Wednesday, August 11, 2010

either way


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I’m really at a loss as to what I should be doing, perhaps because my mind is clouded by emotion.

I recently began seeing this beautiful person from Peru, who happens to be one of the nicest men I have ever met and dealt with. He reminds me of the kind of man straight out of the 1940’s. He never allows me to pay for anything, he opens every door for me, takes my hand when we are getting on or off vehicles, and when we are with his friends he always stays by my side. I have never experienced anything quite like it and it is wonderful! In addition, when he looks at me with those big brown eyes of his and begins speaking to me in Spanish, I go weak at the knees.

However, I happen to work with him. He is one of the head chef’s in the restaurant I waitress in and our involvement has become highly apparent to the staff because of how flirtatious we are with one another. Due to us being around one another inside and outside of work, we have both become highly attached very quickly, and this is where the problem comes in.

I’m so head over heels for this man. When I’m with him, I feel like a genuine woman, which is something I have never experienced. He came to America to learn about our culture and find a better opportunity for himself. So he went through the proper channels, applied and received a working Visa, and has been here for 4 years. This is good, right? I thought so until a coworker told me that he is apparently looking for someone to marry in order to gain citizenship and move up within the company, but I have no way of proving whether or not this is true. So, it got me thinking, am I setting myself up to be a sort of stepping-stone?

I’m white and he is Peruvian, and I cannot help but feel I’m being ridiculous because I know the stereotypes people hold when they see couples like this. Should I even care because our relationship is somewhat new? Even if it is true, I’m so incredibly happy with him. He is patient with me. When we spend time together, it is as if no one else in the world exists. He is the first man I’ve ever been with that showed me what it means to be passionate. He really is one of a kind.

Maybe I’m not at a loss, maybe it’s just a case of cultural differences becoming apparent. Either way, we make one another happy and I feel lucky that our paths have merged and created something uncommonly beautiful.

C

31 comments:

  1. Don't let what other people think or say affect what a beautiful thing you have :)

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  2. There are white people in Peru.
    There are black people and chinese
    people in Peru too.
    I should know, I'm peruvian.
    My only suggestion is however this "coworker" may be... that you first talk with him about his plans, his goals, his long term future here in the states or wherever.

    If he has not mentioned marriage, then I don't know why I would begin to worry. Feelings ought to be appreciated much more so than suppositions.

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  3. I understand your feelings, I quickly fell for a Turkish man who made me feel the same...

    Be careful, but follow your heart so you have no regrets...

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  4. look at our dream come true images and stories at http://dreamforsure.blogspot.com/

    let's dream more.

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  5. Just enjoy it for now! No-one can force you into marrying him, and if that is indeed what he needs to get what he wants, the way you will 'know' is if he proposes, and if you decline, just gauge his reaction. You don't have to say yes. Only you will know what feels right. Don't listen to other people - just follow your heart. He sounds lovely!

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  6. I would bring the conversation of marriage up and tell him that you don't ever plan on getting married. That way you can gauge his reaction and get a feel of his true intentions. Good luck <3

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  7. i absolutely LOVE your blog

    love your thoughts and your pictures

    www.scrapbookoffashion.blogspot.com

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  8. What a beautiful story!! I say follow your heart but be smart about it. Of course anyone can say that he is looking to marry for citizenship! But I'm sure this Peruvian Beauty would also love to marry for love. If you are happy go with what you have right now. You are at the sprout of a beautiful relationship, don't let it go to ruins because of a silly superstition your co-worker shared with you. Let it bloom and see where it will take you! Best of luck to you!

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  9. maybe hes genuine - but maybe not. better to be safe than sorry right? take the suggestion a few posts above mine, and say ur not exactly sure that u ever want to get married and see how he reacts.

    u can be in love and be smart about it too.

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  10. Que sara, sara, whatever may be, may be.

    Ps. Mixed babies are gorgeous!

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  11. i like your story and i know is really hard to find someone like you had..but don't make a mistake and make him see you like a fool one:)..maybe all this generousity from his part is his way to achieve his purpose..but maybe not :)..you have to figure it out somehow soon..

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  12. Wow. A wonderful story.

    And I agree with the writer's take on everything:
    if something so beautiful makes you happy, why question it?

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  13. Don't tell him you never plan on getting married if it's not the truth. Those things tend to backfire on you, treat him the way you want to be treated, follow your heart & you'll be fine.

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  14. Don't tell him you never plan on getting married if it's not the truth. Those things tend to backfire on you, treat him the way you want to be treated, follow your heart & you'll be fine.

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  15. In the end, all that matters is what you want. If it feels right, go with it. I wish you the best of luck!

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  16. why not enjoy what you have in the right now. it's sad that people always think there is a motive to everything. we have no gurantees of anything past the moment you are in. enjoy the here and now, every bit or it. the future will take care of itself.

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  17. -Even if he does want to get married to get a permanent visa, that does not mean he doesnt care about you.
    -So far nothing you've said has anything to do with cultural differences, only with the fact that he wants to stay in the country you live in.
    -Dont say anything about not wanting to get married - unless you really dont want to. There is no point in tricking someone like that. It will just backfire and you'll end up hating yourself for it.
    -Usually people who want to get married for visa purposes are honest with the other person from the start (usually a friend), it is such a lenghty process, he could never lead you on for all those years.

