ready to the take on the challenge

unknown

I had no intentions of falling in love my first year of college. In fact, nothing was further from my mind. The idea of love was incredibly foreign to me, all throughout high school I was always the girl that stayed single, dated around, played the field, and often teased my smitten girlfriends for being mushy and pathetic over their high school sweethearts. Upon entering my freshman year at DePaul University, I expected to maintain the same attitude, that boys were an incredible waste of time, and being a young girl that enjoyed a good time I would live the single life. Some said I was simply too stubborn, afraid of getting hurt, and unwilling to commit. These allegations were never ones I denied, for I did fear a serious relationship, and this was a matter that at the age of 18 I had already accepted. But in one life altering, whirlwind romance, of such an unpredictable and unexpected nature I found myself in love with a boy, changing my personality and person completely.

The Oakdale apartment was hosting yet another infamous party. This apartment was the residence of three very crazy boys who enjoyed whiskey, music, and creating a ruckus more than the average college student. The interior of the apartment reflected the reckless nature of my friends, with dirty dishes in the sink, overflowing trashcans; empty beer bottles and cigarette filled ashtrays were strewn in every corner of the apartment. The look was completed with a random array of furniture, crude posters, and a guest or two sleeping on the couch. This particular party happened to be in honor of Nick, in celebration of his 20th birthday. Nick was perhaps the wildest of the three roommates with more than questionable morals and a rowdy group of friends.

We left the dorms that Friday night with a slight buzz from the beers we had chugged in the bathrooms- in attempts to hide from the RAs making their nightly rounds. The alcohol mixed with the combination of anticipation for the night ahead made for a very excited group of freshman. The October night was perfect, the air was cool and crisp but we all knew on the walk to the apartment that winter was slowly approaching. I could hear a Black Lips song, blasting out of the windows from a block away, Sally rang the buzzer and we climbed up the smoky stairs, hearing the music and laughter on the floor above us. We were welcomed by a large of group of friends and acquaintances, and it was clear the drinking had started much earlier in the night as Nick the birthday boy was covered in toilet paper, and others donned odd hats fastened with duct tape. I immediately made eye contact with a stranger, a tall, thin boy with dark shaggy hair, and a scruffy face. He was smoking a cigarette and met my eyes with an intense gaze, I immediately found him attractive but was also uncomfortable with the attention. I walked into the kitchen to grab a drink only to learn that the stranger’s name was Patrick; the name sounded incredibly familiar and I soon realized this was the Pat that my girlfriends constantly gushed over. He was a friend of Nick’s with good looks and an equally wild reputation.

February in my opinion is the most unbearable month of the year. The dirty snow, grey skies, and fierce winds make living in Chicago a complete nightmare. Any joy I had in December for a white Christmas and a desire to ice-skate at Millennium Park had completely vanished. Pat and I had been seeing each other since that night in October, though neither one of us would admit the seriousness of our relationship. I still after four months refused to refer to him as my boyfriend though we spent most everyday and night together. I tried to convince myself that I was still a fun, and single college girl, but the smallest voice inside of me constantly nagged, as I knew I was developing true feelings for Pat. And though our pairing was completely unexpected, I was happy, comfortable, and most importantly I was learning to care for another person. The rough exterior of my independent nature was being chipped away and I felt raw, naked, and exposed But I couldn’t help questioning the whole situation, we were both so young, immature, and unprepared. It was silly to think that I could find true companionship from a crazy boy I met at a party. I was still scared of being vulnerable and dependant on other person, I was still unable to trust. All of these emotions aside, February was growing to be an extremely dull and restless month. The fun had dwindled drastically with the cold, especially post holiday season. After a long week of tests, exams, and digging Pat’s Toyota out of the snow, we were both looking forward to a small party with out friends at the Oakdale apartment.

