Friday, September 3, 2010

your strongest love


ffffound

I’m a small town girl. When you’re from a small town, relationships are different. They’re solid. They’re long. They’re comfortable. They’re home. It’s a different kind of being known. A different kind of close. A different kind of love.

In that small town, I had a boy. The kind that everyone said would always end up marrying me. The kind where friends would always ask why we weren’t dating. The kind that was your best friend since kindergarten and somewhere down the line you both formed feelings for each other. We confessed those feelings. We acted on those feelings. Other relationships were ruined because of those feelings, sometimes our own relationship.

We were as close as two people could be. Because we knew every detail about each other. And not because we told each other everything but because we were there for it all. He knows what ribbon I won on field day in third grade because he let me drink from his water bottle afterwards. He knows what guys broke my heart in high school because he threatened to kill every one of them. He knows what my favorite restaurant in town was because he had to sit through a thousand meals there with me. He knows who my favorite teacher was in seventh grade because he helped me through that homework. He knew what kind of mat I took my naps on in kindergarten because he wanted to share it with me. He knew where my grandparents lived because I snuck out of their house for our first kiss. He knew all my favorite foods because I stole whatever I wanted off his plate. He knew all my schedules of my classes because he had a note waiting for me after each one. He knew every locker number I had because that was always our meeting spot. He knew my hardest days because we ended those on my front porch or the bottom bunk in his room. He knew every weekend I was coming home from college because he would do everything he could to try to come too. He knew when my face had horrible breakouts because he preferred me with no make up on. He knew what it took to really push my buttons because we always ended up yelling in each other faces followed by a door slamming and my tears. He knew my biggest fears because he faced them all with me. It’s a rare thing to be completely known my someone. But it’s a beautiful thing.

I remember the moment he told me he liked me. Walking down the hallway after school sophomore year. I was dating someone else. Someone who was intimidated by our relationship and had every reason to be. I thought he was so brave for getting that out. But then again, he knew me so well, he knew it wouldn’t scare me away but only pull me closer. He ended up taking a push down the stairs for me. Because my boyfriend saw the truth in our relationship and took it out on him.

We protected each other. We disappointed each other. We loved each other. We challenged each other. We got each other. We frustrated each other. We wanted each other. We hurt each other. How does it end? How are you sure you aren’t supposed to be together? Why was it that every time we tried to date, it never worked? We both expected that to be so simple. But it was so tough. To just be a couple. Even though in every sense of the word, we already were. We’re both dating other people now. We still talk at times. We help each other and encourage each other. We remember old memories for a laugh. And in some ways, even though it should, our relationship hasn’t changed much. I’m scared I’ll always miss him. I’m scared no one will know me like him. I’m scared no one will get me like him. I’m scared no one will love me unconditionally like him. Yet, we both know we can’t be together. People say you never forget your first love, but what about your strongest love?

47 comments:

  1. he will always be my strongest love, and i'm afraid i won't be able to find anyone half as good as he is when he's gone

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  2. Things never worked out for both of you is because both of you know each other too much. but I hope things would work out for the both of you. I guess the strongest love is as hard to forget just like your first love.

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  3. A beautiful story. A beautiful love. Two very beautiful lives, even if they don't end up together.

    Simply beautiful.

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  4. so beautiful.
    you have no idea ... i'd give EVERYTHING to have a friendship or however you wanna call it like that. although i know pretty well how scared i would be as well. :(

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  5. You will find another one trust me! The one you are "destined" to be with me may not understand you or love you the same way your first love did, but he will be even better in some other way and eventually you will realize why it didnt work out with your first love. You wont miss your first love always, you just need to meet right person, who will help me you forget him. I also remember my first love, i really thought he was The One, but then it was just so hard for us to be together, and i couldnt figure out why. Now i've met another person, he is different than my first love, but he understands me in total new level, and i've realized that with my first love we were just too similar to function together. I would choose my current love over my first love but still sometimes i wonder how we could have been with my first love and what would happen if ever saw each other again, because we havent been keeping connection. You just have to learn and cope with the feelings that you for your first love and accept that it's in your past.

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  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  7. It's sad when there's a great love but the relationship doesn't work well.

    http://lovers-shore.blogspot.com

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  8. the relationship i want most.. is a SOLID REAL and SERIOUS committed relationship..

    (Y__Y)




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  9. I love this. It really makes you think..
    what is a relationship supposed to be made out of?

    i wish you all the best. The line between friendship and love is so thin, so easily crossed. But once you find yourself in no man's land, theres only one way to go.

    xo

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  10. This gave me chills. THe last paragraph especially.

    It's my biggest fear too wow. That I'll always miss him. Even when my life is going on. I'm so scared that no one will ever love me and know me so strongly like him. ahh you put into words what I wasn't able to.

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  11. Love this blog... the stories and the pictures too, but I´m not being able to see them, don´t know why.

