till the sky falls down

unknown + tumblr

the reward is so much greater than the risk

kazumitakashi

Le Love,
I read this blog all the time but over the break I hadn't been able to get to it. I just caught back up and in the process I saw the picture, this picture, you posted and I started crying...

Honestly I know that thousands of people have regrets about risks not taken but mine keep mounting up.

#1: Edwin = “Chances we didn’t take”
Edwin was my really good friend, then one I opened up to without feeling like I needed to get romantically involved with him. He was also the one I couldn’t tell my family or friends about because of his race. When we both started feeling for each other we both knew I would be risking a lot more than he. In the end I didn’t take the chance. REGRET #1.

#2: Mike = “Relationships we were afraid to have”
Mike is a great guy who is slightly older than me. My friend’s initial reaction to him was mixed which caught me off-guard. I ended up telling him we should just be friends way earlier than I should have—I didn’t even give him a chance really. REGRET #2

#3: Mike (again)= “Decisions we waited too long to make”
It’s been 3 weeks since we talked…I screwed it up Big Time. Sometimes I think if texting him and acting like it was an accident just to open up communication again, but I am afraid he is still upset. Why didn’t I just let him in? REGRET #3.

Can someone please tell me how they stop the regrets from mounting up? Because I can’t take many more…..and they are all 100% my fault.

chaos/order

unknown

my confession

leslie

I'm only young. But in my short life I've seen love, love lost and found, love shallow and true. This blog is beautiful, it helps me feel when I was numb before. I don't think you'll publish this, but I trust you to understand, and I need understanding. Here goes.

I don't know why I always do this. There must be a genetic quirk in my brain or something, because I genuinely can't help myself. He is beautiful. He is smart. He is gentle and sweet and sexy and moody and as close to perfection as I can stand. Close as I can imagine. We've never kissed, never touched even. But I am his. For sure, I am his. Whether he wants me or not. There is no doubt about that. I think he wants me too. I think he's close to wanting me, close to doing something about the way we are.
But this weekend. I made my mistake. The same one I always make. To be brutally honest and not in an arrogant way, I've always been the sort of girl with quite a few guys around me, but until this weekend I've managed to keep away from them. Managed to rebuff their advances gently and sweetly while never losing the dreamy expression that the one I belong to gives me. I woke up this weekend. I woke up when I fell asleep in his arms. It wasn't the right him.
I was at this person's house. I drank wine with his mother, and mine. Then they went to bed, he slid a movie into the machine. His house is a beautiful farmhouse in the country; cold and big. We were in the smallest room on a couch with a blanket and a coal fire in the corner. I don't know that I need to be explicit here; one thing led to another. He cradled me in his strong arms, he kissed me with his lips and tongue and teeth, I felt his heart pounding through the thin cotton of my shirt. He was lovely. It was amazing. But he wasn't the right him.
And now I don't know what to do. My guilt is crushing me- not that I really did anything all that wrong. He's not mine, I'm not his. Not officially. But if that's true, why do I feel so sick? This is my confession. I wish I hadn't needed something like this to make me realise how much I love him. Because now I don't deserve him.

I needed to tell someone.
I feel embarrassed, and stupid, both the user and the used, full of self-loathing. This is my confession.


I love you, Christopher, with every shattered piece of my wasted heart. I'm sorry for everything.

fragile hope

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this one goes out to all the best friends

denimandflowers

It's a different type of love, and maybe we all need a break from the achey, sweet love that comes with romance, the kind that excludes the rest of the world, the kind that's limited only to you and him / her.

So this one goes out to all the best friends in the world. The ones that smile for you when you excitedly fall in love with some new, unknown boy. The ones that sit through a pack of cigarettes with you at two to five in the morning listening to you cry about said boy who cheated on you even though they've got to be up at six for work. The ones that take time off work / school just for a little naughty afternoon shopping and eating on weekday. The ones who drag you to social events just to distract you from a broken heart. The ones who respond to every facebook, every twitter status update, just so you don't feel so alone and ignored. The ones who recognize you have a right to feel as shitty as you do about the boy who hurt you even though they'd spent the last two years telling you he was nothing but trash, the ones who don't tell you you're a fool, the ones who tell you you've a right to hurt. Because they're also the ones who have the strength and the love enough to tell you to snap out of it, that he was never worth it, because they're also the ones who have the courage to be honest enough to tell you you'd be a fool to take the manipulative creep back. The ones who bombard his messenger account with warnings to leave you alone, the ones who tell him behind your back to leave you well and alone, to stop messing with your mind when he's already with someone else. The ones who introduce you to new and wonderfully normal and loving boys.

