Saturday, September 25, 2010

I love(d) you.


unknown

I love(d) you.

It has been 10 days since we broke up for the second time. It was different this time, we both gave up. I tried to get this relationship back but it's obviously not working.

My heart literally shattered into pieces at the moment you told you're not gonna do anything to save this relationship. And that you're just gonna sit back and let whatever happen, happens. You said, 'If God want us to be together,we will'. But then again, if you love something, you should work for it. It's sad, because you left me hanging.

You told me I'm a Bitch and I never appreciate. You said I never made effort in maintaining this relationship. I told myself to give all up on you.

But then again, I can't. Everyday, I feel so lost. And when our song started playing on iTunes, the feeling I have towards you, it's there. Tears started shedding. Every night, I fall asleep in wet pillow. While you enjoy hanging out with your friends. You told me you were hurting too, but it doesn't seem like it.

And I can't watch any sort of love, romance movies anymore. Because it hurts so badly. I was never those who cried during sad love stories, but now, I am. You turned me into an emotionally weak person.

You promised me forever. You said you were gonna marry me. You said I was the only you loved. You are my first kiss. You told me I'm a good kisser. You said you'll love me for as long as you can. I told you I don't believe in sweet talks. But, you made me believed everything you said.

And then you tore me apart. You broke my heart. Completely.

But I love you, and yet I shouldn't.

You spoiled my whole perspective towards love. Do you know that?

You said we could be friends. So you started texting me as friends. You're giving me hope towards the relationship, a false hope. I tried not to reply, but how could I? Please stop this. It sucks.

One day, I'll be happy again. I hope.

43 comments:

  1. I have no words.. This is as if I had written it myself. I am in the exact same situation.. I hope we'll both be happy again one day :)

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  2. i was in the same situation as you a few months ago. first of all, don't let yourself believe that he isn't hurting. it's men & their alter egos. i dated my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years & during the whole mess of 3 months we just went through post break-up, he never shed a tear. me on the other hand, an emotional mess. he also wanted to be "friends"... it won't work. we couldn't see each other without being physically attracted to one another, & i couldn't talk to him without hanging on to hope. you can't hang on to hope. i know you want to, but it will just hurt you more in the end. one day, i want to be friends with him. but i have a feeling that is going to be at LEAST a year down the road. my love for him was unconditional & that doesn't just break. i still love him just as much as ever & it has been a solid month since i saw him and/or spoke to him. and i know i probably won't get over him until i find someone who treats me like a princess... someone i fall head over heels for. but in the meantime, i have to take care of myself. and that means living my life without him. KNOWING that i will find love & happiness once more.

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  3. i'm in the same situation right now.. though he has never called me a bitch, that's aweful :( he just gave up everything we built, it's so sad and my heart seems like never stop hurting.

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  4. Take time, lots and lots of time. Let the feelings come, its not like you can stop them, but let yourself feel without having to act. It will end, more than 1 1/2 years later and it still brings pangs of hurt to bump into him and his new GF but the everyday hurting has gone, just let it happen and you will get over him, I promise.

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  5. You will be happy again one day, I promise.

    xo

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  6. Its like you took the words out of my mouth love. And I've been this way for 3 months, we haven't spoken and I see him in school everyday. It hurts so much and it takes all the energy I have to resist looking his way, I'm so exhausted everyday. And everytime I hear about him chasing another girl, even though I know its probably just a rebound, it doesn't make it hurt any less. I know exactly how you feel- hurt, resentful, upset, broken. But you must slowly learn to piece yourself together, there are so many souls out there like you and me and if they've managed to make it through, we will too. And remember that the one who is really meant for you won't give up on you and your relationship.
    Hang in there and be strong, you will emerge a much more resilient person so that when you meet someone new, your heart will be pieced back again and ready for him.

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  7. you WILL be happy one day!! This will all pass...

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  8. YES! you WILL be happy. let bygones be bygones!

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  9. I know sometimes we feel so alone in these things we go through. People say "I understand" and we don't believe them, because how could they possibly know? But sometimes they do know. I know what you're going through and my heart aches for you, and for me.

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  10. It is really hard to say for sure which direction this is going to head. It would depend on the level of commitment that one has for another. Both have to be really committed for one another, like in marriage (Till death do us part). It may sound hollow, but love does need a level of commitment. So if you are indeed committed to that person to the end, cling onto hope and eventually love would grow into something bigger (Love never stops). It doesn't necessarily mean that you both would be together again, but the commitment and never-ending hope is indeed true everlasting love.

