Sunday, January 15, 2012

a kind of girl who can't decide

One way or another decisions undecided decision choice  choices love blog love photo,
ph: the berry

My heart is beating so fast, when you look at me...
Let's start from the beginning...

I am in a relationship with a boy. A great boy for about 6 years. I fell in love with him when I was in High School. Things where not always great, we are a normal couple. Now I am a student and I moved out to another city 4 years ago. Everything was normal, we saw each other every weekend or rare, I hadn't much time, I was still studying. On the 3rd year I started 2nd faculty. And maybe it was my mistake...

At the end of 1st term, one guy who was looking at me from time to time was sitting and waiting for the Professor. I was certain that he is attending with me to other subject, so I decided to ask about something. He smiled widely, and when I saw his blue eyes I couldn't say anything more. That was the first time I talked with Tony. It was about one year ago. This ordinary boy made a revolution in my heart. We started talk, more and more often. Everytime I see him, he is so happy, he is smiling to me. I noticed he is touching my hand and saying "hi!" Tony is also traveling a lot and I think he has a little understanding for me and my live out of a suitcase.
(My Dad and Grandfather live in other country, I travel a lot since I was born).

When he is sitting next to me I got crazy. His smell, his voice, his apperance, his lips... I always STARE at him. I suppose that he noticed that. I can't stop thinking about him. When I get e-mails from him I'm so happy as stupid child! I am smiling to myself like a full! But he never asked me to go out. I wondered why, couse I'm not a kind of ugly girl, some people says that I am beauty...

What if he did? Should I go? I probably would go... PROBABLY. I know that he's so cute and nice, girls loves him...

I started to have dreams with Tony. Once uppon time I was at awful party with friends from my university, but Tony wasn't there. I had a dream that I was wearing same short white dress, I was at the same party and I wanted to escape, people around me were angry and rude, but Tony came and took me from this mess, then we got into his car and drove away. He was my hero.I am felling appaling regret all a time for my feelings...

I decided to focus onto my relationship with Wade and end up this ridiculous situation in my head&heart. But I stared to see how imperfect Wade was. Our interest were different, he was living in other city, he was far away when I was crying. Also I still remember how bad he used to be, how difficult he was sometimes. I invited Wade and he came to my flat for weekend before Christmas, he was waiting for me till I end my classes. Then we went on a date. We slept in one bed, but my thoughts were far away with Tony. I dreamed about him again. The worst thing was, that Wade was beside me. Tony was waving and smiling to me.

Yesterday I had another dream that we were sitting opposite each other and drinking coffee, looking into our eyes deeply with love. I have a problem with my dreams and reality. I read an interview with Johny Deep, he said: " If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one, because if you really loved the first one you wouldn’t have fallen for the second."

But still I have my Mum's words in my head: "if he wants you, he'll come across river, sea, ocean and he'll be there for you". That's the only reason I can't even move towards him. Me and my pride. Forever and always. I am a kind of girl who can't decide what dress to buy -white or black? Always buying two. It's killing me inside.

Sorry for my english - it's my 3rd language.


  1. I know that so well, myself is such a girl. but in the end, I decided for the right way (or boy)!

  2. I don't think there's a right choice. But I am sure that sometimes our head (as well as heart) messes with us. There is only one reason to brake up with the first one - if you would have broken up with him even though the second guy didn't come along. Because the xecond guy is always a insecure choice. I've been in the same situation as you twice. I've chosen the second guy twice. Each time it ended up with me losing two persons in my life that i really loved. On the other hand, if I hadn't made those choices - it would have killed me inside, and I would have been crazy just thinking "what if".

    But you know what? The thing is that it's always easier than it seems. You might buy two dresses each time - but do you keep them both? Do you use them equally much? Do you like them as much?

    You might not know now what to do. But time will tell. It always does - both when it comes to guys and dresses.

  3. I can totally understand where you are and is so hard.
    I was in that situation twice and I followed what Johnny deep told you.. I mean, it makes total sense...
    The thing is that sometimes we tend to idealize the second one. Deep in our minds we know the answer so we shape reality according to it. We see everything thats bad with one and everything thats good with the other.
    I guess there is no right answer.
    I would just advice two things, be sure of what you decide cause you will hurt someone you have shared a big part of your life with (eventually it will happen,cause clearly you are nor meant to each other. But try to make it as smooth as you can)
    And secondly, don't put too much hopes on Tony. Maybe he doesn't end up being the love of you life and maybe he is just the excuse you needed to move on with your life and meet THE guy for you later.

    Good luck with that!

  4. Johnny Depp is totally right. But, sometimes, the first person is much better, and when we realize it, it's too late. But who said that the heart always see the right person?

    Where are you from?? Sorry, but you left me very curious with 'english is my 3rd language' haha (because it's my 3rd language too, so sorry about any mistake haha)

  5. The longer you are with someone, the more you see - the flaws, the imperfections, the bad. And when someone seems so perfect comes along, it further emphasizes the imperfection of the other.

    Is this person as perfect as you think, even perfect for you?

    No one can compare to what you have perfected in your mind.

    Ultimately, choose the one you truly love. But remember, there is always a what if no matter which road you take.

  6. When you have been with someone for a long time, at some point you reach that "mid-relationship crisis" where you ask yourself, is this really the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? What if there is someone else out there waiting for me?

