Sunday, November 1, 2009

a retro, young kind of crush


ffffound

I've recently developed some kind of feelings for a guy in my college dorm. It merely started as a liking for his good looks, nothing more. But after a couple of weeks, we were just together with a group of friends, walking back from a night out. I don't know if it was the way the streets were dimly lit, or how the rain was still damp on the ground, it's horribly cliche but i found myself becoming more attracted to his boyish grin and the way his eyes mock my silly jokes. We bonded over music, over songs that are constantly played on my ipod. That night i fell asleep wondering how fun it would be to go to a concert with him, now, i often think of him when certain songs fill my headphones, and I wonder if he's listening to the same thing; the walls are pretty thin, and sometimes when i play our mutual favorite song, it's my way of saying 'this is for you'.

I'm generally extremely confident and comfortable in my own skin and looks, but with guys i crush on, it never actually turns out the way i hope, and so i've found that now, with him, i keep second guessing myself and annoying my friends with the constant insecurities. Everyone knows, somehow, except for him. But it's good, because i kind of have a claim to him without him knowing,and i can allow my eyes to linger on his for a few seconds longer than it should for a platonic relationship, I can ask him if he's feeling better from his cold without looking like an overprotective stalker, and I even allow myself to gush over 'hot guys', guys i would never choose over him if it comes down to it.

I love his smiles, and his sarcastic remarks over my klutziness, I find myself holding my breath when we accidently bump into each other in the hall, and it's good, in a way, to be right next to him, because I'm strangely comforted by the fact that he hasn't brought anyone back with him.

I'm by no means a stalker, or in love, and in fact, this story probably won't warm your heart or make you gush like the others, but sometimes, somewhere, not everybody's falling in love or crying over shattered hearts, they develop crushes that puts them on a slight high, even if it may amount to nothing, it's thinking about the possibilities, finding songs that match your feelings, writing about it, glorifying it. Sometimes, for some of us, it's enough. It's what we need for now.

I want him to pick up on some kind of clue, I think I won't be able to do a junior high 'i kind of like you' speech, but right now, i'm content with just sending him subtle glances, becoming giddy about the possibilities, and just enjoying the warm, fuzzy feelings I haven't had in quite a while. It feels slightly cheesy and seems so un-college, so unsexy or wild, it's a retro, young kind of crush, and I just realized how much I missed feeling like this.

-N.

58 comments:

  1. Damn.

    I feel the same. Exactly the same, but a little bit more validated now :D

    It is good to feel alive.

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  2. awww thats really sweet and cute. And yes sometimes a crush is enough.

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  3. I love this, it reminds me of college and the way I felt when I met my future husband :)

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  4. I like this lil story... it's very sincere and I'm kinda adapting to it... i miss these feelings

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  5. thank you! this is where I am. Except I want more. He's my brother's best friend and I think he's scared to make a move. his smile lights me up and his eyes melt my soul. Rhys, please don't be scared!

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  6. your blog inspires me...
    i love love love le love!

    follow me ✄ http://knockedandbrokeit.blogspot.com/ ✄

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  7. god, this is lovely. I have been in that place so many times. seeing someone else write these words warms my heart.

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  8. This is so true. Thanks for it.

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  9. Awww, I kind of miss that feeling. It's cute and hopeful, young and innocent. :)

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  10. Awww, I can definitely relate to that! When you go through a crush, it's a weird but great feeling.

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  11. I love it <3. This is exactly how I feel..." I just realized how much I missed feeling like this." and the part about "they develop crushes that puts them on a slight high" ... so true, I'm really high off this feeling. You just expressed what I'm going through right now with a guy thats been in my life for so long, who I can't accept because of my insecurities.

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  12. I miss that too! There's been no one around to like for a while in my life and even though it's stressful at times it's still so great.

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  14. It's a relief that you feel the way I do. I know exactly what you mean: "it's what we need for now". It just seems like everyone is always either looking for a hookup or for a serious relationship but never thinks of looking for the inbetween...sometimes it's the best just being able to crush on someone, no matter how old you are right? Anyway, I'm totally feeling this...I'm in the same situation, living in a dorm and being in college. Enjoy it!:)

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  15. certainly warmed my heart...

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  16. Thank you so much for this post. This type of feeling just makes me light-headed, sort of warm, sort of comfortable, and overall, I guess I love it just because it gives me something to be excited about while other things happen in my daily life.

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  17. aww this totally reminds me of that kind of the "retro, young kind of crush." cause I haven't felt it in quite awhile either.

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  18. Reading this put a smile on my face :)

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  19. ah i love that feeling, before feelings are professed or you become too comfortable with your feelings around the other person. this story definitely warmed my heart and i'm sure everyone who read it knew exactly what you were talking about...

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  20. I'm kind of going through the same thing! It's not a guy in my dorm but a guy I see around often. No one I know knows him because we live on the opposite ends of a very large freshman quad. I don't know how to strike up a conversation without looking creepy but have been looking and smiling a bit. I also found out that my number one buddies from spanish and math class both live in the farther two dorms. It probably won't go anywhere but I'm staying positive and haha using my resources & yes it is nice just to have someone nice to look at :-)

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  21. Guys and girls live in the same dorm huh?
    Anyway, this is uber sweet. Finding the songs that match your feelings. Great~

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  22. How sweet!

    www.loveandlieinpictures.blogspot.com

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  23. I really like this. and want this kinda feeling.
    xx,
    fashionlayne

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  24. Oh, it warms my heart alright.
    I want this...

