Wednesday, August 17, 2011

listen to your intuition

listen to your intuition love photo love image,
ph: weheartit

I used to be the girl that hoped for the most amazing love; and when I met him, I knew I'd found it. He was everything a young girl would fall for: mysterious, unattainable, older, good looking, and such a smooth talker. Being a young girl in high school, it didn't take me long before I couldn't get him off my mind, before I caught myself waiting by the phone for his text message, before I started changing myself to accommodate his expectations. He became my addiction, and I could not stop thinking about him. The first time we hooked up, I was more than ecstatic because that validated that he (or at least, I thought) had feelings for me too, and that he wanted me as well. Right before he kissed me, he said, "I don't want a relationship, but I want you." Being the naive sixteen year old that I was, I took that with a grain of salt, thinking to myself that I could easily change his mind. I just wanted him so badly - it's like, when they say don't push the big red button, its all you want to do. Everyone warned me about him, about how he was a player, about how he was emotionally unavailable, but I was determined to be the exception. I was determined to change that about him. I wanted to be the girl who the player fell in love with - because I knew I could be that girl.

We continued to hook up all the time, but he still wasn't budging. I was giving him everything: hook ups whenever he wanted, but with no strings attached - he got to keep his options open while getting the pretty blonde sixteen year old that no other guy had ever come close to getting.

Why did I let him do this to me? Still, to this day, it baffles me. I was taking from him what I could get, because I liked him so fucking much. He treated me like a friend, he talked to and texted crazy amounts of other girls, used me as a last resort to his plans, but still got me. One hundred percent of me. And I hardly ever even got a stitch of him. He was an asshole, he was a douche bag, he was a jerk. Don't get me wrong though, he was real nice about it - always made sure I knew that the "only reason" why he wouldn't date me was because of school. I knew deep down that was bullshit - my mom always told me, "if a guy really likes you, no matter what is in the way, he will get you. He will WANT to be with you. No matter what." This boy was a master manipulator, and you know, the players always are. They know exactly what to say to the girls who like them to get them exactly where they want. He knew I liked him so much, and he took advantage of it.

And at the end of the day, I ended up with nothing. Why? Because I got fed up - confronted him and put my foot down. I told him it was either all or nothing with me, and he chose nothing. After everything I did for him, after all the bullshit I put up with, he wanted nothing. He said, "you know, to be completely honest, I don't think I ever liked you nearly as much as you liked me." After ages of caring about him, the next day, he was already with someone else.

Here's a word of advice to all those naive girls out there: listen to your intuition. When the red flags come up, don't ignore them. Listen to what people say. Because although infatuation may be the strongest emotion you'll ever feel, heartbreak is much, much more painful, and takes much longer to conquer. I didn't listen to my gut, I didn't listen to my head. I listened to my heart, and I got burnt. I got burnt.

I'm still getting over the heartbreak, I take it day by day. Some days are worse than others, there will be times where I'll wake up in the middle of the night screaming thoughts in my mind about him. Other times I'll be able to put things into perspective and know that I can do better. The player will have a power over you like no one else - he'll be able to make you feel like you're the one at fault, like you're worthless, like you're the one who fucked everything up.

Don't date the player.




  1. The same thing happened to me. I fell for a girl and she used me only to break my heart in the end. Our stories are very similar if you ever want to talk about it. email me. My email is on my blog.


  3. UGH, I'm sorry but there are so many things the matter with this :( your perspective is all messed up......i want to scream so badly.

    He was straight up with you.... you didn't get played. Girl, this is why you don't sleep with guys who aren't yours. Then all they see you for is the girl that they can hookup with until he finds what he's looking for. You have to make the boys work for it!


  5. Hey girl, thanks for sharing.
    I'm sorry this happened to you, but at least now you can learn from it and move on. A similar thing happened to me.

    Again, I'm so sorry. But thank you for telling your story.

  6. never settle for anything less than what you deserve..although infatuation may have blurred the decisions you the end you learned.

  7. I swear this could have been written by me. Same situation, same age, even written by another S.

    Yeah. Dont ever settle, and never listen to the, "I can't do a relationship right now"
    If they wanted you.. they make the time.. thats it.

    Glad I'm not the only one.

  8. You must know the pretender from the true lover. Sometimes the most angelic face has the most devilish mind.

  9. I get it 100%. I lived it too. However we were dating for 2 years and he even said he wanted to make me his wife, it's said because I think even that was a lie of his. For what reason, I still don't know.
    I still cry, I doubt he evens know that.I still wake up in the middle night, just like you said you did.
    The pain will fade, so I keep telling myself. It's been 2 years. I just hope I haven't lost the butterflies or my hope.

