Tuesday, June 7, 2011
i know what love is.
This isn’t a story about a breakup.
This is a story about recovery, about strength, and, most importantly, about love.
Three weeks into a perfect relationship, depression hit me. I was a complete mess. And despite my weekly therapy sessions and medication, it only seemed to be getting worse. I knew I was unsuccessfully hiding it from him so, by some miracle, I managed to gather up the strength and explain to him the cause of my unpredictability and moodiness.
I expected the worst. We were both young, our relationship was just starting, and depression is not an easy burden to bear. But I was so wrong to doubt that boy. It was that weekend that I realized I was in love with this person who was willing to take care of me through all the hardship life was throwing my way.
Sadly, things only seemed to get worse. I realized my depression had wrapped itself around our relationship; any little thing he said or did could set me off. I cried myself to sleep almost every night, and I could sense his frustration when he could do nothing to comfort me while I was alone. It was so hard for me to separate my true feelings from the depression, and the confusion made our relationship almost unbearable.
Here we are, 4 months later, and I’m not going to lie, things aren’t perfect. Just last week I was convinced we’d be better off apart, but the depression has died down and my self-awareness has made it so much easier to see the truth behind my sadness. Every day I am more and more grateful that he’s always been there for me, never once got upset or turned his back on me. He’s been patient and supportive and everything I could ask for in a boyfriend. I love him more than anything, and although there are more trials ahead of us and we may not last forever, I will always remember our time together and the kindness he’s shown me.
It is because of you, Miles, that I know what love is.