As unkempt and filthy as the Oakdale apartment was, I always found it a comforting and familiar environment my first year of college. Though wild and crazy, the boys were genuine people and good friends. The apartment despite the piles of dirty clothes on the couch, and odd smells coming from the kitchen was always welcoming to friends. We could have fun just a handful of people, listening to music, and carrying on good conversation. This was how the night began, a few friends, quite a few beers, and some good music. As more guests arrived the dancing began; Pat started the fiasco by pouring his drink on himself while dancing on the coffee table. He looked at me on the floor below and met my eyes with that same intense gaze from the first night we had met. All of a sudden I was spinning, more likely this came from one to many beers, but it was at that exact moment I knew all my inhibitions aside, I was in love with Patrick. The girl who would never love had done so, and my body filled with that warm feeling best described from Hallmark greeting cards.

I pulled Pat down from the table and on to the dance floor, I gazed into his eyes, giggled, and whispered with adoration into his ear, “I love you, I love you, I love you!” Pat laughed in response, assuming that this was the PBR talking. We continued to enjoy the night with our friends, and I could not help thinking how this boy had managed to change my life so much, and for the better. Learning to love allowed me to become a less selfish person, more generous and considerate to those around me. Yes, the idea of loving another was terrifying, but I was ready to the take on the challenge knowing the potential reward was sharing my life experiences with another who loved me back.

tend to stare

...........
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happy you are coming back

rkut
Its May of 2003. I am a sophomore in college, you a year ahead of me.
I am in a sorority, and over at one of the fraternity houses. You
are visiting a friend in the fraternity, but being a "frat boy" was
never your thing. You tell me you see me in the quad, and ask your
friend who I am. Your friend tells you that I am out of your league.
You tell him "I just found the girl I am going to marry". You then
come down to introduce yourself to me...

Fast forward to January 2004. You ask all of your friends in my
sorority to hook us up. I can recall who you are, however was dating
others. Then, that fateful night at our local bar. I decide to
escape an ex-boyfriend, and walk home by myself. You catch me in the
parking lot, offer me a ride. I say no. You ask if you can have my
number. I say yes. You call me the next day and ask me out on a date
for that next week. I say yes. Our first date on January 23rd, 2004
was a night I will never forget. We clicked. Talked. Kissed. There
were fireworks. Our relationship instantly started. I was in love.
Complete head over heals love. You cooked me dinner for Valentines
day. You took care of me when I was sick. I met your mom and sister
within a month of us dating. We went to my formal together. We
laughed, cried, and touched souls. You share things with me that you
have never told anyone. I do the same. I applied to go abroad to
Italy for the summer. I get in the program. You graduate college.
You came home with me to California, and we had an amazing road trip.
We spent every moment together until I had to leave for Italy. You
said not to worry, you would be waiting for me "with open arms" when I
got back.

Summer 2004. Italy is incredible, however I miss you every day. We
email - you send me roses to my apartment. I travel, experience
everything that Italy has to offer, yet my heart has a hole in it. I
am in the most romantic place in the world, and want to share it with
you. Summer flies by. I come back to Colorado to be with you and
finish school. You tell me you got a job in Southern California, and
are leaving in 2 weeks. We have a passionate, indescribable 2 weeks
of intense love, and promise to be with each other.

Fall 2004/Winter 2005. Long Distance is hard. You are struggling in
California, I am struggling in Colorado. You push away. I cry. You
come visit. I feel like a prostitute, a hotel and a chauffeur. I cry
some more. My girlfriends tell me to let go, but I just can't. I
live for your 4 am drunk phone calls professing your love to me. We
continue this charade for months. I visit you in Southern California.
You won't hold my hand. I cry some more. I offer to move to be
closer to you after college. You say maybe. The pain cuts deep, as I
cannot go a day without thinking about you.

