Tuesday, August 31, 2010

too weak a word


Mike Oncley

Monday, August 30, 2010

pick me


unknown

You have always been ambitious and i love that about you. Your only 20 but you have already started up your own business and it is doing so well, i couldn't be more proud to call you my boyfriend. and you know that, i helped you set it up. i came up with the name , and i did all the design and advertising for it.

i understand owning your own business , especially when your so young is stressful and you have to work a lot, i try and make it easier for you by helping out as much as i can. i make dinner for you , do your washing and clean your house when you've been too busy .. the list goes on and on.
But one thing that upsets me , is that sometimes you work when you don't have too.. Your mum calls you a workaholic , and id agree. although i didn't think it was a bad thing. Until i started feeling less and less important. and realised that in the last 6 months , Ive been finding myself up the mountain, staring at the ocean alone, our little place we used to go every week at least once and walk the dogs.

Ive told you about this, we have even had fights over it. How your work always comes first and how i always have to wait till everything is done before i even get a "hey babe how are you'. But you always say sorry and tell me you don't mean too and your gonna start leaving work related issues behind when the doors close at 5 o'clock. i always believe you, cause i love you and i want to take your word for it.

But then things like tonight happen : i ask if you would like to have dinner with me and my parents at 7. you say yes although you have a few things to do before hand but you'll be there.. great, I'm excited.

its then 7 and your not here, i call you and you say your still working and you'll be another hour, but your so sorry and you'll make it up to me.

its now 8.53 and your still not here. Me and my parents have already eaten. i go to call you to ask where the hell you are. and my mum tells me to stop nagging you, your busy and you'll come when your ready.

Why is it OK for you to always let me down and put work before me . Why doesn't everyone else see how frustrating it is to have to fight for your own boyfriends attention .

i love you , but just once i want you to forget about work and dedicate one night to me. i don't think its too much to ask.

is it?

Please, pick me. i'm tired of waiting.

♥ Claud

Sunday, August 29, 2010

how i wish


weheartit

Saturday, August 28, 2010

wondering if it is worth it.


unknown

I try so hard not to give up on love. I see it all around me and all of my close friends have felt it, except for me. I used to have hope that one day it would be my turn, after all I am only 18. But every time I am presented with the possibility of love I freeze, and completely screw it up. I push it away before it gets too intense, I convince myself that I'm only going to get hurt and what's the point? I wont end up marrying this person, or probably even dating them for that long so why risk hurting myself. This summer I finally decided to take a risk and talk to this guy that I met briefly at school. We immediately hit it off, and kept in close contact the two weeks I went away on vacation. I was so thrilled and excited and ready to take a risk and let myself get hurt because I thought this time would be worth it and maybe I wouldn't get hurt for awhile or maybe not at all. I came back from my trip and immediately went out with him.

It was the best date i'd ever been on, I felt comfortable with him and wasn't scared or nervous about what was going to happen. After the date I was flooded with so many emotions I had never felt before, I was nervous and excited in a good way and couldn't wait to see him again. However, after the date all contact between us was forced and it seemed like he was blowing me off. I was completely flabbergasted, how could he be blowing me off after we talked everyday for two weeks and had this incredible date? Am I young and naive in thinking it was more than it really was? I tried to keep in contact because I didn't want this one to get away, I had let him in unlike anyone else before and didn't want to let him go.

It's been a couple weeks, we have barely spoken and any communicating is contrived and strange. I have given up, if he doesn't want to speak to me why should I speak to him? Any courage that I gained from the beginning of this relationship I have lost completely. I can't help but think, how is this fair? I actually risked my feelings for this person and where was my reward? Finally I am the one who tried my hardest to make it work, and I end up the one alone. Any hope that I have left for love is almost gone. Friends keep telling me that one day I'll find someone. Some how I don't believe it. Not everyone falls in love, not everyone gets married, who is to say that it'll ever happen for me? I was once told that if I want it to happen for me it will. But how can it when I try so hard to make it happen and it still doesn't?