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  12. What a beautiful entry. What if your strongest love, is your real first TRUE love? I have loved a few, but my first love was my true love when I was 18. And now, we are back together, 8 years later. I can honestly say that he is also my strongest love. Have faith. Enjoy your memories. Smile at them, and know that you will love again - it will be a different kind of love, but it could be stronger than what you have already experienced. :)

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  13. I know that feeling, I have a person in my life. A person that I love, more than a friends. But we just won't work together. We love each other, and he's always been there - I guess he always will. But somewhere in the back of my head he won't dissapear and I'm afraid that I will compare every guy that I meet with him. "No one knows me like him, so why even bother letting them in?".. And what if I won't find another guy like him, what will I do then?

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  14. Don't be afraid, just forget the labels and be together, there will be a place and a moment for the two of you!

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  15. L0VE this post.
    What a gret blog : )

    Following TheUrbanFlaming?!

    http://TheUrbanFlamingo.blogspot.com/

    <3KaitlynMcCall

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  16. I understand all of this. And it's beautiful. And I wish life didn't always have to get in the middle of beautiful things.

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  17. If you published some of the most beautiful stories on your blog I would buy them. They are so wonderfully heartbreaking. Let me know if you ever do.

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  18. A great post.

    I adore relationships that are strong, and two people know each other's little details.

    I think it's the little details that two two people know about each other that makes it a more special bond.

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  19. is a perfect history,good blog,kisses
    :)

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  20. THAT was amazing... I felt everything. I feel like even though I am not from a small town, I just understand because I think we all want someone to know and love us this way. Best of luck to you.

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  21. sometimes it's the right guy, wrong time... xox

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  22. A beautifully written ode to love. Of course you'll love like that again. If you love strongly once, you'll love strongly again. You just need to trust and believe in your truth. x

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  23. http://theutterlyinspired.blogspot.com/

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  24. this is beautiful :) i really hope that if this is true, that you do end up together because this love is extremely difficult to find, let alone share. best of luck!!

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  25. I always love reading the stories on Lelove... knowing they're true makes it always more heart-wrenching and more beautiful. X

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  26. I wanna be a small town girl now, reading this! very beautifully written! xx

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  27. love will always be complicated no matter who you end up with.....don't let this love go....fight for it no matter how hard it gets.....you have only one life to live...why not share it with your soul mate

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  28. Share your dreams and find your dreams posted at our website. It must be fun to see what others dreams.

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  29. to be know like that completely is a rare thing. people never truely see eachother and when they do its the kind of connection that lasts a life time and beyond. I had a relationship like this once but he passsed away. The second before i had even heard i had felt as though my heart was being pulled from my chet and then when they told me i felt i died too. Till this day i still find little surprises in my books and all over our apartment. your strongest love is the one that moves you even when you dont notice. You might inot be together but you are connected in a very special way
    <3 V

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  30. That's really sweet. I am relatively sad because of how much I can relate but honestly I love those small town relationships. I remember being in love in a small town... where everyone basically knew one another and you share your life, home, work, and everything else with your partner. Makes me sad because honestly, those kind of relationships are always the hardest to get over.

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  31. This is exactly like me and my first love, I came from a small town where he came from the city, he told me he would love me till the end of the earth, but people eventually change and feelings eventually fade. What we had with our first love feels like the strongest love only because it's our first time falling in love, so we never put up any barriers, we loved till our hearts got shattered. But in our next love we learn from the previous and we tend to put up this invisible barrier to pretect our once shatterd hearts.

    xxx

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  33. This is so achingly beautiful it can't help but touch the Lover in everyone who reads it. Esmeralda's question is this: do you know why you can't be together? If you do, then there's peace for you, and you can be deeply happy and content with someone else b/c you know how to love. If you don't know the answer to the question - you need to find it.
    E.
    http://psychicesmeralda.com

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  34. real love scares the crap out of me because I don't think I'm strong enough to handle life if it ends...so I always keep people I date at a distance...

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  35. this so beautiful. sounds like you're perfectly made for eachother. and just know this - when love is real it finds a way.
    love /e

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  36. this is the hardest kind of love... the love between friends

    http://sartorialme.blogspot.com/

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  37. My greatest fear came true . ... I really , really miss my ex so badly :(

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  38. beautiful. that's all i am able to say about it.

    just beautiful...

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  39. You'll find someone else, but it will never be the same...

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  40. This is Beautiful
    I think I could read it over and over again and never feel any different each time.
    This has to be one of my Favourite storys on Le Love!

    Please write more
    x

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  41. Hi, i've just started a First love blog. I would love to Feature your love story on it. I'm here to ask permission. Would you mind submitting it ? its http://firstkissfirstlove.tumblr.com/

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  42. So, I don't actually suppose this may have success.

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  43. I saw a great deal of helpful information above!

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  44. Goodness, there is a lot of useful data here!

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