Sunday, November 7, 2010

destroy a beautiful person


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I so not get it. At all. I am involved with a guy. A good man. He is one of the most beautiful persons I ever met. On the inside and the outside. I loved him more than words ever can describe.

Tonight I craving for another guy. I am not who I used to be. Even since I left the capital of Sweden and move to another town to study in one of the best University in the whole country I have been happier. And the reason is; I am not with him. The guy that I am supposed to love and craving for. I am near that other guy. I wish he’ll just knock on my door; because I know he is driving his friends in to town. 50 meters from where my apartment is. He knows exactly where my door is. He knows the code into the building. He knows how I laugh, how I joke, how I sleep, how I kiss and how I go from being a sleepyhead to full of energy in the morning. He loves that about me.

But he is not the one who is supposed to know all this stuff. The thing is; I know I always manage to put myself in these situations. The totally wrong and messed up situations. But I’ll always be fine. I’ll be ok. Most of the time.

The thing is. I am going to hurt him. But what am I waiting for? Make him cry now, or in a couple of weeks? I know I am doing a lot of things wrong. That someone’s can see me as a mean and heartless person; the truth is, I am full of love. But I am also full of the will to survive on my own. I protect myself; but I love. But not always the whole way thru; but I truly, deeply and constantly love people that is surrounding me. But I have just experience the feeling when love goes to ‘’just like’’. I hate to hurt him. Because he loves me with his whole heart.

Why do I have to completely destroy a beautiful person who deserves to not be destroyed by me?

-FB

46 comments:

  1. I'm in the exact same position. It's so fucking hard. He is, without a doubt, the most wonderful and kind persons I've ever met. But he's not for me and I will not be happy with him. How do you tell someone like that, who loves you more than anything, that he's not good enough? I don't want to hurt him, doing that is a sin, but I'll have to and it's so sad. I don't deserve him, and he doesn't deserve to be with someone like me, who's going to hurt him so bad, but here we are.

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  2. i'm in the same situation as well. most girls would kill to go out with my boyfriend, he would bake me brownies and write sweet messages on them, set out candles and everything. he is loyal and good looking, yet really smart. but here i am, contacting my ex that i havent contacted in two years.

    this ex said he has changed, and he regretted for cheating on me before as we werent really serious back then. why is it, whenever im in trouble, the guy i seek is my ex and not boyfriend?

    :(

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  3. I've done the same kind of thing although my situation with the boyfriend was a little different.
    This boy didn't allow me to have contact with any other guy or girl. I was his possession and he wouldn't share that with whoever.
    While he was forbidding me almost everything, I became more and more attracted to my ex-boyfriend, who gave me such butterflies.
    He and I made love several times and the feeling he gave me was brilliant. I realized I would never ever feel luck again if I'd stay with my boyfriend.
    I finally broke up with him but he won't accept my choice and he's been stalking me ever since.
    I do not regret my choice, not for one single second.
    In short, follow your heart, that's the best and only thing you can do, even though you might hurt someone so badly.
    Every ending's a new beginning.
    xoxo Anne
    hushforfashion.blogspot.com

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  4. yes I know this feeling too well. I'm with a guy whom everyone agree he's a good guy. but everyday when I wake up, I wonder whether he's the right one for me. I think of another guy, whom is currently attached. I know I shouldnt be doing this, so I tell myself to try loving my current bf more. but sometimes it just gets so tiring I wanna quit. sigh.

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  5. Yes dear, follow your heart, break up now. Procrastination only makes things worse. Do not be shy, you will not regret!!!

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  6. I am in the same position. Sweden you say, here you have my thoughts in swedish:
    Precis samma sak!

    Vad gör jag..
    Gör det du vill, följ ditt hjärta!
    Jag har inte bestämt mig ännu. Tror huvudet och hjärtat vill göra två olika saker.