I'm trying to remain confident and hopeful because the idea of love is all that keeps me going, I'm holding onto the idea of love being bigger than anything in the whole world and that it will completely change my life. But at the same time the thought of it barely slipping out of my grasp hurts so badly. Love to me is like a double edged sword and I am constantly wondering if it is worth it.

- S

Thursday, August 26, 2010

stealing kisses


pullbears

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

by accident


tumblr

To put it plainly.... I'm in love with my best friend....NOW lemme explain. I'd like to call this piece.... I TEXT MY BEST FRIEND I LIKE BY ACCiDENT!
*sigh*

So we met briefly 2 years ago when i was about 16 going on 17 because he was my bestfriend's boyfriend's bestfriend (confusing I know). First appearances, he was cute and he was the kinda guy that would listen to you when you spoke.... Very attentive. So I decided to call him up more and start talking to him properly. I eventually told him I liked him, but that didn't go very well because he didn't reply..... he apparently didn't know what to say. It was really weird for a few weeks because we had the same circle of friends and he would act really awkward when we all got together. Like he would give everyone a hug except me... As if I had a disease or something (very childish). But this childish acts became the basis of our best friendship.

Wait there's more..... So the tables turned after a few months he started calling me, and properly explained why he never gave me a proper answer. He said he wasn't in the 'right head space with girls and wasn't really one to show emotion' so I accepted his 'apology', and from on we started talkin about anything and everything. We'd talk almost everyday, we were so close, after a while I didn't even see him as someone I could be initmate with. Whenever I was upset he was always there and whenever he was upset I ALWAYS seemed to be there, come rain or shine. Sometimes He'd be the causes of all my anger but I knew the good and bad stuff, and that's what made me love him more... As a friend. He called me, out of all our friends 'the one he could talk to'.

Life was great, we drifted apart for a while due to busy schedules and stuff but we loved each other too much to let that get in the way....
We got really close and when we chilled with our friends he would say stuff aloud like 'i want her to have my babies' or say 'i love her' out loud which was embarrassing, he'd hold my hand in public and try and kiss me (only on the cheek) but he'd do it in a way that it would look like a public display of affection, he'll say nice things about the way i look and say like 'she's sexy', and all my friends say he treats me different to the rest of the girls around us, (so much for sending mixed signals ah!).
But I used to think nothing of it... I just used to think I'm just his substitute for a girlfriend. Of course it was bad, but I liked it. I liked feeling loved, and not that I needed to feel loved.... I just wanted some attention, you know?
So recently I started liking another guy he made me happy, laughed so much when I was with him, he ticked all my boxes. But i realised i was forcing myself to like this guy. Whenever i thought about things that made me happy and who would make me happy i thought of my best friend. I'm not particularly a girl who Thinks about relationships alot. So when I started thinking about him again 2 years later in that way, i started to feel scared about all the emotions coming back.
So I thought one day I'd be just as brave as I was two years ago and tell him I liked him just start a text to make me feel better.... 'i think I like you' BUT MY I PHONE SENT BY ACCIDENT!!!!
2 days later.... No reply! So I decided to text him the full text. I thought I might as well go for it now! I text him how I liked him and it was only recently that it has started, I basically poured out my heart on a plate for him to eat. 3 days later.... No reply!
My friends saw him at a party and he showed them the text (as if they wouldn't know already) and asked them what he should do. They replied 'just talk to her' he replied 'he doesn't want to say anything because he didn't know what to say'.
After a week I couldn't take the heartache of not talking to my one of my best friend. It may seem crazy but I didn't care that he didn't like me, I just cared if he still loved me as a friend. So I text him and said 'can we just forget about this now, I just wana be us again... I just want to be your friend again'.

ITS BEEN THREE DAYS and he hasn't text back.:(
I'm just disappointed in him, because he couldn't even reply back to the one about us being friends. I'm so torn inside. I'm always goin out of my way to help him through any situation he goes through, and this is my payback. I think he's being a coward. We are a lot more grown than the first time this happened.

And why is it me doing all the chasing? I think it's time for me to take a step back. I don't actually want to let go of this love. It's a nice love.... Makes you feel warm inside. But this no replies business, makes feel he's selfish and not the person i was friends with, or even liked.