Spring 2005. I meet someone else, and become infatuated with him.
Unbeknown to me, you are coming back to Colorado to rededicate
yourself to me. I call you to try and tell you about this new person.
You don't call back for 3 weeks. Finally, I tell you, and you break
down. You still come to Colorado and ask me to meet you in the park
by the lake. I come. You have flowers and an open heart. Mine is
not. I tell you I can't do this roller coaster anymore. You cry. I
cry. I walk away. Even now, I can't tell you why I walked away, but I
did. You send me countless love letters. I email you saying that I
appreciate the gesture, but its too little too late.

Summer 2005 - July 2010. You have your life in California, I have
mine in Colorado. You start dating a girl from your office, and I
break up with my infatuation. I date others. You get serious with
office girl. I still date others, and find a nice boy. You and
office girl break up after 2 years. I am dating nice boy for 5
months. You call. I talk you through your break up. We joke, we
laugh, and I tell you that I will always love you. You say the same.
You go to Europe. You call me from Europe telling me that you
understood why I had to go to Italy. I break up with nice boy. You
come back from Europe to California. I get back together with nice
boy. You tell me a couple of months later that if I had not gotten
back together with nice boy, you would have tried again. I tell you
that we tried the long distance thing once, and it did not work.
Besides, I like nice boy. As much as I like nice boy, you still are
in my thoughts and dreams. You start to date another girl. We chat
online. We text. We talk to each other the way that people in other
relationships should not talk to one another. We talk to one another
the way that we should talk to our significant others. I decide to
move in with nice boy. We chat occasionally, but I try and cool off
our conversations. You seem ok with it - girl #2 suits you for the
time being. You get into grad school back in Colorado. I tell you
this will be interesting, but I am happy you are coming back. It will
be difficult, as I am still with nice boy.

July/August 2010. Nice boy turns out to be not so nice, and breaks up
with me. You have been in the same state as me for a month, however
we have not seen one another. I have a crazy several weeks. I move
out. You live with your mother, and travel a lot, and look for places
to live. August comes. We start texting each other. We have lunch.
You pick me up, and those butterflies are still there. They have
never gone away. You look so incredibly handsome. We talk. Its a
nervous and strange conversation, however I still feel so much for
you. So much of everything. I decide to go for the gusto and ask you
out on a date.

We have our date this upcoming Friday. Will this finally be our time?
We always said that we would end up together. I hope that we can do
it right this time. It seems as if fate has given us a 2nd chance,
and we sit on knife point for Friday. I hope we both fall the same way,
as I have never lost my love for you.

-Liv

simple fact

unknown

your strongest love

ffffound

I’m a small town girl. When you’re from a small town, relationships are different. They’re solid. They’re long. They’re comfortable. They’re home. It’s a different kind of being known. A different kind of close. A different kind of love.

In that small town, I had a boy. The kind that everyone said would always end up marrying me. The kind where friends would always ask why we weren’t dating. The kind that was your best friend since kindergarten and somewhere down the line you both formed feelings for each other. We confessed those feelings. We acted on those feelings. Other relationships were ruined because of those feelings, sometimes our own relationship.

We were as close as two people could be. Because we knew every detail about each other. And not because we told each other everything but because we were there for it all. He knows what ribbon I won on field day in third grade because he let me drink from his water bottle afterwards. He knows what guys broke my heart in high school because he threatened to kill every one of them. He knows what my favorite restaurant in town was because he had to sit through a thousand meals there with me. He knows who my favorite teacher was in seventh grade because he helped me through that homework. He knew what kind of mat I took my naps on in kindergarten because he wanted to share it with me. He knew where my grandparents lived because I snuck out of their house for our first kiss. He knew all my favorite foods because I stole whatever I wanted off his plate. He knew all my schedules of my classes because he had a note waiting for me after each one. He knew every locker number I had because that was always our meeting spot. He knew my hardest days because we ended those on my front porch or the bottom bunk in his room. He knew every weekend I was coming home from college because he would do everything he could to try to come too. He knew when my face had horrible breakouts because he preferred me with no make up on. He knew what it took to really push my buttons because we always ended up yelling in each other faces followed by a door slamming and my tears. He knew my biggest fears because he faced them all with me. It’s a rare thing to be completely known my someone. But it’s a beautiful thing.

