unknown
Often I couldn't type anything out -the words weren't good enough, and I would inevitably leave it off. To say the least, everything I wanted to say wasn't really a mystery, I felt like I had nothing new to offer.
My story? Yeah, we fell in love. Then we fell out of it.
Well, he, did anyway.
It's been a year now, since I said goodbye. The reasons are now all fuzzy now, and I can't remember if it was him or I. I try to reason with myself. Sure, he might have loved me but he had too many skeletons in his closet, too many secrets he kept hidden away from the world. Even from the one, he proclaimed to have been madly, truly and deeply in love with. I like to think that I stayed as long as I could and that I loved with every ounce of my being, but now, the odds were finally against us, and it was time to call it quits.
You asked me to stay. Just a silent whisper. I knew you were trying your best, but I wanted...I needed more than that. All those nights that you and I stayed up fighting, crying and hurting, I really thought somehow in the midst of it all, we'd make it. We were fifteen and sixteen, but I swear, I will never be as in love with anyone else as I was with you. And that thought truly haunts me, because whoever are next, they have to struggle with the remaining pieces of me. They have to muddle through, doing the best they can, even if I secretly know that nobody else could compare.
I can't believe my insanity sometimes either, those nights that I would dream of you, confessing that it was me you still wanted. A part of me still needs you to be brave and tell me before we leave high school for good that you love me, no matter the mistakes shared between us.
But time has passed, too much time. There is too much distance between the both of us, and we're so far away that I wonder if what we had, what we shared...were we even in the same world? Was there really a time when it was just you and me? Was there really a time when we loved one another?
What I would give to let you go, every bit of you. Your voice, your hair, your arms and hands, and the taste of your lips still on mine.
But I'm too late, and you're gone for good now.
You've moved on now and that girl - well, she's just amazing. Her silky black hair, her smile, her wonderful heart. You really did better second time around, didn't you? But I'm not mad, I'm mad at myself. Somewhere deep down in the shallow pits of my heart, I've wanted to confess this to you for so long now. Peter, I still love you and I'm sorry.
Please don't ever forget what we had. Please don't forget me. Please.
-A
I can relate to this on so many levels. I've felt this before.
ReplyDeletexx
Absolutely magnificent
ReplyDeleteCame across this page, totally unaware of what this was, and at the end of this, I burst into tears.
ReplyDeleteLove is something amazing. It can change everything, everywhere in time and space; it is like a computer virus, a primeval force that stimulates us to change our life; without this feeling we would try less than half of what a human body can try.
ReplyDeleteAnd then, when this thing ends, we lose ourselves. And all have to restart. It's difficult...
honey, don't blame yourself. YOU can do so much better the second time around. i know that right now if seems like he is the person you will be the most in love with, but maybe next time it might not be that exciting thrill of the first time, but it will be so much less devastating if it ends and maybe this next time you will be able to go through it with a more level head :)
ReplyDeleteThis is one of my favorite poems called
ReplyDelete"don't forget about me"
I was the brake light that made you
Stop
The cool night that heard the thunder
The full moon that made you wonder
Don't forget about me
And I was the tree that stood
Through the storm
The wood that built that cabin
The solid beam that's kept it standing
That was me
Recall your shadow at 2 PM
The earthbound you that stalked you
Again
Same place
Same time
Run away
But you can't
Don't forget about me
I was the whisper
That drew up the covers
The soft blue linen
Your hand was under
The thigh
The breast
The body you loved best
When it was beside you
Beneath you, and over you
And I was the love
That made your life
The final song when the credits ran
I was the joke
That perpetual laugh
Your dove of peace
Who begged you fruitlessly
Don't forget about me
- Heather Kristina Thomas
it takes time to see what love can do for every individual. sometimes its always too late to say I'm sorry and really see how important other half could be.too many thinking,too many tears,and too many disappointment. its amazing how love can be.
ReplyDeletehttp://smartknowledge101.blogspot.com/2011/01/friends-love-bfgf-engaged-broke-up-lost.html
Your words touched my heart
ReplyDeleteits hard to conceive the feelings for someone, you'd never think of it until your out of it properly... dived straight into the deep end and yet its hard to tread out back to the shallow end, hope for the best keep your head up!
amazingly written. and dont look back,there´s a reason why he didn´t make it to ur life :)
ReplyDeleteok, so i just gotta say, i love your texts! I really do! But, I havent followed you for a long time and I just wondered -sorry for asking/not knowing-, are the stories real or made up? Are they from your experience?