This one also goes out to all the best other-gender best friends in the world. The ones that pick you up late at night for supper, just to take you out of your head. The ones that show you not all the men in the world are screw-ups and traitors, the ones that help you believe that good people still exist in the world. The ones you can laugh with without wanting to kiss, the ones who can give you that insight into that boy's soul you've been dying to know. The ones who swear they'll beat up / get the triads to beat up the poor sod who had the poor judgment to cheat on someone as wonderful and incredible as you even though it's the first night they've met you. This one goes out to all the incredible best other-gender best friends in the world who stuck around even when you abandoned them because your possessive ex-boyfriend went loco every time you even spoke to them. The ones that love you exactly the way you are, the ones that don't mind you snuggling against them just for a warm body without asking for anything more, the ones that come all the way down to the club from home just to drive you home, the ones that cry with you when you sit in your darkness wondering what you've done to deserve such betrayal from the one boy you'd give anything for. The ones that hurt with you when you're drowning in your darkness, the ones that hurt because they see your pain and can't do anything to touch you, to help you.

Friends never betray each other. We fight, sometimes. We disagree. We laugh at each other. But friends, friends are something else altogether. Friends are God's way of saying: here, I know it's tough trying to find your soulmate, but here are some other people you know for sure you can count on forever. They're like family, but better because they love you without the moral obligation attached.

I see you, my lovable friends. And I love you. This is my apology, for doing what I did to our friendships, and this is my way of reminding the world that there is more love in the world that what exists between some guy and a girl.

I love you, my best friends. More than I ever loved him. I promise.

never love a wild thing

ffffound

Le Love is now on TWITTER! ♥

he will make me complete

oh magpie!

It's not like I won't find someone new, you know.

We both know it's not exactly a question about lack of choice. It's only a matter of time before I stumble across that person who will somehow make my world magic again. Just by looking at me he'll put a hundred different feelings in my body and my head will go completely blank when he smiles. My heart will skip a beat from the slightest sound of my phone, and everything I do when he's not around will be colored by his absence.

I will meet someone who doesn't have that need of playing games and instead of following all kinds of rules, simply follows his heart. Someone who makes me wanna look past all the times I've been hurt and feel like it's actually worth risking everything again. Someone who makes me wanna fight my fears of opening up so I can let him in, because the thought of him not knowing me completely is far worse than my fear of rejection.

He will sigh at my stupid jokes and the way I tend to forget stuff and mess everything up, but deep down he'll love it because love's not about accepting each others flaws, it's about loving them because they make us who we are. I will find somebody for whom I am prepared to show not just the strong, independent side of me that the rest of the world know, but also the insecurities that make me wake up in the middle in the night crying because I'm sick of hurting.

He will not give me my confidence back or make me love myself again. I have no need for a fairytale prince who lifts me up on his white horse and saves me. He will make me complete though, in a way no one has ever done before, and together we will get struck by love so hard that nothing will ever be the same again. You see, I know he's out there and I won't stop until I find him. Cause I deserve nothing less than to love someone who loves me back and this I know. So there's really no need for you to worry. He could be right around the corner when I walk out this door today.

The thing is,
With all my heart
I still wish he could have been you.

what hurts you, hurts me

weheartit

i want him to be the exception

unknown

After years of disappointment, I finally decided to give up on the male species. No dating, no boyfriends, no love. I mastered the art of causality, distance, and feeling-less flings effortlessly. Anything emotional was always left in a mess, and someone's heart was always broken. I no longer wanted to, or I no longer could, be apart of that binge eating, tearful cycle of the broken hearted. So, I decided to never allow myself to fall into that vulnerable position of actually feeling something real ever again.

