give me a chance?

ph: hollypotato

j.

You got me. You got me and you don’t want me. People keep telling me that this is just another crush. They keep apologizing for the fact that you don’t seem interested. They keep telling me that I should move on. What they don’t understand is that this is not your run of the mill crush. I don’t want to give up on you yet. Even though you never gave me the chance, I’m not ready to throw in the towel.

We met studying abroad. That’s when it hit me. We had had a class together freshman year but didn’t even realize the other's existence. As soon as you opened your mouth and revealed your witty sense of humor and cute mid-western accent I wanted to be your best friend. And that is exactly how it started. I had a fatty friend crush on you. I didn’t see you in the romantic sense and yet I wanted to spend every second with you. You were nice and charming and funny. And as we spent weekends traveling to new places I got to learn little things about you. Like how you are afraid of birds after freaking out when we fed the pigeons in San Marcos Square in Venice. Or how you have the biggest sweet tooth and could never turn down a gelato.

Unfortunately, we weren’t living in the same building and we didn’t have any of the same classes so I went over a month without seeing you. I had pushed you to the back of my head and almost even forgotten about you. It’s a shame that I didn’t, it’s a shame that I almost did. You resurfaced in my life in December. It was not only you who had surfaced, but new feelings did as well. The last night before Christmas break you looked into my eyes and told me that you were a better person when you were with me. Was that only drunken flattery or are you too afraid to admit that it might be true?

We talked briefly once over break. It was friendly, light conversation and I was filled with excitement at this blossoming friendship and the adventures it would bring when we were back at school. I thought you felt the same.

Before I continue I must elaborate. This isn’t a normal crush. This is an “I’m suddenly back in the fourth grade and I can’t help but tell everyone about you” crush. But what I didn’t tell others was that even though we were still practically strangers I could see a future with you. I imagined you meeting my whole family and how they would say they’ve never met a nicer young man. I saw us showing each other our hometowns and sharing our childhood dreams. I could actually see myself marrying you and how great of a husband and a father you would be. I had gotten too attached too fast. I drowned in those deep brown eyes of yours. How could I have misread the signs that much? How could I have let myself get that swept up in it all? How could you run away from me the second you picked up on the fact that I now looked at you a little differently? Do you even have the slightest clue? I know that you aren’t a ladies man. You haven’t dated anyone your entire college career. And I’m the same way. But maybe it’s time you opened yourself up to the possibility. I finally opened up for you.

I took a chance. I put myself out there for you time and time again. And what did you do? You repeatedly left me hanging. You filled me up with promise and then let me down hard. I know I should give up on you already. But when I think I’m about to, you surprise me in the tiniest way and pull me right back in. And that part of my soul deep down inside that’s attached to you is just too stubborn to surrender.

I’m here. I’m waiting. I’ll keep trying.

Save yourself some trouble and give me a chance?

-a.

i want to grow old with you

ph: vi.sualize.us + lovetrains

a gift, to be loved by you

ph: STEFFANIE LING

w,

I should have guessed, when I first laid eyes on you that I was in trouble. I was the one you chose, out of all the doe eyed, helpless girls you chose me, and I was lost. I can't remember when I lost control of it, when I fell, but I do remember the way you looked at me, the way you touched me, like there was nobody else in the room, nobody but me.

You used to grab my hand, slip your fingers into mine, they were so much bigger, but they fit perfectly, and we were perfect. You would wrap yourself around me, you would engulf me, I always felt so safe in your arms, invincible. I could feel your love seeping into me, it smothered me and protected me from the world, because you were mine, and you were here.

And then you left.

You left, but your still here.

I miss your touch, your kiss, your smell, your everything. Sometimes late at night, I can feel you sleeping next to me, I can still feel your warmth and it's like you're home.

Sometimes we'll speak to each other in different languages. We used to sneak off together, we would plan it all out, we were invincible, we still are.

I remember this time, you had made me a fort downstairs, and we were sitting in it like children. It was in the beginning, and I just remember, I remember how badly I wanted to tell you that I loved you, but I was terrified, I still am. Later we would speak those words to each other in confidentiality, though it didn't last for long. You would always show me off, you wanted everyone to know I was yours, this girl, who loved you, I was the greatest thing in the world to you.

Months later, we still belong to each other. We've gown up, grown together, but we're still the same. I would still cross the sea to be with you, and you'd still fight off bears and lions to protect me. It is the greatest thing to have ever happened to me, it is such a gift, to be loved by you, to be yours.

And through thick and thin, I will always be here, right by your side, right where I belong, with you.

Sincerely,
L