanted to exchange stories about scars. She pointed to one on her knee, and told me how her brother threw an authentic aboriginal boomerang at her. When it was my turn I pointed to a place on my arm.

She cried, “There isn’t a scar there!” I told her,” yes there is … but it’s not one you can see. “

I told her a memory from a past relationship that caused me pain and afterwards I explained to her that ,“ the most painful scars aren’t the ones you can’t see, they’re the emotional ones.”

Then she pointed to another spot without a scar and asked about that one. I told her the story of the first night she asked me on a date and how happy it made me feel to be wanted by this beautiful woman. So I said that, “ the same goes for happiness, we can see it physically expressed through actions but we can’t see the emotion. We can only walk around with these great memories and share them with others.”

Just remember, the memories we remember best are the ones attached to great emotion. I think that’s why love affects us so profoundly. We are human; we experience joy, laughter, sadness and hurt … but we heal, we move forward and we still love regardless. That is a wonderful thing.

Sometimes love is not enough.
Ever get to point in a relationship where you go, “ I love you but if I have to be around you one more second I’m going to do you bodily harm?” I’ve had a few of those … everyone has had those moments.

Love isn’t perfect, we will all have our bad days, drive each other crazy, and have disagreements. But when a relationship between two people goes bad, then sometimes love really isn’t enough.

Sometimes it hits you that the person you love may not feel the same for you, makes you unhappy, might cheat on you, prevent you from being you, hurts you in anyway continuously; despite how much you love them, you need to realize you might have to walk away. If the person you are with isn’t happy, or you are hurting them more by being with them, then sometimes you need to let them go as well.

I loved a man very much, and he loved me as well. Sure, he was kind, fun, smart, someone I enjoyed hanging out with, but things just started to fall apart. I wasn’t happy, I wasn’t me. I got tired of trying to make things work. So one day, enough was enough. It hurt, sometimes it still does.

Walking away from someone you love hurts. Sometimes letting go of someone one who loves you hurts too. You’ve got to do what’s best for you, and sometimes them. Love can be as easy as holding a hand, and kissing someone goodnight. It also can be as hard as walking away knowing your heart only beats for them.

Love is more than just a romantic relationship.
I bet you there is something out there you love that’s not just a partner, a boyfriend, a girlfriend. It can be the job you do, a hobby, a friend, a pet, a child, maybe you love collecting stuffed llamas ( who am I to say what you do or don't love). The Greeks had names for the different types of love, because love isn’t confined to just one definition or situation.

I love art, I love socializing with others, I love traveling, I love Ben and Jerry’s (ok maybe not love it but like it a lot!). I say love because these are things so deeply embedded in me … I just don’t like them, I really do love them with about as much and most times more than a partner. This is the type of love that is life devotion, and makes you who you are.

At the end of the day, we may lose a romantic partner or we may find one, but remember there are other things and people you love. The most important love of your life you’ll ever have is love for yourself. Love you.

And accept that love is.

-Eeka

Friday, September 9, 2011

to face that fear

to face that fear love photo love image, http://weheartit.com/entry/27804936
ph: weheartit

It’s been a cycle since I was fourteen, maybe younger. I fall madly in love with a boy, almost instantly. It’s wonderful and perfect and everything I’ve ever wanted. After about a year or so, I get bored. As much as I hate to admit that I’m this kind of person, I have cheated on every serious boyfriend I have ever had. I’m only nineteen but that’s been five guys. I’m afraid to be alone, so when things start getting rocky with a guy I find a replacement before I even end things with them. I have not ever trusted a man in my life except for my father and I later learned that he betrayed my trust in a way that was completely unforgivable but I was too young to know. I loved him with all my heart all of his short life and we were so close. It wasn’t until after he died of an overdose that I realized the things that he had done to me as a child and I have never been able to trust a man, or really anyone, since. I have loved a lot of guys for my age. Who knows if it was ever real love, but now I doubt that it ever was because I’ve realized without trust you can never have true love. I don’t want to be the person that I have become. I lie to everyone around me, especially the people I’m closest with just because I assume that’s what everyone does. When I get suspicious that someone isn’t telling the truth I usually bring it up to them and they assure me that they are being honest but I can never believe anyone’s word. If I could trust my father for twelve years before I realized I never should have trusted him at all, how long does it take to find out the truth about everyone else? Is everyone just putting on a fake face and doing what they want while telling their friends, lovers, and family just what they want to hear? Maybe everyone is just as good as covering up their lies as my father was, as I have become. At some point, I’ve seen my father in every boy I’ve dated, even if for just a second. And that changes everything in the relationship for me. It’s taken me a while to realize that.

I don’t know how or where to start but I need to change. I need to get over the things that have happened to me in the past. I need to be alone, without a man in my life to depend on, for once and work on bettering myself. Being alone has been my biggest fear since I was a child, even if for a short time. I need to face that fear. I need to learn to trust myself before I can ever trust anyone else and have a happy relationship.

To everyone I’ve ever hurt, I am so sorry. I hope you forgive me one day.