And then I get to college. You move in across the hall. We laugh at awkward run-ins on the elevator. We bond over our oddly similar favorite bands. You play me your guitar. It was much too surreal, how easily we clicked.. And it scared me. I knew where things were leading, and I wasn't completely comfortable going there. He saw my hesitation, but it did not stop him. And then the night came when he kissed me. It was halloween weekend and we were out dancing with friends. In that instant, all of my cynical beliefs on love, or really caring for another, completely disappeared.

I've never felt so happy, or excited to be with someone before. It was just so easy for us, so comfortable. Until his ex-girlfriend calls, exclaiming she wants to get back together, she really misses him. They had been together for 2 years, so I know she was a big part of his life. They had only just broken up a month before, and she also goes to school here in the city.. So a relationship would not be too hard to maintain.. He tells me it means nothing, it's just that she knows how to mess with his head. But, if she's still capable of messing with his head, that means she still has at least some of his heart.. right? Which makes me worried. I know it has only been a few weeks since we started hanging out, but with how things are going now, I would love to see those few weeks turn to months. I have never been so infatuated with someone that I was willing to get involved in a relationship, and risk the chance of getting hurt in the end.

The last thing I want is for him to be the confirmation of my prior beliefs– that boys are only made to disappoint.. I want him to be the exception, my exception.

- anonymous

im sorry i hurt you

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I don’t know what to do

fernanda giannella

I not a jealous person. I’m really not. But when I see people in love, a hint of jealousy does flow through my body. I want it too! I can't even watch a romantic movie with getting irritated anymore.

I’ve been in one serious relationship in my life and I ended it. He loved me dearly but I didn’t feel the same way. The entire relationship was based on him loving me and me trying to love him. Yet I wouldn’t say it was a bad relationship. We we’re great friends and had fun together. I do look back at the time with him and smile, knowing that we share some sweet memories. The rest of my love life though has been one sad story so far.

I really don’t want to sound negative, but I just can’t help it. I must be doing something wrong. Very wrong. I think that I’m nice person. I treat other people well. I’m sweet and even funny occasionally. But nobody seems to be taking the bait. I’ve been played and made a fool of so many times that when someone shows me some interest I’m afraid it’s a joke. That he’s not being serious. That the minute I turn around he’s going to start laughing because he made a bet with his friends. Because, really, why would anyone seriously want to come up to me?

I have good days and I have bad days. I have days where I feel good about myself. But those days often requires for someone to say something nice to me. Anything from “I like your outfit today” to “you handled that situation really well” will do. And honestly, how sad is that? That I rely on other people to feel good. I know that I should be the one making myself happy, not someone else, but I just can’t seem to get there. My feeling of self is not very good.

For years now, I’ve wanted a boyfriend. Years I’ll tell you. And I feel pathetic. For wanting it and for not having it.

I made one big mistake through my teen years. I’ve given the most precious thing I have away too easily too many times. Me, my body, my soul. I know now, too late in life, that a girl should never sleep with someone who does not deserve it. Am I making any sense? I feel like giving yourself to someone in that way is a big deal. A guy should work for it. Earn it. Don’t ever just give it away. I’ve had sex with guys that I really cared about and I wasn’t sure about how they felt about me. I’ve had sex with boys I didn’t know at all. I’ve had sex with boys I knew liked me but I did not like them. What ever the situation, I now know myself well enough to realize that this is not the way to go for me. At the age of 20, I made a vow to myself. I’m not going to sleep with anyone before I’m completely sure that he really cares about me.

This turned out to be quite easy at first. First off all, there wasn’t that many temptations and the few ones there were, I managed to resist. About six months in, I made the decision to travel abroad. I’m right now living in America working as a nanny. I’ve been here for 10 months. So you do the math. I’ve gone without sex, without intimacy, without anything for a really long time and I miss it. I need it.

I live in a suburb, I hardly ever go out, I work with kids. My chances of meeting guys are not very high so keeping my promise to myself hasn’t been too hard. But. And there’s always a but, isn’t there? I went on a trip with my friend and I met a guy. We just clicked. You know that feeling, right? I don’t think I’ve ever felt that way before, not that strongly anyway. Sparks flew and felt like a million feelings at once.

