Saturday, March 30, 2013

amazing wedding proposal

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES AMAZING CUTE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL VIDEO YOUTUBE ISSAC LAMB


How amazing is this wedding proposal?! Too cute!
.

Friday, March 29, 2013

the power to love who i am

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY SUBMISSIONS ADVICE LOVE PHOTO LOVE QUOTE LOVE YOURSELF Untitled by danielle christine j, on Flickr
ph: danielle christine

i feel like this website too often expresses the love for another individual. and while i think that loving someone else is a necessity in life i think that we need to love ourselves before we can even consider to love anything or anyone else in our lives.

this may be coming out as a reaction and revolution of the current events that have just taken place in my life but now i know for certain that i can't do anything in my life unless i have the power to love who i am.

all life long we are told that we have to follow a specific line of events. college.intern.job.married.babies. i dont want to fall into this layout that society has planned out for me. i wanna lust after life with a courageous soul and adventurous heart. i wanna touch the four corners, i want to run after the sunrise in the grand canyon and i wanna climb the eiffel tower.

this could be why i just left my boyfriend for one year and my amazing internship. true they were great opportunities but they blinded me from who i wanted to be as an individual.

individual. ahhh i love the sound of that word. i'm going to embrace being me and love every single second of it. im going to love my emotional state of mind, my soccer thighs and inability to do cartwheels. i'm gonna soak up every little inch of myself and love it... and appreciate who i am.

too often we all get caught up in the day to day to do lists in our lives. but today lets take a step back and say " IM GOING TO EAT THIS HAMBURGER AND NOT FEEL FAT!" and just enjoy the life that we are all so blessed to have.

cest le vie my friends.
greet the day :)

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

made just for me

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTO LOVE QUOTE LOVE GIF YOUR HAND FITS IN MINE LIKE ITS MADE JUST FOR ME ILLUSTRATED GIF
LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTO LOVE QUOTE LOVE GIF YOUR HAND FITS IN MINE LIKE ITS MADE JUST FOR ME ILLUSTRATED GIF  2
ph: weheartit

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

can i tell a story about you? | leandra & abie

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES FUNNY LOVE COUPLES INTERVIEW BEAUTY PRODUCTS NEWLY WEDS INTO THE GLOSS LEANDRA MEDINE MAN REPELLER HUSBAND ABIE 1
LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES FUNNY LOVE COUPLES INTERVIEW BEAUTY PRODUCTS NEWLY WEDS INTO THE GLOSS LEANDRA MEDINE MAN REPELLER HUSBAND ABIE 2
ph: Emily Weiss

Read a cute interview on beauty site Into The Gloss, with Leandra Medine of The Man Repeller and her husband Abie, about the beauty products they use. The interview has some funny lil moments, so I thought I would share. Here's one of my favorites...

Leandra: I feel like the key to not getting wrinkles is to stop emoting…. [To Abie] Can I tell a story about you?

Abie: What? Which one?

Leandra: Once, when we were first dating, I had to drop something off at your apartment one night and I came in and you were laying in bed watching TV. I got next to him in the bed and he was like, “Be careful—I’m wearing a mask on my face.”

Abie: Come on.

Leandra: You were wearing a face mask! And then he broke up with me a few months later and I was like, “Whatever, he must be gay.”

Abie: My acne must have been bad at that point, which is why I was wearing the mask.

Leandra: I don’t think so.


Read the rest of the interview HERE.

Monday, March 25, 2013

strengthen us

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE IDEAS LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES ONE DAY STRENGTH Untitled by  Marlène G, on Flickr
ph: Marlène G

I’ve just watched a relationship that I truly believed was so caring and resilient, crumble in front of my eyes. There was nothing I could do to change the way he felt, I couldn’t change the choice he made. I gave it all I could, but this time it wasn’t enough. It was just over, just like that. Yet knowing these blunt facts, I’m still haunted by the ‘what if’s?’ that expand my doubts.

Learning to block out these dangerously over-whelming thoughts and replace them with the acceptance that I’m never getting back what I had, hasn’t exactly been the healthiest or easiest journey. Nor has it helped lessened how absolutely drained and heart broken I am after this.

