he loves me.

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you should have said no.

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You should have said no and this whole thing would have been avoided. But you didn't. You never even fathomed that I was in your mind. In the back of your very head. You let her bat her eyes, touch your arm, tease you til you couldn't take it anymore. But most of all, you betrayed me. All I want to know is, "why?" What did she have that I couldn't have offered you? Why did she flood back into your memories? Why did you cave into her little game? You should have said no. You should have shoved her away. Told her to leave. SOMETHING! But instead, you caved. Gave in to her every whim. Her every desire. Once she was satisfied, it was too late. You betrayed me. You lied to me. You straight up forgot I even existed in your life.

Was it worth it? Was it worth this? Was it worth losing me? Losing everything you once held so closely to? I feel really cheated, in fact, I was cheated. I never expected this. Especially from you. You were the last person I ever expected to hurt me this badly. So badly, I didn't want to get up out of bed. I just wanted to lie there all day. Forget the world. Forget you. But, I knew I couldn't. I had to get up. Dress up. Put on my face. Fake that smile. Get through my day. Without you... But, I don't think you would have made it any better. You sure did enough. I just don't understand it. I don't understand you. All I know is now, I can't even look at you. You Should have said No.

You lost me.

-C

let's run away together

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i know what love is.

unknown

This isn’t a story about a breakup.

This is a story about recovery, about strength, and, most importantly, about love.

Three weeks into a perfect relationship, depression hit me. I was a complete mess. And despite my weekly therapy sessions and medication, it only seemed to be getting worse. I knew I was unsuccessfully hiding it from him so, by some miracle, I managed to gather up the strength and explain to him the cause of my unpredictability and moodiness.

I expected the worst. We were both young, our relationship was just starting, and depression is not an easy burden to bear. But I was so wrong to doubt that boy. It was that weekend that I realized I was in love with this person who was willing to take care of me through all the hardship life was throwing my way.

Sadly, things only seemed to get worse. I realized my depression had wrapped itself around our relationship; any little thing he said or did could set me off. I cried myself to sleep almost every night, and I could sense his frustration when he could do nothing to comfort me while I was alone. It was so hard for me to separate my true feelings from the depression, and the confusion made our relationship almost unbearable.

Here we are, 4 months later, and I’m not going to lie, things aren’t perfect. Just last week I was convinced we’d be better off apart, but the depression has died down and my self-awareness has made it so much easier to see the truth behind my sadness. Every day I am more and more grateful that he’s always been there for me, never once got upset or turned his back on me. He’s been patient and supportive and everything I could ask for in a boyfriend. I love him more than anything, and although there are more trials ahead of us and we may not last forever, I will always remember our time together and the kindness he’s shown me.


It is because of you, Miles, that I know what love is.


L.

love/lust

reaching in the dark

ffffound

it's so strange. and yes, I know it's not the first time this has been discussed. and this one, when it really comes down to it, will be no different from the others. but its another one of those times when this little part of my life that I have controlled so it won’t consume me, starts bubbling up again. I don’t know why, little things start it, get me thinking again. why, am I, an almost 20 year old girl, incapable of romantic love? its quite embarrassing to think or talk about.. almost laughable at how pathetic that seems. if my story were told to a random stranger I’m sure they would think the reason would be that I am some dirty-faced, antisocial, impersonable, loner. I'll have you know, I am none of those things. I have friends, great friends; the majority of which are in healthy normal relationships. I however, am not.

I'm not saying i am not loved, because I really am - but not that way. not in the way that is different from anything else and can make you feel the way that nothing else can. I wonder what it’s like to know you are loved that way. it fascinates me because it is completely foreign to me. its like imagining what it would feel like to be weightless in a rocketship on its way to the moon. unfathomable until you actually experience it. and, for one reason or another, it seems as though I am not cut out to be an astronaut.

People want me, but not enough. not enough to take it past the initial thrill of it. and I know how it works, oh I’ve seen it hundreds of times. heard it, watched it.. just not in the first person that's all. its always looking behind glass windows, doors, at the others who have found it. and even though sometimes its fleeting, short-lived, its still real. I wonder about the day when I will be the one people are watching.

I have all of these things I want to do before I die; ride in a hot air balloon, learn to play guitar, see the statue of liberty, silly things like that. but more than any of those things, I would like to experience the feeling of being completely and utterly loved. in a way that not your parents, your best friend nor your sister loves you. but the love you get from someone that you feel the same about. maybe thats the silliest of all, but to me it is the most important.

I don’t know. I really truly don’t know, as I’ve said a thousand times before and will probably continue saying until I get my answer - if I get an answer. sometimes it seems as though i'm reaching in the dark, for something i know must be there but its just so hard to find.

I still hold on to a tiny thread of hope that one day it’ll hit me over the head and I’ll just stand there baffled and realize I’ve finally found what I’ve been looking for, for as long as I can remember. but I also keep my head just below the clouds because the only thing worse for me than never finding what you’ve been looking for would be to constantly wait for it when it never comes.

Anyway, to all the people who have found it, my hat is off to you. I hope you know how lucky you are to be experiencing one of the most amazing things in the world, I’m sure you do. and as for me, I will continue on with my life, doing the things I love, that feel right, and hope for the best. they say the best way to find love is by doing what you love, and I suppose I’m trying my best to do that right now. so maybe.. maybe, one day everything will fall into place. and if not, I’ll at least have the things I truly love to keep me occupied.

-E

how you feel about me

unknown

fingerprints

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They all left fingerprints on my heart.

Joel taught me how to lose pride and shatter a lot and lot of prejudice.

Michael told me how to sell all of my things and run away to him, if I would ever come to need it.

Joseph showed me the fine line between between best friends and lovers.