We stayed up all night and we talk about everything and nothing and the whole time I’m thinking that he is the most adorable thing I’ve ever talked to. We talk for hours and I just want him to kiss me. When he finally does, I’m in heaven. But I’m also nervous. I haven’t been this close to anyone for so long. Do I even remember how this works? We get really close, really into it and I must admit I’m really tempted. I mean, seriously, I’m never going to see this man again. He is leaving town in a couple of hours. What’s the harm in a little fun? But I decide to stop what we are doing and tell him how I feel. That I don’t wish to be that girl. I don’t want to sleep with anyone, just for the fun of it. He is very respectful and sweet. He tells me that he really likes me and he wants to see me again. So we kiss and snuggle until he has to leave. And that’s really all I want. I just want someone to hold me.

Now here’s the problem. I live on the east coast, he lives on the west coast. So we can’t just see each other. I work basically everyday and he’s in school. And on top of that, I have to leave the country in three months because my visa will expire. It has now been a month since we met but we still talk everyday. When I finish working in two months I plan to go to California and see him. I can’t think about anything else than him.

But then again, what’s the point? I’ll have to go home no matter what. And I still have this voice in my head telling me that, maybe he’s just playing with you. Maybe he doesn’t really care as much as he says he does. Maybe he’s with other girl. All of those nasty thoughts that pop up out of nowhere. Because I don’t believe anyone wants to be with me.

I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid of going out there. What if we’re great together and he makes me feel like I never want to go back home? What do I do then? I can’t stay. How will I ever say goodbye? How will we ever make a relationship work when I’m on the other side of the world? And there’s another thing. He has a 2 year old daughter. Is that something I want to get involved with?

And then there’s the other side of things. What if I go out there and he’s not really that into me anymore? What if he never was? I don’t want to stand there, looking like a fool.

in the end

unknown

the way I miss you

ffffound

I moved away for school right before our two year anniversary. It's hard to miss you every day and when we're on the phone it's just a reminder that we can't get close enough but every time I go home or you visit me I love to feel overwhelmed by your presence and just soak in every moment until the one where we must say good bye. I know we are bigger than this and though it is tough at times, we will figure it out and until we can live together someday I hope we continue to enjoy every aspect of each other in any way we can. Keep sending me pictures of your lunch and I will keep sending you photos of our dog. I can't wait to hold you tight and kiss you with all of my built-up affection. Thank you for trusting me and thank you for being trustworthy. I couldn't see myself missing anyone else the way I miss you. You are so deeply loved.

it's you.

stockholm + tumblr

what do I do

weheartit

I’m scared of falling for him. I have never been in love before.

And he’s not mine to fall for, she had him first, but I have only known her for less than a year and shes never been the best friend, and she lies about him to make me jealous. She says she is still in love with him, but she broke up with him in February and he tried to get her back for months, she only wants him when she can't have him. But I’m not that girl, i'm not the girl who 'steals' their friends ex of three years, but she cant be his forever. And she treated him horribly he didn’t deserve it, but he did it to her too. Cheating lying and manipulating is what they do. They both hurt each other so much and I don’t want him to hurt me, I don’t know if I can trust him, but I do, my heart trusts him. Why. I have just been dragged into the big of this big mess.

He wants to be with me, he’s told me he wants me, he knows that we click. I want him too but is that only because I’m not allowed him, you always want what you cant have isn’t that how these things work? Or do I want him because I like him, I like talking to him, I like seeing him, he gets me, when I talk to him I get so excited, I tried ignoring him, but I cant I cant even bring myself to not text him back, because I want him. He didn't talk to me for three days and it killed me, I went off with another boy and he found out and got so angry, does he not understand he hurts me too. But will it be worth it? I’m scared of getting hurt and I will have lost a friend and him all for nothing, but is it nothing? I really don’t know what to think or what to do, he started it, what did he expect to happen? That saying ‘never give up on someone you cant go a day without thinking about’ just doesn’t work, the risk of people getting hurt is just too big, but you have to jump before you fall for someone, do I leap?

And then there is the other boy, who is so sweet and perfect for me. He had been there for a while but he was always with other people and our paths just didn’t cross that often. Hes nice but he’s not too nice, he’s interesting and I wouldn’t get bored of him and funny but he’s so casual I don’t know if it will ever be anything more, I would never want to hurt him but he could hurt me. And he’s living in the same city as me, not moving away like everyone else. Its just sparks and games at the moment, the games are fun but can only go on so long, and then what? So why do I still want the other boy more, what is wrong with me?