  10. I know exactly how you feel.. I was getting through the same thing this summer.. I met a guy for one years time and we talked so much and met when he came to my town. But then his girlfriend send me a message, I don't even knew he had a girlfriend.. I was getting so irritated and met him then we talked in phone for a long time and trying to figure out why he did this to me.

    He could'nt even give me an answer. And now I haven't heard from him in two month.

    Sometimes its worth listening to the things friends tells you, because if I wasn't that blind for him all that time, It would'nt hurt this much now.

  11. That sounds horrible, I won't make that mistake :)

  12. Omg, it sounds like I wrote it. I had the same situation, even the same age and he was older too. I hoped so badly that he'll fall in love, but it didn't happen. He just gave some promises, but they were worthless.

    After 2 weeks when I told him I'm done with this thing, he was in a relationship with another girl.
    Even when my heart is okay now, then sometimes when I see him somewhere, then all those things come to my mind with one second. Usually only good things, but he was a jerk and he'll be.
    The hardest things is, that he still texts me sometimes. I've told him that it's pointless, because I've found my true love and he's only piece of s*** compared my new love, but he doesn't care. He still texts, but I don't text back.
    I just hope he'll get tired. I don't know what's the point to text me? Maybe it's just hard to see that he lost me?
    Actually I don't regret that it happened in my life. It was good, beacause now I know how awful it is, when you are like a blind monkey and don't trust your head.

    I hope the others won't make this mistake.


  13. I could relate to this, not entirely, but surely.

  14. BURN THE PLAYER!!!!!!

    Oh So Kitsch



  17. My advise: read the book called "the rules"

  18. dear S, i am so truely sorry for you. i know exactly, exactly ,exatly how you feel man. im the same way, so naive. i believe everything everyone says and some people thnk of me as just that dumb blonde and i think thats why i attract the players..because they know they can trick me to the end. i think ive only dated players haha honestly. which is kinda sad. but i hadnt realized till after. this one player i dates was sooo sweet at first. you couldnt have even seen the player side in him because it was deep deep down in all these layers. but, of corse people warned me yes, but when you love, you just love and dont listen. so anyway, sadly he ended up gettin a nude picture of me and sent it to almost everyone i know. which was so hurtfull first of all because i didnt know he took it, and second of all everyone hated meeee for it instead of him..i was the slut. which sucked. i confronted him and he was then gone the minuite i found out he did it. nexttt, i dated this other guy that was also sweet. even sweeter then the one before. i thought he wasnt a player, i thought i learned my lesson, but i couldnt see it in him at the time, i dont know why, they have this thing that they can cover it up with so well. well anyway, we got in a fight one night at my house, i told him to leave, thought he left, thought hed be gentle to my house, thought id be safe to just slam the door in his face, thought hed just walk out the front door after getting a door slammed in his face, but nope..he stole some of my moms jewlery. andlet me tell you..we aree nottt he ended up havin a nice talk with the police afterwardss :) another player i dates was i guess the one that hit me the hardest. i swear he i thought he was the one.. there were so many signs. i thought i knew him so well..we spent nights at the beach, we rode the ferris wheel, we went to concerts, we met eachothers family, he wrote me a song, we sang in the car, we went skinny dipping, we laughed, we could just sit there and not say a word but still feel amazing just because we were together. and the one night i swear i knew he was it was when we came home from the movies at his house and we found his sister on the floor..she had tried to overdose on pain killers and i swear i just remember thinking she was dead, and just crying my eyes out and freaking out and not thinking of what to do..but i just remember him not panicing,and calling 911, and checking her pulse, and calling his mom..and everything he did that night was so sweet, and he let me cry in his arms at the hospital, and i let him cry too..and i just this kid is so not a player..ive done it..ive overcome the player curse i had following me around. hes perfect and i love him and he loves me. but nooo of corse i was wrong..i guess a few months later he told me he had a girlfriend, and i just wanted to stay with him still because i loved him so much, but no..of corse i left him, because it was the right thing to do. i still get by day by day, same as you. its so hard sometimes. it was espaically hard at first, because all i wanna do is text him, or see his family, or anything. and hun, im so sorry for what youve gone through it sucks..just promise me..that if you seee anyyy red flags..youll back out right then and there..because those red flags are never worth a second chance because they always let you down. just know youre not alone. i mean..i dont event think they deserve the name player..player is like a name for someone whos just playin a nice little inoocent game..they deserve the most douchbadiest asshole dicks fuckin fuckers who dont deserve shit guys;D yeah i think thats more like it.

    mwah xoxo

    ....hope that somebody told me that before i made that big mistake...