Richard taught me the power of love and the hollowness of a broken heart, and for whom it is worth risking one for the other.

Joshua taught me the significance of a caressed hand, while Alexander taught me about loose lips and hot breaths.

Nixon proved to me that you should never judge a book by its torn cover.

Andrew taught me the skill of fast-witted flirting, and Sam taught me about love at first sight.

Jake made me laugh while making me feel like I was the only girl in the world.

And because Keith told me to never leave a heart broken without stealing a souvenir first; not a day goes by when I don't think about them.

je t'aime ♥

unknown + Alana Davis

i am so proud

Le Portillon

This letter was written for me by my boyfriend before I left to study in Rome.*

To my dearest itialianest bean,

Where do I begin? You know it’s hard for me to write my feelings down or even put them into words but ill try for the bean. You are the love of my life baby. I have never ever felt the way I feel about you for anyone else and I really mean it. I have never wanted to make anyone as happy as I want to make you. I would literally do anything for you to be happy. You make my life so much better baby, we have so much fun together. With the others I have dated I would look at a trip like this as a total relief and an escape from all the bullshit. But with you I see it as literally a piece of me leaving for 5 weeks. I have never felt that way about anyone. I always want to be near you and with you and never get sick of you. I am so excited for you to go off and experience Italy and eat awesome food and meet awesome people. I hope you have the most amazing time, I’m really happy you are doing this. I want you to know that I will be thinking about you every second of the day wishing I could hold you in my arms and kiss you. You make me so happy baby and everything I do, I do with you in my mind because you are such an important part of my life. My heart and everything I am belongs to you and only you baby. I promise to send you emails updating you on what I did during the day and I can’t wait to hear how you spend your days and crazy evenings there. I’ll punch any guy that looks at you. J you are the sexiest most beautiful thing in my life and I am so proud to call you my girlfriend and the love of my life.

With all the love I could ever possibly give,

p.s. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

p.p.s you are so f'ing cute it kills me

p.p.p.s you complete me (sike nah, but really if Jerry McGuire hadn’t used it I def would have thought of it and used it on you)

* reader submission

love is...

olive manna

what's broken so I can fix it

Olle Eriksson

My story starts like a million others - girl gets her heart broken at a young age, stops believing in love, meets guy who makes her change and open up. But unlike a million other stories, mine doesn't have a happy ending.

I signed up to a dating website when I was bored. It was just out of curiosity at first and to meet new people, since I love to travel. Until one day this guy comes up as a suggestion. A quick look at his profile and I immediately decided to congratulate him for such a well written about me section. And so it all started. Long messages being exchanged every single day. Confessions, complaints, all the things you would talk to a friend, we wrote to each other. We became friends, but something was growing inside me, a weird, unsettling feeling, but I decided to shrug and let it go. Until the day I drunkenly decided to tell you everything - all my feelings and thoughts. And to my surprise you said you felt the same and when you did so... oh, it was like a breath of fresh air. I finally felt happy after so many years of faking smiles and trying to drag myself through life. My heart filled with hope.
And when I thought I couldn't be happier, you said you were coming to my country to visit me. My insecurities took me by storm and I started to think that it was to good to be true. That such a good looking guy would never want a girl like me.
But you came, and I reunited all the courage I could to meet you, and when I first saw you I knew I had found someone worth fighting for. I knew that it would be worth all the heartache, the distance and the insecurities.

My life became you. I would go out and think about you all the time, always wishing you were here. I would dream about you. I would thinking of you so much that it started to frighten me.

After you left I was such a mess that I decided that for the first time I had to go after someone. And so I did. I flew all the way to your country so I could see you again. And for some reason, everything was so fucked up. You met me once and then ignored me, ran away from me, and words can't explain how painful it was, how broken my heart was. I would walk around the streets of that foreign and unknown country trying to find reasons for all that, trying to fool myself into thinking you were just too busy to meet me, that I came at the wrong time. I had to fool myself, otherwise I wouldn't be able to take it. I would just... break.

After many attempts to contact you, you finally responded. We had dinner. And then all of a sudden you said you wanted me to be your girlfriend. At first I thought it was a joke, because it was too good to be true, way too good. But you said it again later that night, and I remember going back to my hotel with the biggest smile on my face. That was the only day when I was truly happy. I made plans to move to your country, or to a country nearby so we could be closer and give us a shot. But then you ignored me again after that, and I was left puzzled. I had to come back home broken hearted, lost, without knowing what to do.

Ever since that day you were never the same, we were never the same, and I wonder what went wrong. There isn't a day that goes by without me thinking of you, longing for you. The sadness I felt before meeting you came back. And even though you broke my heart so many times, I would still do whatever I can to be closer to you, to be with you. I want the truth, I want your honesty back. I wish you would just tell me how you're feeling so I can stop torturing myself. Because I want you, I want us. I want me there with you, or you here. I want to cross streets holding hands, have dinners, watch old movies and walk around town. I want adventures, drunken nights. I want happiness. I want you, only you.

I want to know what's broken so I can fix it, because I can't imagine myself living a life without you.

Jeg savner dig...

-jcm

feel what i am thinking

Maddie Joyce + unknown

he will tell me it's true

ph: unknown

Dear Mr.,

You have been my greatest. My fear is that no one will ever be what you are to me, today i had to make a decision. I could no longer live in limbo, I could no longer live without you and with you all at the same time, i could not think of everyone else who has you when I'm not there or that you might avoid me the next day after loving me the night before.

You are incredible and a man who will achieve all and know no boundaries, I am drawn to your soul like it was made to light mine up but i know that you can't be it. Even though you were my Mr., you can't be him because my soul mate will feel it too,

but he will tell me it's true.

love Ally x

you got me smiling in my sleep

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