Who do I choose, what do I do. I want to be in love though, its all around me, I don’t want to be alone, I want to experience that feeling, its all part of growing up, I want my very own teenage romance. I want snuggles and winter days in bed together and someone to hold my hand and love me for me and kiss me on the head..

- T

then you were there

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i will get back up again

buen·ʌv·entura

In some odd way I always find seem to find boys with a superpower, a special one that you can't see on their appearance.

They have the ability to fool me. To make me believe and trust in them and then break my heart.

After being crushed and hurt so many times I've been careful lately. Like in a fairytale.
I take good time and effort to trust people, and I search carefully for the ones that won't destroy me.

So I found you. The princess in the fairytale, with was me, and you; the good guy.

You were the perfect boy, you loved each and everyone of my weird, wonderful, and crazy sides.
You even played the guitar and wore Converse, you always had something nice to say, you smelled like flowers and even my toughest friends were charmed by you. When we walked passed girls and they started to check you out, you would put your arms around me and kiss me right in front of them.
You always told me that you were so proud to have me - stupid foolish me - and I trusted you. How could I even try to resist?

You would hold my hand at the dentist when I got scared, you helped me with math, you seemed to always know the answer to my problems, and even when you didn't you were always there for me. You always wanted to show that you love me, and I trusted you so bad.

We spend seconds - minutes - hours - days - month together without you really complaining or marked things in me or my personality, you maid me believe that I was perfect. I know I'm not perfect, no one is. I never understood why you couldn't tell me the truth. I am a strong girl and that you've known ever since we first meet in kindergarten. You were aware of this when we started dating and you always told me your opinion about politics, human rights, even sports.

When friends and family let me down you showed me how much you loved me, you began to be my best friend, my soul. I had not trusted anyone in the way I trusted you, never (and I never will again). We became big parts of each others lives. No I take that back, you were my life.

And I knew you would never let me down, never break me in two, never try to hurt me.

But now, there's a twist to our fairytale. When the good guy suddenly appears to be the bad guy.

You went to England for two weeks. Before you left you told me how much you would miss me, how much you loved me and my heart waited, longed for you, I bleed inside just for you, because it was pure agony just to be so far away from you.

And then the good guy cut the princess in two. Just because you didn't wanted me anymore. You never told me why. I know that you never will.

One text; "it's over" and it was. You never explained. You were too much of a coward to show me any respect and the worst part is that you knew the whole time the worst ways to break me, to break my already wounded heart. And that was to take away my integrity which you did by not showing me any respect, by treating me like I was a pile of dog-shit.

I couldn't sleep or eat for days. Barely talked. All I kept thinking was; why? why? why? I trusted you. I did!

I did everything that I possibly could for you, only you. I ignored friends for you, I swallowed my deepest pride whenever you were grumpy and started to pout. I put up with you even when I really didn't want too, I listen to you when your parents almost got divorced, or when your mother fled to Finland or when you complained about getting a B in a stupid essay instead of a A. I even wiped away the blood for your leg when you hurt yourself skateboarding.

But the thing is, I may be a princess, but I'm so not like all the weak disney-princesses. I am strong and every time someone pushes me down I will get back up again.

At the end you were the bad guy.
I'm so sorry.
Sorry for YOU.

Angela / http://cirkusangela.blogg.se

too sexy for my ex

weheartit + tumblr

destroy a beautiful person

tumblr

I so not get it. At all. I am involved with a guy. A good man. He is one of the most beautiful persons I ever met. On the inside and the outside. I loved him more than words ever can describe.

Tonight I craving for another guy. I am not who I used to be. Even since I left the capital of Sweden and move to another town to study in one of the best University in the whole country I have been happier. And the reason is; I am not with him. The guy that I am supposed to love and craving for. I am near that other guy. I wish he’ll just knock on my door; because I know he is driving his friends in to town. 50 meters from where my apartment is. He knows exactly where my door is. He knows the code into the building. He knows how I laugh, how I joke, how I sleep, how I kiss and how I go from being a sleepyhead to full of energy in the morning. He loves that about me.

But he is not the one who is supposed to know all this stuff. The thing is; I know I always manage to put myself in these situations. The totally wrong and messed up situations. But I’ll always be fine. I’ll be ok. Most of the time.

