please understand

deviant art: thirdeyee

it happened just like every other time. different place, different people, different words, i thought even a different me but still the same outcome. it always comes out the same. i think ive moved on, i think im ready to be friends again, i think im over him. so i start a conversation, begin catching up, rebuilding, starting over. every time im so positive that this time will be the last time that he and i have to become friends, this time will be different, this time it will work. this time everything i want will come true. i was so sure this time.

we're friends, we're together, we're hurting each other, we're fighting, we're alone again.

then we give each other some space and try it all over again. you would have thought at least one of us would learn from the millionth time. but neither of us do.

loves meant to be simple. if you love him and he loves you then you are in love. if you are in love you are together. its never been like that though. not even from the first minute we met.

i fell for him almost as soon as i saw him. there was just this amazing link between the two of us. it was so strong people neither of us knew picked up on it. it wasnt that i had a crush on him, it wasnt that i liked him, it was more. i was in love, not that i knew it at that point. and then it started. i fell and he didnt. i changed he fell i changed back. we were together and then we werent. we moved on then we moved back. and sure enough we ended again. he fell and i didnt. i fell and he couldnt. but then he did. i finally caught on and fell into him. at that moment we fell evenly, finally. we were equals in love, nobody was king and nobody was jester. and it was wonderful. then we both fell away. and then back together.

and now im stuck right back where i was. completely in love and with a totally broken heart. i want more than anything else to be able to accept that we arent going to go anywhere because we arent. i just want to be at the stage where i know in my mind and my heart that while we arent going to work god dammit we gave it our best shot. and its not that i havent tried everything i can think of to move on. you can bet your life that ive tried every trick in the book. in fact i rewrote the book, adding in all my crazy desperate ideas that i tried once i had exhausted the book. but still when i lie awake at night im left wondering if i really did try everything. if i really did try my hardest. or if i only made it look like that. because, really, deep down somewhere even though he is so wrong for me and i am so wrong for him maybe i dont want to stop loving him. but the smart thing, the logical thing to do is to get the communication happening between my head and my heart. get my head to make my heart see reason. get it to see the truth about me and him. we dont work. we wont work.

we arent the right kind of wrong. we arent the wrong kind of right. we are just the wrong kind of wrong.

being right means that i wont have him to tell me that mum didnt mean what she just said.

being right means that i wont get any more applogy texts cause he fell asleep on me the night before.

being right means that i cant claim a bed to myself after parties that he hasnt gone to.

being right means that i wont have him to cover me in sand when i fall asleep at the beach.

being right means that i dont have him to convince me to miss school or work cause he knew that i secretly wanted to spend the day with him.

being right means that i dont have an offer from him to warn off guys for me, even if its just an offer.

being right means that i wont be thinking about him when im singing along to love songs.

being right means that i cant have anymore of his goodbye kisses.

being right means that i wont have him.

being right means that i loose everything that has made up the past two years.

so i know that this isnt going to work. i know that i am going to get hurt again. i know that my friends will have run out of sympathy by the next time i come crying to them. i know that im missing out on wonderful people by being caught up with him. i know that im not going to come out of this alive. but also i know that im in love.and im not ready to let that go just yet.or ever.

so lets be wrong together. not the good kind. not the right kind. the wrong kind. our kind.

cause i know no matter how much i deny it, not matter what i tell my friends, no matter who im with or what im doing, im thinking up ways to make us work.

by bec

the one fish that you choose

through it all

unknown

I love being held. I love when I am in someones arms, and I know that they would do anything for me. yea, I know its selfish but that is what I love. I love waking up to someone and smiling and having them smile back. When you are cold, and you are sharing a blanket and you have their sweatshirt on. your hair is all a mess and your breath smells and you nuzzle up to their neck and they nuzzle you back and wrap their arms around you. and you smile. And fall right back asleep.

I love walking into a room and he smiles back at you, you work your way over, making googiley eyes just for fun until you reach him, and then he wraps you in a big hug and you say hi and act like you haven’t seen each other in ages. That is a great feeling.

Feeling the rush of his lips trail down your body, covering every spot of skin. Giving in to him, giving him what you both want. Feeling like one. Knowing your love will not fade. Knowing giving him that will make him keep you forever, just as you want.

The happy moments, the secret smiles. Going out with his family and saying something they don’t get, but he gives me that look that tells me he got it and he found it funny. Him telling me how beautiful I am in front of his family. Them looking at us and seeing how much we adore each other. The feeling of pride when his mom tells me she is happy her son has found someone so worth his love.

The tears after a big fight. And then him rushing over to dry them with kisses, not being able to sleep until he knows I am better.

The silent way people drift apart, the way the secret smiles fade. The fights end in crying with no one to hold you. the way your world seems to collapse, but you know this isn’t the way its supposed to be.

YELLING AT HIM TO FIX IT. even though you know you did more damage than he did.

