Thursday, July 7, 2011
is it possible
let's skip the charades
you're seeing right through me anyway
can we just speak plain
we're playing for the same team
I never knew I could fall so hard for my best friend. We both knew it could potentially ruin our friendship but we still gave in to the explosive need to be with each other. For a long time we basked in our own fantasy land of sneaking around our other friends and making sure no one knew what was really going on behind the closed doors. It was exciting, addicting and nothing has ever felt so right. You said things to me that I wish I knew earlier, we became closer than we've ever been. But then the summer before our senior year in college came around and I was glass half full of possibilities for our future together and also glass half empty of losing everything we built together the last 3 months. I knew with the time apart, you would have time to hit realization that not only you have been with you best friend but also someone of your own sex, that I might lose you to the social stigmas I always wanted to protect you from. Is it possible that we can be each others one and only both as a best friend and a lover? Is it possible that you may also have feelings for me but are too scared to express them? I am not willing to lose our friendship over this risk of love, but I know if we take the risk together we can work through anything and have both through each other. We just need to talk, communicate like we always have...but I haven't heard from you in a few weeks. This never ending battle in my head tells me to reach out to you but also combating is the idea that I will push you away with my persistence.
For you I’d just be there. Someone to talk to, share things with, confide in…someone to ask you how your day was and you’d be comfortable enough to share, without fear of ridicule or disinterest. Someone to cuddle with and share intimate moments with, someone you will always feel safe with. We can play together, laugh together, and cry together. Know when you want to be alone and when you want someone to hold you close. Understand your limits and know where to draw the line. Know your friends and accept them all as my friends. I would trust you and be trustworthy enough for you. You will have no fears with me, live dangerously and make everyday an adventure. Live life and love it, have no regrets. Be alone and never be lonely. Passion kindness, honesty, happiness, sincerity and respect will be everyday words. Hatred, sadness, contempt and hypocrisy will never come about. A million people in the world and I only have eyes for you. Wear your emotions on your sleeves and I will care for them as my own. Give me a smile and I will give you my whole. Be there for me and I’ll be there for you a thousand times over.