Sunday, September 18, 2011

i have faith

ph: katherine squier

It's friday night, I feel a bit under the weather. Sitting on this new bed, in a new room, in a different part of a world.

A few months ago I decided that I needed to start over; I needed to leave behind all my tangled-love-stories that were closer to tragedies, and instead take the risk to go some place new. I boarded a plain on the other side of the world and arrived here in Berkeley, California two weeks ago.

It's different than what I'm used to.

I could go into the past and talk about all my ups and downs, the highs and the seriously low lows. But here, miles away, all of that feels irrelevant now. I feel like I can be someone better.

Some things still pinch inside, some memories still make me laugh a little. I still remember some friends, I still dream of some lovers.

This is not another cliche love story, although I've had a series of cliche moments in a series relationships, with different faces and different names.

I've been love with the guy who threw me across the room and into the wall. I've been in love with the guy who was the best a friend could ever be; and suddenly, as I moved destinations, so did his feelings.

Their feelings always died. It always felt like I was the only loyal one, who gave in with my everything.

But I'm starting to realize that that's ok. It's those little qualities that make us who we are. As for the experiences, they make us stronger and we should never have regret.

Sometimes I wonder if I was born to accomplish bigger and better things.

Sometimes I wonder why I ever lowered my own standards just to meet someone else's.

I truly believe that true, real, unconditional love exists. I know it's there because I've felt it, at least for a moment if not more, even in the worst relationship that I could have possibly been in.

Sometimes I like to read the stories on this blog when I feel low and in need of something inspiring, and though this isn't a love story, I hope it gives you some hope. I hope you know that you're stronger than the one who hurt you; you're happiness doesn't depend on them.

You are limitless. You are free.

Take a risk to do something you're passionate about, no matter how overwhelming it may feel.

I've left every single thing behind me, and here I am, in a whole new world. I don't know how long it may be before I find what I am looking for, but I have faith that someday I will find it.

And you will too. I promise.



  1. Your stories are so full of hope. And I love them because of that.

  2. I'm doing exactly the same thing right now, in a different country, all by myself, far, far away from my past. I have never felt better. Good luck!

  3. <3
    lovin le love, it's stories and pictures.

  4. This touches close to home. I like to believe exactly what you said, I just struggle to believe in me & my beliefs & thghts. You don't know how nice it is to get some reassurance & encouragement, so thank you.

    A little something to put in my thghts for next time I'm struggling in my new place.


  5. That true, real, unconditional love really does exist. The glimpses you catch are the flickers of the kind of love that God has for you. He is the forever loyal one, the One who wants you to give your everything; for you to know and be fully known for eternity.

  6. this touched me. i too feel like the loyal one. the one who gives everything and does not get exactly the same in return.. true love is out there. i have to find that someone who will fight as much for love as i will. lowering your standards will not pay off in the end; nevertheless you probably have to experience it a lot, before you find your true love. i just hate getting so hurt every time

  7. Thank you for sharing this! I felt exactly the same way - and now I'm sitting in a foreign country like you, ready to begin my new adventure and focus on the future! Good luck and again thank you!


  8. I'm 30 and have give or take acomplished my purpose: I married the love of my life, created a gorgeous lil' girl, own a beautiful farm in the most wonderful nature, have a loving herd full of animals, friends, family. I lost my parents in a tragic accident, which took me 10 years to get over...luckily, school helped (studied psychology)...never believed in drugs,alcohol, therapy,self pity. Hard work and lust to learn, traveling to 3rd world helped me appreciate myself, my life,nature,animals,EVERYTHING. I am studying yoga at the moment and I promise it explodes you into somethiing more beautiful, peaceful, compassionate. Fear and lazeyness will only get you so far....stagnation and sadness. Believe in yourself(your heart) learn to agree to disagree but with a gentle heart. Learn to appreciate the imperfect: its the source of wisdom, love, self knowledge, the balance. All the best on your journey. =)

  9. I want to live free. I want to live true. I was very sick and weak and did alot of soul searching. I contacted all the men that have remained in my heart in an attempt to free myself. I am realizing that I cannot control their reactions. What really matters is me and my truth. These lovely men hurt me. They rejected me. Sometimes I reject myself and think myself unlovable. I am trying to love myself.

    Thanks for this post.

  10. so simple but so beautiful. i wish you amazing things and the best of luck, your life sounds like it's just beginning.

    and yes, i did need that hope, so thank you.

  11. Four years ago I crossed the ocean from living in a different country with opposite culture, for disappointment, for a broken heart.

    Until one day I had a metting with love, know that at first sight, a thousand hearts, butterflies in the stomach, it took almost two years, we live our history, and unfortunately it´s over, nine months I am suffering for this love that is bigger than my soul and my faith that a new love may sound disappeared, I am disappointed, and this is very sad, I hope to return one day to believe, as you are doing now.

  12. My love is in Berkeley how I wish I could be closer to him! But soon I will be in SF :) only 15 minutes away from him and not 12 hours away! I love you Brett

  13. Thanks I needed this

  14. Wonderfully written! I just love this kind of stories. Thanks for sharing it to your readers!

  15. this entry, sparks something inside me...thank you

  16. Amazing. Beautiful. I dream if moving away like this, and one day I will. You have summed up my life so far & put it into perspective. So inspiring! Thanks

  17. Great story, thank you :)
    I hope you can be an even better person in your new world and meet the one that can make you believe that long lasting love does exist :)
    Because he does exist <3

  18. Wow what an inspiration! I wish I was as brave as you. xx

  19. A very important thing for some people to do in life. ;)

  20. please follow:

  21. Tres bien for your new journey and how I wish I could do the same.. Just gone through a breakup however am being strong about it and gotta move on for the better side of life..

  22. you can love with all that you have, but that doesn't mean the person you loved will love you back. it is sad. going through such experiences once, twice and thrice can kill really kill a soul. as of late, i'm beginning to believe that romantic love just doesn't last forever. you can pour in everything and still get hurt.

    but reading your piece just raised my spirits a little - so thank you!

    maybe it can happen after all.

    here's hoping that us all - who loved and hadn't been loved back - will be happy, and get all that we deserve, in time to come.

  23. Love all the pics on your blog <3
    And I wish someday I'm that brave too :)

  24. tears crept out the corners of my eyes as I read this... thank you for sharing this : )

  25. Best post ever! Going through exactly the same thing right now and I feel so free, happy and totally in love with my new life.

  26. awwww
    I'm really so touched that so many people could relate to this and be inspired by it
    sending you all lots of love and happiness, reaa

  27. Thank you for this post. You are good at writing. I feel the exact same way. I am moving to Melbourne in two months for a fresh start and I'm petrified. this story gave me hope.

  28. Thanks for posting this. Almost made me cry.


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