Thursday, March 20, 2014

be a virgin until marriage or have sex?

LE LOVE BLOG LOVE STORY LOVE PHOTO IMAGE GIRL WOMAN LOOKING BACK RED HAIR IN CAR 20 YEAR OLD VIRGIN TO HAVE SEX OR NOT Untitled by Emmanuel Rosario, on Flickr
Photo via: Emmanuel Rosario

Le Love has been the one and only website I have read for the last 4 years. It has helped me a lot reading these stories about real people that have been through so much and experienced some magical moments with people they LOVE. This is not always the occasion, there are many stories about heartbreak and how they have dealt with it, in every kind of way. These people show their emotions, their stories that define who they are. So what the hell, why not share mine?

I don't have a story where I have been madly in love or where I have had a really bad breakup. But I have some thoughts that I need to share with someone, the real people out there. I'm a 20 year old girl and a virgin. Yes virgin. I would say that this is my biggest secret, no one knows and no one is supposed to know. I would explain my thoughts with just one word, dreamer.

There is a part of me that thinks I should remain a virgin until I get married or find the «one». This part of me thinks that this is the one and only choice. Why not wait for this person that you are madly in love with and want to marry. Isn't it a beautiful thought to have just had sex with one person? Yes, I'm religious, but that's not the reason why I'm a virgin. The reason is that I want to feel special, that it is meant to be for me to wait for the one and only. My dream to have a good thing to wait for, that all these years have been like this for the perfect finale.

And there is the other part of me that thinks, what the hell have I done all these years without sex? This part of me encourages me to do whatever I want, get it over with. Isn't sex a big part of a girl's life, shouldn't this be a part of my life. Experience in every kind of way. This part of me feels that I have missed on so much like falling in love, having plenty of boyfriends and experiencing mad amazing sex. My dream of being that girl, the one that just does everything that comes to her mind. Sex is a big deal when you are 20 years old, so is what have I done so wrong?

Should I do this right now or since I've waited that long should I wait longer? These thoughts get into my head and disturb me. What kind of girl thinks about sex and relationships like this. One day it's one thing and the next day is another. Have sex! No, wait for the perfect one. I'm mad, mad at me for having it affect me. And since no one in my life knows, I need someone to tell me what to do. I need someone that doesn't know me whats the best thing to do. Be a virgin until marriage or have sex and wake up the wild side in me?

Sincerely, Amanda.

28 comments:

  1. i think it should depend on the person, not the time in your life. if you are happy with the person you are with, and trust them completely, and are happy to sleep with them, then go ahead. as long as at the point in time you were happy with your decision, it is hard to look back with regrets as it was something that made you happy. the person who is forcing you to have sex with them and doesn't want you to wait until you are ready, is not the right person.

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  2. This might sound harsh but I'd say DO have sex. You learn so much about your body and the closeness to a person is amazing. Definitely try it! But of course do as YOU feel best.

    Take care :) xxx

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  3. I was 20 years old when I lost my virginity. :) Even though the guy later turned out to be an asshole, that first time was wonderful. Of course it wasn't "good sex", and it did hurt a little, but I was madly in love and I wanted to do it! I've never had any regrets about that.

    But I can admit that now when I'm 27 I'm almost 100% sure I'm living with my soulmate who I will marry one day. And sometimes I think of my naughty nuber (10 guys) and I must say I do regret some of those nights... I find the thought romantic having just had sex with that one person you grow old with... But then again; does the sex with other guys affect our relatinship now? Not at all. Does it affect our sex life? I don't think so... Maybe I am less experimentfull now than I was a couple of years ago, but I'm also better in bed than I was back then lol. Summary: Sometimes I regret not waiting until marriage, but most of the time I feel like it doesn't affect my love or sex life negatively.

    Good luck!

