Thursday, November 11, 2010

what do I do


weheartit

I’m scared of falling for him. I have never been in love before.

And he’s not mine to fall for, she had him first, but I have only known her for less than a year and shes never been the best friend, and she lies about him to make me jealous. She says she is still in love with him, but she broke up with him in February and he tried to get her back for months, she only wants him when she can't have him. But I’m not that girl, i'm not the girl who 'steals' their friends ex of three years, but she cant be his forever. And she treated him horribly he didn’t deserve it, but he did it to her too. Cheating lying and manipulating is what they do. They both hurt each other so much and I don’t want him to hurt me, I don’t know if I can trust him, but I do, my heart trusts him. Why. I have just been dragged into the big of this big mess.

He wants to be with me, he’s told me he wants me, he knows that we click. I want him too but is that only because I’m not allowed him, you always want what you cant have isn’t that how these things work? Or do I want him because I like him, I like talking to him, I like seeing him, he gets me, when I talk to him I get so excited, I tried ignoring him, but I cant I cant even bring myself to not text him back, because I want him. He didn't talk to me for three days and it killed me, I went off with another boy and he found out and got so angry, does he not understand he hurts me too. But will it be worth it? I’m scared of getting hurt and I will have lost a friend and him all for nothing, but is it nothing? I really don’t know what to think or what to do, he started it, what did he expect to happen? That saying ‘never give up on someone you cant go a day without thinking about’ just doesn’t work, the risk of people getting hurt is just too big, but you have to jump before you fall for someone, do I leap?

And then there is the other boy, who is so sweet and perfect for me. He had been there for a while but he was always with other people and our paths just didn’t cross that often. Hes nice but he’s not too nice, he’s interesting and I wouldn’t get bored of him and funny but he’s so casual I don’t know if it will ever be anything more, I would never want to hurt him but he could hurt me. And he’s living in the same city as me, not moving away like everyone else. Its just sparks and games at the moment, the games are fun but can only go on so long, and then what? So why do I still want the other boy more, what is wrong with me?

Who do I choose, what do I do. I want to be in love though, its all around me, I don’t want to be alone, I want to experience that feeling, its all part of growing up, I want my very own teenage romance. I want snuggles and winter days in bed together and someone to hold my hand and love me for me and kiss me on the head..

- T

21 comments:

  1. don't create undue tension. is what your feelings just years of seeing him mistreat

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  2. You will fall in love when you least expect it... Just listen to your heart, he will tell you who to fall for!!

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  3. Don't stress it, darling. I believe that there's something many of us girls (probably boys too) tend to forget (me too). It's that we are so focused on how to get the ones we want to want us that we forget what it is we want in ourselves. We forget how to develope the qualities that we like with ourselves.

    All because we really just like to have this magical connection with someone. But if you stand still for a while ask yourself, why are you chasing this or this boy? Is it because you want him or just that you want him to want you? Maybe you don't know the answer, but the feeling is exhausting, isn't?

    So take a break fr the boy-crush-love-desiring-thoughts and instead do something for you. Maybe you love to write. Develop you writing, for your own sake. Maybe it's listening/taking photos/being on time/picking out good outfits/cooking cause when you focus more on you, then you'll be more clear on what you do deserve (which is really easy to forget sometimes).

    And when you're more sure on yourself, easier it will be to pick the boys you like cause of their qualities rather than not wanting to be alone.

    xoxo Julia

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  4. Maybe you should make a list of pros & cons of each boy & see what how your heart reacts to both boys. Follow your heart girl!

    Melanie's Randomness

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  5. Julia, you just made my day.

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  6. Julia is totally right, but if you want more advices, a thing I use to do is to have someone else to number the items (or in your case guys) that you want, one is 1 and the other is 2, but you're not allowed to know who's got what number. Then you say one of the number (1 or 2), and the guy that got the number you said is the right.

    Now, this might sound like a silly thing, making "faith" or whatever choose for you, but that's not the thing. You see, the feelings you get after you found out which gut you've got will show to you which one you really want. If you get boy A and feel something like "damn, lets do this thing again" that'll show that it's not him that you really desire.

