those stars spoke to me

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the summer could be defined as sunrise. nearly everyday we would escape into a world of nicotine and stars. those stars spoke to me. and you're the one i shared my dream with. it was that sky i needed to sink myself into. for the past year, of orange haziness, i dreamed of feeling small and in awe again. i deeply absorbed the quietness of the early morning, the sound of silence that you grew up with, but i rarely experience. it's amazing how much noise just one car makes on the road a mile away. and how the wind blowing through the trees sounds just like busy the inner-city highways near my apartment. we saw shooting stars one after another after another after another. i tried to keep up with the wishes. nervous with anticipation; we barely knew each other and now we were sharing sleeping bags from the back of your subaru. i made a dent in the hood of your car. every time i think of that i giggle on the inside; sorry. there is a part of you i haven't touched yet. but i suppose those feelings take more time than we had. we drove to clear and open roads, to trespassing hidden locations, to parking garage rooftops, to the base of the mountains, to the edge of town by the refuge, to desolate parking lots and barren laundr-o-mats, to hot tubs belonging to expensive resort hotels. it was fun.
it was awkward. it was silent and i was shy. but it was so so beautiful. if anything is certain, we both share that love for the edge of a new day.

-cg

a young couple

directed by barry jenkins. he also gave us tall enough from this post.

i adore this short!!!

xo

i want to wake up where you are

lyricalgraphics

what if one day...

red

I have loved B for the past year. For me, a year is a long time to like somebody – to have your heart balloon every time he texts you, to secretly smile every time he asks a favour, to laugh at all his bad jokes. A year is a long time to love his scruffy beard, to love the way his forehead crinkles when he’s stressed, to love the way his presence makes you feel safe. In my mind I measured B up to other guys, to see if there was someone out there who was better for me. But none of them ever compared to him. He was perfect. And in that entire year I couldn’t find one flaw, no matter how hard I tried.

But then one morning this week, I woke up – and I didn’t love B anymore. (So I guess you can’t really call it love to begin with, can you?) His perfection had suddenly melted away. His steadfast beliefs I had so admired now seemed to be self-conscious, and his confidence seemed somewhat self-absorbed. In that one morning of clarity, I soon became aware of all his flaws. I no longer believe that he is perfect, nor that he is perfect for me.

I still care for him, but I no longer love him. By no means were we superficial - we shared our hopes, dreams, ambitions, fears. So what scares me is that I don’t know how this sudden change of heart happened. Falling out of love shouldn’t be that easy.

What if one day, in the future, I wake up one morning in bed with my future husband, only to find that I do not love him anymore?

-h

anniversary

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november 6th marked Le Love's first year!!

thank you all soo very much for your support and for your contributions!
i get hundreds of submissions a day, so needless to say this has turned into something way bigger than i anticipated!
i am so happy to be a part of it + look forward to the next year.

it's just me behind the blog so i do want to address the fact that i am extremely backed
up on e-mails. it's awesome to be getting so much, yet i know that may of you may feel unheard.
i promise i am doing my best!!!

THANK YOU!!!

xo

♥

and I wonder if he ever would.

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It was nearly two years ago when he entered my world. There was no magical chemistry shared, no fairy tale first meeting, it was not a love at first sight moment. It was simple and realistic. He was invited over by his best friend to join us for a meal before I had to fly back home the next day. He was cute and friendly in his boyish charm.

A few days later I accepted a friend request from him. By doing so, I had not expected an adventure to develop. A romance. The emails started out superficial. Surface level. But as time went on, and with each response the emails started to form depth, insight and understanding. Revealing and exposing ourselves. I started to know him. And him me. I started to fall for him. For his dreams, his thoughts, his passions. He became my ultimate crush. I kept this to myself, how silly it was to fall for someone over emails.

It would be a year until I would return. He was true to what I had thought him to be. I was nervous to be around him. He gave me butterflies. We walked down the pier, as I questioned him about his likes, his loves, his dislikes, his dreams. Everything. I wanted to soak him in. I wanted to know all about him. I had not spent enough time with him, let alone time by ourselves. The night before I left, he helped me packed. He gave me a look that I would never forget. Nobody ever looked at me that way. With such desire. Such admiration. Such regret. I wish I could have seen me through his eyes.

