Wednesday, July 20, 2011
just hold on
I was so content before I met you.
Yes I was lost, bleeding, hurt beyond comprehension, blind to my own pain. But still, I was happy. And now you come into my life and change everything. Make me feel again. Make me feel so much all the time that I don’t know what to do with myself. Make me miss you, want to be around you. You make me feel like this stupid little girl when I have lived through lives of hurt, when I’m around you it just all goes away. When I’m around you I feel safe. When I’m around you I’m comfortable, I don’t worry. I feel the pain leave, I feel my wounds and see the scars and they don’t matter as much. We can’t be together now and we’ve agreed to be friends. You don’t know this, but I’m giving you six months. Six months to see if you can be the man I need. I’m falling for you and I have to hold myself back because you’re not ready for a girl like me. If you want someone in your bed, to get you through the night, then that’s not me. I’ve seen this beautiful hopeless romantic side of you. I know you truly desire the same things I do. Then why did you have to kiss me last night? Why do I have to set you up for failure? Why do I not know how to control myself around you? I want you to succeed. I’m going to try harder to not give you mixed messages, I will be better. I promise. You're broken, and so am I. But when I'm around you I don't feel as bad. I know we could be extraordinary together instead of just ordinary apart. Just hold on babe, hold on for me. I can get you through you're pain and you can help me with mine.
And I hope you mean everything you say. You keep saying these wonderful things that make me so happy. Your promises of long walks, deep talks over coffee, wanting to become my best friend before we consider dating. I hope you mean all these things. I have a lot of hopes for you. And all I can do is sit back and pray. Pray that you are the right person for me, pray that I’ll have the strength to be there for you and to let you go if I have too.