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  18. I'm in the same situation, only it's my family telling me this! - you will know if that's what he's here for. Just have in your heart your love for each other and it will work out. He sounds gorgeous, I'm sure everything will be fine :)

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  19. Apparently my dad was like really romantic at first he came from Peru and married my mom but then they got divorced very quickly......I don't know maybe it'll work out for you just don't rush into things too fast and don't feel pressured into marrying him....

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  20. I'm sorry I don't get why the fact that this guy is peruvian is a problem. Maybe because my mom is venezuelan and my dad is spanish. They've been married for 27 years now, and trust me, when they met it was wayy more difficult for people (specially both of my families) to understand them. But now we all love and respect everyone (even my grandmas usually call each other to complain about how my parents don't call everyday and stuff like that).
    What I mean is that the one who has this idea of diferences is you. People don't break up because they are from different countries o have different skin. People break up because this is how relationships are sometimes...
    I get asked many times how my parents met and why am I so white and blonde if my mom is venezuelan...people are always specting weird stories, but truth is they felt in love, and that's all. All that distrust comes from ignorance.

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  21. Be careful with your heart.

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  22. hmm.. i feel like if you need more confidence in this relationship. Sounds tacky but listen to your heart and go with your gut instinct on this.

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  23. Some people think (from both sides) that I'm only marrying my white American fiance for the US visa. I'm Filipina working in a different country with a great job. I'm happy alone but feel happier with him, so in spite of having no aims to even work in the States, I decided to be with him permanently.

    Don't let other people destroy what you two have just because of stereotypes. Sure, there are people who do that (marry for citizenship) but it's not impossible for two people from different countries to meet and fall in love.

    Enjoy the relationship. And when the time comes when you're both more committed, talk to him about his plans. As long as you're smart about it, you'll know if he's just using you or if he's truly sincere.

    :)

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  24. enjoy and follow your heart, is the best thing you can do! <3

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  25. All I can suggest is that you both answer this: Would the two of you remain together if the relationship needed to return to Peru to continue or be permanent?

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  26. Enjoy being in love (or infatuated) with him, but keep both eyes open. It sounds very early in the relationship to be worrying about if he's using you, let alone thinking about marriage! IF the relationship continues... IF he someday asks you to marry him... think about it then. Now is not the time to worry. Just have fun and enjoy being with him. Although, as a side note, be aware that the super polite, chivalrous aspect of him is partly culture-based- he likely does not stake as much importance in it as you do.

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  27. Hello :)
    I am so happy you are in such a wonderful relationship ;) Honesty and open non-judgmental communication have been the hallmarks of my most successful relationships. Do you want to get married one day? Then why would you tell him you don't "just to gauge his reaction." If he really wants to get married for love, and you tell him you have no intentions of doing so; he will be just as likely to break up with you because you all don't have the same long term goals. Besides, everyone gets married for more reasons than the love they share with that person.... Some couples both share a passion for traveling, or volunteering abroad, or running marathons, or watching movies, or dancing. Education is important to me, so I want to marry a man who has graduated college. Does that make me a bad person or my entire relationship a sham? Even if he does want to stay here, that doesn't make him a bad person, or mean that he doesn't really love or care about you. I am not attacking by the way :) Could you just ask him his intentions honestly. Like a mature adult. Is your goal/ Do you want to marry an American girl before your visa expires? Do you really like/ love me or am i a stepping stone? What is your favorite thing about me? Do you see us together in the long run? What makes you think we have what it takes? And ask yourself these questions too. Don't get mad. Just listen and ask questions. Ask yourself if that's something you can deal with? IF he is the man of your dreams, and you are the girl of his dreams, and yall can have a successful longlasting relationship or marriage, and that is what you want, then who cares about the other stuff?

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  28. speak with him. try and be clear about how you feel to him, tell him you love being with him and that youre happier then ever, but that you want to make sure he feels the same way, you want to know his long term plans. maybe someone was judging him, saying he was just with you to get citizenship, but trust him more then them, the important thing is he makes you happier then anyone. you both love each other. nothing else. maybe it even surprised him, to fall in love. trust in what you have. good luck and hope everything works out. :)

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  29. YOur story is very lovely. Don't pay to much attention to what other people say. You try your own way in finding out more about him.
    No disrespect but people here in America pay too much attention about race/ skin. In Latin America there are white, black etc, etc. Beside Peruvian is a nationality and white is a race.

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  30. My mouth almost dropped to the floor when i read this because for quite some time i liked a Peruvian guy who is a chef from the cafe i waitress at. Go for it lovely, its your life and you do what you want with it.
    As a side note, Peruvian people are the loveliest people ive ever met.

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  31. What was the intent of the person who told you about your Peruvian supposedly wanting to get married for reasons other than love? Think about that. Do you know that person's intent? Probably not, though it MAY seem apparent.

    And don't jump the gun - marriage may be a little premature at this point in the relationship, right?

    And wow, does it matter that he is Peruvian and you are "white?" If appearances matter that much to you, maybe you shouldn't be with him. What a sad way to live your life, caring about what is on the outside, caring about making other people happy. So restrictive! YOU are the one who needs to live your life to be happy! No one who judges you is going to be able to make you happy with your choices. You have to do that for yourself.

    I hope what matters most is how he treats you, how you treat him, and how you two communicate and feel around each other.

    You say you feel passion with him. Trust that feeling, and feel it. Passion and passionate love are some of the most beautiful things we human beings can do.

    Bon chance.

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