Thursday, November 19, 2009

i really really wish it was

johanna wallin

He's one of my closest friends, and honestly, we tell each other everything, we make each other laugh, we help each other through just about everything, we're there for each other when no one else is around. It could be perfect.

If only it felt right.

I've known him now for six years. But I think I speak for both of us when I say 'the feeling' just isn't there.

I don't get butterflies. I don't constantly think of him. I don't loose sleep over him. I’m not put off eating. When I look at him, I don't have the urge to hold him. The feeling of what I class as love, isn't there.

But in a strange way, I really really wish it was. He's the nicest guy I’ve ever met, he's brilliant, we work well together, he's unbelievably good for me, I've seen how he treats girls fantastically. My words could never do him justice. Why in the hell don’t I see him like that?

How can I see the guy that I loved the most like I did, when deep down I knew it would go wrong, I knew it wasn’t ‘forever’. How can I love him. But not my friend? Wait, I do love him, but in a friendship way.

My point is, I know you can’t choose would you fall in love with. I wouldn’t want you to be able to choose. Part of the excitement of love is not knowing where it’s going or is its going to be.

Just in my perfect world, we’d love each other and things would be so wonderfully simple.



  1. i know the feeling. my story is actually eerily similar. i've known my best friend for six years and he's the one i tell everything to, but i see him more like an older brother and friend and could never see him as a boyfriend. it just doesn't work for me that way. unfortunately, he said he had feelings for me and we are trying to put our friendship back together, because as much as we would both like to say there was no awkwardness, it did start to change things.

  2. well, i guess and believe that at times love actually does not happen on its own ( careful: i said 'at times') and at times you need to assure yourself to be in love with the person. If you like him so much and so does he, why not just try seeing him that ways.

  3. I was there too, until I kissed him; then I learned that best friends make the best lovers because you know each other so honestly, care so deeply, and understand each other so well. good luck with yours; i'd say just don't rule it out. he's the love of my life.

  4. It totally sucks knowing you'd be perfect with someone, and realizing that it's not right.

    But one day I know yoiu'll meet someone who does give you butterflies, makes you go weak at the knees, who also makes you like yourself more when you are with him, who you are great with.

    Trust me.

  5. I know exactly how you feel. I am in the same situation with you.I loved him like a friend, because he has always been my best friend.

    However, he did end up having deep feelings for me and wanted us to be together. And for a time I thought yes I probably could, but that doesn't necessarily mean I wanted to. There was no, as you said, passion or desire to want to be with the person.

    He eventually realized the same thing and our relationship as friends has evolved and transformed into something so much more for the both of us, in my opinion, than actually being together.

    It's always nice to have someone like that in your life. We never ever look back and wonder what it would have been like if we decided to be together, because the thought of it not only repulses us (lol) but we know that we would've never had the special connection that we have now

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  7. Yeah love is a wonderful thing - but I seriously don't understand why all of you are so f* desperate after "finding it". Like you think the whole world would change for something better if you find "the one", like you think YOU YOURSELF would change to something better?? Fuck no. And NO, NO! You cant "choose" who to be with in that way, you can't close your eyes and pretend to have feelings when you don't feel anything, for god sake a good FRIEND is the best there is! because you NEVER LOSE GOOD FRIENDS. So don't ruin that friendship just because "whine whine im so fucking desperate for a boyfriend that i ruin my friendships, close my eyes and pretend that im in love"

    Please learn to find happiness in your life, learn to love YOURSELF, please find that love that you all have on the inside, please know that you're in control of your own thoughts and your own life, please know all this, find that love in yourself, before you think of sharing it with someone else. You dont need anyone, all that you need you already have, but you're not using it.

    And take care of your friends god damn it, you dont know how lucky you are to have them, as FRIENDS.

  8. friends, love, what does matter is that they are there. right beside you.

    its been 7 years now. best friends forever. only when something change and turn the course, will there ever be a chance for us to try out loving each other in that crazy infatuated kind of love. but for now, its going well, strong and wonderful. <3

  9. Everyone has their own definition of love, but sometimes what you perceive as love is superficial. Butterflies, swooning, losing sleep; I have never felt that with anyone, and yet I know that there was love.

    Comfort, laughter and friendship are much more important. If the physical attraction isn't there, what's wrong with just being friends? Don't agonize over a feeling that isn't there.

  10. beautifully written. I know this feeling as well. It's actually so wonderful. Everyone needs that 'person' in their life.

  11. I think the fact you recognise this in him, and have even thougth about it like this is a good sign, in a way.

    Maybe that feeling will gradually build and grow? Like how you might not notice a guy at first or at least as nothign more than a friend, but then if you're friends mention something about how he likes you, you start paying attention and thinking in that way too. Just having it on the mind can change how you view someone, you know?

    I hope things work out, or you find you very own version of your best friend who you CAN fall for, and the feeling be mutual.

  12. Hey, that was a lovely post girl! :)
    I can very well relate to this.

    Despite all his quirks, all the affection and care that your best friend showers you with can make you feel like he's the one...

    I adore him for the person he's is, and feel more comfortable in his presence, than anyone else's. We both are happy being the way we are today. But somewhere deep down I really wish that someday...

    Well lets just see where fate leads us...

