Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I can’t wait for you

i can't wait for you love photo love image,
ph: flickr

Every time I close my eyes to go to sleep I pick out my favourite memory of us. Of you.

Sometimes it is when I was lying on you and we were laughing so hard that we laughed even more just because it was so fun to laugh. Your smile.

Sometimes it is when we hanged out first time. We were watching Tangled and you predicted every single thing. The way you irritate me.

Sometimes it is when we used to lie in your bed and snuggle. Chest to chest, arms around each other, legs tangled and cheek to cheek. The way you smell.

Sometimes it is when we wrestled and ended up on the floor with me on top. Winning. Even though I know that you would easily beaten me. Your generosity.

Sometimes it is when we were on our way home to your place after a night out, both drunk and I asked you if you would be hung over the next day and you replied “As long as you are next to me it doesn’t matter how bad I am. I’ll be the luckiest guy anyway.”. The way you made me feel.

Sometimes it is when we were walking and you suddenly took my hand as it would have been the most natural thing in the world. How much you mattered to me.

But most of the time it is the last time we kissed. Because I know that it was the last time.

We are both in the US, for now. But you are going to finish your four year of college here and when my only year is over I’ll be going back to Sweden again. You will still have three more years to go. Three more years apart.

I’ll miss you so much and I will never forget you. But I can’t wait for you. Mostly because I can't wait for someone that doesn’t know what he wants. I told you how I felt but you never told me what you felt. I can only guess and I’m guessing – as much as I’m hoping- that you feel the same way I do for you. But guessing and hoping is not something that will keep me waiting for you. I would need you to confirm it. I would need you to say that you love me back. But you can’t and that is why I can’t wait three years for you.

I’m sorry and I hope life will treat you well.

Yours truly.


  1. I couldn't help but comment. I am in the same boat, girl. My brain tells me to move on, but my heart says otherwise. I wish you a merry Christmas and good luck. :)

  2. He's not going to realize it once you're gone. A long distance relationship would be alright but I'm uncertain that you wouldn't want to.. the fact that you two made those amazing memories together, why throw them away and leave it as it is. Why not stay? I mean, you love him don't you..? There's one thing I've learned and that's love should have sacrifices.. I wouldn't to see such a relationship go through nothing and see it all in the end just because of a roadblock is ahead. It's only the distance that will bother you. Sweden to States. :P oh no.. make this happen!

  3. Kramar från Sverige! keep goin'

  4. Kärlek är inte enkelt. Det är något man måste kämpa för!
    Love isn't easy, you have to fight for it.

  5. you fight for the ones that you love. don't give up so easily. its only distance. and only three years..only three years of a relationship that could last forever. make it work.

  6. If you truly loved him, then the distance wouldn't represent a barrier in your relationship! Sorry to say that! And you could be seeing him, there is a thing nowadays and it's called webcam.
    Well, I wish you all the best! And merry Christmas. :)

  7. You can't wait for him, but if you love him, you'll wait. even if you don't want to... Believe me. :)

    Love can do miracles :) Don't forget about it!

  8. 4 months ago I had the same experience the difference is that I knew from the beginning that I want to fight for him, so I did...After 8 months together, from which 4 under the same roof I had to go back to school for 3 years to finish my degree in medicine...but i showed him love, I left him hundreds of little notes, I left a part of my clothes, I just didn´t wanted to admit that this is over...And is working!we speak daily on skype, he camed to see me, now I´m with him for christmas holiday, and it´s working! The feeling that you get on the airport when you see him with tears in his eyes is uncomparable! There are others problems than distance....people went to war and they manage to save their relationship through few letters one a mounth...Why would you let go? if you really love him, just hold on...and find solution to keep him near you! Choose love and you´ll have a very mery christmas, knowing that you did everything you could to have him in your life!

  9. Love is a beautiful thing, if it is something you are sure you have then I feel you should always fight to keep it. You don't sound sure that he loves you, and that in itself is scary. You don't want to put yourself on the line because you are not sure that your love will be returned. Distance and time means nothing when you are finally with your true love.


  10. its great to read all these supportive comments at this time of year. dont give up. write, draw, email and skype! Lots of love and happiness!

  11. Det här var det vackraste och mest hjärtekrossande jag läst på länge! Så himla vackert skrivet, jag dör lite när jag läser det. Och jag förstår dig, det gör för jävla ont för att orka hålla kvar, speciellt när han inte är säker. Jag hade också gjort som du, skyddat mig själv. Kram o god jul!

  12. Hejsan... I just made the same decision. It hurts so much, but it would hurt much more to wait for something to be said that might never be uttered. Distance is such a bitch, and some people are just not cut out to deal with it. I've fought my way through it twice (a year each), but I can't do it this time with the prospect of 2 years without "feeling" each other. I can totally understand your decision. It takes a lot of courage and strength to do it, but it prevents you from worse suffering, I think.
    Ha en god jul ändå! Kramar!

  13. I really hope things work out for you! It didn't work out for mine thought. I fought and i fought. but he couldn't fight for us anymore, and my heart broke when he said he didn't love me enough despite flying all the way for 7000 miles to see me twice. but sometimes i guess that's the way love is. you don't always get to pick the battles you want to win. but i guess, if both of you feel really strongly for each other, please do fight and press on! miracles can happen. :) i'm still searching for mine.

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