  20. Drop your cigarettes!

  21. Oh my god. Honestly.... He was straight up with you and told you he didn't dig a reltionship. Change your perspective.

  22. I loved this text.
    First - it's REALLY good written. It was really intressting and I just felt that i HAD to read it until the end.

    Secondly - I could relate to this.
    I have nothing else to say than; I LOVED THIS.

    I really feel sorry for you though S, but this text made me feel stronger. I've gone through the same thing and came back - alive and stronger than I was before!

    Love, love, love your writing.
    / Jennie

  23. Hi S,

    I think it's incredibly kind and helpful of you to take the time to send this really important message to other girls out there who may fall prey to 'the player', even when you're going through such pain and heartbreak. There needs to be more generous people like you in this world to guide other vulnerable girls (and guys)!

    So thank you on behalf of everyone who reads this :)


  24. I think when you say "gut trust" really means that you should trust your intuition. A good intuition is, when a part of your brain knows the answer, but the logic is not closed. It takes time to develop intuition and to learn when it is just wishful thinking or feeling, and when it is a clue of what is really right.

  25. It is so sad to read a similar story like mine. My heart is broken and i have no idea what i can do.
    I am going under in my feelings..
    I have no idea. Why is love hurting so much? It should be the best thing in the whole world...
    But love hurts..

    Listen the song:
    William Fitzsimmons - So This Is Goodbye

  26. Here's a word of advice to all those naive girls out there: listen to your intuition.

    Pretty much. It's not a lesson you can learn you by being told, though, it's definitely something you have to experience for yourself before you learn for sure :/

    Maybe you should read this book -

    It's written entirely for girls who mistake infatuation for love and let themselves be hurt by guys because they think they can be the one to change them. I know, because I've lived your story. But with this book, it's finally becoming the distant past for me.

    Good luck.

  27. Men who behave like your former lover are known as having a Casanova Complex... and are what is termed Borderline Males. This is an excellent article about these seducers and manipulators. It's lengthy but well worth the read all the way to the end. She covers a lot of material and not all symptoms listed of this behavior may fit your lover, but you will see many that do. You will no doubt see bits and pieces of your own experience. Don't get bored with it, each paragraph is more and more enlightening. You will rebound from this man and you will be wiser for it. Don't let it damage your future desires and dreams.

    Surviving the Crash after your Crush.

  28. I feel for you, girl. I can tell you the same damn story. Unfortunately, I'm very naive when I'm in love. And I can't see the wrongs, when they're there. I hope I'll learn something from each time I've got burned, though.

    - Caja

  29. Thanks, I needed that.. Lelove entries can be so simple, yet give such wonderful advice. I’ve been with a man who does not appreciate me for years now, and I have done everything for him. I ignored the red flags because I had too much damn pride to let someone slip away from me guiltlessly about all the hell he’s dragged me through. He cheated on me, and I took him back in a heartbeat. But when a boy kissed me at a party the other night, that lover of mine walked away without a care in the world. Just like that. And all this heartbreak has been so much worse than me striving to get him to love me like I love him.

  30. Try taking a week off in contact with yourself every update.

  31. unfortunately i have been through the same thing just like many other women. I dated one of the worst players known to man kind- slept with over 40 woman (gladly to say i am not one). Every other week he would make up a story how he was depressed and wouldn't talk to me for months, and what did i do? I waited. I eventually left him and he begged for about a year to have me back. 2 months ago i accepted his apology and started with him again. Yesterday he decided to play deja vu. I am currently a mess even though i knew deep down inside this was going to happen AGAIN

  32. Unbelievable. I have the same story. It took me a year to thoroughly get over the guy, and it's only now that I realize he was a total sociopath. It's been 4 years since I've known him and he's exactly the same person. I talked to his recent ex girlfriend because we have mutual friends, and she had the same exact sad story. People like that don't deserve love.

  33. haha I'm young let's say and I already give up on love, I don't know if the problem it's me or I just have bad luck in this, I stop wondering, my last relationship was like... she was playing with me, I don't know I believed that I could chance that as you and sadly I fall in love with her and I will remember for all my life because you can't forget, you just learn how to live with it, I also liked her so much, but "my brain" had enough of masochism and it said "stop, don't be stupid" since always my brain works better than my heart of even my penis, I'm serious, I wonder why my brain never let me do something stupid...

  34. same thing im going through right now basicly accept mine went on for a year , for a year he gave me hope that we would date, that he cared about me as much as i did too him, we barely speak and its only been a month, he was my everything, and now im left with nothing. its hard to go through but i get a little bit stronger every day , i hope you do too !

  35. Well, I don't actually consider this is likely to have success.


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