Monday, August 16, 2010

no easy way out


Why do I have to be the bad guy? Breaking up isn't always bad, right? What if breaking up was the only option? What if breaking up was the best option?

Most people don't appreciate that the person choosing to initiate the break-up has it really hard. Sure, whenever we picture someone dumping someone, we picture them as the dick who ruined the relationship because they didn't care enough or they wanted someone else more. But what if the person ending the relationship is the brave one? They're the one who is willing to accept the responsibility. They're willing to say, "This is the right choice for both of us."

What's the best option between breaking your best friend's heart now, or not wanting to hurt them now and hurting them even more later? Bite the bullet. Take the hit. It's painful, like a plunge into ice cold water. But like the body, your heart and mind slowly adjust to the change in atmosphere. You know that you're there alone, and you're making the decision for two people, but you've got to be sure it's the right one. And you are sure that it's the right one. Or at least that's what you hope.

But why the hell does having the guts to be honest make you a bad person? Why does it have to mean that you've victimized the other person somehow? Sure, he's hurting right now. But I know that I'm hurting knowing I've hurt him. I still wouldn't take it back, knowing I couldn't make myself love him and knowing I'd just make him more unhappy later.

There's no easy way out, but I'm not a villain for making the choice. Don't make the mistake that this decision was easy for me.


  1. I needed this, thank you. I'm so in this boat right now.

  2. yes. i've realized he is the right partner but the wrong person. it's going to be hard.

  3. others think that we do not give a damn just because we are the ones who initiate the breakup. they simply assume that we do not love our partners enough to want that. others know nothing about what we have gone through. go with your heart dear. i have to learn to be brave too

  4. I never blamed him for breaking up with me, it hurts, but I know it has to be done. I thought I would be fine after a while, but the truth is... I still miss him so dearly. Is love not strong enough to defy all the obstacles?

  5. I think a lot of it depends on how the breakup is done. If it is done any way but face to face, they do not deserve any respect or anything, because they have shown none. Sometimes people are too one-sided in break-ups; thats so heartbreaking (as if them choosing to not be with you isn't enough, you have to sound pathetic trying to fight for your say).

    Sometimes I feel that, i have kept my side of the relationship promise to love them, work it out no matter what, respect them enough to stick it out because you chose them and they chose you; too many times.

    I do however understand things change, circumstances change, and people change.

  6. I too have been in this same situation, but I was no longer inlove with the person after two years and if we continued both odd us would have just ended up completely unhappy. Looking back, it took a lot of strength to do it and a lot more to stick by it but it really worked out for the best. Sure, he hated me and said LOTS or bad things, blaming me for not wanting to work on things. But its much better than stringing someone along

    Respect to you for being able to do it, for being strong enough to be the bad person to make the right decision.

  7. This post is so John Mayer's Friends,Lovers or Nothing (Battle Study)..LOL

  8. I read what some anynomous wrote above about him being the right partner, but the wrong person. What if he's the wrong partner, but the right person?

    Mine is.


  9. Thank you so much for writing this. Now I know I'm not the only one who experience this.

  10. You stole the words right out of my mouth...
    I'm feeling exactly the same.
    Thanks for sharing! xxx

  11. :) It's true, but some people just don't know it . Who cares?

    I like this post.


  12. chica, por favor! x

  13. I'm sure it's pretty hard, and i'm sure both of the parts suffered a lot, in their own way.
    But no matter what you say. breaking up is so much easier than being left behind.
    you broke up because for some reason the feelings were not the same anymore. you choose it.
    the other one was forced to accept. The other one had to leard how not to like you, not to miss you, no to feel your skin or smell you every day.
    one it's by choice. the other by consequence.
    That doesn't make you a mean or a bad person. That doens't mean you are not brave.
    Nobody should accept living with "half" something. And if it's not enought for you, than you are right to go on.

    But being left is more painful.
    It is, and no matter what you say.

  14. wiser word couldnt have been said. You are hurting them now so that by waiting another 3 months you dont hurt them more. to have waited or kept it going knowing that you fell nothing was the rigght thing to do. i mean i dont get why people get so upset.. would they have perfered that you lead the pther person on?

  15. I agree with Carol, being left is harder.

    But I do know breaking up can be a daunting and heartbreaking task that takes courage and the ability to look beyond the pain to the bigger picture.

    You're not a villain for making the choice. If it's a choice you have to make, for you, for the other person, for you both, than I applaud your strength and wisdom.

    Take care.

