Tuesday, November 9, 2010

i will get back up again


buen·ʌv·entura

In some odd way I always find seem to find boys with a superpower, a special one that you can't see on their appearance.

They have the ability to fool me. To make me believe and trust in them and then break my heart.

After being crushed and hurt so many times I've been careful lately. Like in a fairytale.
I take good time and effort to trust people, and I search carefully for the ones that won't destroy me.

So I found you. The princess in the fairytale, with was me, and you; the good guy.

You were the perfect boy, you loved each and everyone of my weird, wonderful, and crazy sides.
You even played the guitar and wore Converse, you always had something nice to say, you smelled like flowers and even my toughest friends were charmed by you. When we walked passed girls and they started to check you out, you would put your arms around me and kiss me right in front of them.
You always told me that you were so proud to have me - stupid foolish me - and I trusted you. How could I even try to resist?

You would hold my hand at the dentist when I got scared, you helped me with math, you seemed to always know the answer to my problems, and even when you didn't you were always there for me. You always wanted to show that you love me, and I trusted you so bad.

We spend seconds - minutes - hours - days - month together without you really complaining or marked things in me or my personality, you maid me believe that I was perfect. I know I'm not perfect, no one is. I never understood why you couldn't tell me the truth. I am a strong girl and that you've known ever since we first meet in kindergarten. You were aware of this when we started dating and you always told me your opinion about politics, human rights, even sports.

When friends and family let me down you showed me how much you loved me, you began to be my best friend, my soul. I had not trusted anyone in the way I trusted you, never (and I never will again). We became big parts of each others lives. No I take that back, you were my life.

And I knew you would never let me down, never break me in two, never try to hurt me.

But now, there's a twist to our fairytale. When the good guy suddenly appears to be the bad guy.

You went to England for two weeks. Before you left you told me how much you would miss me, how much you loved me and my heart waited, longed for you, I bleed inside just for you, because it was pure agony just to be so far away from you.

And then the good guy cut the princess in two. Just because you didn't wanted me anymore. You never told me why. I know that you never will.

One text; "it's over" and it was. You never explained. You were too much of a coward to show me any respect and the worst part is that you knew the whole time the worst ways to break me, to break my already wounded heart. And that was to take away my integrity which you did by not showing me any respect, by treating me like I was a pile of dog-shit.

I couldn't sleep or eat for days. Barely talked. All I kept thinking was; why? why? why? I trusted you. I did!

I did everything that I possibly could for you, only you. I ignored friends for you, I swallowed my deepest pride whenever you were grumpy and started to pout. I put up with you even when I really didn't want too, I listen to you when your parents almost got divorced, or when your mother fled to Finland or when you complained about getting a B in a stupid essay instead of a A. I even wiped away the blood for your leg when you hurt yourself skateboarding.

But the thing is, I may be a princess, but I'm so not like all the weak disney-princesses. I am strong and every time someone pushes me down I will get back up again.

At the end you were the bad guy.
I'm so sorry.
Sorry for YOU.

Angela / http://cirkusangela.blogg.se

23 comments:

  1. Angela, you inspire me. I know now I can move on when my heart is broken. It is possible. Best of luck, dear.

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  2. Wow. You are a very strong girl and definitely deserved better. Thank you so much for sharing your story!

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  3. I love writing, and I wish these stories were edited before they were posted...they often have so many easily fixed spelling and grammar mistakes in them...

    Nonetheless, this story is very relatable. Stay strong. And keep believing in love. I think that's the most important thing.

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  4. Well... round about every blog posts online don't have much originality as I found on yours.. Just keep updating much useful information so that reader like me would come back over and over again.
    Dissertation help

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  5. To anon, this person isn't a mother tongue English speaker so you can't expect the grammar to be perfect... and if the editor of this site kept on editing all the posts that she published, that would be taking away the writers originality, wouldn't it?