I remember the moment he told me he liked me. Walking down the hallway after school sophomore year. I was dating someone else. Someone who was intimidated by our relationship and had every reason to be. I thought he was so brave for getting that out. But then again, he knew me so well, he knew it wouldn’t scare me away but only pull me closer. He ended up taking a push down the stairs for me. Because my boyfriend saw the truth in our relationship and took it out on him.

We protected each other. We disappointed each other. We loved each other. We challenged each other. We got each other. We frustrated each other. We wanted each other. We hurt each other. How does it end? How are you sure you aren’t supposed to be together? Why was it that every time we tried to date, it never worked? We both expected that to be so simple. But it was so tough. To just be a couple. Even though in every sense of the word, we already were. We’re both dating other people now. We still talk at times. We help each other and encourage each other. We remember old memories for a laugh. And in some ways, even though it should, our relationship hasn’t changed much. I’m scared I’ll always miss him. I’m scared no one will know me like him. I’m scared no one will get me like him. I’m scared no one will love me unconditionally like him. Yet, we both know we can’t be together. People say you never forget your first love, but what about your strongest love?

show me, don't tell me

unknown

tokyo dreaming

arriana.tumblr

I still see you in my dreams. Usually your hands are delicately wrapped around my face. Slowly you kiss each eyelid as if they were so precious they might break but each dream like this is terrifying. They haunt me of a time when you thought I spun gold from light. Of those times when each love letter left on your pillow was more poetic than the last. It’s in reliving these memories that I realise that I can no longer remember a time before now that I have loved anyone more. I struggle to find the words to describe the cataclysmic and heart rendering moments we shared. Where beneath Tokyo lights you grasped my hands and warmed them and I just knew. I knew that every person in this world deserved a moment like this. A moment where you knew how to be truly loved without the whisper of a single word.

My love knows no boundaries and if you give me a chance I will continue to show you the most faithful of hearts.

-E

too weak a word

Mike Oncley

pick me

unknown

You have always been ambitious and i love that about you. Your only 20 but you have already started up your own business and it is doing so well, i couldn't be more proud to call you my boyfriend. and you know that, i helped you set it up. i came up with the name , and i did all the design and advertising for it.

i understand owning your own business , especially when your so young is stressful and you have to work a lot, i try and make it easier for you by helping out as much as i can. i make dinner for you , do your washing and clean your house when you've been too busy .. the list goes on and on.
But one thing that upsets me , is that sometimes you work when you don't have too.. Your mum calls you a workaholic , and id agree. although i didn't think it was a bad thing. Until i started feeling less and less important. and realised that in the last 6 months , Ive been finding myself up the mountain, staring at the ocean alone, our little place we used to go every week at least once and walk the dogs.

Ive told you about this, we have even had fights over it. How your work always comes first and how i always have to wait till everything is done before i even get a "hey babe how are you'. But you always say sorry and tell me you don't mean too and your gonna start leaving work related issues behind when the doors close at 5 o'clock. i always believe you, cause i love you and i want to take your word for it.

But then things like tonight happen : i ask if you would like to have dinner with me and my parents at 7. you say yes although you have a few things to do before hand but you'll be there.. great, I'm excited.

its then 7 and your not here, i call you and you say your still working and you'll be another hour, but your so sorry and you'll make it up to me.

its now 8.53 and your still not here. Me and my parents have already eaten. i go to call you to ask where the hell you are. and my mum tells me to stop nagging you, your busy and you'll come when your ready.

Why is it OK for you to always let me down and put work before me . Why doesn't everyone else see how frustrating it is to have to fight for your own boyfriends attention .

i love you , but just once i want you to forget about work and dedicate one night to me. i don't think its too much to ask.

is it?

