Tuesday, November 9, 2010
i will get back up again
In some odd way I always find seem to find boys with a superpower, a special one that you can't see on their appearance.
They have the ability to fool me. To make me believe and trust in them and then break my heart.
After being crushed and hurt so many times I've been careful lately. Like in a fairytale.
I take good time and effort to trust people, and I search carefully for the ones that won't destroy me.
So I found you. The princess in the fairytale, with was me, and you; the good guy.
You were the perfect boy, you loved each and everyone of my weird, wonderful, and crazy sides.
You even played the guitar and wore Converse, you always had something nice to say, you smelled like flowers and even my toughest friends were charmed by you. When we walked passed girls and they started to check you out, you would put your arms around me and kiss me right in front of them.
You always told me that you were so proud to have me - stupid foolish me - and I trusted you. How could I even try to resist?
You would hold my hand at the dentist when I got scared, you helped me with math, you seemed to always know the answer to my problems, and even when you didn't you were always there for me. You always wanted to show that you love me, and I trusted you so bad.
We spend seconds - minutes - hours - days - month together without you really complaining or marked things in me or my personality, you maid me believe that I was perfect. I know I'm not perfect, no one is. I never understood why you couldn't tell me the truth. I am a strong girl and that you've known ever since we first meet in kindergarten. You were aware of this when we started dating and you always told me your opinion about politics, human rights, even sports.
When friends and family let me down you showed me how much you loved me, you began to be my best friend, my soul. I had not trusted anyone in the way I trusted you, never (and I never will again). We became big parts of each others lives. No I take that back, you were my life.
And I knew you would never let me down, never break me in two, never try to hurt me.
But now, there's a twist to our fairytale. When the good guy suddenly appears to be the bad guy.
You went to England for two weeks. Before you left you told me how much you would miss me, how much you loved me and my heart waited, longed for you, I bleed inside just for you, because it was pure agony just to be so far away from you.
And then the good guy cut the princess in two. Just because you didn't wanted me anymore. You never told me why. I know that you never will.
One text; "it's over" and it was. You never explained. You were too much of a coward to show me any respect and the worst part is that you knew the whole time the worst ways to break me, to break my already wounded heart. And that was to take away my integrity which you did by not showing me any respect, by treating me like I was a pile of dog-shit.
I couldn't sleep or eat for days. Barely talked. All I kept thinking was; why? why? why? I trusted you. I did!
I did everything that I possibly could for you, only you. I ignored friends for you, I swallowed my deepest pride whenever you were grumpy and started to pout. I put up with you even when I really didn't want too, I listen to you when your parents almost got divorced, or when your mother fled to Finland or when you complained about getting a B in a stupid essay instead of a A. I even wiped away the blood for your leg when you hurt yourself skateboarding.
But the thing is, I may be a princess, but I'm so not like all the weak disney-princesses. I am strong and every time someone pushes me down I will get back up again.
At the end you were the bad guy.
I'm so sorry.
Sorry for YOU.
Angela / http://cirkusangela.blogg.se