After the break up, the feeling of betray as you look at another guy. Knowing you shouldn’t be looking, you don’t belong to them. knowing he still doesn’t look at anyone but you.

When you hang out, the way his eyes watch yours,the way they say sorry, the way you know he wants to kiss you and make all the pain go away. Trying your hardest not to cry because he refuses to become a couple together.

Being completely in love with him. and him with you.

Being best friends.

Him thinking he is not good enough, so he wants you to find someone that is.

You refusing to find someone else because you want him.

The complications. The tears. The heartache.

The feeling of love through it all.
-J

r + j

tumblr

and so i wonder.

shes_jack

He said he would be there for me,
He said he would never leave me,
No one knows how i feel deep inside,
No one was there when it happened in real life,
Some say I left for another guy,
Some say I left because I've had enough,
No...
I left because everything became different,
Him and i became different,
Our love is like a shattered glass now,
Our love could never grow again,
He moved on,
I couldn't,
He came back,
I came back,
He moved on,
I moved on..
I'm tired of crying for him,
Because I know he won't cry for me,
He blames me for everything,
He doesn't blame himself,
I keep it inside,
I carry with me all the burden too,
I don't want to look back anymore,
For I Don't want to cry over him again,
I don't want to fight back for him,
Because I know he won't hear me,
And he chooses to not hear me,
I moved on..
It's all been done,
I'm someone new now,
So don't come looking for me now, (well,to tell you the truth,he never did. never tried)
Live a life full of smiles and happiness,
Go out without telling anyone about it and feel blessed,
I thanked the lord for changing me into someone new,
Something worthwhile and got rid of all my blues,
He can keep everything,
I can keep the memories,
I ask for nothing,
Everything is done.

I did this when i was young. there's something about this that i could never forget of what happened. i hope you are reading this Keem Musdi. to know how much pain you've caused me and i to you. you and i both know the truth. there's no easy way to say sorry but to rather lie to ourselves and build up those hatred inside of the two of us.

And so i wonder if you do still think about me.
And so i wonder if you do still love me inside somewhere.
And so i wonder if there will ever be another chance for us to tie the knot and never let go.
And so i wonder.
And so i wonder.

I never got the chance to say thank you. I know I'll never be given the chance to apologize eventhough i've apologized millions of times (i assure you i can apologize a million more just for you. let me apologize. I don't want to carry this burden anymore). i don't think i'll ever have the chance to do so. wherever you are. i hope sooner or later maybe someday,everything will be okay again.

- Fee.W

you met me...

of lovers & friends

you see, i never meant to feel like this
it wasnt planned til you became my first kiss
i hated you for so long, i thought you were an ass
but baby you talked to me, got to know me
and now this gut feeling wont pass
youre the unrequited love as they say
months passed, march, april may
im still in love.
-P

close your eyes...

weheartit/tumblr

puppy love

weheartit

from Justin...

I lost my dog recently and I started thinking about how much I love her and miss her and I think about her all the time and reading your blog post about best friends, it made me think of pets.

I was wondering if anyone else writes in about how much of an impact pets have and the kind of love involved there. I don't know if you've ever lost a pet, but it's intense.

Well, that's my thought. :)

“How lucky I am to have known someone who was so hard to say goodbye to.”

i just wish we were each others to have

unknown

i thought we were having a conversation
arms wrapped around each other,
drunk and i was talking and then
your mouth was on my mouth
and for three
maybe five
maybe twelve seconds
we were kissing.

it happened Friday night
in the bar as it closed down.
the music had stopped
but we stayed and stood in the dark and
we were sweaty, my hair was curly
and crazy from dancing
all night.

it happened so fast and i was so surprised
that when when we went outside
i had almost forgotten about it.

almost.

after Mexican at 3 am
we all went to your house to pee,
and your girlfriend was on the couch
watching tv with your dog.

i couldn't even focus on her face,
i barely remember leaving.

I know how to handle this because
i have stood on each point of that triangle,
and i get it.

i just wish we were each others to
have.
-c

i don't...

ffffound

half is not whole

tumblr

the danger of a broken heart is not the pain.
not the tears, or anger.
not the ache, not the loneliness,
not the quiet, the empty seat, the bed now much too big.

the danger of a broken heart is what we have to repair it with.
mistrust, hopelessness, faux comfort.
independence.
the oaths we take. what we swear to ourselves.
the danger is self-reliance.

the danger is that these stitches in our heart don't fall out.
that they are there to stay.
because they must.

the danger is that we know it isn't about love anymore.
and,
it isn't about how perfect we are in our world.
it's about how perfect we are in theirs.

the danger is that two became one.
and a half of one...
well.

half is not whole.

but now we must make it so.

-lauren

i love you more than...

thanks tifa!

love map

thelovelybones

love is ________________

anna + licensetobe