    Wherever it is, he's still going to be my best friend, my angel! :)

  13. I loved this. I can relate as well. One of my best friends recently confessed his feeling to me. I was extremely shocked and my immediate reaction was "absolutely not". Though he was disappointed, he was ok with it. But he asked me why. And the more I thought about it, I really didn't have an answer. We're the kind of friends that no matter what happens, we wouldn't be awkward, and he really is such a great guy. I've gradually started to see him in a completely different light, and to be honest, if he says something again, I'm pretty sure my answer would be different.

  14. I think many people can relate. My best friend and I lived in this same limbo for 7 years and it was only when I really faced the truth that we both moved on. It was hard, but I knew he wasn't the one. Life is crazy that way; you let go at exactly the moment you're supposed to. I'm proof positive. Exactly two months after breaking away from my best friend, I met the love of my life. We've been together four years now. I don't think I would love him as much as I do if I hadn't had the knowledge of what true love is...and isn't. In an odd way, I thank my friend for that.

  15. You dont have to love him as a lover. You can love him like a brother. Sometimes love isnt always sexually. Like you love your mum and dad but you wouldnt do them right ? So just wait for the right guy to come along who will push does buttons. And keep your friend as a friend. Its very precious to have him there for you like that.

  16. @ Anonymous November 20, 2009 3:07 AM
    You made me laugh so hard with your Fuck no no no. :p And yeah I totally agree if it doesnt feel right it means it isnt right. Just be Patient !

  17. wow, you don't know how lucky you are. i don't know why you think that what you have with this guy ist JUST friendship. love in a romantic way doesn't have to be the highest level there is. to be friends can be just as great as being in love. you said it yourself, you love him in a friendship way. thats ok, thats what it is. its more that ok, its awesome.
    and, most of all, its gonna last. you might have boyfriends in the futur that are not as nice as he is, they might break your heart, you might break their hearts, it might not be perfect. but then this one person is gonna be there.
    your friend.

  18. love that pic u've uploaded. the couple look very much in love...

    BF n myself didnt start out as besties N when he expressed his feelings for me, i didnt feel those butterflies in my tummy too. but i've grown to love him alot and he's sum1 who can be absent frm my life's storybook now.

    the HE whom i did develop butterflies in my tummy for is now happily married with 2 kids! we both had feelings for each other then, but sumhow no1 brought up the topic. we maintained a closer-than-frens-but-less-than-lovers kinda r/s. i'm happy with my current BF, but when i think back, there's still that tinge of regret.

    i guess in your case it's much more complicated. cos he's ur best fren. u might think @ times, "shld i give it a try?" and then u say to urself "no". cos maybe u're afraid that if it doesnt work out, u'll lose this soul mate & it aint worth it. But sumtimes, it works out and love can grow with time :)

    i luv how ur blog's dedicated to love n all things lovery dovey! M new and M now following :)

  19. *cant be absent (that's a HUGE typo error i absolutely MUST correct!) ;D

  20. im pretty sure this was written for me. thank you so much.

  21. How i wish things are opposite in my situation.

    How i wish we can both remain soul mates, best friends, and not have something for each other. This is the best case scenario because then, I will not feel immense guilt towards my bf and proceed to cease all communication with him. I have to be fair to my bf.

    Sometimes we cannot have the best of both worlds and we have to make a choice. and the choice hurts tremendously at times..

    we may lose someone due to a breakup but soul mates are for life..

    u are lucky and u don't know it.

  22. love is random :) Sometimes you think you're in love but that's only because you WANT to so badly. But then when you find the right one...oh god it just hits you.

  23. actually, u DO choose.
    I must agree with what Greg & Ceefar83 said.
    my fiance and i were friends- best friends really- for 7-8 years before the line crossed from friendship to something more. Not sure what happened, i guess timing was pretty much everything for us. I've realized all our friends were right and we should be together. :) best friends CAN (not always) make the best lovers. I knew it was right because that transition from being friends to something more was just the easiest thing, ever. Simply put: it just made sense.

  24. I know the feeling! I've met an amazing, fantastic, gorgeous, wonderful man who should be everything I need and want in a partner. Things are going great, I love being with him, he's super sweet and adorable BUT, I don't have those butterflies. I don't have that longing for him when we're not together. I don't crave him and want to be with him all the time. Does this mean I should give up? Hold out for that one-true-love who could be out there? Ahhh, the terrible game of love.

  25. I've never had a girl-friend who I was in love with, and I've never had a girlfriend whom I wasn't in love with.

  26. i love my best friend but she loves someone else but she doesnt know i love her not as a best friend. theres this war between my head and my heart now my head says move on try loving her as a best friend but my heart says otherwise.

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  28. Best of luck hope you find a guy that makes you feel what you are looking for & more. Just hang in there honey everyday you live just brings you closer to your goal of finding him :o)

    Big hug from Mumbai.


  29. that was how mine started out too, with him getting a crush on me. after six years of wondering and feeling so CERTAIN that i did not like him, i ended up (admitting?) to myself i loved him that way too. love doesn't have to feel like butterflies. love is a choice.

  30. I know what it's like. It's fucked up

  31. you have to know the difference between love and lust though. just because you lose sleep over someone or cant stop thinking about them doesn't mean you dont love them. people you having truly loving relationships dont feel like that for the whole time in their relationship. but it does sound obvious that you don't love him anymore. just remember that those silly things we hear about being associated with love arent necessarily what love is... if htat makes sense

  32. I suffered a low sexual desire and it directly affect the fire in my marriage that's why I took lyriana a female libido enhancer

  33. Thanks for this article, pretty helpful piece of writing.


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