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  7. Dnt waist his/her time ,truth will set u free

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  8. someone who's been hurt by kids such as yourself.November 8, 2010 at 6:58 AM

    how can you guys be so selfish? how can you 'let' yourself fall for someone else, when you're already in a relationship? why is it you know that this beautiful person doesn't deserve to be destroyed, yet you still continue to do it? every single time you text the other guy, every time you call him, every time you touch him, every time you kiss him, you are making the decision over and over again to hurt someone who loves you deeply. if it was just the one drunken time, then sure, slip-ups happen. but if in the course of the day, you let yourself get so LOOSE, & you let the new guy cross all these boundaries you know you should be setting.. then you have no excuse. you are selfish & no better than a 3 year old incapable of foregoing immediate gratification. it's disgusting.

    especially if it's someone else's boyfriend you're stealing, when you already have your own.

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  9. "someone who's been hurt by kids such as yourself": So true! I couldn't have said it better than you did!

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. i SO agree with "someone who's been hurt by kids such as yourself." you don't have anyone to blame but yourself.

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  12. I saw a girl do this to my brother and no amount of pretentious allegory can mask what an awful thing it was. Please break it off with him soon. It will be tempting to be selfish and leave it off but fight the urge and bite the bullet.

    The sooner you break it off the sooner he will heal. Don't ruin another beautiful person like my brother. They deserve better then that.

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  13. http://blip.fm/profile/ladyaverbuck/blip/57692811/Sharon+Jones+&+The+Dap-Kings%E2%80%93How+Do+I+Let+a+Good+Man+Down+%28Sharon+Jones%29

    sharon jones wrote a song about that... listen carefully. :)

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  14. det som är meningen kommer hända.

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  15. "how can you guys be so selfish? how can you 'let' yourself fall for someone else, when you're already in a relationship? why is it you know that this beautiful person doesn't deserve to be destroyed, yet you still continue to do it?"

    Sometimes you don't have a choice in who you fall for..
    I've never once cheated or even texted other guys behind a boyfriends back. I'm a very loyal person yet I'm finding myself in a similar situation. The more my boyfriend says he's falling in love with me, the more I'm falling for someone else.. (& don't worry, I've never said anything of that sort to him) granted I'd fallen pretty hard for the other man before I even met my boyfriend but tried to move on & now here I am..
    Every time I get the courage to say something to him he does something so sweet & It's so hard to break his heart. It wouldn't be so hard if I didn't have feelings for him, he's absolutely amazing & sometimes I think I should just let things stay how they are but like the Sharon Jones song says
    "You make me happy but he gives me thrills
    You give me comfort but he gives me chills
    So tell me?
    How do I let a good man down?"
    So in the end you have to do what's right for you, you can't settle for what's comfortable. It isn't fair to him or yourself.
    Anyway, I think the advice we both need to hear is, don't drag it out. I know it's hard to hurt them but the longer it goes on the more they suffer. & if you're thinking of other people & not 100% invested in the relationship, end it. It's so easy to say but now we just have to get the guts to do it..

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  16. So he's not the guy you're looking for? Then tell him the truth. If you want to know your perfect partner, read the post I wrote about that and finish the test here:

    http://lovers-shore.blogspot.com

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  17. I've been there. A man I craved works 2 minutes from my house. I wish sometimes he will drive past his job to my home & knock on my door. But I'm with another whom I love. I'm trying so hard not to destry him because I crave the other. I need to get my head examined.

    Good luck!

    <a href="http://melaniesrandomness.blogspot.com/>Melanie's Randomness Blog</a>

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  18. Jag tror att du redan gjort ett beslut. Kanske är jag lite i samma situation. Du hade inte varit otrogen om du ville vara ihop med din kille så mycket, ledsen. Men du sårar både dig själv och din pojkvän, jag tror inte du har något annat val än att göra slut nu och vara ärlig. Kankse kan du få en andra chans. Men läs ditt inlägg igen så tror jag du inser vad som är det rätta, var ärlig mot din kille och ta det därifrån.

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  19. You are really, really good at expressing your feelings in words. I kind of been where you are, and I understand exactely how you feel. Or no, ofcourse I can't, but almost. I agree with many of previous comments, end what you do not want NOW. You will hurt yourself and the guy who likes you less and I think it's the best. Sometimes, when you know that the decision is on your shoulders, you have to sacrifice yourself a little bit. Good luck:)

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  20. Vill egentligen skälla ut dig, men det kommer inte leda någon vart. (men liksom, tänkte du inte efter? Har du haft problem med bekräftelse tidigare?) Det mest respektfulla du kan göra både för honom och för dig själv är att berätta. Det kommer alltid fram, ju längre tid som går ju ondare kommer det att göra.