Please, pick me. i'm tired of waiting.

♥ Claud

how i wish

weheartit

wondering if it is worth it.

unknown

I try so hard not to give up on love. I see it all around me and all of my close friends have felt it, except for me. I used to have hope that one day it would be my turn, after all I am only 18. But every time I am presented with the possibility of love I freeze, and completely screw it up. I push it away before it gets too intense, I convince myself that I'm only going to get hurt and what's the point? I wont end up marrying this person, or probably even dating them for that long so why risk hurting myself. This summer I finally decided to take a risk and talk to this guy that I met briefly at school. We immediately hit it off, and kept in close contact the two weeks I went away on vacation. I was so thrilled and excited and ready to take a risk and let myself get hurt because I thought this time would be worth it and maybe I wouldn't get hurt for awhile or maybe not at all. I came back from my trip and immediately went out with him.

It was the best date i'd ever been on, I felt comfortable with him and wasn't scared or nervous about what was going to happen. After the date I was flooded with so many emotions I had never felt before, I was nervous and excited in a good way and couldn't wait to see him again. However, after the date all contact between us was forced and it seemed like he was blowing me off. I was completely flabbergasted, how could he be blowing me off after we talked everyday for two weeks and had this incredible date? Am I young and naive in thinking it was more than it really was? I tried to keep in contact because I didn't want this one to get away, I had let him in unlike anyone else before and didn't want to let him go.

It's been a couple weeks, we have barely spoken and any communicating is contrived and strange. I have given up, if he doesn't want to speak to me why should I speak to him? Any courage that I gained from the beginning of this relationship I have lost completely. I can't help but think, how is this fair? I actually risked my feelings for this person and where was my reward? Finally I am the one who tried my hardest to make it work, and I end up the one alone. Any hope that I have left for love is almost gone. Friends keep telling me that one day I'll find someone. Some how I don't believe it. Not everyone falls in love, not everyone gets married, who is to say that it'll ever happen for me? I was once told that if I want it to happen for me it will. But how can it when I try so hard to make it happen and it still doesn't?

I'm trying to remain confident and hopeful because the idea of love is all that keeps me going, I'm holding onto the idea of love being bigger than anything in the whole world and that it will completely change my life. But at the same time the thought of it barely slipping out of my grasp hurts so badly. Love to me is like a double edged sword and I am constantly wondering if it is worth it.

- S

stealing kisses

pullbears

by accident

tumblr

To put it plainly.... I'm in love with my best friend....NOW lemme explain. I'd like to call this piece.... I TEXT MY BEST FRIEND I LIKE BY ACCiDENT!
*sigh*

So we met briefly 2 years ago when i was about 16 going on 17 because he was my bestfriend's boyfriend's bestfriend (confusing I know). First appearances, he was cute and he was the kinda guy that would listen to you when you spoke.... Very attentive. So I decided to call him up more and start talking to him properly. I eventually told him I liked him, but that didn't go very well because he didn't reply..... he apparently didn't know what to say. It was really weird for a few weeks because we had the same circle of friends and he would act really awkward when we all got together. Like he would give everyone a hug except me... As if I had a disease or something (very childish). But this childish acts became the basis of our best friendship.

Wait there's more..... So the tables turned after a few months he started calling me, and properly explained why he never gave me a proper answer. He said he wasn't in the 'right head space with girls and wasn't really one to show emotion' so I accepted his 'apology', and from on we started talkin about anything and everything. We'd talk almost everyday, we were so close, after a while I didn't even see him as someone I could be initmate with. Whenever I was upset he was always there and whenever he was upset I ALWAYS seemed to be there, come rain or shine. Sometimes He'd be the causes of all my anger but I knew the good and bad stuff, and that's what made me love him more... As a friend. He called me, out of all our friends 'the one he could talk to'.