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  4. I'm 22 and a virgin. I have a boyfriend and we already in our 6 years relation ship since I was in senior high school.
    we really madly in love with each other. we hug, we kiss, we cuddle, we make out, but we're not having sex at all.
    he ask for it but I explain to him why I don't want to do it. I'm not sure about sex that it seems the only way to confess our love or as a part of having some fun in youth? no, I don't think so. he understand and wait for it. yes, we both are virgin. we don't have many ex-es. yes we don't have a any experience in bed. but we believe that sex is one of the human needs which not always have to be fulfilled.
    virginity happens as one of the most personal thing in me and my life which no one could ever easily took it away from me. not even my six-years boyfriend. it must be my husband. the one that I choose to be the father of my kids.
    just because so many people say that sex is amazing doesn't mean I have to go out and have one.
    just because I'm young doesn't mean I have to do everrry single thing that others do and against my conscience.
    I believe a man that really love me will never push me to do it. he'll wait until the time when I ready.

    if you still want to lose it, make sure you won't regret it.
    once it lose will never comes back.

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    1. I'm sorry if it bothers to read.
      being a virgin is like a lesson to learn to be a faithful partner. for me sex is sacred. hehe
      once you think that sex is sacred you'll never go out and cheat your partner. you will think thousand time before doing it.
      how many girls doing it and regret?
      how many boys having sex with a virgin and he said he will be a faithful partner yet he becomes a total asshole?
      yes it affects the future relationship. would you not comparing your partner with the previous one because you have so many experience? haha I don't know. it's just all I can see from a virgin view. cmiiw

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  5. After losing my virginity, I thought that the act itself, I mean it didn't feel exciting or special, it almost just feels ordinary - and I believe the only thing that will make it feel extraordinary is being with the right person.

    Sex and love are the most beautiful combination, sex without love just doesn't satisfy - and I do understand that you want to experience it, you are probably intrigued but wait it out, I wouldn't wait until marriage (there's not really any need, but wait for the perfect person at least - a few years from now you will be glad you did)

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  6. Don't rush it. Just wait for someone you like and who you can trust.
    My first time was at 19, with a friend. We started making out and the moment just felt right. And I don't regret it at all. He was someone I was comfortable with and who I felt like I could trust. He later became my boyfriend for a short time, before we realized we didn't work out.
    The people I know that regret their first experience, are people who've just done it to get it over with. And I don't think you have to wait until after marriage, but do if you want to, but wait until you find someone you like, and who likes you back :)

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  7. I, too, think you should do it. Not with just anyone to get it over with but with someone who you feel comfortable with.

    I lost my virginity to my first boyfriend when we were 16 and I'm glad that I did even though our relationship only lasted for three years. He was a safe choice to start with and we learned everything about sex (and relationships) together. I still always thought that it would be a shame if I never got the chance to experience sex with anyone else... And so did he, so he cheated on me and we broke up.
    When I became single and a little later was ready to meet new men, I was comfortable with my body and my sexuality. There became a few years time in my life when I had amazing experimental sex with several different men. There was 14 of them altogether.
    Now that I'm in a longterm relationship with a person that I believe is The One for me, I'm glad for what I've experienced. I don't have to wonder what it'd be like with someone else because I know. And I believe our sex life wouldn't be as good if we both hadn't had our adventures.

    I'm a feminist and I think that our society hasn't yet recognized female sexuality enough as a positive thing. While men can have sex without any shame, many women still in some level feel judged for being sexually active. And what I believe is that sexual freedom is an essential component of women's freedom.
    The question women/girls like you are dealing with is whether or not you should allow yourself your sexuality. If you were a man, do you think you'd be asking the same question?

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  8. Don't wait until marriage. But wait until you find someone that you love.

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  9. I really think this depends on who you are and who you're having sex with, my first time was when I was 16 with a guy who I actually went on to be with for almost 3 years. I thought I was in love and sex was what was supposed to happen and at the time I didn't really think about it too much. Our relationship ended in a pretty messy way and now I am with some one who I genuinely believe I will spend the rest of my life with, he was a virgin and I almost feel guilty that I gave my virginity to some body else. I always say to my little sister, as you grow up you will talk about how and when you lost your virginity whether it's chatting with girlfriends or over something stupid like a drinking game so don't make it a bad memory.

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  10. Im 21 and a virgin. Even religious ;-)

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  11. virginity is a concept created by men who believe that after having sex for the first time, the woman loses something...