    It is a decision that you have to stick by it (Living life with no regrets). If you want it to pass, it will pass. Take your time to make the decision and never look back. :D

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  11. I'm so sorry for you, I know how you feel! But I promise: you WILL be happy one day! Really! Good luck and never give up on love <3

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  12. I have experienced exactly the same.The first time we broke up he was as torn up as I was. His eyes were empty and his lips were chapped. We couldn´t be without each other and we got back together. We broke up for the second time and he started hanging with his friends a lot more. Especially one girl I´ve never liked. He started to change his personality and I became frustrated. I was so torn up inside by the fact that he could be so happy without me and felt that I´ve been keeping him away from himself. Especially that he coul be so happy when he saw that I was a mess. No one knows me like him so I know he could tell how I felt by the look in my eye. Now we´re back together and he told me that the only reason why he started acting different was to keep himself going and busy so he wouldn´t stop. Because then he would break down and start to think of me.

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  13. I haven't even said this out loud yet.

    He cheated, and then a week after our break up asked that we be friends and that I meet his girlfriend.

    The texting as friends. I want it to stop too, but I can't say it out loud.

    There is so much I can't say out loud.

    Things like how hard it is to go to a show, and see them there. Dancing, making out. He insists that I meet her, again. we're Soulmates, he says.

    He told me everything he ever said to me was true.
    but There is so much about his life now, that wasn't his life before.

    Every time we have to see each other, as friends, I spend some time in the bathroom. Retching. One time i wrote on the side of a stall,

    My heart is broken.
    I can't say it out loud.

    What I would say out loud,
    My heart is broken too.

    The too makes all the difference.

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  14. I have read each and everyone of your posts and till now i could not relate to one of them though i found all of them beautiful.
    Today, my best friend, my first kiss, my first boyfriend broke my heart and changed my perspective about love and today i read this story.
    I realized there are all kinds of love stories and that all types of couples exist.
    i hope i will get one of those perfect love stories that i have read about in this blog.

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  15. my love left me for 3 weeks ago, and I still think of him as my only one. I'm only 16 years old, but i know what love is. He was my love, he was my summer suprise, he was my boyfriend, and when i asked him how much do you love me. he said: - Much.
    appearently mcuh ain't enough. He lefted me, broken and lonely.He's a bad boy 'cause he don't even miss me, he's a bad boy for breaking my heart. all of our memories, everything he said to me don't mean a thing anymore. I don't mean a thing to him anymore. I love him more than i ever loved someone and i just can't let go, he's everywhere i go, in every step, in every thought, in every word, in every song, in every movie, in every dream. He was my future. now i'm left alone with nothing but a broken heart and a outcrying soul. i miss him so much. i hate that i love him and i love him so much that i hate myself.

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  16. my bf gave up on us because he said our love wasn't worth it. that my heart was not worth for him to hold on too. it hurts like crazy.

    at least you had a second chance. i didn't even get a second chance with the boy that i wanted.

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  17. do you know that phrase "Wake me up when september ends"? so... i don't understand how much this is hurting you, but i know that is really cruel love. Just breath and positive thinking.

    Xx May

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  18. I'm afraid one day I'll be in the same situation as you...

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  19. This is almost as if I'd written this myself, only this is our first time breaking up. And we weren't fighting. He just started crying, and said it didn't feel right anymore. He didn't love me as much anymore. It's two weeks ago now, and I feel like there's a a big bleeding wound inside my chest, and it feels like it will never heal. I still love him so much, and I think it would be easier if I could just be angry with him, but I can't because he has done nothing wrong. He can't help that he doesn't love me anymore. It hurts so bad. i don't know what to do with all this pain.

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  20. lol are you like, sixteen jw

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  21. I am going through the same exact scenario. I think the best thing you can do is look in the mirror and say that you have value and you are worth more than this person. You will find love again, i promise! There is someone out there that will make all your dreams come true.

    You will love again.

    http://impetusoflove.blogspot.com/

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  22. Sometimes you have to know when it's time to leave. Sorry for you, but you'll probably be better off without it in the longrun.
    Good luck.

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  23. I know exactly what you're talking about. Quiet similar thing happend to me few weeks ago, but i was the boy. It really hurts, but with time it'll get better, promise.