Life was great, we drifted apart for a while due to busy schedules and stuff but we loved each other too much to let that get in the way....
We got really close and when we chilled with our friends he would say stuff aloud like 'i want her to have my babies' or say 'i love her' out loud which was embarrassing, he'd hold my hand in public and try and kiss me (only on the cheek) but he'd do it in a way that it would look like a public display of affection, he'll say nice things about the way i look and say like 'she's sexy', and all my friends say he treats me different to the rest of the girls around us, (so much for sending mixed signals ah!).
But I used to think nothing of it... I just used to think I'm just his substitute for a girlfriend. Of course it was bad, but I liked it. I liked feeling loved, and not that I needed to feel loved.... I just wanted some attention, you know?
So recently I started liking another guy he made me happy, laughed so much when I was with him, he ticked all my boxes. But i realised i was forcing myself to like this guy. Whenever i thought about things that made me happy and who would make me happy i thought of my best friend. I'm not particularly a girl who Thinks about relationships alot. So when I started thinking about him again 2 years later in that way, i started to feel scared about all the emotions coming back.
So I thought one day I'd be just as brave as I was two years ago and tell him I liked him just start a text to make me feel better.... 'i think I like you' BUT MY I PHONE SENT BY ACCIDENT!!!!
2 days later.... No reply! So I decided to text him the full text. I thought I might as well go for it now! I text him how I liked him and it was only recently that it has started, I basically poured out my heart on a plate for him to eat. 3 days later.... No reply!
My friends saw him at a party and he showed them the text (as if they wouldn't know already) and asked them what he should do. They replied 'just talk to her' he replied 'he doesn't want to say anything because he didn't know what to say'.
After a week I couldn't take the heartache of not talking to my one of my best friend. It may seem crazy but I didn't care that he didn't like me, I just cared if he still loved me as a friend. So I text him and said 'can we just forget about this now, I just wana be us again... I just want to be your friend again'.

ITS BEEN THREE DAYS and he hasn't text back.:(
I'm just disappointed in him, because he couldn't even reply back to the one about us being friends. I'm so torn inside. I'm always goin out of my way to help him through any situation he goes through, and this is my payback. I think he's being a coward. We are a lot more grown than the first time this happened.

And why is it me doing all the chasing? I think it's time for me to take a step back. I don't actually want to let go of this love. It's a nice love.... Makes you feel warm inside. But this no replies business, makes feel he's selfish and not the person i was friends with, or even liked.

I love someone who might not love me back. If he doesn't like me I've come to the conclusion he needs to stop playin mind games with me and just tell me straight. What is going on with us?

I'm in love with my best friend.....

afraid you'll forget me

elizabeth latten + tumblr

i don't know what's going to happen.

ffffound

Yesterday morning when I woke up I was still pissed off. So I decided do stop by his house and give him a piece of my mind. I was going to yell, scream, hit him, make him feel like shit. I had it all planned out. I drove to his house and rang the doorbell. He opened the door with a surprised look on his face. "Hey...?" he said, and gave me a hug. Damn, I thought. Why'd he have to hug me? I couldn't hit him then. I couldn't yell or cry or be angry with him at all. He has such influence over me it's disturbing.

We stood on his porch and had a big talk. I can't remember everything exactly but I told him how horrible he made me feel sometimes. How I felt like he was trying to replace me and memories of me with his girlfriend. I want him to have new memories, but I want him to remember old ones, too. I know at one point I started crying and he hugged me close to him. Then he told me that I made him feel like shit, too. A while ago. I told him to tell me everything that I had done wrong and everything that he was mad at me for... So he got it all off his chest. Everything came out. He was on the verge of tears, too. After we got all our anger out, things got softer. We talked about how we liked each other, how he's scared to be with me because he doesn't want to get hurt again.

