Wednesday, January 4, 2012
a stranger i cant wait to know
as long as i can remember ive always been searching for "the one." romance novels, disney fairytales, and hollywood chick flicks have put images of white knights and prince charmings in my head that realistically dont exist. alas the hopeless romantic, emphasis on hopeless, that i am keeps her eyes peeled in case one magically walked through a magic mirror into this world searching for me too.
in the past ive gone to many lengths to meet my soul mate. utilizing online dating, missed connection sites, blind dates... yet they all end in failure. in most cases my overzealous heart either mistakes him for someone hes not, or scares them away. and yet no matter how many times my heart has been chipped, dropped, and broken, i continue to pick up the pieces and tape them together again and move on with my search.
more recently i took a step back. trying to rearrange my priorities and get the rest of my life in a place that makes me happy. its taken about a year but i feel im finally there. i know who my true friends are and i make time to invest in them. i have a career i love with all my heart and work for a company i truly believe in. i could hit the gym more often but thats not really impairing my happiness too much. im living with my parents, which isnt the ideal situation, but the 3 of us are getting along well and im closer to my goal of savings to get out on my own again soon! but no matter what i do for myself, no matter how many spa days i allow, big pay checks i get, or pounds i loose, theres still something missing. and that is him. the one. my prince charming. my hero.
BUT LOW AND BEHOLD!!! a few weeks ago, i was minding my own business at dillards and there he was. i had just gotten off work, i was exhausted and disheveled, and decided to swing by the mall to grab a few things. i had parked in the parking area i always park in and as i was leaving to head home i walked by the holiday decor. with my mothers santa clause collection in mind i popped in to see if there may be a santa she couldnt live without. sure enough, Irish Santa popped out and i commenced my search to find one to buy. of course i couldnt so i went to look for help. approaching the first dillards employee i could find i found my heart start to race. my cheeks flush. my voice retreating. he was the most handsome man ive ever laid my eyes on. now if you remember prince charming is typically described as "tall, dark, and handsome" he fits this mold in his own quirky way. he is tall. not too tall though. perfectly tall. hes strong and fit. in a way that when he wraps his arms around me i feel safe and protected. smaller. i feel like a space was saved for me in those arms of his. oh is he handsome. i believe the term for him is "silver fox." ugh is it sexy. he wears his silver locks in a Madmen style, classic and chic. his smile makes sparks fire within my soul. his eyes are like deep, endless pools that i could loose myself in for hours. oh how i long for him now... even now he distracts me. but anyways, back to the story. i asked him for help finding santa. as he went to the stock room to search i frantically found a mirror and quickly applied lipstick, powder, and let down my hair... my crazy attempt to make myself more attractive for him. oh did i mention he was wearing the cutest red bow tie?! ugh! as he returned he wrapped up my gift and we began to chat. well, he was chatting, i was flirting. we took notice of each others tattoos and learned we were both of irish decent. it was a short lived encounter that i will never forget. he won me over in 5 measly minutes. without even trying. i left the mall with only the name tony to go by. but i HAD to know him. know who he is. what hes about. everything about him. i wanted him in my life from that very moment.
jump ahead past the crazy stalker faze i had when i got home that night frantically searching for him via internet. its amazing how easy it is to find someone if you really want to. so you can guess... i found him, emailed him, and anxiously waited for a response. i soon learned he was more than willing to start a friendship, but the air soon deflated from my bubble when i learned he was seeing someone. *le sigh*
jump ahead again, its only been perhaps 2 weeks. and we are friends. but i have fallen head over heels for him. without a doubt, deep for him. my heart feels as though it has finally found its counterpart. the last piece to my puzzle. my white knight. (as i type this my phone makes is typical text message sound and my heart jumps as i see its from him :) ) hes the man ive been dreaming of my whole life. i know without a doubt, deep in my soul, that he is the most wonderful man ive ever met. his touch makes my stomach tighten. his smile lights me on fire. when he speaks i want to savor every story. i long to feel what his lips feel like. what his breath tastes like. to be as close as possible to his body.
when im apart from him it feels as though my heart has a string tied around it. and he holds the other end. my heart feels like it is being pulled towards this man. this man that i honestly dont know. hes still very much a stranger. a stranger i cant wait to know deeply, inside and out.