    I've only done this on small things, such as what-to-wear-for-a-masquerade, so i'm not sure that this is a good advice... But I wish you all luck in your life. Listen to the other Julia and everything will probably work out fine.

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  7. Scary. I'm going trough the EXACT same thing. I could might as well have wrote this. Thanks, for telling my story. And thanks, for me not being alone thinking like this..

    It's kind of funny how life plays tricks on us sometimes, don't u think?

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  8. Oh darling, I totally udnerstand this....

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  9. Wow you're only a teenager. The answer is choose neither, try live your life without thinking about this bullshit - and without playing games - and see what happens later on.

    P.S. Obviously the first guy is a douche.


    -Anna

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  10. I feel soooo mutch better today! :D
    But I still cant understand that I will never live, love, travel, or get into exiting adventures with Her, the one I love. Or just watch a funny parody.. (Or makeout in front of the TV because parody sucks!)
    I can accept that You are playing games, but why? What the hell are You afraid of??

    Love

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  11. Teenage romance is oh so beautiful, try it out. It´s part of life to get burn and burn.

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  12. I chose the boy with the ex girlfriend who was my friend. Was. I lost her, as i expected. And although he was worth it i've never stopped feeling like a frikkin villain.

    My boyfriend was as in your case a douche to his ex. And she to him. But in the year we've been together now he's proven that people can change or are not what they seemed to be from the start. I don't regret choosing him for a second but you should know that it's not the easiest thing either. Although I know I'm not a bad person just because of this I feel like one from time to time. Then you just have to remember that shit happens, you fell in love with your friends ex douchy boyfriend but it's not like you've made a profession out of steeling them. It just happened.

    So, be aware of the consequences, and if you still think he's worth it, go for it :)

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  13. Not opening up for someone, causes more pain than getting your heart broken.

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  14. DON'T DO IT.! because yeah your good friend and this boy may not be right for eachother but that doesn't mean she doesn't have feelings for him! and the fact that boys come and go...but friends don't...so when u and this boy don't work out what friend are you going to have to be there for you... to cheer you up and to just be there as a friend...because if he was REAL... and the way he's supposed to love your friend...he wouldn;t even put himself in that position...because it would be sooo selfish of him to get between a girl and her friend...I'm telling you..don't ever let yourself get put in this position...because if he does it to her...HE WILL MOST DEFINITELY DO IT TO YOU.!

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  15. The thing is, do you want to risk loosing your friend? Will he be worth it? It may sound booring and hard, but friendships last longer (most often) and if you want her to be your friend you should back off that guy.

    I'm in the same situation and I've thought that whattahell, if he and I are meant to be, will find a better moment to Be We.

    My bestfriend got behind my back with my ex and I don't spoke to her anymore.
    If they've had a relationship for 3 years, you can probably count on losing her if you get together with that boy...
    Ah I hate for love and life to be so complicated!!
    Wish you all luck with your feelings and descisions! xx

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  16. imagine you with first boy after let's say 5 years... what do you think...will he be with you? will he loves you? will he treats you right? or he will just play with you - let's not talk for a few days....or something more?

    and then, imagine you with the other boy...
    choose what you want to fell, the way you want to be treated... what you deserve...
    take care

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  17. Only time can tell - let your heart lead you & try not to think about it too much. The more you analyze a situation, the more confused you'll get.

    You're in a really tough position - since you are friends with the first guy's ex (esp. since they were together for so long), that makes it so hard to know what to do. You can't help how you feel, though. I'd say just give it time - don't commit yourself to one person and definitely do not settle for someone just because you want a relationship or just because you think they'll treat you perfectly - this won't necessarily make you happy if your heart isn't with him. Ask yourself this - will you regret something you never took a risk on because you were unsure? And then not knowing what could have been.. Or will you regret more taking a risk? It also depends on how close you are with the girl, and whether she is still in love with him or if she is just saying that to get to you.
    I wish I had better advice, but there's never an answer to these tough relationship questions. One thing I do know is that whatever is meant to be will work out in the end.

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  18. You cant get involved with love, without taking a risk. That's how it works.

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  19. Really worthwhile data, much thanks for the post.

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