Wednesday, December 21, 2011
I can’t wait for you
Every time I close my eyes to go to sleep I pick out my favourite memory of us. Of you.
Sometimes it is when I was lying on you and we were laughing so hard that we laughed even more just because it was so fun to laugh. Your smile.
Sometimes it is when we hanged out first time. We were watching Tangled and you predicted every single thing. The way you irritate me.
Sometimes it is when we used to lie in your bed and snuggle. Chest to chest, arms around each other, legs tangled and cheek to cheek. The way you smell.
Sometimes it is when we wrestled and ended up on the floor with me on top. Winning. Even though I know that you would easily beaten me. Your generosity.
Sometimes it is when we were on our way home to your place after a night out, both drunk and I asked you if you would be hung over the next day and you replied “As long as you are next to me it doesn’t matter how bad I am. I’ll be the luckiest guy anyway.”. The way you made me feel.
Sometimes it is when we were walking and you suddenly took my hand as it would have been the most natural thing in the world. How much you mattered to me.
But most of the time it is the last time we kissed. Because I know that it was the last time.
We are both in the US, for now. But you are going to finish your four year of college here and when my only year is over I’ll be going back to Sweden again. You will still have three more years to go. Three more years apart.
I’ll miss you so much and I will never forget you. But I can’t wait for you. Mostly because I can't wait for someone that doesn’t know what he wants. I told you how I felt but you never told me what you felt. I can only guess and I’m guessing – as much as I’m hoping- that you feel the same way I do for you. But guessing and hoping is not something that will keep me waiting for you. I would need you to confirm it. I would need you to say that you love me back. But you can’t and that is why I can’t wait three years for you.
I’m sorry and I hope life will treat you well.