I love someone who might not love me back. If he doesn't like me I've come to the conclusion he needs to stop playin mind games with me and just tell me straight. What is going on with us?

I'm in love with my best friend.....

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

afraid you'll forget me



elizabeth latten + tumblr

Monday, August 23, 2010

i don't know what's going to happen.


ffffound

Yesterday morning when I woke up I was still pissed off. So I decided do stop by his house and give him a piece of my mind. I was going to yell, scream, hit him, make him feel like shit. I had it all planned out. I drove to his house and rang the doorbell. He opened the door with a surprised look on his face. "Hey...?" he said, and gave me a hug. Damn, I thought. Why'd he have to hug me? I couldn't hit him then. I couldn't yell or cry or be angry with him at all. He has such influence over me it's disturbing.

We stood on his porch and had a big talk. I can't remember everything exactly but I told him how horrible he made me feel sometimes. How I felt like he was trying to replace me and memories of me with his girlfriend. I want him to have new memories, but I want him to remember old ones, too. I know at one point I started crying and he hugged me close to him. Then he told me that I made him feel like shit, too. A while ago. I told him to tell me everything that I had done wrong and everything that he was mad at me for... So he got it all off his chest. Everything came out. He was on the verge of tears, too. After we got all our anger out, things got softer. We talked about how we liked each other, how he's scared to be with me because he doesn't want to get hurt again.

As we talked, I was kind of flirting with him on purpose, like playing with his jacket strings and zipper and tickling his neck. At one point I put my hand on his chest, right over his heart. It was pounding. I let out a small laugh.
"What?" He asked.
"Remember when I used to rest my head on your chest and listen to your heart?"
He smiled.
"Yeah, I remember. It was your favorite thing to do."
And so I did again. He moved his jacket and pulled my head to his chest. His heart beat even faster. I smiled into his shirt and turned my head so that I was breathing him in.
"Are you smelling me..?"
I smiled again.
"Yes. You smell good."
He laughed and asked what he smells like.
"Magic," I said.
I stepped away from him so that I could see his face.
"Do I have a smell?" I asked.
"Yes."
"What do I smell like?"
"Good. Really good."
I sniffed my hair, and he chuckled and said, grinning,
"No, not your hair..."
He pulled my hair all to one side so that the left side of my neck was bare.
"Right there.."
He leaned down and smelled my neck, then began kissing it. He kissed my neck, each kiss getting closer and closer to my face. He was about to reach my lips when I turned away,
"No. I'm not going to be that girl again. The girl that makes the guy cheat on his girlfriend. I hate that feeling."
He looked down and nodded. We continued talking about each other. How much we loved each other's eyes, stuff like that. We reminisced on the night of our first kiss. He remembered what I was wearing, what the date was, everything. I started playing with his ear, something I do that began that night and which I have done ever since. Eventually both my hands were worked up in his hair and his were pulling me closer to him. Our lips were an inch apart. He leaned in closer and I put two fingers on his mouth to stop him. He groaned.
In a whisper,
"Come on..."
We gazed into the eyes of the other and it overtook me. In that moment I no longer cared that He had a girlfriend; it wasn't real, their love. But our moment was. I let him lean in once more and his lips brushed mine gently. For some reason I turned to go to my car and leave.. I was scared and embarrassed but as I tried to walk away he took my hand and pulled me back to face him and kissed me again. It went on like that. I would tease him, making him want me even more than he already did, and rarely give it to him. After a few more kisses, goosebumps, and dizzying amounts of butterflies in my stomach, I really did have to go. He walked me to my car and I stood leaning against it, talking to him for at least ten more minutes. This time, it was his turn to tease me. I wrapped my arms around his neck in an attempt to pull his face towards mine but he was able to lean back and resist my desperate attempts.
"Please..?" I asked, with my best puppy dog face.
"On the cheek," He said, smiling.
So I gave him a kiss on the cheek. I got in the car, started it, and the song Sing To You, by Table For One, was playing. I rolled down the window and took his hand.
*Would you let me sing to you, dry your crying eyes for you? Let my words take you away to a better view. You don't have to say anything about yesterday. If you listen, I can take your pain away*
"This song is really cute," I told him. And so he listened while I held his hand and kissed his fingers. When the song ended, he told me he'd miss me. I tried to kiss him but he turned so that I kissed his cheek.
"One more?" I asked. He leaned in through the window to kiss me, then said goodbye. I drove home, smiling the whole way.
(:

But that was yesterday. Now I'm just confused. He's with his girlfriend right now. Their families got together for dinner. He hasn't talked to me all day... I don't think he's going to tell his girlfriend about what happened... and I don't think he's going to break up with her. The situation sucks for all three of us.
His girlfriend: has been cheated on and doesn't know it. Her boyfriend likes and wants to be with me, his best friend. She doesn't know this either.
Him: likes and wants to be with two girls. Wants to be with me more than his girlfriend, but is scared to because I hurt him in the past.
Me: I'm in love with my best friend, but he has a girlfriend and even though he cheated on her with me he's not going to tell her because he doesn't want to break up with her because he's scared to be with me because I hurt him in the past.

I don't know what's going to happen. I asked him if he was going to take a chance and be with me, and he said, "Baby steps. I'll get there. Slowly. It might take a year; or more, or less. I don't know." But I told him I'd wait for him regardless.

Sigh. I'm just wondering how long it's going to take.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

yesterday's feelings



pinkfancyblack + unknown

Saturday, August 21, 2010

a chance to see you


unknown

I could have gone home early today but i didnt.

I didnt because the only thing i could think about was that i wanted to see you and the only instance whereby i could conceive this happening- where i might get a chance to see you- was if you decided to take the train home and we would happen to cross paths. So i stood in front of the train station tonight, waiting like some kind of fool. Fool because i didnt even know what i was waiting for. For you to come down the escalator? To see you? Would we even speak? I didn't even know if you were in the city today. I didnt know if you would even take the train if by some chance you were in the city. For all i knew you could have been at home or anywhere else for that matter. So i stood like a prize idiot, waiting there by myself. Not even knowing what i was waiting for.

Here is my confession, I’m Weak. So for maybe a minute or an hour or for however long it takes before my pride take over once again, i’m going to be okay with not being okay. And i’m going to say that i miss you and i’m going to admit that i stood in front of a train station for over an hour tonight just because all i wanted all day was a chance to see you.

Much love,
K.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

remember


unknown

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

dreamlike


ffffound

It was as if you had a spell over me. I was alone and backpacking through Europe. You started talking to me on the metro. I remember the easiness that came with talking to you, the interest I had in what you had to say, and how special I felt with your eyes peeled only on me. We spent the next 48 hours together, you and me. We talked and laughed about music and movies but also opened up to each other about things that mattered. You were so intelligent. Even as we walked through galleries and museums in such a historical setting as Europe, I learned more from your stories, your point of view, and your lease on life. And just 48 hours later, our time was up. Trains booked going opposite directions, more places to go and people to meet. Strangers merely a few days ago, why did my heart ache so much as you walked me to the train station and kissed me goodbye? I don’t think I’ll ever see you again, but that’s okay. Because you made me feel like I was in a beautiful dreamlike world for 48 hours, and now I know that I can’t settle for anything less. Because after meeting you, I have a taste of what it feels like to find someone extremely special, and I dream about the day when I will meet a guy that makes me as happy as you did for decades and decades to come rather than just 48 hours.
-A

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

matching



chris glass + unknown

Monday, August 16, 2010

no easy way out


tumblr

Why do I have to be the bad guy? Breaking up isn't always bad, right? What if breaking up was the only option? What if breaking up was the best option?

Most people don't appreciate that the person choosing to initiate the break-up has it really hard. Sure, whenever we picture someone dumping someone, we picture them as the dick who ruined the relationship because they didn't care enough or they wanted someone else more. But what if the person ending the relationship is the brave one? They're the one who is willing to accept the responsibility. They're willing to say, "This is the right choice for both of us."

What's the best option between breaking your best friend's heart now, or not wanting to hurt them now and hurting them even more later? Bite the bullet. Take the hit. It's painful, like a plunge into ice cold water. But like the body, your heart and mind slowly adjust to the change in atmosphere. You know that you're there alone, and you're making the decision for two people, but you've got to be sure it's the right one. And you are sure that it's the right one. Or at least that's what you hope.

