Tuesday, April 1, 2014

should I stay or should I go?

Le Love Blog Love Story Submissions Chemistry But She Doesn't Want Be With Him Uses Him Needy But Won't Commit Taking Advantage Of Him Untitled by hey_dima, on Flickr
Photo via: hey_dima

Sometimes I think we were meant to be. Sometimes I think she’s not good for me.

I met her through a mutual friend. We got along well. Too well. The chemistry built, overtook us, scaring us both. But I was not what she wanted. Not at this time, not ever, in her ideal plan for her future.

Watching her go through a roller coaster of an emotional struggle every day while we dated – wanting to stay, but knowing she shouldn’t – hurt me in more ways than one. So I took the plunge and ended it for us.

Not long later, she found someone else to replace me. A similar me. And it killed me. Slowly, daily, every hour was just a sad reminder that I wasn’t the ideal. I wanted so bad to move on and put this behind. To find someone, whom I could give everything I gave to her, who would appreciate me. But she kept holding on to me, and knowing she needed me, I stayed. I stayed, throughout the entire time that I loved her but had to watch her date another me, on the pretext that I was not what she wanted. Still I stayed, lying to myself that I was still special to her, coz she needed me. I was always her rock, her shoulder, her blanket.

1 year later, they ended. They never had the chemistry we had and she knew it. But still, she didn’t want us. She wanted the perfect Him in her dreams. I still want to leave. And whenever I’m not with her, I can almost convince myself it’s possible. But every time we hang out, with each hug, each time she lies on my lap or holds my hand, I’m lost. As lost as I’ve been the past 1 and a half years.

And still I know, the only time there might even be a chance for an Us is another 4 and a half years down the road. Should I stay or should I go?

Sometimes, I just don’t want to know.

14 comments:

  1. Go! Save yourself! I was at this point four years ago. Leaving was horrible and hard work, but in the end i found someone new who really wants me. ME! And he shows me every day.

    You'll get over this and you will find someone new, someone different, someone better... You only have to leave. Do it.

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  2. This story has brought a tear to my eye! It sounds like you would only continue to punish yourself if you stayed. A fresh start sounds like a good idea, even though it might seem scary. If you leave, she might even follow and if she doesn't, this can allow you some closure. Good Luck x

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  3. I feel for you, that's a difficult conflict to feel. Loving someone comes with ups and downs for sure, but sometimes letting go is all we have. I think you deserve better and you seem to have a good heart that someone out there would really apprciate and love. Good luck to you :)

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  4. Totally where I'm now... Been ongoing for past 1.5 years. The chemistry and connection we shared.. The many times I walked out and he came running back to me. With everytime he came back and ended up telling me him and I are wanting different things and at different phase of life. In short he doesn't want us... It is hard... Especially when he/she treats you so special. I don't know what I would do now. But I know... Keep your option open. For if it is meant to be it will be perfectly. If not, I'm god damn sure the right one is out there for me. Hang in there.

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  5. Please go. She may love you, but if her love was strong enough she'd already be with you. Best wishes x

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