    Snap out of it och ta tag i problemet för fan, det kommer lösa sig men du kan styra hur illa du gör någon; vilka permanenta ärr du ger.

    Ta itu med dig själv och red ut för dig själv varför du gör så här innan du involverar en partner i ditt liv.

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  21. self destructing but so selfish, seekin for emptiness in the end..eventhough not right for sure, it is addictive!

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  22. Om man ändå hade chansen att få välja..

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  23. Kärlek är alltid svårt. Följ hjärtat!

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  24. thats the thing with love i think. you dont get to choose who you fall in love with. sometimes it means hurting someone. but isnt it always like that eventually?

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  25. LE LOVE I DONT HAVE AN EMAIL BUT LOOK AT THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!


    http://vimeo.com/15796763

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  26. Ive been in your boyfriends situation. When you are sure to leave him, dont wait to long. He will only be more and more disappointed how longer it takes. You know shit happens but be fair and honest. That maybe makes things "easier" for him.
    And a last thing, when youve left him pease! dont bother him. My ex-girlfriend still does that and is still texting me and thats an awful behaviour.

    So in conclusion - take some more time and think about it, in both ways. when youre sure to leave and hurt him be honest and dont wait to long to let him know.

    Good luck!

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  27. society's messed up.November 8, 2010 at 8:16 PM

    the problem that you have, is that you never ran away from temptation. is that you aren't serious about love. Love isn't about feelings. it's about making that commitment to work things out no matter what.

    just because you feel that you have feelings for someone else doesn't mean that you have to act on it. instead of jumping into someone else's bed, have the courage to end your CURRENT relationship first simply because you already know that this guy isn't for you because he just isn't. rather than two-timing and then feeling all messed up and not knowing what's the REAL reason why you and your current guy can't be together.

    the thing that you want the most, is usually the thing that you can't get. and in this case, it's the other person. and once u break up with this guy... then what? start lusting for him again when you are with the one that you want now?

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  28. half the posts on lelove are about girls who've had their hearts broken because their perfect boy just disappeared one day. he might've found someone else, or he just didn't think she was worth it, after stringing her along all that time, kissing other girls behind her back, texting, fucking, who knows. and guess what? you are that dick right here.

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  29. someone who's been hurt by kids such as yourselfNovember 9, 2010 at 12:28 AM

    Speaking from personal experience, if it's true, grown-up, mature love that you both have -- the kind that involves the heart and the mind instead of the genitals, the kind that tries and works for the other, the kind that involves compromise, commitment & dedication.. then you wouldn't even be finding ANYONE else remotely interesting (in that way).

    you can't have your cake & eat it too. two boys being strung along -- woohoo, go you! you must feel on top of the world to be so wanted. don't keep that poor boy waiting on you, he deserves so much better.

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  30. I just did it. I thought it'll be unfair to the both of us if I were to just hold on because he's great while I know it myself that I don't want this relationship anymore..

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  31. katrina-well done love!!

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  32. Interesting. I recocgnize this all to well, and it scares me as much as it baffles me. I'll write the rest of my comment in Swedish.

    Fan. Det skrämmer mig hur jag ser, och upplever, gång på gång hur tjejer drar och vänder pojke och känslor ryggen när de känner något som de aldrig känt förut. Som om den starka passionen, den överväldigande kärleken , är alldeles för vild och okontrollerbar för (svenska?) flickor (med ett behov av att kontrollera sin tillvaro) att stanna skar vid. Att bara svepas med.

    Fan. Tillåt er att tappa fotfästet. Om frukten smakar så gott, ät tills du storknar!

    marc

    http://bertrandrussellsbicycle.blogspot.com/

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  33. Yesandyes.org did a post on this subject today! Check it out it may be in some ways helpful.

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  34. well taylor swifts perfectly good heart would help you try listening to it :)

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  35. I know it all, and I was warned..
    I know You love Me..
    I know You wourld rather commit suicide then leave Me..
    I know that You dont know until You have tried..
    I know that Youre stronger than the System...