I returned home. The emails continued. The friendship deepened. My feelings intensified. It was more than a crush. He was a boy I was madly and deeply in like with.

I returned back two months later. We went on our first date. He took me sailing and then spent the night driving all around the canyons in hopes of satisfying my thirst of seeing a coyote. The night was slowly coming to an end, but neither of us was ready to end it. So rather than entering the hotel driveway, he detours at the very last second and heads down to the beach. We spend the night welcoming the early hours of the morning Talking. Laughing. Making plans to runaway to New York for an adventure.

So that is exactly what we do. We meet up in New York 2 months later. It was the epitome of a cliché chick flick. It was all about jazz clubs, museums, picnics at central park, bookstores, burlesque shows and running around in the rain. It was about ending the nights on the fire escape, drinking cheap wine, smoking, talking, laughing, tender touches, and watching the sky turn from black, to purple to blue and finally going to bed at 7am. Entangled limbs under the white sheets.

I had found a city I was in love with and a boy that had captivated my heart, mind and body. I had not thought it was possible for me to like someone this much. To feel this way. Like my heart will explode. Like I’m on the edge of going crazy if I don’t see him. To crave his touches. To be so desperate for his company. Joy and pure bliss was never suppose to come hand in hand with hurt and misery.

I had just returned from seeing him a few days ago. It wasn’t the same. It had become real for me. I realized he knew me. All aspects of me. The good, the bad and the ugly. And he was still sitting there next to me. He was a genuinely good, simple, tender hearted man with flaws and faults I was clearly aware off. And I was still by his side. I wanted him, with his shortcomings and imperfection. All of him. I had never felt my heart to be so fragile and delicate. There was nothing more in this world that I wanted than for him to ask me to stay. To come back. To runaway with him. To be more than a seasonal fling. To be more than just a summer romance. To be his. A real opportunity to give what we have a chance. But he didn’t. And I wonder if he ever would.

-A

i want you

weheartit

i just need some helpful words...

tfs

you see, i’ve got this problem. this big, huge black cloud that i can’t discuss with anyone in detail. i say i, it’s more someone else's issue. but i must bear the brunt of it. no one will understand, or they’ll be embarrassed, like i am. they’ll fob me off with lines like, ‘oh, you guys should talk’. i’d say the same thing if someone asked me their advice on the same issue. but i’ve tried talking. talking gets us to the same point every time. i should be gentle, considerate, compassionate. but these are all very difficult when one is also trying to fight off pangs of lust and pure desire at the same time. i am essentially driven by love for him, it’s why i’m still battling this big black cloud that’s beginning to create a shadow, it’s all for him. and i’ll never stop until we succeed. i just need some helpful words, some kind of direction. someone to tell me that this is all fixable, to base my hopes on.

my boyfriend is 20 years old, and i am the first person he will sleep with. i say will sleep with because we struggle. he struggles. i am trying very hard to spare blushes by omitting the gritty details, because that's not what it's about, having mindblowing sex. it's about being one with him, the intimacy. but he can't. he struggles. and it's breaking my heart.

-matrioshka.

chick porn

bittenbound

“I do know that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life”
[Runaway Bride]

“I love that you get cold when it's seventy degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.”
[When Harry Met Sally]

“I think I’d miss you even if we’d never met.” [The Wedding Date]

“You had me at hello.” [Jerry Maguire]

These are all lines from a genre of film I affectionately refer to as… Chick Porn. Why chick porn? Well when put into context of how we, as women, view “regular porn, ” as unrealistic portrayals of a man’s idealistic view of a woman, it’s exactly the same. Chick Porn is a woman’s unrealistic view of an idealized man. We watch these movies (currently Runaway Bride is playing on my TV) and develop these subconscious expectations of our boyfriends, husbands, or future spouses. When life is less glamorous than breakfast at Tiffany’s, we blame the guy, when really we bring this upon ourselves. I’m not implying we should all swear off romantic comedies and dramas (obviously, I’m watching one even now), but I do think that we should be aware of how they affect us. I know for some friends, this means that they literally cannot watch movies that make them lust after a fictional scenario and for others it means bringing the knowledge of reality to the forefront of their minds and not holding anyone accountable to ridiculous expectations.