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  12. My dear, wild side not exist in people like you... You can try, but not be able to do anything that your heart don't want to... age or be a virgin its not a problem... the problem is YOU, You are close to do things that you are not comfortable with... So, when you find love, you can express the day that you want... and i will tell you. when you love and feel loved, you will be able to open your mind, heart and body.

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  13. I understand that tug of war game of whether or not to wait until marriage. For me, I had firmly decided that I would wait for marriage - partly a religious decision and partly because I'm not sure I was really ready. At age 23, I decided to have sex with someone I had been dating on and off for nearly 8 years, and was sure that we would end up together. Well, that wasn't the case. Although we didn't work out -- I do not regret that decision in the tiniest bit. I think that when it's right for you - whether it's after you have a ring on your finger, or with someone that you fall in love with - you'll know. Even though I am no longer a virgin, I still view sex as an intimate, sacred connection between two people that love each other. Try not to over think it and just trust your heart to know when it's right for you.

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  14. My very best friend is a virgin, I am not. We've had many conversations about it because she is in a committed relationship that she has been in for a couple years and she loves her boyfriend very much, yet shes not sure if shes ready. Shes also 20 years old.


    my advice to her has always been, sex is not about marriage and marriage is not about sex. when you marry someone it is because of the respect, understanding, partnership, commitment, and the wanting to build a life with someone. Sex is and should be a bonus. Now my friend is also religious, and she knows that sex technically is for reproduction, but lets get real, nowadays its not, and it hasn't been for a very long time.

    My advice to you is be very careful about the way you approach the situation. Realize that it should happen in the moment that you know it should happen in, or the moment that feels right. To put in your mind the "title" or "place" you should be at when it happens is going to make you very upset and feel down if it doesn't happen then. Drunken nights happen and all I know is my first time was an awful experience that I hated. and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else.

    Just don't put too much pressure on yourself to determine the time or year it should happen. Grow. Meet new people. Try things. and at the end of the day, when it happens, it will happen. Sex can be an awesome thing and yes people our age have sex but I have found that sex makes things a lot harder on girls our age. and we are still extremely hormonal and are unsure of what it is we want exactly. Our bodies are still going to change. our views will change, there is a lot that's going to be different about us in 5 years.


    just don't beat yourself up trying to determine when it should happen, live your life, and things will play out the way they are supposed to!


    best of luck!!

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  15. This was just like me at one point.
    I had only lost my virginity a few months ago when I was 20. I was a strong believer of waiting until marriage because I too, am religious. I was sort of scared of sex because from what I had been taught, it has very big meaning to it and I wanted to give it to someone I would love forever. But many people believe that it's just a natural thing to do without there being any meaning to it? Losing my virginity was a big deal to me, especially since I gave it to a guy whom I thought really loved me in return when in reality he just used me (he had just confessed this).Sex is indeed a great, but I say if you're gonna do it before marriage than be %100 sure the guy is worth it. If you're going to wait until marriage than it'll be more beautiful.

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  16. I'm a virgin and I'm a religious guy too. Sex in humans is not only for reproduction, is the fun part of love. speaks of communion, intimacy, so it is called making love. If you just want sex for sex, you are nothing but an animal looking for another to have sexual intercourse. You deserve more than that, you deserve the best. Your father (God) wants to give you the best, really the best, all together, not just the animal part.

    A female friend once told me, it's really great to have sex with someone you can trust, who will be there when you're sick, when you're cold, who not only want to have sex with you, but who want to "eat you" with hugs and kisses in any moment only because he wants to share a moment of joy with you, just because he loves you.

    Someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with you, even if you have an accident and you can not have sex.


    Sorry for the google transation... I speak spanish.

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  17. I would like to reply to you in three ways...

    From a personal standpoint: I am 23, been married for 7 months, and lost my virignity to my husband on our wedding night. I've heard just about every reason people give for needing/wanting to have sex before marriage, but it was MY body, so I chose abstinence. Now, my husband and I get to have sex with each other WHENEVER we want!! My husband did have sex before we met, and even though I came to forgive him, it was very hard for him to accept that!