    And when you meet someone who initially seems perfect, fresh, and just different, you gravitate towards that person. You see all these traits that this new guy has that your long time love does not, and you come up with enough reasons in your head to start falling for this new boy.

    Then you break up with your long time love for this new boy and realize that the new boy isn't everything you thought he was. But by then, it's too late to go back to your long time love. And it's only then that you realize you lost the best person that ever entered your life, all for a boy you thought was perfect while you were temporarily feeling restless in your long-term relationship.

    I'm not saying this will happen, but it can. Don't make the same mistake I did. Think things through carefully, and really ask yourself, is there a reason why I've made it 6 years with Wade, and am I about to throw that all away for something that is not worth it?

  7. O.k. I only comment once in a while but, I am similar in a couple of ways to you - I also have a hard time deciding between things all the time and I, too, take my dreams seriously, and I have lived in many places. So here are some things to think about. First of all when I am trying to decide about something I take a moment and imagine both possibilities. If I choose "a" do I feel regret that I didn't go with "b" or do I feel relieved and at peace with option "a"? I do that both ways, visualizing the end result and that REALLY helps me to come to a decision. Second thing, if you rely on your dreams in your life in other areas of your life and you trust them then maybe your brain is telling you something you are hiding from. It seems to me that in your dreams Tony is welcoming, accepting, and protecting you - I think you must feel very safe with him... that is always a good thing. Maybe you should speak with Tony and drop in a comment about having a crush on him, see what he says before you abandon your current boyfriend for someone who may not feel the same way, you know. Test the waters first. BUT, either way you are having real doubts with your current situation and maybe you have out grown each other regardless of Tony. Either way, all the best. I hope this helps and GOOD LUCK AND LOVE. :)

  8. This blog is a great source of information which is very useful for me.


  9. im with jonny depp. clearly something was missing in your relationship with Wade, else you would never have fallen for Tony. You shouldn't stay in a relationship because you feel obliged too. its not fair to you, or Wade. you will always wonder what could have been. Just go with your instinct, and go with tony. life's too short for regrets.

  10. Flip a coin and see what you hope for while its in the air.

  11. I understand you're situation. I am in it now. I am Tony though, not you. I can't explain how I feel about the guy except I just know I love him and nothing else matters, it just is. I just don't know if he feels the same away about me because he has been with someone for the same time as you. I think if you like someone else when you're in a relationship, then its time to go. You shouldn't be dreaming about someone or thinking about anyone else. So I agree with Johnny Depp.

  12. Our song of the time being is 2 below:

  13. 13th Comment, Tony I woke up sinking about you but then I decided to nut a crunchy one....

  14. As much as I love Johnny Depp, I disagree with him.

    I know from experience you can love two people at the same time. You can love them both intensely and in completely different ways.

    But if you do love them both at once, be sure to be fair to them.

    Good luck!

  15. Every girl is like this in at least one phase of her own life.. :)
    So its okay to be scared and be confused as you can't decide.

  16. nice blog:d and good luck with your choices but don't worry you will make up your mind and you'll know what it is the best for you.

  17. thanks for sharing. i think thats a story anyone in a long distance relationship can relate to. its hard not having someone there for you and even though theyre on the phone its not the same. i dont think anyone can tell you what to do so my advice is to go on instinct. think about who you can imagine having a future with. its a hard decision and ultimately whatever you decide, it could end badly. my big advice is dont cheat! its so hard to live with yourself after doing that and both boys might be upset with u.
    btw just discovered youre blog and i love it! im definitely gonna be following your blog x

  18. Hi I love your blog! I am inspired...I am new to blogging and just created my own blog as well. It is about being in a long distance relationship, I hope you guys can follow it and enjoy reading my stories. If you can give me any tips on how to get more readers let me know. Thanks!

  19. I wanted to say something to the writer of this short story... It really touched my heart, expecially the last 3 sentences.I don't know why I like them that much,but that's maybe just me,I always like things the most others don't even recognize...
    Well, I just wanted to give you an edvice,I don't know if you are going to read this, but I wanted to tell you:
    Listen to your heart and blow the clouds inside of your heart away. I know,it needs so much courage to love... I'm always afraid that it doesn't work. But think about how it could feel if it works.
    Be brave, listen to your heart,it knows the right answer for all your questions.

    And during writing this,something got clear to me...- I even should.

  20. English also could have been more than the 3rd language since a few are not even listed so there you have it about T'ony dONt worrY.

  21. please, don't belive in your dreams! once someone said to me, that dreams are what you really want. if you belive in this, then brake up. i once dreamed about cheating my boyfriend and when i woke up i nearly died of a guilty conscience. look what's best for you!
    best wishes

  22. Now I feel the same like you but i just wanna enjoy it and wait until i know who's the best..
    but one more, the most important is loyalty. Have you ever think why did you still stay with your boy ? there's only one reason why we love.
    keep it up.i know who will you choose someday

  23. Hahahahaha Live the young, wild n free spirits, lol u are so much alike like me. i cant decide either.

  24. Once i was in a situation like that. If you really feel that your boyfriend is different and he is not here for you when you need it, than chooose the second guy. I did. And i am really happy!

  25. sometimes it was just an infatuation. maybe you have a hard time with your boyfriend that why you feel like you love the other guy who makes you smile. but be honest with your boyfriend. he might get hurt when he found out your situation.

  26. You should look into polyamory. There’s not need to choose if you love two people. Love is infinite.


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