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  25. I love and miss that feeling! My ex and I had this kind of thing going on for a year. Now I just wish one of us had made a move sooner. But truly the crush-ing part was fun and exciting.

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  26. god I miss that feeling. Where everything is new and you're just happy running into each other. So fun and carefree.

    Sometimes I wish I could go back and meet my husband all over again. I love him with all of my heart and I love where we are in our relationship, but sometimes, you just miss that young flirtation and newness. enjoy it!

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  27. I'd like to know more about the person (persons?) behind this blog: there's a tag waiting for you on my blog :)

    http://zmagasupergirl.blogspot.com/2009/11/something-really-nice.html

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  28. I'm feeling exactly the same. It's kind of heartbreaking, because i just can't tell my friends or anything. You know, I've never told them anything about love and so on. I'm going through it alone..
    well, I hope he will notice your clues and that you will have a relationships as more than friends. You go girl!

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  29. i love that feeling... you know he's a great guy if your getting that.. you should make a move soon though. xox

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  30. i know exactly!! Im like this right now with a guy at work :)

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  31. I LOVe crushes! :) even if nothing happens, there's always that feeling like you want to get up in the morning to see them in class or wherever, you make an effort in life because of it.
    it's beautiful.
    So much less complicated.

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  32. this is lovely i have had the same things happening too.its a feeling that i cant express.yes it is fun
    don't wait go grab him girl..
    URL: http://www.ecommunity.com/cardiovascular/

    cheers
    kuma

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  33. Reading this post filled me with a special feeling. It made me smile and you are so right about that high you get.

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  34. wow reading this brightened up my spirits. thank you.

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  35. exactly how i feel towards my bestfriend he knows it and just go with my flow. and it drives me crazy sometimes!

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  36. i can exactly relate to your feelings, and you're right- it is enough! It's the best feeling in the world.

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  37. I had this.
    But then he was stupid, and I lost it.

    Reading this made me remember :)

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  38. what a sweet post.
    i can relate to that feeling of having a crush :)
    everytime you brush up against that one person, you feel the tingling, electricity through your veins when your hand is about an inch away from his..and its torturingly amazing.

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  39. I really enjoyed this. I love the feelings of just crushing on a boy, sometimes its better than what actually plays out. :)

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  40. this article describes so vividly my feelings in the past few months. it is so sweet =) the crush might never evolve into anything serious--it just doesn't have the solid foundation. yet i am grateful to savour up every little sadness and joy it brings~

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  41. this post is so perfect for so many people, including myself.

    i love it.

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  42. makes my heart smile <3

    crushes are probably the best thing in the world and its so easy to forget how good they are.

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  43. I love this part:

    'but sometimes, somewhere, not everybody's falling in love or crying over shattered hearts, they develop crushes that puts them on a slight high, even if it may amount to nothing, it's thinking about the possibilities, finding songs that match your feelings, writing about it, glorifying it. Sometimes, for some of us, it's enough. It's what we need for now.'

    it's exactly how i feel right now.

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  44. There are a few song's I've shared with a girl, and I can no longer listen to because shes hurt me. If I start hearing it, I must get away from it as soon as possible.

    It's such a shame, because I really love those songs.

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  45. Oh, dude. I couldn't agree more. I'm in severe crush mode right now, and totally get little explosions every day that I think about the possibilities, communicate without directly saying anything, read too far into little things. It's like helium in the chest.

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  46. i just got over someone and i would love to feel that way again :)

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  47. I just got over a crush like that. It has been wonderful, you think that you're 16 again. Enjoy it ... :)

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  48. Silly, girly crushes are lovely. But they are also fleeting. One day, you'll wake up and get sick of imagining. Sick of him not knowing, not picking up on the clues, of being so oblivious. You'll realise that maybe what made him so attractive was the fact that you didn't know him that well. You fed all your hopes and dreams into this Prince Charming cut-out. You weren't in touch with his substance.

    Or even worse, he finally brings home that dreaded girl. Without knowing once how you feel, or in that case, felt.

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  49. I know exactly how this is !! I'm almost in the same situation. I'm slowly starting to like this guy who lives on my floor. At first I wasn't interested but then slowly we've been spending more time with each other and with other people on the floor. When he talks about things its so cute he's studying fish and knows everything about maps and stuff. Even though we're so different its fun. Crushes are just happy !! But, at the same time in the back of my head the reality is that living on the same floor isn't conducive for a relationship that isn't long term and that scares me even though i secretly hope we'll get together, I'm afraid of the commitment it will take :/ Do you think about this too ?? I wish you good luck ! And just try to stay happy :)

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  50. Great blog as for me. It would be great to read something more concerning this theme. Thnx for sharing this material.
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  51. That's adorable. It reminds me of the shrewd and subtle little games we used to play in these fun crushes. Thanks for sharing the warm fuzzy feeling!

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  52. It is very interesting for me to read the article. Thanx for it. I like such themes and anything connected to this matter. I definitely want to read more on that blog soon.

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