thank you!

ohjoy!

i received a lovely email from a reader...
it means so much to me to hear how much the blog has impacted your lives!
i am happy to be a part of something that people can relate to and share together.
thank you for all your support!!
the email:

I´ve been reading ur blog for such a long time and never felt any
relation with the storied showed till the day someone posted this:
"I've been staying up all night.

I have no stories about wonderful meeting, fingers twisting my hair,
hands around hips. I don't know your smell or warmth or what clothes
you're wearing.
I haven't ever met you, but I think I love you...." and so on...

Well i shivered bcoz i had just the same feeling and the story was the
same as mine and I was going to do the same as the person on the text.
Well I did and now I´m going to meet this person next December and I´m
so anxious and nervous about it. Just wanted to share this bcoz i feel
like ur blog is a friend of mine who reads my thoughts and understand
me as well.

thanks for existing

=)

Katy

the POST she's referring to. thank you katy!!

like death without the sleeping part

weheartit

The sound of a heart breaking isn’t poetic. It is hollow. It is tragic. It calls for rituals – the denial, the shock, the anger, the disappointment, culminating in hopelessness. Just like a shrinking white star slowly collapsing inwardly, with memory drawn from every breath a blow. It’s like death without the sleeping part.

-elle

you broke into my heart

soulmatesandwashingmachines

Do you remember what I was when we first met? I'd built walls around my heart, gated them, and thrown away the key. I had been hurt, I told you from the beginning. I'd been used, tricked, played with, but most of all, hurt. I thought it best to never fall in love again. So I locked my heart.

You figured it out quite soon. I said don't fall in love with me. I cannot fall in love with you. I won't. I'm too hurt, too damaged, too afraid to go through all of this once more. I'd decided love was just a scam. So we became friends, and that was okay with me, and with you. And it was all nice and comforting and I let myself trust you.

You would listen to me for hours, as we talked about everything and nothing. You learned why I wasn't willing to let anyone love me, and though you said you would never do that kind of a thing to me, I wasn't ready to trust you to test it out. I kept my walls intact even when I started remembering where I'd thrown the key. It was the only way to keep myself from falling in love.

But then something happened. I woke up three weeks ago and realised that I love you. And you said you love me, and you cannot promise we will be forever but you can promise not to hurt me. I believed you. I still didn't realize how I'd come to love you, how you came to find the key to my heart.

Now I know. You didn't find the key. You broke into my heart, and I let you. Just don't break my heart.

-K

leave me

daros films

thanks lauren!

between every kiss

you're still here

littleteaspoons

i'll admit it,
i was lonely,
i needed you then,
i wanted you to help fill those gaps of solitude,
i had no one and you were there,
in the back of my mind,
i saw no future,
i just saw the present,
i was alone and you were there,
you fell in love,
i felt sorry for you,
so i stayed,
i know heartbreak,
wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy,
and still, i was alone but you were there,
wanted to love you so badly,
like the way i once did for him,
yet, those memories of heartache,
have numbed veins that once pumped love,
i hate that you're in love with me,
i hate that i can't be in love with you

i found someone else,
he's what i want,
i'm not alone but i still want him,
and he wants me,
just not as much as i want him,
he needs me for right now,
and i'll take that,
no future in mind,
i've fallen for him,
he revived my heart,
but instead of feeling light,
it feels heavy,
he doesn't love me,

i can't tell you of my infidelity,
it'll hurt you,
and i can't bare the guilt,
besides, i don't want to be lonely,
and, well...
you're still here

by ACH

you really are.

ffffound

all these crazy rules

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so i’m trying pretty hard to be perfect. perhaps perfect is too strong; mindful, considerate, eager to please, call it what you will.

don’t text too much because it comes across as desperate. never send two texts in a row for the same reason. no facebook chat every time he logs on, ‘cause that’s desperate too, as is ‘Liking’ everything he posts, so don’t do that either. remember not to ask when we’re seeing each other next because nonchalance is key, right? don’t sound to eager when he suggests doing something in the future, remember, nonchalance. when you’re out with other people, don’t demand his attention, he’s not there just for you. and don’t make an issue of him making friends with new girls, that’s asking for trouble, you don’t want to look jealous and insecure. when he wants to go to sleep before you do, don’t latch onto him because you’ll seem weak, needy, intense.

all these crazy rules i’ve made up in my head so you don’t see past this facade. i’m not nonchalant, i over-think everything. i can be intense, and i’m definitely jealous at times. but in essence, at the crux of all this overanalysation; i am insanely in love with you. i just wish you knew how far away i am from nonchalance.

-tseluyu.

i want us...

zabriskiepoint

i'm falling out of love.

lorelix04

I used to wait for you. Days would go by before I got a text or a hello, but I was so elated to finally hear from you that I ignored all the signs.

I forgot that I deserve better. I forgot that I actually need someone who's going to uplift and adore me, worship me, love me completely, just as I loved you. But I'll never get that from you.

I'll never get the sweet note or that hug or the awkward hand holding. I'll never be able to hold you again, to kiss you and run my fingers along your collar bone; you're simply too cruel. I can't deal with the insensitivity and the cutting jokes. I can't deal with the degrading behavior you're so trapped in.

You're sorry? Well that's wonderful, but I don't want apologies. I want a change in behavior, a change in character, and I'm not going to ask that of you because I know you too well. This is who you are, this is how you are, and I'm not supposed to try and change that. I'm accepting you as You, and moving on.

I'm falling out of love.