Good people leave, it happens. I’m learning that It’s not to make us weak but to instead strengthen us. These people walk out on us to allow better people to take their place. To fill in all the gaps the previous person wasn’t able to fill.

I don’t know how long it’ll take or how many hit and misses I’ll experience before this better person makes himself apparent, but I do know that when he does I’ll be happy that I made the choice to endure this pain they call ‘moving on’ rather than holding onto the fake hope you led me to believe that maybe one day we’ll pick up where we left off.

Last August I had my first thoughts.
Only now I know how right I was.
This was , too good to be true.

And I’m glad.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Friday, March 22, 2013

second time around

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE STORIES LOVE QUOTES LOVE PHOTOS GETTING BACK TOGETHER After the storm by Emma Hartvig, on Flickr
ph: Emma Hartvig

I wasn't sure if I should actually hit the 'send' button but as you can see, I swallowed my pride and did it... Seeing you that Monday afternoon felt so great and since then I keep wondering how you felt after seeing me...I'm very aware that I may regret this, but I am also aware that if I don't be honest and true to myself, I may always be wondering... So instead of wondering I'll just ask. And as blunt and as honest as it may be, I know that's the one thing we're both good at; being straight up and honest with each other.

It's been almost a year without you but when I saw you the other day, I still felt that connection going strong... At least on my end it was... I feel that I've grown so much this past year and it feels so great to be aware of myself as an individual. I also think you have grown as well (whether or not you believe that). I think that since we've gone our separate ways, and as hard as its been for the both of us, we've been able to have a good and respectful communication with each other... I think we both know and understand why we broke up and we both know and understand each others downfalls. Knowing these downfalls has helped me grow as a person (I hope it has done the same for you). You've never been good at believing in yourself and you always know I'm the first person routing for you even when you don't understand why...

So here's whats been on my mind... I keep having this fantasy about you and me. I always wonder if you're missing me or wishing we could work things out... not go full force into something, but take baby steps to see if this time apart, this time we've had to grow as individuals has changed anything... I know you tell yourself that you need this time alone and you're not sure if I was or ever will be 'the one' because as you say 'when you know you know'....and I'm not sure what the answer to that is either, but I do know that there is this little voice in my head that wonders what it would be like the second time around. And maybe that time is not today or even anytime soon for you, but deep down do you ever wonder if it could work?

On Monday I wanted nothing more than to have you in my bed and a part of me can't get that idea out of my mind...

I know that idea made you feel uneasy because you don't want to hurt me, and I appreciate that more than you know.

Like I've said before, honesty is our thing and I would never want to fight for someone who doesn't want me. But I will do what I can to trust my feelings, especially when they still feel this strong after so much time apart.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

absolutely everything

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORIES LOVE ADVICE LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES THE FIRE IS IN LOVE by Joel Sosa, on Flickr
LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORIES LOVE ADVICE LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES SITTING NEXT TO YOU MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME
ph: Joel Sosa + weheartit

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

those moments

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORIES GRANDPARENTS LOVE PHOTOS Alzheimers nezabudki by Ludmila Yilmaz, on Flickr
ph: Ludmila Yilmaz

Love is hard and grueling. You know those moments where you wish you just weren't capable of love? we all have them, rare as they may be, it's those moments that you wish you couldn't love so that it can keep us from the pain of watching a loved one forget, forget who you are and what you meant to them, where their mind slowly slips away and you become a stranger in those eyes, those eyes that now fear you. Alzheimers makes you feel those moments more than you should, because you don't want to feel the pain of watching your loved one slip away in such an ungracious and undignified way, for them to lose everything that meant something to them. I love my Gran so very very much, but sometimes just sometimes I wish I couldn't love just so the pain would stop and more than anything I wish the my Gran's pain could stop.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Monday, March 18, 2013

a rope worth holding

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE STORIES LOVE PHOTOS LOVE ADVICE ROPE WORTH HOLDING FEELING SAFE AGAIN TO TRY
ph: weheartit

You never just had a part of me, you had all of me. I wrapped myself up in your being and it wasn’t surprising when you did the same. Our lives became entwined with a mix of our bests, and our worsts. I’m not scared nor do I feel robbed. I guess I feel a little confused on how something that consuming couldn’t make it to the end.