But why the hell does having the guts to be honest make you a bad person? Why does it have to mean that you've victimized the other person somehow? Sure, he's hurting right now. But I know that I'm hurting knowing I've hurt him. I still wouldn't take it back, knowing I couldn't make myself love him and knowing I'd just make him more unhappy later.

There's no easy way out, but I'm not a villain for making the choice. Don't make the mistake that this decision was easy for me.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

separated

Friday, August 13, 2010

up to how you really feel


weheartit

Hey "bestest" friend. You know who you are.

I'm just writing this to say that I've been thinking a lot lately and I realize this is going nowhere. We can never really talk heart to heart and that's what I want. Communication is just really important to me. Although it's kind of hard, I kept trying and I sometimes worked but never for a long time. It's hard for me to commit without you. So please, tell me if you really do like me, so I that I will know if my efforts are worth for anything at all. Don't hint some remark that could possibly be known as flirting. Because that gets me confused and mad. For all I know, you could be just really friendly and has not thought of us to be more than friends. Your actions and words speak otherwise...

And with all I know, I've been liking you for a few years now. And I can't wait any longer. I need answers.

So here's to the possibilities. Either you end this unknown and tell me how you really feel or I just walk away. Even being just friends with you is too hard. I need to move on. I can't be stuck waiting.

And whether you read this or not, it's going to be here. Whether you reply to this or not, it's up to how you really feel.

- vl

have a love-filled day


elenis

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

either way


tumblr

I’m really at a loss as to what I should be doing, perhaps because my mind is clouded by emotion.

I recently began seeing this beautiful person from Peru, who happens to be one of the nicest men I have ever met and dealt with. He reminds me of the kind of man straight out of the 1940’s. He never allows me to pay for anything, he opens every door for me, takes my hand when we are getting on or off vehicles, and when we are with his friends he always stays by my side. I have never experienced anything quite like it and it is wonderful! In addition, when he looks at me with those big brown eyes of his and begins speaking to me in Spanish, I go weak at the knees.

However, I happen to work with him. He is one of the head chef’s in the restaurant I waitress in and our involvement has become highly apparent to the staff because of how flirtatious we are with one another. Due to us being around one another inside and outside of work, we have both become highly attached very quickly, and this is where the problem comes in.

I’m so head over heels for this man. When I’m with him, I feel like a genuine woman, which is something I have never experienced. He came to America to learn about our culture and find a better opportunity for himself. So he went through the proper channels, applied and received a working Visa, and has been here for 4 years. This is good, right? I thought so until a coworker told me that he is apparently looking for someone to marry in order to gain citizenship and move up within the company, but I have no way of proving whether or not this is true. So, it got me thinking, am I setting myself up to be a sort of stepping-stone?

I’m white and he is Peruvian, and I cannot help but feel I’m being ridiculous because I know the stereotypes people hold when they see couples like this. Should I even care because our relationship is somewhat new? Even if it is true, I’m so incredibly happy with him. He is patient with me. When we spend time together, it is as if no one else in the world exists. He is the first man I’ve ever been with that showed me what it means to be passionate. He really is one of a kind.

Maybe I’m not at a loss, maybe it’s just a case of cultural differences becoming apparent. Either way, we make one another happy and I feel lucky that our paths have merged and created something uncommonly beautiful.

C

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

great complexity



unknown + ffffound

Monday, August 9, 2010

that’s what I want


marianne taylor photography

“Good morning my love!

I don’t think I could ever describe the way I really feel about you. I am so blessed for being the one you chose to be with and it’s a privilege to love you and to take care of you. You know that your name means ‘Gift from God’ and it really is true because that’s what you are for me.

I want to be by your side forever, to lay with you and hear you breathing, watching you sleep. You’re so gorgeous! I never get tired of looking at you. Your beauty mesmerizes me. And our children are gonna be so beautiful because they’ll have you as their mother :)

I love you so much. I want to marry you, to share my whole life with you, to wake up every day and see the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. My best friend, my girlfriend and my future wife. You’re the only one that I picture myself with in the future.