As we talked, I was kind of flirting with him on purpose, like playing with his jacket strings and zipper and tickling his neck. At one point I put my hand on his chest, right over his heart. It was pounding. I let out a small laugh.
"What?" He asked.
"Remember when I used to rest my head on your chest and listen to your heart?"
He smiled.
"Yeah, I remember. It was your favorite thing to do."
And so I did again. He moved his jacket and pulled my head to his chest. His heart beat even faster. I smiled into his shirt and turned my head so that I was breathing him in.
"Are you smelling me..?"
I smiled again.
"Yes. You smell good."
He laughed and asked what he smells like.
"Magic," I said.
I stepped away from him so that I could see his face.
"Do I have a smell?" I asked.
"Yes."
"What do I smell like?"
"Good. Really good."
I sniffed my hair, and he chuckled and said, grinning,
"No, not your hair..."
He pulled my hair all to one side so that the left side of my neck was bare.
"Right there.."
He leaned down and smelled my neck, then began kissing it. He kissed my neck, each kiss getting closer and closer to my face. He was about to reach my lips when I turned away,
"No. I'm not going to be that girl again. The girl that makes the guy cheat on his girlfriend. I hate that feeling."
He looked down and nodded. We continued talking about each other. How much we loved each other's eyes, stuff like that. We reminisced on the night of our first kiss. He remembered what I was wearing, what the date was, everything. I started playing with his ear, something I do that began that night and which I have done ever since. Eventually both my hands were worked up in his hair and his were pulling me closer to him. Our lips were an inch apart. He leaned in closer and I put two fingers on his mouth to stop him. He groaned.
In a whisper,
"Come on..."
We gazed into the eyes of the other and it overtook me. In that moment I no longer cared that He had a girlfriend; it wasn't real, their love. But our moment was. I let him lean in once more and his lips brushed mine gently. For some reason I turned to go to my car and leave.. I was scared and embarrassed but as I tried to walk away he took my hand and pulled me back to face him and kissed me again. It went on like that. I would tease him, making him want me even more than he already did, and rarely give it to him. After a few more kisses, goosebumps, and dizzying amounts of butterflies in my stomach, I really did have to go. He walked me to my car and I stood leaning against it, talking to him for at least ten more minutes. This time, it was his turn to tease me. I wrapped my arms around his neck in an attempt to pull his face towards mine but he was able to lean back and resist my desperate attempts.
"Please..?" I asked, with my best puppy dog face.
"On the cheek," He said, smiling.
So I gave him a kiss on the cheek. I got in the car, started it, and the song Sing To You, by Table For One, was playing. I rolled down the window and took his hand.
*Would you let me sing to you, dry your crying eyes for you? Let my words take you away to a better view. You don't have to say anything about yesterday. If you listen, I can take your pain away*
"This song is really cute," I told him. And so he listened while I held his hand and kissed his fingers. When the song ended, he told me he'd miss me. I tried to kiss him but he turned so that I kissed his cheek.
"One more?" I asked. He leaned in through the window to kiss me, then said goodbye. I drove home, smiling the whole way.
(:

But that was yesterday. Now I'm just confused. He's with his girlfriend right now. Their families got together for dinner. He hasn't talked to me all day... I don't think he's going to tell his girlfriend about what happened... and I don't think he's going to break up with her. The situation sucks for all three of us.
His girlfriend: has been cheated on and doesn't know it. Her boyfriend likes and wants to be with me, his best friend. She doesn't know this either.
Him: likes and wants to be with two girls. Wants to be with me more than his girlfriend, but is scared to because I hurt him in the past.
Me: I'm in love with my best friend, but he has a girlfriend and even though he cheated on her with me he's not going to tell her because he doesn't want to break up with her because he's scared to be with me because I hurt him in the past.

I don't know what's going to happen. I asked him if he was going to take a chance and be with me, and he said, "Baby steps. I'll get there. Slowly. It might take a year; or more, or less. I don't know." But I told him I'd wait for him regardless.

Sigh. I'm just wondering how long it's going to take.