Here I am now thinking about what lies ahead. To have my string back from our entwined rope, it just doesn’t seem right. I feel vulnerable and not as strong. What I keep forgetting is that it’s not impossible to entwine myself with another. So many people don’t want to change, they want to move on and still be the same person. I’ve felt that way for such a long time. Now I feel like the only answer is leaving that girl behind.

If I was willing to give that much of myself to you at one time I shouldn’t be selfish enough to ask for it back. And I shouldn’t be shallow enough to expect another guy to love your leftovers. I have to create something for him to love that isn’t marked by yours. I don’t need to hate you in the process either. This is all ok to feel but there’s a day when that strand of rope is knotted and then the new piece forms. Different lengths and different strengths, it’s all the same rope. I just need to decide which piece I feel the safest holding when I fall.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

i saved the rest for you

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTO PHOTOGRAPHY LOVE QUOTES POEMS ROMANCE FILM STILL WHITE DRESS
LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTO PHOTOGRAPHY LOVE QUOTES POEMS Jeffrey McDaniel The Quiet World
ph: Romance (Film Still) + Jeffrey McDaniel

Saturday, March 16, 2013

meet me at the beginning

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORIES LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES LOVE JOURNAL SHARE GO BACK TO HOW IT WAS you see me i don't care by tailakova, on Flickr
ph: Anastasia Tailakova

I had been bugging my boyfriend to write me love letters for a few months (we've been long distance for 9 months now) and so for Christmas he gave me a moleskin notebook with a letter from him written on the first few pages. "It's so we can write back and forth to each other like a love journal" he said. Best gift. Anyways, it was my turn to write something to him. The problem was when I tried to write, everything was sad, I miss you, I'm miserable without you, I hate that we have stupid fights etc. I didn't want to immortalize the bad times and wanted to bring the joy back into our love instead of the sadness from being apart. So I wrote this poem/story about the first month of our relationship, when we were physically together, so that we could bring a little bit of that magic back.

For Thomas

This is the story of two young people at the beginning of love, one that has been told thousands of times before, but each telling is as special and novel as the very first.

We begin with…
Boy meets girl.
Boy chases girl.
Girl just wants to be friends.
Boy doesn't give up.
One year later, boy asks girl to the dance.
Girl says yes.

They dance, they drink, they laugh, they sparkle.
That night, they lay in each other's arms, wrapped up in the newness of it all.
He makes her hash browns and she makes him laugh.
Days become good and bright. Nights are spend in quiet whispers and heated discovery.
They fall together.
Reveling in the lightness, they flourish.
He is kind and passionate and understanding and confident and all the things she has wished for.
She is full of ideas, captivating and radiant.
There is no fear, no doubt.
They were dancing, each completely in tune with the rhythm of the other.
Perfectly imperfect.
Happiness was ours. Let's go back there, to simplicity, to tangled limbs and locked lips, to playfulness and bliss, to incandescent love. Meet me at the beginning.

With all the love I possess
Alexandra

Friday, March 15, 2013

forever & ever

 LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES WINONA RYDER JOHNNY DEPP OLD PHOTO COUPLE LOVE BOYFRIEND GIRLFRIEND
LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES OH DARLING LETS BE FOREVER AND EVER ETSY FIFI DU VIE
ph: weheartit + Fifi Du Vie

Thursday, March 14, 2013

somehow change

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORIES STORY LOVE PHOTOS LOVE PICS LOVE QUOTES RED HEAD MARRIED Untitled by Michela Heim, on Flickr
ph: Michela Heim

And then there was him.