    From a religious standpoint: when two people have sex, they "become one" (Genesis 2:24). Having sex can be compared to using elmer's glue to attach two pieces of construction paper together. If these papers then separate, what happens? Parts of each are ripped off and left with the other. This is also what happens when human sexual partners separate. I believe that this is one reason why God HATES divorce. He planned to give humanity this wonderful gift within the bounds of marriage, to protect the gift and the receivers from harm.

    From a Licensed Professional Counselor standpoint: I am in grad school to get my degree in clinical mental health in order to get licensed in counseling. I finish school in december, so I've learned a few things about sex along the way (marriage counseling is my favorite). When you have sex, your body releases many chemicals. Most importantly, the "love hormone", oxytocin, which is used for emotional bonding. When you have sex, your body releases oxytocin, and you are literally chemically bonded the person you are having sex with (too bonded for a relationship less committed than marriage). Other hormones like adrenaline cause excitement, which heightens your memory, making it easier to remember back to the sexual experience. If you should move on to a new partner, your brain still has VIVID memories of your last partner. Some people say you should have sex before marriage to practice and get in touch with what you like, etc. When you marry, that man will LOVE you! He will not be impatient with your ignorance or lack of practice. You can show up as a sexual expert, or you can show up vulnerable (in a good way), ready to explore together. He will be enamored by your incredible gift to him. When I got married, the only sexual knowledge I had was from books (which I recommend by the way!) My husband and I have had a fantastic time during our marriage GETTING BETTER! And our wedding night, when I was a complete novice, was wonderful- not awkward or scary or anything like that. And yeah, I was not completely in touch with how I liked to have sex or be touched sensually when we first had sex, but I sure have learned a lot! Plus, if you want to learn about where and how you liked to be touched, you can learn that by YOURSELF (yes, I mean masturbation without porn).

    Don't let anyone (including me) tell you what to do. YOU have to stand before God/live with your own decisions. I respect you reaching out and getting a variety of advice. Don't feel bad for this being such a conflict in your own mind. It is a conflict in almost everyone's mind, but not many people allow themselves to live with the conflict... they just get the first time over with so they don't have to worry about it anymore. Not a good plan. Sex should never be something you have to get over with. Your virginity is NOT shameful, but beautiful. It shows how strong and determined and self-controlled you have been and continue to be. If any guy disagrees, he's not a guy for you.







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    1. Hi kaley,

      I'm in the same situation as you were, i.e in a virgin but my current bf isn't. How did you forgive your husband in the end? I keep imagining him with his exes and it's killing me each time we're together.

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  18. To me it seems that you are putting lot of pressure on your future relationship. My advice would be not to choose now. If you choose to have sex you could end up looking guys as "Do I want to have my first time with him" . When the poor dude is just asking you out because you are nice and like same comics. And he is just thinking would you end up kissing. And if you decide that you are going to wait for marriage you may end up didmissing a great person because he doesn't fit what you have in mind for your dream future husband. Why not go on dates with people without this huge pressure. (Easier said than done. I know) Get to know what kind of kisses you like.

    There are so many options. I have friend who is in arranged marriage and her husband is only one she has been with. And she is happy. I have friends who had sex first time when they were 14. (With now sounds really, really young) And while they didn't regret it they understood my need to be older and more sure of who I'm before even dating.

    Your virginity is nothing to be shamed about. And I think it would be good for you to see your sexuality as fun and enjoyable thing and not as source of shame and decidions that affect your self worth (shame for being virgin, possibly shame or regret if you have sex...) Before having sex in any situation. There are more bases than two. ;) It is okay to say to some one that you wanna keep things above waistline for now.

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  20. Not many Christians wait for marriage anymore. My philosophy is to save sex for someone you trust and love and not necessarily marriage.

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  22. Save it, save it, save it! It isn't just about you feeling special, though that is a wonderful part of saving your virginity; its also because when you get married that is something wonderful that you will have to share with your husband, something that you've never given to someone else. It will make for a stronger marriage and a wonderful giveing relationship. Remember marriage is all about giving!

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    Replies
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