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  24. Basically sums up my feelings perfectly, thankyou

    http://theutterlyinspired.blogspot.com/

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  25. I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me some time ago. Before that, he cheated on me, and even though I promised myself to never forgive him if he ever did that to me, I did,because I loved him so much. I gave everything in this relationship, that I eventually lost myself. I was a strong, independent and happy girl when I met him, but he broke me down bit by bit. When he broke up, I felt like the whole world was falling apart, and I seriously wanted to die. BUT then I realised that it was so unfair, why should I be the one who was hurting and he the one who laughed in front of me with his friends, when I had given all I had and he nothing? So I got up, put a fake smile on my face, hung with my girls almost everyday. And eventually my fake smile became a real one, and when he saw what I had become, the same girl he fell in love with, he was the one falling into pieces... And I was the happiest girl in the world, with all my confidence back :) So, it will take days, weeks, months, but your heart will heal bit by bit, and after a while you realise he was not worth wasting time on, that you deserve so much better, and some day you WILL find someone better ! Just take your time<3

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  26. The pictures in this blog are beautiful, very thoughtful.

    - David

    Aloe Vera 101
    Holistic Health Info.

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  27. Run away from it and let it lie, let time pass, grass grow over it...you know what they say. It sounds simple writing it but you and I know how hard it is. Do things that have NOTHING to do with him and slowly you'll think of him less and less. Don't write, don't try to get his atttention don't find out what he's up to just put the mess away for awhile. It's the only way not to go through life feeling dead. I've been there...it took me...hm...good six months to come to this realisation. I'm not saying you won't think about him, that you will write a text although you shouldn't I'm just giving advice so you don't fall into a deep black hole. It's hopeless and dead there and you have to choose life my dear. I thought I'd never make it but I did by forcing myself not to have all my focus on him.
    Good luck, you're not alone and IT DOES GET BETTER!

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  28. I am going through the exact same thing. We broke up over a month ago and it still kills me. I still cry most days and feel like I can't get through the pain. I feel like he changed me so much that I don't know how to be myself without him anymore. Even now, as I write this I want to cry.

    But I have moments of clarity when I see that this will pass. It hurts and I want to be happy again now but I know that it will take time. I will be happy again one day and so will you. I can see that even though I still love him, he isn't the right one for me. I can't be friends with him, not yet. It hurts to much to spend time with him when it's so different to how it used to be. I took down all my pictures of him, put away everything that reminded me of him. The only way I can move on is to lose him completely. And although that hurts so much, it is easier than forcing a friendshp that causes me so much pain.

    Give it time. It will pass. It may take longer than you want it to, but it will. Be kind to yourself, spend time with your friends, pretend to be happy even if you're not and one day you won't have to pretend anymore. It's hard to see but it will pass.

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  29. I know how much it hurts.. I've been in the situation for two and a half months. The only difference with me is that ~I~ ended it. He would have though eventually I just don't know when. It seemed so bad when I was in the relationship but now all I can remember about him is the good things. Everytime I see him, I want to kiss him all over. I have to watch him be completely happy and injury in any way what so ever every single day at school. I want to talk to him so bad and be friends but I know that's bad and it'll just make it hurt worse. I just miss him sooo much. And I feel really stupid sometimes for letting him convince me to let into my heart sometimes. And sometimes I want to stab him. And sometimes I'm too weak to do anything but cry. But we go through life one day at a time trying to focus on the beauties of it and praying that God will take this hurt from our hearts. And eventually, at least, we'll only have minimal scarring.

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  30. I was in your situation some months ago... I know what you're talking about and how you feel... after 2 months he already had a new gf... it was too much to handle.

    P.S: I would like to post a story too but I don't know how you do it. can anyone help me,please? Sorry!

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  31. I know exactly how you feel, it's like you've plucked my thoughts out of my head.

    I'm starting to feel better now, though, and I hope you do too.

    xo

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  33. oh god i love your words so much really beautiful

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  34. such a amazing piece your blog is my favorite

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  35. I was looking for Advise on breaking up and found this great site www.saveabreakup.com I gotta admit its great and it worked for me and helped me a lot.

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  36. same problem goes for me, and he got a new girl right now. it hurts so badly inside.

    I cant change anything now.. Sigh

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  37. love has no bounds so be strong and one day it will find its way back to you.

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  38. the upper image fits so well.
    i'm in this kind of relationship.
    but two years after the breakup. i am never going to let it go, although i really want to, sometimes. but how could I, right?
    he said he'll love me forever. and he said he would marry me right away.
    and i told him that i didn't belive him. but it seems i did.
    we're not lovers, and we're not friends, but i don't want us to be anything less.

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