The incredibly smart and rational guy who knew what he wanted and was a realist. I met him in my office. I worked part time and combined the job with my daily studies. And it all started right there. He was an unbeautiful law student and wore a suit and a tie to class, always well shaved. But I felt I was drowning in his incredible live blue eyes full of light - from the very moment I met him. He practiced tap dance. And he tickled my intellect. Extremely logical and well read, he was a great person to talk to, a great mind. What we had in common was ambition. What we didn't - was 'attitude'. He was a very much 'here and now' kind of guy. And me, I'm always the 'if only' and 'when' kind of gal. And I always dreamed of seeing the world.

Together we roamed the streets of my then favourite city and talked for hours and hours. About life... and love... and faith... and things.. and about future - his - in this city - his city, and mine - outside the country. We were in love. And we knew it was not going to work, but we preferred to be lying to ourselves instead. We had time. We were not in a hurry.

I remember him once telling me how he imagined his perfect girl - she would be a tall redhead with a tiny bit of a hunch - like tall people have - and with short hair revealing her neck. This was his game.. The description was partially me, but for the part where it wasn't - the key was I needed to change for him. And I wouldn't. And so it was a fair game. Because neither would he change for me. As for me - I could never describe my perfect guy to him when he asked. I never had the image of a perfect guy in my head. (I'm always falling for the non-perfect ones, which result perfect in the end.)

One brisk sunny evening we were walking by the lake in the park after work. And then he took a leap. He asked me if I would ever marry him.

I think everything mixed up in my head when I heard it. Because I knew he meant it. And I came to a standstill with my heart heavily pounding somewhere in my knees. ' - I don't know...' was the only answer I managed to squeeze out of myself. And it was an honest one, because I was startled to the core with what he was asking. No one ever said this to me before. And then he said he was happy.... He was happy it wasn't a 'No'.

And now I realize that he was waiting, now I can see it. He was smart and understood it wasn't about talking me into it or convincing me in any way. He wanted me to want him first. The way he was. The way he wanted his life to be. I wish everyone did it like he did. Because normally it is against the human nature - so many of us hope it will be alright and the other person would somehow change in the end. Which doesn't happen. Consciously, I didn't know it then, but deep inside I already knew this wasn't IT for me, that there was so much more to life. I knew it was only the beginning. And so it was.

This is how it all came to an end. We never officially ended it (we never officially started it either). Our last night together was a requiem for a dream. I was melting in his arms - a bittersweet caress with no goodbye, which we knew would be our last one. And he is still in my heart, with all the dearest memories. We were still in for touch after I left abroad that year. 2 years later he told me he married a redhead.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

roshambo // free people // love video

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORIES LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES FREE PEOPLE VIDEO Christopher Abbott Sheila Marquez Brooklyn February Collection roshambo rock paper scissors kiss



Cutest love video from Free People with actor Christopher Abbott (GIRLS) + model Sheila Marquez.

ps- you can shop her looks from the video here.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

your own idea of beauty

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STRY LOVE PHOTO LOVE QUOTE BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER OWN IDEA OF BEAUTY there they go by sp_clarke, on Flickr
ph: Simon Clarke

What always amazes me is how easily we look past the good things, the small things. Cause when you take the time to look, even if it's when browsing the internet or walking home from work, beauty is everywhere. There is so much talent out there, on online forums, on concrete walls, on stage in your local pubs open mic night. There are so many beautiful people out there, more than you can imagine. Probably more than you will ever realize, cause like most people, you will sometimes be blinded by your own idea of beauty. This always happens.

When I was 16 I had a male friend who was constantly love-crushed, on everyone from the pretty girl in our class, to the librarian in our school. We liked to tease him about it, I guess we just thought of him as a horny teenage boy who wasn't picky enough. It seemed as if he found 80% of the worlds female population attractive in some way. Once he came up to me and asked if I knew something about this one girl, she was in my friend's class and I used to go to school with her brother. My reaction was one of amazement, to me she was the plainest girl alive. Not ugly, not pretty, just a wallflower, nothing special. I asked him why he wanted to get to know her and he said: I was at this party, and she was there. She smiled this amazing smile and now I just feel like I need to get to know her.

And I was left choking on my own prejudice, having it stuffed down my throat by genuine romance (or maybe teenage hormones).