The thing is. I am going to hurt him. But what am I waiting for? Make him cry now, or in a couple of weeks? I know I am doing a lot of things wrong. That someone’s can see me as a mean and heartless person; the truth is, I am full of love. But I am also full of the will to survive on my own. I protect myself; but I love. But not always the whole way thru; but I truly, deeply and constantly love people that is surrounding me. But I have just experience the feeling when love goes to ‘’just like’’. I hate to hurt him. Because he loves me with his whole heart.

Why do I have to completely destroy a beautiful person who deserves to not be destroyed by me?

-FB

keep me

i want to move on..

ffffound

every time i want to remember you..
i close my eyes..
i haven't seen you in so long..

i close my eyes..
remembering images..memories..pictures..
the first thing that i remember
is that picture of you..
wearing that dark blue hat..outside of starbux...
u were wearing a beige sweater..
and had a thicker beard then usual..
i remember your gaze in the picture
i feel like that picture spoke to me..
calling out for me..
i longed to be there with you
i long to be with you..

i daydream all the time..
most of my day im thinking of you..
my mind keeps drifting to you..

i get mad at myself..
im forgetting
i dont want to forget..
i dont remember anymore..
it was so long ago..
it hurts so much that i dont remember..

i forgot so many things..
but what i will always have is the way that u made me feel..

i feel small and inadequate now..
no one has ever made me feel that special..

i close my eyes again..
thinking of you..
looking so handsome.
you hugged me so tight
that u cried..
i couldn't believe it u cried..

i long for that hug
i long for that day

its not healthy to think about u like this..
i cant help myself..
i try
i try

till today songs on the radio remind me of you.
i cant even listen to them..
it hurts so bad..

i wish that one day you pick up the fone and call me..
and tell me
that you miss me
and that you will always love me..

its pathetic that i still have hope..
i wait for news that you guys ended ur marriage.
i know thats mean..
but i think that we are meant to be..
and that we are destined to be together..

so naive..
i think deep down im still that naive girl..
yearning for love and attention..

in my sleep i usually wake up with tears..
another day without you..
do you know that ever day i look at my fone
hoping for a msg a call anything from you

every day i wake up a little bit disappointed
every night i dream of you and hope that you come back..

i am lost without you
i am not complete..

if i hear someone talk like that id think there so corny
im not usually the romantic mushy type..
this is from my heart..

i dream of you
i wait for you
i long for you
i am still madly deeply in love with you..

to my sadness and despair..this is still the case..

dear god..please get me out of this..
i want to be ok
i want to move on..

i will go to bed..
still with hope in my heart..

warning

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someone to fall in love with who I am

unknown

...I'm eager to find love.

Why is it that even the prettiest, nicest, most out going people can't find love? Or don't have it? I'm still baffled to this day why the last boyfriend I had was 2 years ago. It kills me to know that there are people right now so happy and in love with their significant other and I have no one. I'm alone and I hate it. I just want to be someone's something, is that too much to ask for? I'm tired of being just the friend you talk to about your 'girl problems', and I'm tired of being just good friends. I want to show someone the love I have weld up inside of me and to make someone feel happy and the receive the same. Guys these days it seems just want someone because they don't want to be alone, not because there are any feelings involved and that's not what I want. I just want someone to fall in love with who I am, as I am. I just want to share my love with someone special and have someone I can think of before I go to sleep and wake up knowing things haven't changed.

So for whoever you are, I want you to like me of your own accord. Not because I drop hints or dye my hair to suit your favor. Not because your friends tell you to or try to talk me up to you. Not because I wear the clothes I know you like and not because I make excuses to text you every day. Not because I’ve always been around and not because it seems like the nice or right thing to do. I want you to like me because you do.

I don’t want to chase you like everyone else I’ve had around just to be knocked back down. I want you to like me for me. And if that means you never will, and that I need to sit around and work on burying these feelings deep enough that I eventually forget about them and give up. I will. I guess I'd rather be alone than have you, whoever you are, here just so neither of us had to fall asleep alone at night. I just want real, true love.

But one thing I learned from love and from craving it is, if you don't expect it from anyone then you'll never be disappointed.

-Taylor

like i do

weheartit