Tuesday, November 3, 2009

chick porn


bittenbound

I do know that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life
[Runaway Bride]

I love that you get cold when it's seventy degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.
[When Harry Met Sally]

I think I’d miss you even if we’d never met.” [The Wedding Date]

You had me at hello.” [Jerry Maguire]

These are all lines from a genre of film I affectionately refer to as… Chick Porn. Why chick porn? Well when put into context of how we, as women, view “regular porn, ” as unrealistic portrayals of a man’s idealistic view of a woman, it’s exactly the same. Chick Porn is a woman’s unrealistic view of an idealized man. We watch these movies (currently Runaway Bride is playing on my TV) and develop these subconscious expectations of our boyfriends, husbands, or future spouses. When life is less glamorous than breakfast at Tiffany’s, we blame the guy, when really we bring this upon ourselves. I’m not implying we should all swear off romantic comedies and dramas (obviously, I’m watching one even now), but I do think that we should be aware of how they affect us. I know for some friends, this means that they literally cannot watch movies that make them lust after a fictional scenario and for others it means bringing the knowledge of reality to the forefront of their minds and not holding anyone accountable to ridiculous expectations.

Life is not a movie, much to my dismay. You don’t always meet your soul-mate dancing in the rain or on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, but who wants to be in love with a story? The real thing is better.

-Allie

48 comments:

  1. smart, smart girl. too bad I'm addicted to Chick Porn!

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  2. so true. it's important to remind ourselves of this sometimes... thanks ; )
    xoxo

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  3. absolutely beautiful post. AHHH! i can't get enough of lelove!

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  4. I agree! Thank you for sharing this! :)

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  5. I was reading this post and the whole time agreeing with what you were saying. I get to the end and I see "Allie". I had to stop and think about whether or not I had posted this. Needless to say, you took the words right out of my brain so much so I thought they were mine.

    -Allie

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  6. the real thing is definitely better :) ...

    visit me : http://feellikemakinglove.blogspot.com

    <3

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  7. i also dislike chick flicks. id much rather a good action or horror film.

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  8. Bravo on keeping it real....

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  9. yes agree but it does not mean chick porn sometimes is true. i am one of the lucky ones.. When Harry Met Sally one especially sounds something like my husband tells me all the time..

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  10. Wow, reality check. Unfortunately, I'm still a dreamer, a dreamer in a world hooked on reality.

    And maybe...
    I'm just not ready to settle, for anything less than my very own
    happily ever after.

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  11. I think taht years of this very kind of moviea, and indeed, books, have made me into a complete romatic, it's probably quite unfortunate for me, but I have to agree with anonymous over me, I want my happy ending, I really do :)

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  12. My college roommate was addicted to these movies and tortured both herself and guys because of it. She deprived herself of a relationship for the longest time because of impossible expectations, and then when she finally was in one, she turned into a monster and ruined it because she felt entitled to movie treatment. It was really sad and she couldn't see it for herself, though everyone else could. Symptoms of movie expectations? Constant quoting, sighing about how you wish guys were like so & so from this movie, trying to set up weird romantic things that dont really happen in real life (someone standing in the street holding signs saying they love you) etc etc.

    Girls, how about you treat your guy how you would want him to treat you? You are capable of surprising him and planning things of your own.

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  13. this post reminds me of a song by the Avett Brothers, 'Love Like The Movies'

    listen here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFOT-W-5CDs

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  14. bull crap.
    if i'm not allowed to force my husband to act like edward, i have nothing to live for.
    jk.
    yes, the real thing is better.
    but there's nothing wrong with wanting him to glitter in the sunlight. right?
    jk again.
    now i'm really sounding like a 14 year old.

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  15. wow, you really made me think! You are so right. Thank you for this!

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  16. You're right for the most part ... but ... I have to defend When Harry Met Sally. It's an awesome movie. Maybe it's a chick flick (and therefore chick porn) but it's a chick flick about life, and nothing out of the ordinary really happens to Harry and Sally throughout their relationship. Sure, Harry makes his big gesture at the end, but it's not because he was deceiving Sally in order to get his big newspaper story about her, or because he heard her voice on the radio and has now decided that they are soul mates--it's because he loves her, plain and simple, and I believe that can happen to anyone. Best friends fall in love all the time--that's life. And that's what makes this movie amazing.

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  17. I had never thought of the term 'Chick Porn' but it suits those kind of movies so well. I just love them.

    Sometimes reality is similar to the stories in romantic films.

    xx,
    Ale.