-anonymous

_______ me.

weheartit

please understand

deviant art: thirdeyee

it happened just like every other time. different place, different people, different words, i thought even a different me but still the same outcome. it always comes out the same. i think ive moved on, i think im ready to be friends again, i think im over him. so i start a conversation, begin catching up, rebuilding, starting over. every time im so positive that this time will be the last time that he and i have to become friends, this time will be different, this time it will work. this time everything i want will come true. i was so sure this time.

we're friends, we're together, we're hurting each other, we're fighting, we're alone again.

then we give each other some space and try it all over again. you would have thought at least one of us would learn from the millionth time. but neither of us do.

loves meant to be simple. if you love him and he loves you then you are in love. if you are in love you are together. its never been like that though. not even from the first minute we met.

i fell for him almost as soon as i saw him. there was just this amazing link between the two of us. it was so strong people neither of us knew picked up on it. it wasnt that i had a crush on him, it wasnt that i liked him, it was more. i was in love, not that i knew it at that point. and then it started. i fell and he didnt. i changed he fell i changed back. we were together and then we werent. we moved on then we moved back. and sure enough we ended again. he fell and i didnt. i fell and he couldnt. but then he did. i finally caught on and fell into him. at that moment we fell evenly, finally. we were equals in love, nobody was king and nobody was jester. and it was wonderful. then we both fell away. and then back together.

and now im stuck right back where i was. completely in love and with a totally broken heart. i want more than anything else to be able to accept that we arent going to go anywhere because we arent. i just want to be at the stage where i know in my mind and my heart that while we arent going to work god dammit we gave it our best shot. and its not that i havent tried everything i can think of to move on. you can bet your life that ive tried every trick in the book. in fact i rewrote the book, adding in all my crazy desperate ideas that i tried once i had exhausted the book. but still when i lie awake at night im left wondering if i really did try everything. if i really did try my hardest. or if i only made it look like that. because, really, deep down somewhere even though he is so wrong for me and i am so wrong for him maybe i dont want to stop loving him. but the smart thing, the logical thing to do is to get the communication happening between my head and my heart. get my head to make my heart see reason. get it to see the truth about me and him. we dont work. we wont work.

we arent the right kind of wrong. we arent the wrong kind of right. we are just the wrong kind of wrong.

being right means that i wont have him to tell me that mum didnt mean what she just said.

being right means that i wont get any more applogy texts cause he fell asleep on me the night before.

being right means that i cant claim a bed to myself after parties that he hasnt gone to.

being right means that i wont have him to cover me in sand when i fall asleep at the beach.

being right means that i dont have him to convince me to miss school or work cause he knew that i secretly wanted to spend the day with him.

being right means that i dont have an offer from him to warn off guys for me, even if its just an offer.

being right means that i wont be thinking about him when im singing along to love songs.

being right means that i cant have anymore of his goodbye kisses.

being right means that i wont have him.

being right means that i loose everything that has made up the past two years.

so i know that this isnt going to work. i know that i am going to get hurt again. i know that my friends will have run out of sympathy by the next time i come crying to them. i know that im missing out on wonderful people by being caught up with him. i know that im not going to come out of this alive. but also i know that im in love.and im not ready to let that go just yet.or ever.

so lets be wrong together. not the good kind. not the right kind. the wrong kind. our kind.

cause i know no matter how much i deny it, not matter what i tell my friends, no matter who im with or what im doing, im thinking up ways to make us work.

by bec

the one fish that you choose

through it all

unknown

I love being held. I love when I am in someones arms, and I know that they would do anything for me. yea, I know its selfish but that is what I love. I love waking up to someone and smiling and having them smile back. When you are cold, and you are sharing a blanket and you have their sweatshirt on. your hair is all a mess and your breath smells and you nuzzle up to their neck and they nuzzle you back and wrap their arms around you. and you smile. And fall right back asleep.

I love walking into a room and he smiles back at you, you work your way over, making googiley eyes just for fun until you reach him, and then he wraps you in a big hug and you say hi and act like you haven’t seen each other in ages. That is a great feeling.

Feeling the rush of his lips trail down your body, covering every spot of skin. Giving in to him, giving him what you both want. Feeling like one. Knowing your love will not fade. Knowing giving him that will make him keep you forever, just as you want.

The happy moments, the secret smiles. Going out with his family and saying something they don’t get, but he gives me that look that tells me he got it and he found it funny. Him telling me how beautiful I am in front of his family. Them looking at us and seeing how much we adore each other. The feeling of pride when his mom tells me she is happy her son has found someone so worth his love.

The tears after a big fight. And then him rushing over to dry them with kisses, not being able to sleep until he knows I am better.

The silent way people drift apart, the way the secret smiles fade. The fights end in crying with no one to hold you. the way your world seems to collapse, but you know this isn’t the way its supposed to be.

YELLING AT HIM TO FIX IT. even though you know you did more damage than he did.

After the break up, the feeling of betray as you look at another guy. Knowing you shouldn’t be looking, you don’t belong to them. knowing he still doesn’t look at anyone but you.

When you hang out, the way his eyes watch yours,the way they say sorry, the way you know he wants to kiss you and make all the pain go away. Trying your hardest not to cry because he refuses to become a couple together.

Being completely in love with him. and him with you.

Being best friends.

Him thinking he is not good enough, so he wants you to find someone that is.

You refusing to find someone else because you want him.

The complications. The tears. The heartache.

The feeling of love through it all.
-J

r + j

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