I was wondering about our future the other day, and I imagined we holding our baby through the night, trying to make him sleep. You were singing for him. And I realized that, that’s what I want, that’s what I really want with all that’s within me.

Thank you for being so caring, loving and patient.

Thank you for being my partner in crime :)

I love you."


This is an email I got from my boyfriend this morning, and I wanted to share it with the world because I want them to know that true love really exists, it's not just something made up from movies and novels. It's real and it happens.

Giuliana

Sunday, August 8, 2010

erasing yourself


unknown

Friday, August 6, 2010

we both know


unknown

We knew it would happen.
Four years of tension and friendship.
It didn't start that way. I offered you a sip of my cider under the bridge when I was fourteen, you were fifteen, you drank half the bottle!
Dick.
I'd paid a fiver for that.
But;
I loved your very nearly arrogant self-confidence.
Your awesome intelligence.
The way you used to wear grotty holey jeans, like me.
Then we both progressed to our clean-cut eccentric styles. But knew we'd happily sit in the dust and dirt in our best clothes just because.
Your hats!
I loved that you loved hats too.
I loved that you inspired me.
I loved that you gave me your Natural Sciences hoody from uni.
I loved that you showed me Amelie.
And Breakfast at Tiffanys.
Well that's one thing we've got...
I loved that we would quote obscure song lyrics at each other to form conversations.
That I would wake up in the middle of the night to find you groggily waking up beside me and gently pulling me even closer.
That your hair was as ginger as it gets!
That your arms were just the right kind of rounded muscle.
That one of your ears stuck out at a funny angle.
That you got spots.
That we were both freckly together.
That you'd always fall asleep before me.
That you grew a moustache!! (Also ginger)
That you took me to get a pie on Valentines day :)
That our passion won't die.

I'm eating crisps on my bed right now, and your hoodie is hung on the wardrobe door opposite me.
Amelie is shut away inside the DVD case on top of my speakers behind me.
Your socks are on my desk, all crumpled.
Your hat is on the second-to-bottom shelf of my cupboard.

And I know you still have my t-shirt.
And that picture I drew.
And the wrapper from the Wensleydale cheese I bought you in return for my Valentines pie.

I love that we both know it's happening without having to even speak about it.
And I hate that we both know it's happening without having even spoken to each other in months.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

like an eternity



ffffound

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

i'll always love you, no matter what


tumblr

Our first looks at each other, our first conversation, our first kiss. Our first text message and our first real talk. I'll never forget. Never forget the feelings and how perfect everything was. We could be awake and talk about everything until the next morning, we could talk in the cellphone for hours without having any words left to say and we could lay down for a very long time and just stare into each others eyes without saying anything. It was love. Real love.

We became closer and closer and when i thought it couldn't be better he whispered the three most beautiful words in my ear. He whispered "I love you" with a tear in his eye and said that he never thought he could have this feelings for anyone. It was the best moment of my life. I was in love. Terrible in love.
We talked about how our apartment would look like, what name our baby should have and that we are going to have a little kitten. Then we laughed for hours about what we just said.
We talked about everything and we laughed, cried and did things together. That was life. You were life. You were the best boyfriend ever and everything would have been meaningless if you weren't in my life. I would go to the moon, travel round the world and count all the stars. Just for you.

We were so equal you and me, but different at the same time. We had something that other people just could dream of.

I'll never forget how you said I was beautiful when i looked the most terrible than ever. And I'll never forget how special you made me feel. You had girlfriends before but I was the only one you fell in love with and I was the only one you ever cared about.

Every time I got a text message from you my heart stopped and every time I saw you called me I got a smile on my lips. You were mine.

But things changed. I can't count the sleepless nights and how many tears that have fell down on my cheek. I can't count how many times my heart got in thousand pieces and when everything felt meaningless. I have been so loved by you, but you have hurt me so badly at the same time. I never thought we would come to this part in our relationship were we don't show any respect and neither can live with or without each other. But now we stand here and don't know what's right or wrong. The only thing I know is that I'll always love you, no matter what.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

lost + weird


unknown
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