Monday, March 11, 2013

Sunday, March 10, 2013

inked into my story

LELOVE BLOG LOVE STORIES LOVE PHOTOS LOVE QUOTES QUOTE Untitled by victoria_h, on Flickr
ph: victoria_h

Dear G.

You once told me that if there was ever something I needed to say to you, to scream at you, to share with you, that I could and I should share with you so that I can heal.
You know that I struggle to verbalize only the very closest words to my heart out loud. So, this is what I have wanted to say to you.

"I am both happy and sad and I am trying to figure out how that could be."

Will you always invade my thoughts, even though I am inexplicably happy with someone else?
Why do you feel with your mind first, and your heart second?
Why did you tell me you loved me six months after we broke up?
Why do you only think of my needs when it is convenient for you? (still)
Why did you not hold me, call me, talk to me when I needed you most? It was my darkest year and I needed you.
Why did you hug me, hold my hand, stare deep into my eyes but not kiss me? As now, people delegitimize my pain.

You were my first love and the first person to make me understand the phrase: we are all born into brokeness. You broke me. You tamed my spirit. You scheduled me into your planner instead of your heart. You showed me what true love is not.

I have realized that being an active person who is forced to remain inactive is often more painful than the pain the injury itself causes. You caused me to be inactive. I wonder if you will ever comprehend how many nights I cried myself to sleep because of your (in)actions, your lack of words. You know that I do not believe that people have one sole soul mate. Yes, we could of been but we are not. Yes, I will always love you in some way or another.

You once told me this: Life can only take one path in the end, history is an unchangeable story in reality, and God, being outside of any conceivable box we can design for Him (Her), knows what that story is from end to end (whether 'tis a circle or a line). But our choices and actions matter. I think He is helping us with the writing and penmanship but we write our own lives. You will forever be inked into my story.

Re-read your words, internalize them. Smell, breath, touch, feel, see the beauty of this life and your words and turn your knowledge into action.
Please, please re-think how it makes me feel when you say, "I believe I can love you better than anyone else" when you broke your promises (your words) to me on countless occasions.

Love is action. Love is a feeling. Love is not a calculation.

Though it pains me to admit it, I miss you.
For the last time - "Your Monkey"
I am free.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Thursday, March 7, 2013

i’m stepping back

LE LOVE BLOG SOTIRES STORY LOVE PHOTO LOVE QUOTE STEPPING AWAY STEPPING BACK Untitled by suninsovjet, on Flickr
ph: suninsovjet

I never thought it would have to come to this. I truly, honestly hoped that things would work out the way they were supposed to before I’d ever have to feel this way. And it’s killing me to think that maybe this is how it’s supposed to work out- with us apart.

I never even thought I’d meet you. Thought I’d always know who you were and admire you from afar but never actually be introduced, especially considering you had a girlfriend. Even after the first time we were introduced, I never thought I’d hang out with you, or even get to know you in the slightest. The thought honestly never even crossed my mind. But the first time I actually talked to you, you took me by surprise. You weren’t the asshole, cocky guy I had imagined you’d be. I strangely felt so comfortable around you. I’d known you for less than 24 hours, but I trusted you. You intrigued me. I wanted to know more about you. Wanted to figure you out.

It all happened so fast, I don’t even know what came first, or what followed, or how one thing lead to another- but before I knew it, we went from hanging out once a week, to twice a week, to every day. I’m sure people thought it was strange, were confused by it, didn’t know where it came from- and to be honest I kind of felt the same way. But I liked it. Wanted it. Craved it. Didn’t want it to end.

Then we hooked up. I thought that would be the turning point, where we’d cross the line and go forth down that path, and everything would be perfect and fine. Because why wouldn’t it be? I loved everything about you, you loved everything about me, and what did we have to lose?

