Saturday, July 16, 2011

i don't know what to think anymore.

i don't know what to think anymore love photo love image,
ph: weheartit

i have 66 le love images saved, and too many stories to count. they all remind me of him. the good and the bad. the thoughts that go through my mind all day everyday are written in those little pictures. i love him more than anything, but my insecurities have made me have to convince myself that he loves me. i am always questioning it. even when he says it, he doesn't say it enough. then you wonder, well what if my insecurities are right. what if he really doesn't love me. so you get even more insecure. but maybe the insecurities are caused because i have always been 100% he has always been 50. maybe its because i have sacrificed relationships with family and friends trying to protect and defend our relationship when he doesn't even want one in the first place. in the beginning of our relationship he was perfect, almost a year later and it has disintegrated into "we are together without the title," i don't want to be tied down," "relationships have obligations and responsibilities and i don't want that" and most of all, "can we talk about this later?" throughout the secrets and the lies, i have ignored it all just to be with him. i kept my ignorance so i could pretend everything was perfect and he wasn't lying to me.

right now he has been going to these christian conferences. he called me and said that he has changed so much already and that he loves me but he wants to "renew our love" he wants to forget about the past because he has been manipulating me and hurting me without me even knowing it. but i have known it. i have had that feeling but i chose not to listen to it. he hung up. leaving me with 3 days of making up what his lies could be in my head. having imaginary conversations with him about how it might play out and thinking that maybe he has been cheating, maybe he has been doing the drugs he knows i hate. and he is going to stare me in the eyes and tell me that he has changed and lets forget the past. he is going to expect me to believe him. he comes home from these conferences in 2 days and i don't know what to think anymore.

do you forgive almost a year of lies in hopes of a trustworthy future with the one you love? or do you give up the insecurities you know will follow because you think he is going to do it all over again...


  1. Love's not supposed to be easy. But, it is supposed to make you stronger. Does he make you stronger? Does this love between you two make you stronger?

    People can change. Miracles can happen. But don't rely upon it.

    Remember that endings don't have to be a bad thing. Maybe it's time to move on. Maybe you've had your time together, and now you should have some time apart.

    And I think he's wrong. Let's not forget the past. That's dangerous.

    It's your choice of course, but do you REALLY believe in a trustworthy future with this guy?

  2. Let me just begin by saying that I completely understand where you are coming from. I have had the same feelings with my bf (who before becoming by bf made me feel insecure and etc) He practically gave me the same speech, apologized and asked me to be his gf and for us to start new. I'm not saying that the feelings of insecurities will go away, because they haven't for me, but I do believe that if you love him and he is truly sorry, then he will make the effort to gain your trust again. You just need to decide whether he is worth the effort. I personally wasn't ready to move on and my bf makes me happy. Like Josefin said, love isn't supposed to be easy... If you love him and are not ready to let go then why not give it a chance. At least you know you tried.

    Maybe this is coming from a girl that is lying to herself since I was sort of in the same situation as you, but I just knew I wasn't ready to let go and am willing to fight for this love that I currently share with him.

  3. story of my life... i think you should give it a last chance, and if he screws up, then you know its time to let him go.

  4. Give him a chance. He might be worth it - and if not, you might be broken, yes. But at least you'll know for sure what you'll let go then..

  5. Hard decision-but the best you can do is give him a chance and wait it out-if he doesn't change, leave him.

    Check out for a blog similar to Le Love [;

  6. People change, so give him a chance to love without looking back and go forward.

  7. everyone deserves another chance. :) so be it. ;) goodluck then..

  8. You are posting on this blog looking for guidance; you must trust yourself.

    In my opinion, a healthy relationship involves a person and their partner having true faith in one another. Obviously, this does take time, but not all couples are going to be happy together. No matter how much you wish he was the one for you, you mush consider that that day may never come.

    Codependency can come from wanting something so bad, that you are willing to make personal sacrifices. In no way is it healthy to live in a codependent relationship. You must remind yourself that you are as important as he is in a healthy relationship; that it is not only you who must make sacrifices and put effort into keeping the both of you happy. To be happy it must be mutual!

    I believe that you must be strong and decide on your own whether or not you two should continue your relationship.

  9. story of my life as well.. but hey, let me tell u d good news and Hope! dont give up that hubby and I both find ways to make sure our Love will keep us together..dont forget to pray :)

  10. This reminds me of how I used to be with my ex boyfriend. You fight with your family, to protect your relationship. You want to see if it works out for yourself, not break if off BeCause People are Telling you to. That's how I was, but, some things, you just know in your gut. If you have to think twice, be insecure, or question it, then it isn't a good idea. Your family and those close to you are fighting you over this for a reason. They see something you are not willing to allow yourself to see yet, even Though You Know it's there. My ex-bf and I, Believe we were meant to be Together for a reason, and that was it. We had the time we shared and that was it. He is now a better bf to the girl he is with, and I am a Stronger, Secure, Confident Person BeCause of him. Instead of making me feel Beautiful, he made me feel bad. He was my bully, in a sense, that I had to stand up to. But in the end, I wasn't standing up to him, I was standing up for Myself. For everyone. So I could go on knowing I didn't do anything wrong or regret anything. It just wasn't Meant To Be. What's Meant To Be, Will Be. :) Value Yourself More, is the lesson here. Don't let him hurt and lie to you. If he's turned over a new leaf, Good for him, good for himself. But You Don't need to be a part of it. You can move on, find yourself, better yourself and Be Happy. And in Return, You Will Find Someone Who is Meant For You.