    Angela, you are probably still hurting, but I hope that some day you can let yourself trust someone else in the same way you trusted him (regarding your comment that you will never trust anyone again). Don't give him the power to make you bitter. Better to have love and lost, than to have never have loved at all, as they say...

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  6. Your story almost relates to what I'm currently having right now. I did everything I could possibly do. I would probably give up everything because of my love for this very important person in my life. I'm still trying. I hope we will be ok one day. Hope gets me through the hard times. Wish you luck!

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  7. This is one of the best stories I've read on this blog. It's so touching. If yo want to know your ideal partner, take the test on my blog.

    http://lovers-shore.blogspot.com

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  8. Wow ... I wish I can be strong as you are right now, I won't trust anyone too, I get hurt from many people around me, ex-boyfriends and my best friends, no one worth our trust =(

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  9. Very beautyful pictures!
    xx.

    http://burnyourunderwear.blogspot.com/

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  10. i am in the same situation now...it´s kind of hard to keep your chin up but i keep telling myself to leave the pieces on the floor and move the hell on.
    we´ll get our fairytale love in the end i believe...

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  11. Wow.

    Yes. You will get back up again, you always will.

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  12. yes u are a princess, princess by heart
    bold beautiful and courageous and u deserve someone equally royal wait for him .....

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  13. Are you serious! What is up with these guys lately and breaking up with people over text messages and facebook? You are so better off without him, at least that way you won't be wasting your time while there is some other amazing person out there who you'll have another great experience with.

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  14. Guys are horrible! I had a similar experience where I thought a guy I was with was the best thing that ever happened to me and he turned out to be a scum. You will meet someone who is so much better than him! Forget about that bad guy! xxoxoxoxoo

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  15. i dont understand boys... they treat you like a treasure and you think that he is the one, and then they threw you like garbage... and doesnt give explanations... they just left you asking to yourself what did you do wrong... i have been in your situation, and the bad thing is that now is difficult for me to trust in men... the last boy that i dated seemed so good and nice, i was very happy because i thaught that he was one in a million, but at the end he was like all the boys... i just what to find real and good love.

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  16. Angela, you are a very strong girl. My ex suddenly treated me the same way when he had been very attentive the whole time. Without explanation, he just left me. No remorse, no nothing, after everything I have done for him.

    Remember, karma is a bitch. What comes around goes around. Stay strong and show him what he is missing.

    xo

    http://momojae.blogspot.com

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  17. My story is similar...although my boyfriend of 8 years didn't even have the courtesy to break up with me. He actually just stopped talking to me without an explanation and his dad eventually emailed me to tell me that his son was unsure and tired of the relationship because I kept trying to find out what was going on.

    I had been with him since he was 21 and I was 17.

    He did this to me 2 years ago. I know it's pathetic but I'm still not over it. I'm over him...but it still hurts and it's hard not to have that closure.

    Wish I was as strong as you..

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  18. Why is everyone who writes to this blog 14? Half the stuff on here has absolutely nothing to do with love. Clearly this girl is a great example of not understanding the meaning of the word. And what kind of idiot writes a text message instead of breaking up with someone? That tells me it was never a good relationship to begin with.

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  19. Not only guys do that, there are also bad girls who play with guys.

    This story is surprising similar to what just happened to me, but in my case I was the guy. I did every possible thing to show my love to her. I can say for sure that the description of the guy is a reflection of myself. But at the end she left to Spain for a year. A month later after she left, she sent me a message in facebook saying me to look for someone else that she was not coming back with me. At the end I think it was the best for both. I loved her at 100 % but she didnt because I was not religious enough.

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  20. Hey everyone! Wonderingg if you guys wanted to check out my blog maybe be a follower? It's sorta likee this xcept I get submissions about all sorts of things, I just transitioned over from a different blog spot so now I'm tryingg to get some followers :). Check it out!

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  21. This won't actually have success, I think so.

    ReplyDelete

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