This is the first I’ve ever admitted this to anyone, it’s a lot easier to admit things to total strangers than to people you know. Please don’t judge me, I’m not this horrible person that I’ve become.

"I am good, but not an angel. I do sin, but I am not the devil. I am just a small girl in a big world trying to find someone to love." –Marilyn Monroe.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

if you're not looking for love

if you're not looking for love love photo love image, http://weheartit.com/entry/5099996
ph: weheartit

This doesn't normally happen to me. I'd describe myself as an average girl, pretty, tall and skinny. Average. I've been called beautiful but by people that I didn't take seriously. I was so surprised when he messaged me. He wanted to hang out with me! We met briefly through friends and made light conversation. But, there was something about me that he liked. I was so nervous for our first date. I was a mess. But sitting in his car I relaxed and conversation just flowed. It was so easy with him. I could be myself and not worry about how dorky I looked when I laughed or how uncoordinated I am. He loved every bit of me. I soaked it all in. Every time I get a text or thought about him my stomach would get all funny, like there were butterflies where organs should be. When he told me he had to go, I didn't know what to do. It's not like I fell in love with him after that short amount of time. But I was definitely in like with him. I can tell he's thinking about me when he texts me first or in the middle of the night. I get a goofy grin whenever I text him. If I didn't know any better I'd say I'm falling in love with him. He knows it too. I can't wait until he comes back :) This truly doesn't happen to me. But it did when I least expected it, if you're not looking for love, it'll look for you.

Monday, August 8, 2011

if we can share something beautiful

f we can share something beautiful love photo love image, http://weheartit.com/entry/26207802/via/flaaSilva12
ph: weheartit

He is nothing special, but to me, he is absolutely perfect.

I can´t remember for how long we've known each other, but we have shared many moments together. During all these years I've just seen him as another guy. I remember how annoying he could be, how we used to be angry with each other and how I yelled at him. I also remember those times when we laughed together, when we stayed up the whole night watching the lightnings, and how we helped each other. This was many years ago, when we were young. Then we grew up and in some way we lost each other along the way although we never was very close. He was two years older than me and moved away for school. Also I started a new school and found new friends.

Years went by and occasionally we bumped each other but I never really thought about him until a year and a half ago. It was a friday night and I was out with some friends. We were dancing and having a really good time. I was feeling a bit dizzy so I went out to the bar and there he was. We started talking and so we did the whole evening. After that night I began to think about him more and in some way we started to run into each other more often.

Now, in the summer, I see him pretty often. When we meet those chilly summer evenings at the local pub he always puts his arm around me and I just feel so safe in some way. I've now been thinking and I´m starting to realize that I might be having feelings for him. The difficult part in this is that my friends don´t share my thoughts about him. They are making fun of him which makes it hard for me to admit to my friends, myself and of course him, that I like him.

I believe that all the things we went through as young kids makes me feel safe. Now I just have to dare to tell him, to see if he feels the same way, and see if we can share something beautiful.

H.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

scared I’m chasing nothing.

scared i'm chasing nothing love image love photo LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE IMAGE LOVE PIC LOVE PHOTO ROMANTIC ROMANCE RELATIONSHIP RELATIONSHIPS 7511scaredimchasingnothingloveimagelovephoto_zps9b0a6889.jpg
ph: weheartit

It’s not that I think you’re not important when you don’t have anyone, because I don’t. I truly don’t. I believe you can never really know what you want in someone else until you know yourself – completely and wholly - when you only have yourself to rely on. I know far too many people who are in relationships of comfort – because they don’t want to be alone. And it’s sad, because they rely so much on this social institution for validation. I am proud to say I have dealt with loneliness, and I’m not afraid of it. I am not afraid of my independence and I am not afraid of my own company. I am proud to say I have become a strong, level-headed person because I have had such a long time to consider myself and my surroundings and my feelings and my opinions with a clear head, one that is not muddled by the fog of a relationship and love and my heart. For these reasons I am glad it’s taken me this long to find someone, because I think when it happens, I’ll be able to handle it and make the most of it.

But fuck, sometimes I just get sick of being lonely. I get sick of having to rely on myself and my imagination for any kind of deeper mental or emotional stimulation. It’s getting to a point now where, I’ve had way too much time to think. My heart is forming cobwebs because the people I met, the experiences I’ve had so far, just aren’t cutting it. I think my imagination has had far too much time to become so specific in designing what my heart wants, I’m scared reality is just never going to compare. How can it? I never really gave it a chance. I’m torn between wanting only the best for myself and impatience. How much longer is it really going to take?

I feel like it’s impossible because I’ve made it impossible. I want magic. I want to feel such an intense pull towards someone it’s like our worlds just crashed into each other, changing them and me and everything I thought I knew. I want fireworks, and butterflies and magnetism, something tumultuous and huge and exciting and new. I want something to pull me out of myself and my head and my over-analysis and make me feel again, because I’ve forgotten. And I don’t think I can get it back on my own. But I’m scared I’m waiting out for a super unrealistic ideal that I’ve created for myself. I’m scared I’m chasing nothing. And every day it’s getting harder and harder to have faith in myself and everything I believe in.

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