I soon learned that apparently wasn’t our lives’ plans. You instead shrugged it off. I think you didn’t know what to think or what to do. I’d like to think that you were scared- scared because you’d actually found a girl who you truly liked, cared about, and felt something with. And that terrified you. I’d come to later find out that you were burned badly by your ex-girlfriend, leaving you scarred, broken, and unable to trust. Unable to allow people in. But even after this- you let me in. Farther in than you’ve ever let anyone in before. We had a six hour conversation one day about how you wanted a girlfriend, you were over the college hookup scene and just wanted a girl that possessed this given list of qualities you had. I fit every single one. You asked me where I could find a girl like that. I wanted to tell you that you were talking to her, she was standing right in front of you. But I was too scared, and I didn’t say anything.

Summer came and the drama, stereotypes, stresses, and expectations of college and college life all went away. We had so many moments and so many nights that I know meant something more to both of us. You said we were just friends, but I think you’d have a hard time denying that you didn’t feel it, too. I could tell by the way you talked to me, the way you looked at me, and again how you just let me get so close. We fought. We cried. But we always ended up back in each other’s arms.

You still hate to admit it, but you said, “I love you.”

Then I found out you were hanging out with her again. It could’ve been innocent, it could’ve been meaningless, but then again nothing is with her. I was crushed. I felt numb. I told you I couldn’t do it, I refused to be the stand-in girlfriend. I wanted more. It was me or her. You didn’t choose me. I didn’t stop crying for a week straight.

The fight lasted for less than 2 weeks before I caved. Losing you was like losing a huge part of myself. I didn’t know how to function without you. Didn’t know how to not have you in my life. So I took you back. I compromised. I sacrificed my heart and my feelings because I just wanted to still be with you in any way that I could.

School started again. It was a rocky semester, lots of ups and downs, me desperately trying to look the other way when I’d see you talk to other girls or hear that you went on a date with someone. Desperately trying to convince myself that everything I did was getting me closer to where I wanted to be- which was with you. I met your whole family- your mom, your dad, your little sister and little brother, and even your grandma. You’ve never let any girl besides your ex-girlfriend come over to your house before, but you let me come over. I came over three or four times. You told me how much your parents loved me, how I was the favorite out of all the girls you’ve ever introduced to them. How your sister looked up to me like I was the older sister she never had. Maybe I got too comfortable? Maybe I got too used to playing the “best friend” role to the point where I actually became it? But I never wanted this. All I wanted was you. All of you, all to myself, fully in love just like we should have been.

Then the day came. The day I received the most heartbreaking, body-numbing news- you were seeing someone else. I cried to you. Begged you for an explanation. What was I missing? What did I NOT give to you? What could I POSSIBLY do to make myself any more perfect for you? How do you not see this relationship the same way as I do? I told you you were full of shit. Told you you were cheating yourself. I was helpless and hurt. You held me as I cried. Then you let me walk away.

How did we get here?

We tried to be friends again but I couldn’t do it. I can’t sit back and be okay with you being with her when I want you to be with me. I can sit and wait and wish and hope that we’ll be together some day, but it just hurts me even more. I just want to shake you and make you realize that we should be together, but I can’t. You’re the only one that can realize it. You’re the only one that can make the change. So as much as it aches me, breaks me, kills me to do this, I’m stepping back. I miss you every single day and don’t ever go to sleep at night without thinking about you. It takes every ounce of energy and every piece of strength in me not to cave and give in to you, but I know this is what I have to do. So I’m doing this for myself, taking myself away from you until hopefully it clicks for you. If nothing else, you were an amazing friend and I learned so much from you about relationships, love, and life.

I hope you’re happy where you are, and even though I hate to admit it- I’m waiting for you. I will always love you. And when you’re ready to love me back, just let me know. I’ll be here.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

close friends

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY BETTER AS FRIENDS LOVE PHOTOS London, February 28th, 2012 by The Gentleman Amateur, on Flickr
ph: The Gentleman Amateur

For the first time in 3 years I felt like we got to the spot we were suppose to be at before we got lost.