Life is not a movie, much to my dismay. You don’t always meet your soul-mate dancing in the rain or on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, but who wants to be in love with a story? The real thing is better.

-Allie

ever again

dropular

I have someone I love very much. But this story is not about him.

It’s a about a man from 1,320 miles away who somehow ended up a few feet away from me in the lecture hall. Smart, attractive, funny, with a way with words I’ve never heard before. Twisting words and phrases to paint beautiful pictures of the world I knew. I saw what I always did, but it was much more colorful than ever before. I’m a smart girl, not easily impressed, but this guy captured me. He’s so special, but can’t see it himself. He tells me how special I am, but it’s not the same and I can’t wake him up to it. I probably won’t ever meet anyone like him again if I live for a hundred years.

One day, while in his dorm, he kissed me. And I didn’t stop him. The only thing I said was, “I’m a bad person.” He asked why and I responded I have someone I care for very much. He didn’t mind and I didn’t have the willpower to stop him. This happen for another four consecutive days. I finally said that I couldn’t do it anymore because I was betraying the person I cared so so so much for. He cried and I felt like the worst person to have ever walked the planet.

Days following, this man persisted. While telling him that I couldn’t cheat anymore, the spell he had over me broke. He blamed societal rules and the way I think. He did not want me to “be” with him. Simply to share passion. He could care less if I had a boyfriend as long as we could share passion until his research scholarship is over in a year. Then he’ll just pick up and leave like this life here doesn’t matter.

This outright selfishness and juvenile response gave me a hard slap in the face. I feel like this was my test. Much like Sir Gawain, I didn’t pass, but I didn’t fail. For the rest of my life, this will be a reminder, my green sash. I never had a passing thought about betraying someone before, and I never will again. This lesson showed me there are capturing people out there, but there’s not another person made so perfectly for me. I won't find one if I searched for the rest of human existence. I’ve found him. I know it. And I know, short of insanity or death, he is the man I will marry.

I will never,

ever,

take him for granted

ever

again.

-LG

a retro, young kind of crush

ffffound

I've recently developed some kind of feelings for a guy in my college dorm. It merely started as a liking for his good looks, nothing more. But after a couple of weeks, we were just together with a group of friends, walking back from a night out. I don't know if it was the way the streets were dimly lit, or how the rain was still damp on the ground, it's horribly cliche but i found myself becoming more attracted to his boyish grin and the way his eyes mock my silly jokes. We bonded over music, over songs that are constantly played on my ipod. That night i fell asleep wondering how fun it would be to go to a concert with him, now, i often think of him when certain songs fill my headphones, and I wonder if he's listening to the same thing; the walls are pretty thin, and sometimes when i play our mutual favorite song, it's my way of saying 'this is for you'.

I'm generally extremely confident and comfortable in my own skin and looks, but with guys i crush on, it never actually turns out the way i hope, and so i've found that now, with him, i keep second guessing myself and annoying my friends with the constant insecurities. Everyone knows, somehow, except for him. But it's good, because i kind of have a claim to him without him knowing,and i can allow my eyes to linger on his for a few seconds longer than it should for a platonic relationship, I can ask him if he's feeling better from his cold without looking like an overprotective stalker, and I even allow myself to gush over 'hot guys', guys i would never choose over him if it comes down to it.

I love his smiles, and his sarcastic remarks over my klutziness, I find myself holding my breath when we accidently bump into each other in the hall, and it's good, in a way, to be right next to him, because I'm strangely comforted by the fact that he hasn't brought anyone back with him.

I'm by no means a stalker, or in love, and in fact, this story probably won't warm your heart or make you gush like the others, but sometimes, somewhere, not everybody's falling in love or crying over shattered hearts, they develop crushes that puts them on a slight high, even if it may amount to nothing, it's thinking about the possibilities, finding songs that match your feelings, writing about it, glorifying it. Sometimes, for some of us, it's enough. It's what we need for now.

