Monday, November 29, 2010

the reward is so much greater than the risk


kazumitakashi

Le Love,
I read this blog all the time but over the break I hadn't been able to get to it. I just caught back up and in the process I saw the picture, this picture, you posted and I started crying...

Honestly I know that thousands of people have regrets about risks not taken but mine keep mounting up.

#1: Edwin = “Chances we didn’t take”
Edwin was my really good friend, then one I opened up to without feeling like I needed to get romantically involved with him. He was also the one I couldn’t tell my family or friends about because of his race. When we both started feeling for each other we both knew I would be risking a lot more than he. In the end I didn’t take the chance. REGRET #1.

#2: Mike = “Relationships we were afraid to have”
Mike is a great guy who is slightly older than me. My friend’s initial reaction to him was mixed which caught me off-guard. I ended up telling him we should just be friends way earlier than I should have—I didn’t even give him a chance really. REGRET #2

#3: Mike (again)= “Decisions we waited too long to make”
It’s been 3 weeks since we talked…I screwed it up Big Time. Sometimes I think if texting him and acting like it was an accident just to open up communication again, but I am afraid he is still upset. Why didn’t I just let him in? REGRET #3.

Can someone please tell me how they stop the regrets from mounting up? Because I can’t take many more…..and they are all 100% my fault.

23 comments:

  1. You know what? Talk to him. If you really want him back, tell him. It's the only way for you to know if he is still mad or not. And if he is, you two can probably sort thing out. Love is a battlefield, take controll over it as much as you can and make your own destiny.

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  2. Love is real when we get in full! You once wrote that love is something we should pursue what we love. Do not blame yourself, nobody can rule the heart. Let it happen naturally. I know what you feel, because we also live it.

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  3. oh my god,all my regrets are ALL my fault too and it's been eating me up inside. All the missed chances...

    I can't believe someone else wrote this, I feel like I wrote it.

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  4. It's better to regret having done than to regret
    never tried

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  5. you need to stop counting the regrets and just start breaking the what if's. delve into it like there's no tomorrow. feel it. like it. love it. sure it may feel stupid at times. but at least you can go and say i did not leave any stones unturned. stop sulking and start enjoying. it's gonna be great!

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  6. it's not too late, sweetheart.

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  7. It's funny, I had the same problem with a guy named Mike. I remember when I saw him again after 3 weeks of not speaking I pulled him aside and asked him what the hell was wrong. He told me communication is a two way street- and as much as I hated to admit it, he was right.
    If he is upset, then its going to be hard for him to communicate; you need to take the first step, but remember that once you do, he needs to put the effort forth to really listen and reply. If he doesn't- honey, you don't want to get caught up in a man who can't communicate. Any relationship expert worth their salt from Dr. Phil to an HR guru will tell you that communication is key to healthy relationships.
    So take the plunge, do everything you can, and those pesky regrets will disappear. They're only a result of inaction, after all. You may think you're regretting something you've done, but really not doing anything about it is what you'll regret in the end.
    But keep in mind that if he's not willing to listen to you, he isn't worth the trouble. If you know you've done all you can, there's nothing to regret.

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  8. Talk to him. Who cares if he's still upset, don't be affraid of rejection or making a fool of yourself. Forget about what he wants and think about what you want. If he doesn't answer your call, if he doesn't open his door, at least you tried. You can't fail if you don't give up.

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  9. Talk to him. Just, talk to him. Yes, he'll probably be mad at you. But you'll beat yourself up with this if you don't get a closeure. And the regrets will become more and more...

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  10. I heard something good about you last night.

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  11. mend what u did wrong and hope for the best :) and no matter what happens u won't be asking urself what would've happened if u'd tried.

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  12. It's easy; follow your heart. Don't just say it, don't just think it, DO IT. Don't put together the future in your mind before you act it out. Just live in the moment and do what your heart is telling you to do at that time. Someone will be listening.

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  13. "He was also the one I couldn’t tell my family or friends about because of his race"

    ehm, people can NOT be divided into races. they just can't. there are not enough biological diffrences between different etnical groups to catogorize people in to groups like that. dogs have races, not people. and do your self a favour. stop hanging out with racists.

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  14. You know what! Initiate contact with that Mike, really, do! So what if he's still upset- you think that now and then you wait a little and then you'll decide that too much time has passed and he probably moved on and it's too late- so even then wouldn't be the right time. It's all excuses, really, because you're afraid to talk to him (and that's normal and OK), but sometimes you have to make yourself braver than you usually are :)
    What's the worst case scenario- you 2 will never talk again? Well, you aren't talking now! So, the worst case scenario is 'nothing changes'. Think about it.

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  15. to do what you know you have to inorder to make a fucked up situation right...it's the most terrifying thing ever. that's why you have to do it.

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  16. Oh hon, there are only three regrets here. It seems like a lot, because its new, but if you let them, regrets do nothing but build up and build up. Take a risk, whats the worst that can happen? you don't get what you didn't already have. No regrets, live. We are given this life as who we are now, and all we can do is everything, so when we look back, we can smile and say 'i don't regret a thing'
    I'm about to take a risk. I'm scared half to death, because it IS scary. But if i don't, all i can have is that 'what if' in the back of my head, what if. that is the truly scary thing, not knowing what could have happened, so much more frightening than knowing and being able to move on from that. Moving forward is so much better than always looking back.

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  17. That picture moved me soo much too! Although, I took the step you didn't open my heart, now I do regret as well... so there is no recipe for success in this business called love!
    If you don't risk it you can't win; but there is no guarantee you will. It's all about knowing there is 50% /50% of chance of being broken and being ok with it. Knowing that you'll be able to stand up again. But sometimes, it's hard to feel that ur broken, living on your knees, even if it's only for a few seconds...

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  18. Follow your heart - don't have regrets because at one point what you did or did not do was exactly what you wanted. Maybe those guys weren't meant to be, and maybe if you really do care about Mike then text him. BUT always remember that everything happens for a reason - you just have to believe. I am a major believer of that, and whatever meant to be will find a way.
    Once I started truly believing this, my reason finally found me. Good luck & be strong, girlie.

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  19. Yeah, you should definitely just be honest about everything, tell him everything that you wrote here. Because if you don't, you're just perpetuating your regrets and you'll just end coming back to this site to lament some more. So? TALK TO HIM AND START SOMETHING UP! no matter how awkward things have gotten.

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  20. I'm a Mike who's crazy about a slightly younger girl who won't let him in. If he's worth it, he still cares like I do.

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  21. She who is enlightenedDecember 4, 2010 at 1:52 PM

    In my case the reward was not greater than the risk but if anything it has officially made me realise this guy is not worth my time. He is just another one of those "look at my car" good looking types who are in this case lousy in bed and yet I thought there was more to this person but I guess not. You win some you lose some and someday I will look back and laugh at how I wasted approximately 4 good months of life on him and thinking about him but now if ever I see him, I won't give me a shit and I'll hold my heaad up high and go do my own thing on the other side of the room.

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  22. It can't truly have effect, I consider like this.

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