The first 4 months of our relationship was so fast but I remember almost every moment in slow motion realizing what we had early on was not to be forgotten. When we first met, I remember you went around the table introducing yourself and saying hello to every person except for me. Lastly you looked at me with the enticing look I am sure I returned you with, thinking, we both knew there was more to this encounter then hello. Sitting through the movie all I could think about was who you were and the future ahead of us, a future I knew that was undeniably avoidable. I wasn’t sure of the future, no one is ever, but at that time I knew my future contained you in some manner. Within a weeks time we were at our first outing with a group of friends at a baseball game. Our conversation was filled with nothing but laughter. The night ended in holding hands and butterflies under the fireworks. The rest of the summer wasn’t any different then the first night. You were always a gentleman and held doors, you became my best friend and we shared stories most would not. But in the midst of the sprint we made through the summer together, we finished apart. No one winning the race.

Over the next 3 years we struggled finding a spot back in each other’s lives. Fighting lust, love and life, never truly finding a place.

We both had dated others and tried moving on and blindly ignoring the problem at hand.

We both just needed to find a way move on.

I started seeing someone recently and for the first time I hadn’t thought about you.

Until I did.

We just got off the phone for the first time in months today. We caught up about work, family and life, when you brought up my love life. I hesitated………. but then I broke the ice, talking about my issues and asking for your thoughts. All I wanted was my best friend, your, advice. You spearheaded the conversation with thoughtful and honest guidance creating a path of conversation I never thought we would be able to consume. The talk felt natural, pure and sincere. We ended the call with best regards for each other and a plan to catch a friendly ball game with friends in the future.

Finally I found the spot I believe you were always meant for.

Content as close friends.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Sunday, March 3, 2013

i don't know why

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORIES LOVE STORY LOVE QUOTE LOVE PHOTOS BREAK UP HEARTACHE ADVICE Walk in the park by Burçin Esin, on Flickr
ph: Burçin Esin

I formally met him about a year ago. He is friends with my close group of friends and we always hung out around each other. At a party, we instantly clicked and realized we had so much in common. He had that strange charm and the ability to always make me smile and laugh every time I see him. He flirted with me and tried to get my attention any chance he could get. My friends saw it and his did too. This summer when my parents went out of town, our group of friends came to my house every night. And he came too. My stomach developed the biggest mix of emotions when I was around him and I couldn’t think straight. He had this strange ability to make me forget about everything but him. He would text me things only I would understand, we had so many inside jokes and mutual interests that I thought things could be perfect. But the most inviting thing about him is the way he could make me laugh harder than anyone ever has.

I didn’t care what anyone thought about me but him. During one of these summer days with our group of friends, we were talking alone when I told him all of my deepest feelings about him and my fears of him not wanting me back. But, he said he wanted me too and that he wasn’t interested in anyone else. Even when I asked him about his recent fling, he said there was no connection with her anymore. His relationship with her still scared me though and when he texted me to come to a party the next night in a group text that included her as a recipient, I felt awkward and empty. Unfortunately, I couldn’t make it to that party and saw pictures of him and her cuddling and acting romantic. This hurt. A lot. I went on vacation with my family the next day for a two week trip. Over the course of the next couple days, I noticed that he was “in a relationship” on Facebook with this girl, whom I was so concerned about. This hurt too, but this time- even more.

I have never felt so empty in my life and lonely than the days that followed. He lied to me, but I wasn’t mad at him. I was just sad. The night I got back from my trip, I saw him at a party and there was tension between us but he said hi like everything was normal, but things were not the same. It is now almost 7 months since the day I told him my true feelings for him, and he has been dating his girlfriend for 6 months. She is in my class and a constant reminder of my lust for him.

The reason I am writing this now is because I ran into him yesterday. He seemed good- happy. He called my name from a few feet away and went in for a hug. I hugged him back but it hurt me so bad to know that he is happy with someone else, and I am just here. There is no other way to describe the feeling other than a void in your chest. Something that was somewhat filled before and it remains empty now.

I hope this pain goes away, with time it has weakened but I can still feel the flutter in my chest each time I see him. All I want is to talk to him about his reasoning behind the lies and the ingenuity—if that's what it even was. Who knows. To this day, I tell myself that I should be mad at him, that he lied and fooled me, but I just can’t bring myself to be mad. I miss the way you made me feel. I miss our memories. I miss you. And I don't know why.
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