Photo via: zweifelsohne wankelmütig
It was a small local club and
The night was peaking.
The bass was pounding.
My mind was racing.
and for a few moments time would stop.
I've loved him for a long time, and loved him much more then I would probably like to admit. It was he who noticed my favorite t-shirt in high school. Fast forward 8 years: We are best friends and there isn't a thing I wouldn't tell him. We are both seeing other people and we live hours apart but tonight he is in town and we are going out with friends. The concert was over and everyone had congregated at this local club. Our friends thin out quickly until its just us dancing on the edge of a pack of strangers. He spins me around and half smiles- this is about where time stops. I lock eyes with him, and there I see it but just a flicker- fear, fear that is quickly replaced with determination. I was like in a movie, he spun me around once more but this time with a gentle push, pinning my right hand above my head on to the wall. Simultaneously he slides his right hand behind my neck and brings his face to mine...I can feel his eyelashes on my cheek. For this brief moment time stops, colors blur, and we are the only people who exist. With the sweet smack of our lips departure he pulled back to face me and whispers "wow...wow". Blue eyes bright with what might have been pride, it doesn't matter- I am lost in them. I exhale, because apparently I haven't been breathing and smile and say "Really?". He pulls me close this time and kisses me for real and utters "Really" between my teeth.
This is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I relive it in my mind all the time. I fell hard for my best friend in that moment, so hard it broke my heart. No one tells you how much it hurts in a situation like this. Everyone says "you can't have your cake and eat it too." I never understood this until after our kiss. What am I supposed to do- what are we supposed to do now? How am I supposed to choose between this guy I have been dating for 2 years and love and my best friend? What about him? What would he do? How do I act around him? Absolutely nothing felt even kind of wrong or out of place when I was in his arms and I cant stop thinking about his lips. You know, suddenly forever with him doesn't sound so bad.
So we decide to do nothing and nothing lasted for 3 months before I spill my heart out onto a 6 page hand made comic professing my love and asking for his guidance with my feelings.
He said he felt the same and I cried.
I cried knowing someones heart would be broken... I never considered it would be mine. He might have felt the same, but wasn't ready for the same thing I was I suppose...
He came over and stayed once since then and over a bottle of tequila we talked about everything. It was nice and normal found us again. Without words being said I figured it out that night.
He loves me and that's enough.
The night was peaking.
The bass was pounding.
My mind was racing.
and for a few moments time would stop.
I've loved him for a long time, and loved him much more then I would probably like to admit. It was he who noticed my favorite t-shirt in high school. Fast forward 8 years: We are best friends and there isn't a thing I wouldn't tell him. We are both seeing other people and we live hours apart but tonight he is in town and we are going out with friends. The concert was over and everyone had congregated at this local club. Our friends thin out quickly until its just us dancing on the edge of a pack of strangers. He spins me around and half smiles- this is about where time stops. I lock eyes with him, and there I see it but just a flicker- fear, fear that is quickly replaced with determination. I was like in a movie, he spun me around once more but this time with a gentle push, pinning my right hand above my head on to the wall. Simultaneously he slides his right hand behind my neck and brings his face to mine...I can feel his eyelashes on my cheek. For this brief moment time stops, colors blur, and we are the only people who exist. With the sweet smack of our lips departure he pulled back to face me and whispers "wow...wow". Blue eyes bright with what might have been pride, it doesn't matter- I am lost in them. I exhale, because apparently I haven't been breathing and smile and say "Really?". He pulls me close this time and kisses me for real and utters "Really" between my teeth.
This is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. I relive it in my mind all the time. I fell hard for my best friend in that moment, so hard it broke my heart. No one tells you how much it hurts in a situation like this. Everyone says "you can't have your cake and eat it too." I never understood this until after our kiss. What am I supposed to do- what are we supposed to do now? How am I supposed to choose between this guy I have been dating for 2 years and love and my best friend? What about him? What would he do? How do I act around him? Absolutely nothing felt even kind of wrong or out of place when I was in his arms and I cant stop thinking about his lips. You know, suddenly forever with him doesn't sound so bad.
So we decide to do nothing and nothing lasted for 3 months before I spill my heart out onto a 6 page hand made comic professing my love and asking for his guidance with my feelings.
He said he felt the same and I cried.
I cried knowing someones heart would be broken... I never considered it would be mine. He might have felt the same, but wasn't ready for the same thing I was I suppose...
He came over and stayed once since then and over a bottle of tequila we talked about everything. It was nice and normal found us again. Without words being said I figured it out that night.
He loves me and that's enough.