    Love

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  36. Seriously people, come onNovember 10, 2010 at 8:08 PM

    I'm not going to say anything because 'society's messed up', 'x', and 'someone who's been hurt..' said it all, in the best way.

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  37. Oh, I totally understand what you mean. I was in the same situation til today, actually.
    A guy loved (loves) me with his whole heart, said that he missed me all the time, wanted to be with me forever.
    And I left him.
    For the second time.
    I found out I didn't miss him. That I were happier when we were apart. It sucked. Because he's so wonderful, in every way. So loving. But I guess he wasn't the right guy for me. Because if he was, I would have missed him like he missed me.
    But that's love, I guess. It doesn't always have to mean happiness.

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  38. I want to tell you something Girl. once I was in the same situation and I ended with this guy who was so wonderful and lovely on every aspect, but I do not know why I left him, maybe at at that time I was not ready for him or I just did not see what I had. I have try with another guys but everything reminds me of him. he was good loving me, but now it is too late. He is gone forever and I did not get the chance to tell him that I am sorry

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  39. x is right

    "half the posts on lelove are about girls who've had their hearts broken because their perfect boy just disappeared one day. he might've found someone else, or he just didn't think she was worth it, after stringing her along all that time, kissing other girls behind her back, texting, fucking, who knows. and guess what? you are that dick right here."

    Break up with the guy, you don't deserve him. You obviously don't love him if you're doing that. If you really loved him, you'd have eyes only for him". I despise people like you. Saying you love someone but want to be with someone else, yeah right, that isn't love.

    Wait till someone does that to you. You'll find someone you'll truly love, and they'll cheat on you.

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  40. hey There! I think you're been selfish with yourself and this guy. You have to open your mind to figure out what it's comming on next. Everybody has to take a chance, and u got that, don't waste it.

    I did, now i'm happy. I'm so glad and happy.

    Because i did...

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  41. Well first things first. I will not start critisizing u or start throwing bitchy remarks ur way just cos u have the guts to openly declare what you are going through. Not many people have the guts to be so open and honest about such sensitive situations. U are fortunate enough to face the reality and see where you stand. Now the target should be to implement what is right i.e: break things off this sweet guy who you realise that you are not in love with cos that's the right thing to do :)
    Yes he will be hurt initially but for the longer this time right now is the best to do it rather than dragging this further and deliberately making it harder for the poor guy who does not even deserve this in the first place. Good luck :)

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  42. You can love without being a dishonest cheater! Hurting him isn't the crime, you are young and the heart can be fickle. He deserves your honesty if not your loyalty.

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  43. First of all, good for you for not being afraid to throw this out there.
    Second of all, don't listen to any of the criticism you get.
    Third of all, I feel ya sweetie. I went through the same feelings a couple of years ago. The guy I was with when I was feeling this was the greatest person I had ever met - perfect boyfriend, so sweet, did not deserve to feel an ounce of pain. But I hurt him over & over again because i felt the way you described. We ended up breaking up on & off and were apart for a while. After both of us being with other people, we're back together & neither of us have ever been happier. I think I just needed to mature and be by myself/with other guys for a while to truly see how much I love this man. Now, never again will I hurt him.
    Maybe you're in the same place, and maybe you're not. I don't know what the answer is because had my bf & i not gone through that we wouldnt be happy together today. Maybe you have lessons you need to learn first. Maybe you're teaching someone else a lesson without realizing it. I don't know, but I do believe you have yo follow you're heart - eventually everything will come together & you'll get it right.
    Stay strong, girl.

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  44. Gud det låter som att du skriver om mig. Jag åkte också iväg och pluggade och det hände precis samma sak. Jag vet inte varför jag fortsätter göra så? Det är inte första gången jag sårar en kille, och jag ville inte vara den personen nå mer. Vill inte vara den som sårar. Och man gör det ju inte med flit utan det bara sker, men man vet att man gör fel men inte hur man ska göra det rätt.

    Jag hoppas det löser sig för dig, det gjorde det för mig. Nu är jag lycklig, men också rädd. Rädd för att jag kanske sårar igen.

    Lycka till!

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  45. It can't truly work, I think this way.

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