  11. Give him a second chance.

  12. Give him up. You can find someone that you love equally, without the insecurities... and he will treat you well ALL the time. Not just after he has a "realization".

  13. everyone around here seems to be 100% sure that he deserves a second chance. i do not think so. sorry to be so frank, but i've just gotten out of a 5 year long relationship with the most wonderful person you could ever imagine, we wanted to get married and live our lives together, but i gave it up because i could see myself falling over and over again - and not in a good way. he did things, said things, thought things that were very hurtful (but in his defence - he never meant to and never really realized that he kept doing it over and over) and after almost 6 years i realized that i wouldn't be able to change him and that I SHOULDN'T SACRIFICE MYSELF and my soul for someone if it doesn't result in me getting just as much back.
    yes, it hurts like hell. yes, sometimes i still feel like i want to die, even 8 months later. yes, i still wonder if it could've ended differently. and yes, i loved him very, very, very much and he loved me just as much, but it didn't work out.
    i know that i, in the end, will know this was the right thing to do. for both of us.

    you seem like a smart girl and i think that you actually already have your answer - that he can't give you what you really need and that he maybe doesn't love you as much as you love him.

    i don't know if this helped, but remember: you are the most precious thing you have, and if you don't feel good - listen to yourself. in the end, you need to live YOUR life for YOURSELF.

  14. Hello, I'm from Brazil and I love you blog, really, i'm identified with your history. I think you have to let him go, he doesn't deserves you, you don't deserve him.
    I'm following you here, good luck with that =)!

  15. Sweety dunt run after him..
    Evn if he's changed,u'd nvr forget wt he was in d past 1 year.U may giv him a chance n he myt not make any mistake..
    Bt u'd nvr b abl to make urslf feel d same way.
    Eventually,it'll only spoil ur memories...according to me,it isnt worth it hunny.
    Atleast now,u luv him.
    At tyms,its js b in luv.

  16. I am the one that posted the story. Thank you for all your comments I carefully read each one and I appreciate them all.

  17. do not give him a chance. if you are asking this question it is because you know you shouldnt give him one.

    you do not deserve anyone that doesn't make you happy. you deserve a relationship that's good all of the time not every now and then.

    he will continue to do this if he keeps getting all these chances because he'll know he always has you.

    take it from someone who knows

  18. Never be with a person who makes you feel insecure or treats you badly. It's not a loving relationship but an abusive one. get rid of him

  19. I have to say despite how much you care for him, you deserve better. You know that he lies. You know he does drugs. You know that there's something missing. Could he change? Yes, but he also might not. Be with someone who IS what you want them to be.

    It sounds like a major thing that you're missing is communication - if you can't do that, then it just won't work. You can try mentioning to him what the issues are, but if things are still as off as they are, I think you'll need to break up. Best of luck.

  20. Be careful, people never changes for good...

  21. you may not believe in him, but would you believe in God? if he truly has found Christ he could certainly change for the better; God can work wonders in the lives of people.

  22. He doesn't deserve you.
    He can talk the talk, but can he walk the walk? He hasn't seemed to give you a reason to keep trying.
    Don't abandon someone who is searching for Christ though. Maybe just take a break for the time being, and let him focus on bettering himself.

  23. I'm in the very same situation, but all I know is that even though he has made me so insecure, he has also made me so happy, and I know i'm naive for trying to believe the things he says to me without looking deeper into it after everything thats happened but truly anyones and everyones comments will make no difference because you will end up doing what you, your heart, and your head want to do, but always remember

    Dont ever regret anything because at that point in time, you wanted to do it and if you didnt, you'd still regret it

    In life its the what ifs that kill us, and sometimes even though its going to be painful you have to take that leap, take that step and give this person the ability to hurt you and hope with all your might they dont and if they do, you will grow, you will persevere and you will learn but what will be amazing is the ability to love the next person more than the last.

  24. Love sms Says:

    I love someone and i want to send these text to her because its realy great and full of love

  25. You're me! Sarcifying anything to be with him when he really doesn't even want to be with me a 100%. But wanting it to work so bad that I choose to ignore what I'm doing. How many times will I believe him when he says it's not because he doesn't like me, we're just so different, it probably wouldn't work, it's better this way. Because he still wants me, and this way he has - but with no title. No obligations. And I love him enough to stay, to try and convince him that we're worth a try. Because maybe it wouldn't work but maybe it would. And maybe we could be something amazing.

    I wish you lots of luck, and really hope that it will all work out, for both of us.. xxx

  26. You sound incredibly smart. Don't doubt your strength. God has a plan for you that involves you falling the worlds most perfect guy. Turn to your family and friends for the support you need to get through this tough time. I know you don't know me but the best advice I can give you is to stick to your values and learn to love yourself as a whole. This sounds very cliche, but someone like him needs to figure out who he is and you deserve a man who will make you feel complete and assure you of anything you may question. Good luck with everything miss and I pray that you see beauty and strength within yourself as I do while reading your story.

  27. welcome to my life!!!! i think maybe you should give him a chance if you dont you always going to wonder what if? if it isnt better then you are no worse off than you are now. i dont think that people change and if they can its over a VERY long time. but personally id rather regret not leaving sooner then wonder what if?
    and also maybe find out exactly what he was getting up to behind your back.


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