ReplyDeletehih, love your blog!
"But time has passed, too much time. There is too much distance between the both of us, and we're so far away that I wonder if what we had, what we shared...were we even in the same world? Was there really a time when it was just you and me? Was there really a time when we loved one another?" God damn, those are some heart wrenching questions and some heart breaking answers to come to realize now. There was a time when it was just us two in this big world that seemed so small and complete, but to tell myself that I'll never have that time again with you and to know that I can't even recognize that world anymore is an answer too sad to bear. I ask myself, what is it that a wound remembers after it has healed?
ReplyDeleteBeen there. Probably too many times.
ReplyDeleteThis just made me cry, this is so tough. I am going through this right now...I am wondering if i made the right decision. Stay strong. :)
ReplyDeleteI was there. But trust me, the future get better.
ReplyDeleteA day will come, and you'll suddenly realize that you've let go.
A day will come, and you'll stumble upon someone who's amazing and incredible, who'll be able to open your heart to love more than you think you're capable of.
High school is just a start. What you've got now is just a taste of what is waiting for you out there. It's good to spend time a mourn about a disappointed love, but in the end, you've got go clean yourself up and make room inside of you for the universe to rush in, so that you can experience goodness like you've never seen it before.
It gets better.
You'll find better.
I've only ever fallen in love three times.
And each time around, the new prince has proven to be better just when I thought the previous one was already too perfect.
Thus is life. Patience is a virtue. And so is forgiveness.
Forgive him, forgive you.
Remember what you had together, but forget him.
Girl, you'll find someone who will love you forever. Someone who deserve your love. But all is about patience and right timing! Stay strong and live life!
ReplyDeleteI think if we were to be totally honest, no matter how strong we women think we are, this has happened to 99% of us. The sooner we accept this has happened to us, we can accept ourselves and move on stronger.
ReplyDeleteI am there :(((
ReplyDeleteIt could be me writing this text, it's amazing. And extremely depressing :\
What a great piece. I think we can all relate to it.
ReplyDeleteI used to feel this way. He was my best friend. I thought he would forget about me after a couple months. I was wrong. And then I found someone I learned to love even more than him..and I realized I had forgotten him. And I'm happy :)
ReplyDeleteI am the same way
ReplyDeleteand still feel this way, questioning my self? why? how? what? but I am not giving up I am still fighting what i know that i love, til this day.
i might not know where she at but hope fully she will read my blog.http://smartknowledge101.blogspot.com/2011/01/is-it-too-late-my-love.html
about your situation, the men you're talking about,
Us men we don't show our feelings that much because we have pride to protect, but deep down inside all men are soft and we don't forget memory that passed.deep inside his heart , he remembers you! you never know he might still love you!
What a realistic post will be coming back to this time and time again. Your words really touched my heart. Too many thinking,too many tears,and too many disappointment. its amazing how love can be?
ReplyDeleteyou just made me cry.
ReplyDeleteI want to forget my love, but I can't
I accidentally came across this after looking for a movie "Never let me go" which i just watched. Which made me think about love and my one true love that i lost. Then i read this and it took me back to those feelings that felt like ice. It has been 7 years since i was with what i loved so much and never thought I'd be apart from her. We were young and to be engaged but she ended it over the phone from the other side of the world. It was so long ago now but everyday i think of her and that love we had. I know like you that I could never have that love again. It was something not from this world. I don't hurt anymore, but I'd give everything and anything to make it so we were together now, and forever. But I know i have to live a life that will always be less than perfect, a life without that one true love. Knowing that still hurts but I'm not the only one.
ReplyDeleteIt's sad to think that a significance of someone to you may not be the same as you are to them. This entry was really nice...and I hope they don't forget.
ReplyDeleteThis can't have effect in actual fact, that's exactly what I believe.
ReplyDeleteOh my god, there is really much useful information here!
ReplyDeleteIt won't truly have success, I believe this way.
ReplyDelete