I want him to pick up on some kind of clue, I think I won't be able to do a junior high 'i kind of like you' speech, but right now, i'm content with just sending him subtle glances, becoming giddy about the possibilities, and just enjoying the warm, fuzzy feelings I haven't had in quite a while. It feels slightly cheesy and seems so un-college, so unsexy or wild, it's a retro, young kind of crush, and I just realized how much I missed feeling like this.

-N.

happy halloween

unknown

have fun + be safe!!

xo

there's that one person...

weheartit

i don't know what I feel.

verabiryukova

I had an online-relationship for one year with a guy across the atlantic. I loved him, he loved me. It sounds stupid(even to me) since this was online, but we were in love. I never believed in internet love before this happened. I was wrong. I remember that (one of the times) we talked all night, I asked him a question: "Do you believe that there is a perfect person out there for everyone?". "Yes. But I don't have to look for that person.... I already found her." He told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I wanted that too.

A week later, things went very wrong. He wouldn't speak to me, told me he needed time to think, and wouldn't tell me why. I shut up for a while, but then he started writing stuff on his screen name. And I didn't know what was going on so I pretty much assumed he'd found someone else. He had stuff like "I love you" in french, romantic song lyrics and so on. And the picture that I once sent him, saying: "Escape with me".

I tried to talk to him. He ignored me. For many days. I sat up whole nights trying to find out what I'd done. Then he said he wouldn't talk to me again. I spent a three weeks crying. I had blocked him so I wouldn't have to stare(I would literally stare) at his suggestive screen names, and keep hoping that he would talk. After those three weeks of crying, I unblocked him, asked him "is this how things are going to be? are we never going to speak again?". His reply were some extremely hurtful and rude messages, one of them saying something like "says the one who deleted me off everything." and I told him why I deleted him, and that "it hurt too much to just see those things, and you wouldn't even explain anything". He once again said some hurtful things. I'd had enough, and told him that he was acting so stupid, and that I hadn't done anything that could give him any possible reason to act that way towards me. And I shut up. And he shut up.

A week later, he talked. "hey.. I just wanted to tell you that I'm so sorry". "for what". "for being a huge asshole the past month... I've wanted to talk to you all week but I didn't have the guts". I told him that he had some explaining to do. He told me he was in a car crash with someone close, who died. He'd started blocking out everyone he really cared for, pushing them away, thinking they'd be better off then. He also said he knew it was no excuse for what he'd done and said to me. Worst part about that, I think I forgave him the second he said "hey" that day. Because I really truly loved that guy. I told him that I wanted to have normal conversations with him. It was great. One thing though - we talked like friends. I got used to the idea of it being that way - that we weren't meant to be.

Then, out of the blue, someone I'd become friends with those past 6 months, confessed to me that he was in love with me and wanted to take me out. Since my "ex" (we were never girlfriend&boyfriend, we were free to do whatever we wanted, althought both chose each other) seemed to have moved on, I thought I'd focus on that too. And I said yes. As of now, I've been with this guy for about 8 months, and he's really amazing and loves me and we have a lot of fun. I haven't been able to say the three words yet, though (and I REALLY want to be able to say them). I am not sure if it's because I still have feelings for my "ex"(don't know if I do! but I can no longer PICTURE my future with him) or if it's because I somehow now don't have enough trust in guys.

About two months ago my "ex" confessed to me that he still loves me, and never stopped loving me. He has accepted me having a boyfriend, and we are now really good friends, but I can tell he's jealous. And when he told me I just instantly started crying. Why? Was it because I wanted him to say that 7 months sooner? Or because I was happy.. I don't know. After I sort of felt like I was "free".

I don't know what I feel. I don't know what to do. I'm so lost. I really wish I knew just what to do, and how to do it. I might love my boyfriend, if so, I haven't realised it. Sometimes I wish love was easier, but I guess it's not supposed to be. I feel like a bad person for even thinking all of these things. But I needed to share it with someone.

-girl.

by the city lights

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