  16. now I see the situation I am in, not letting my boyfriend but an end on us, telling him that he should give me (us) one more chance, now I see how he maybe felling, and right now, I am feeling terrible :'(

  17. this is so true..and exactly where I was at 10 months ago, thanks for the reassurance and allowing me to realise i wasn't just being a big meanie!

  18. what if she broke up with him just to start seeing her ex boyfriend less than a month later?

  19. It just depends on the situation. Some people break up and hurt their girlfriends for selfish reasons like for example, they wish to sleep with more girls but want to keep you on side so that you can be friends with benefits. In that case, the person is a massive jerk who doesn't deserve any pity or understanding.

  20. eey that's my photo

  21. That's so true!

    I was the one who had to break up. He never talked a word to me agin... Even we hadn't a relationship, we were just dating. But I had to tell him that I'm not in love. I had a great time with him, but I can't fall in love with him. I wanted to. But I can't. He was angry. Said, I should have told him earlier. I think in his eyes I shouldn't tell him at all. He wanted me to love him...

    It was hard for me. Loosing someone I really like and suddenly being a person he doesn't want to know.

    Then there were someone else, I dated him too. And then I ended the contact. Cause I was afraid to tell him, that I'm not in love. I didn't wanted to play with his feelings. Even it was different from teh first way, it wasn't right either. Again I did the wrong thing. And I understand that. I hate me for doing that, for not falling in love, for being the one who has to break up.

    So in the end, I'm not dating anymore. I don't want to do this over and over again. To be the bad one, whatever I'm doing. Maybe someday there will be a guy, I'm falling in love with at first sight and I will be brave enough to go for a date again. Until that I stay here. Just going out with friends. Trying not to flirt to much, not to engage someones sympathy... And always feel guilty when I meet one of the guys.

  22. He broke up with me because he had an affair and he put her pregnant. The tells me he doesn't love her, and he loves me but still, this baby comes and will I be able to accept the situation?
    I said, for your love, yes, for your love, for us. I would accept the baby, NOT the other woman... he still say he doesn't love her, but I see he stays with her.
    He bought a house with me some time ago, and left me in this pain of non understanding for months and months. No calls from his parents, no sorrow for a person who stayed in their lives for 5 years... they abbandomed me in this pain, to deal it alone while he will have another life, I will have to build up again.
    I want to disappear cause the pain is too unbarable. I have left in my past but I have been already ready to give the same explanations and most of all, I have never abandomed anyone in his own lonely pain.
    Loneliness can kiil people, and he killed and poison my hope, my being, my person, not for leaving me, but for not saying things clear enough.
    There are many ways to break up with someone...

  23. I love this. Everyone thought he broke up with me, because I was a mess - crying all the time, not eating, not sleeping, a TOTAL mess. But it wasn't. I think it makes it harder because I'm the one that ruined it all. But he didn't even try to fight me or the break up. And I think that's what hurts the worst.

  24. I am going through a similar situation. Except that it was both our doing. I travel a lot for work, and so does she. We became distant, and she told me she was moving out. We stayed in limbo for a couple weeks, I wanted to tell her everything, i think i told her partially everything, but I was too hurt to continue going on like this. I ended up taking her hand, and helped her finalize things with me by breaking up with her. I still remember the tears in your eyes that day, you didn't fight it, and I had no other choice but to help you complete the obvious. D, I love you so much still. I wish it didn't have to end this way, I wish we could have both ended this on agreeable terms and gone our separate ways. But I still love you more than ever, and everyday feels like a horrible nightmare. I want you back so bad. On another note, thanks for everything you added to my life. You will never be forgotten. mc

  25. yes, or maybe you feel like they deserve better than to be in a relationship with someone who doesnt love them anymore. very vise words indeed.

  26. What you say is so very true.
    However, the nature of people
    often brings this dilemma down
    to if you are the one who really wants to break up or if you are
    the one hearing the words - I
    think we should break up.

    Honestly though, for real, I rather
    say we should break up than
    hear those words.

  27. It's even harder when you have to break up with someone that you're still in love with, but despite all the love you can't make it work...

  28. Why would you break up with someone you are in love with? Seems strange to me.. If they abuse you that's one thing.. But if you love them and there's nothing wrong, why do people feel the need to leave?

  29. So true. Some people are better off without eachother like in a relationship. I made the choice. Breaking up with my ex was probably the best thing that could have happen with us. He had been thinking of breaking up with me to, but he never had the guts. I had.

  30. So true! Doing the right thing is nicer in the end

  31. feel so much after reading this entry.

    i done the same thing, i said the word first: "BREAKUP".

    he insisted he doesnt want to and he loves me, but im not sure.

    for the long run, i know ive made the right decision.

    i just know.


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