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  18. 'Chick Porn' is a great name for movies like that. we love them, but at the same time they're just too good to be true. Well, there are times when it feels like you're living in a romantic movie, but it's not the same - it's better.

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  19. dont forget that television shows have the same sort of "chick porn." the main example in my head: Jim and Pam from the Office. their relationship is more realistic than those of movies, but still something i find myself comparing my boyfriend too... and wishing he'd be just as cute.

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  20. hear hear lady! this post reminded me a little of that part in 500 days of summer where Tom blames the pop music for his unrealistic expectations of how life and love are "supposed to be" it's the same thing with the chic flicks.
    Olivia:)

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  21. Right on! I am so with you.
    Love is what life is made for, but love is not simply pleasure and this idealized dream. To love is often difficult, compromising and not at all glamorous. It is selfless and outside of our imaginations. I think these films are more about beauty, which is a completely different thing….and also short-lived.

    Great post!

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  22. hahah yeah you described it well... here goes the wedding vows of alex karev in grey's anatomy when he is getting married to Izzie: Today is the day that my life begins, all my life I’ve just been me, just a smart enough kid. Today I become a man, today I become a husband, today I become accountable to someone other than myself, today I become accountable to you, to our future to all the possibilities that our marriage has to offer together no matter what happens I'll be ready for anything to everything to take on life to take on love to take on possibility and responsibility today Izzie Stevens our life together begins and I for one can't wait. The best wedding vows ever!!

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  23. hahahaha never thought about it! chick porn! perfect! =)

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  24. I think life is a lot like a movie
    art imitates life

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  25. aHHH. chick porn is awesome.

    i strangely agree.
    i wish that a man existed with these incredibly unrealistic fantasies of a woman. that would be awesome.

    too bad, my boyfriend sucks at saying stuff like this. Its something ive learned to endure.

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  26. Great post!! I'm a sucker for those quotes!

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  27. I whole heartedly agree with this. I am so sick of women whinging about not getting flowers, their boyfriend not being romantic, etc. If you don't like him for who he is then let him go so someone else can love him just the way he is. Stop trying to change people. Everyone is special in their own way and someone else will love them for that very reason.

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  28. BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT, BRILLIANT!!! Can't wait to get home to tell my wife about this view of Chick Flicks. While I have no problem watching Chick Porn - wifey has big issues with regular porn. I doubt she'll change her mind, but all I'm hoping for is that slight tilt-of-the-head understanding....

    Dope drop - thanks....

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  29. This is beyond true... I know that I'm such a cornfest/helpless romantic type, and I love those chick flick movies. Seeing events play out like that in movies make me want to have that in real life. Thanks for the reality check! :)
    (but I can keep dreaming)

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  30. a film is about 90 minutes long. it can only show one little snippet of a story... in real life there are so many seconds and minutes and hours with this person that it can't even compare.

    then sometimes it works out that you find someone and you watch these movies and you say to yourself, "damn, my [man] is SO much better than that guy in the film. i'm so lucky."

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  31. oh my god, thanks so much for this entry.
    :)

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  32. OH SNAP!

    Thats what I have been trying to tell my lady friends!

    Of course guys (or at least the ones I know) want to be all lovy dovy and romantic towards their gal. But when year after year Romantic Comedies come out stealing away original content, it becomes harder and harder to snag said gal and keep her filled to the brim in romantic gestures.

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  33. Question:
    So guys watch and idolize naked beautiful women. As a result women recognize this and react accordingly in showing off their bodies and so on. So if girls clearly fantasize about guys being sweet and precious and falling at their feet... then why don't guys realize and react accordingly as well?!

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  34. All the photos on this blog are part of the chick porn kind,
    and that's why we love it soo much

    XoXo

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  35. What if you don't have access to the real thing?

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  36. Hi Allie -
    I am a young filmmaker from Los Angeles and am working on a documentary on the subject of love. I enjoyed reading your "Chick Porn" piece. I would like to use it in my film. I would even like to interview you. Where are you located? check out the links below and let me know what you think :-)

    Cheers.
    -Hunter

    http://vimeo.com/10712487

    http://www.facebook.com/pages/Love-A-Documentary/111140755565166?v=wall

    http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/love/love-a-documentary

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  37. my contact
    alovedocumentary@gmail.com
    h.metcalf@mac.com

    Cheers.
    -Hunter

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  38. Chick porn.. Really best addiction. I love porn. I honestly say that i have never seen chick porn movie before.

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