Thursday, June 3, 2010

there are no rules


unknown

i don't know enough about anything to preach to anyone, i don't have enough life experience to make assumptions about love, about what it means and what it does to us. but i've caught on recently, to something. through a series of painful realizations, it's started to make an odd sort of sense. not real sense, but the crazy, uninhibited sort of sense that only love can make. i've realized that everything we make ourselves do, everything we put ourselves through, there's no reason for it. the things we say, the places we go to on dates, the pda, the hand holding, the little notes, we only do these things because that's all we know of love. that's what we've seen on television and read about in books. that's the kind of love that we've been taught, is real. but it's only action. and actions might speak louder than words, but feeling means more than action. it's like a twisted game of rock-paper-scissors.

i know that these things often do accompany real love. because if you're in love, you WANT to hold his hand. you want to leave a little note in his jacket pocket for his mom to find in the wash a week later, give to him, and know he's thinking of you. you want to smell him, you want him to hold you and tell you that you're perfect just the way you are. you want to kiss him and make him feel good. you want to listen to the music he listens to, just in the hopes that it will help you understand him better. you want to talk to his dog, and help his mom clean up in the kitchen, talk sports with his dad. you want to know everything. you want to put his needs ahead of your own, and you want to do it all so that he KNOWS you love him. but doing it when you're legitimately in love isn't playing by the rules. because in love, there are no rules. no one to tell you that you're doing it wrong, not even yourself. because to worry and nit pick over the small things is to look back. and love means not looking back. love means holding him, and being afraid. because you could lose him at any moment, but that fear is what keeps you hanging on. in love, anything goes, and that's okay. that's what is so beautiful about it.

is love fear? i don't think so. but what do i know? my life isn't even a quarter of the way through, and i think about things like this? i think about a lot of things that scare me actually. what i loved about him was that he was my best friend. he didn't scare me, not until he left. and now looking at him, every time, it tears me up. i wonder where i went wrong. which rules did i break? but i realized, recently, that the only rule i broke, was assuming that there were rules. because there aren't. i realized too late, that in love, there are no rules.

-leigh

26 comments:

  1. thank you, a thousand times over, for showing me that I'm not alone in how I feel.

    thank you.

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  2. I can't tell you how sad I feel when i'm reading this...
    I feel exactly the same thing as you då, you put my feelings into words.
    Thank you for a beautiful text!

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  3. as you do* i mean :)

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  4. Thank you. Thank you for telling me this, for teaching me this.
    I'll try to remember.

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  5. I recommended your blog to my readers, because I simply love your blog and all the stories from ppl all over the world. :)

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  6. Hallo readers of le love! Thank you Leigh for sharing this poetic text.. I am sure you know something about love;-) and yes sometimes we realise that we do love somebody we are loosing him or her.. but that is a kind of egoism.. when you do love someone only because he or she left you.. or hurt you. This is what I believe..

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  7. i love this blog so much.
    shows me everytime i read it, that i'm not alone with my feelings.

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  8. I love your blog, it just speahs to me on so many different levels.

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  9. thank you for speaking your feelings and putting them into words. this is something that i have needed to read since my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago. i needed to know that the only thing i did wrong was assume there was rules when were aren't - so from the bottom of my broken heart i thank you, whoever you are.

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  10. The rule is to know when is time to give and you will receive, but you already know that

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  11. We are a victim of the rules we live by

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  12. all I know is LOVE RULES!
    :)

    http://sunshinydaymiss-jean.blogspot.com/

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  13. oh my fucking god i love this so much. so true, thats where i went wrong as well.

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  14. that's made me cry :'-(
    'cause it made me remember my stupid ex-boyfriend , I really miss him like crazy !

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  15. "love means ... being afraid. because you could lose him at any moment, but that fear is what keeps you hanging on."

    That's something else - Love doesn't need to include that. That's another belief. Love does not feel like fear, or guilt, or blame etc.. Love feels like appreciation.

    Feel glad that you knew this person. That you had what you had. That you shared what you share. Life is fleeting moments. You can't take anything wityh you. Nothing is permanent.. that make sit all the more sweet when things that you like continue.

    Appreciate for the things that you want that are there in this very moment, with attention to nothing else, is LOVE.

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  16. Thanks for the reminder, Leigh :)

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  17. thank you, thank you so much. that was beautiful written. amazing. made my day. thank you, again

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  18. been there, done that : (
    sometimes i think where i went wrong. but then again he was my first love.

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  19. hey,my name is jack and don't have a blogspot account but i have a question. i'm join the community www.spin.de and theres a boy called diego and he published some textes from your blog and he says he has the right to do it because you gave it him via skype.
    i just want to know if it's true because i don't believe him.
    thanks,jack.

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  20. Well Said. Some live a life time and haven't learned this. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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  21. I really enjoyed this post. Thank you for sharing.

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  22. wow. i've been reading this blog and the amazing posts it has had for awhile now, but this one by far has been the best.

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  23. like your blog. Thank you. They are really great .
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  24. I am scared everyday with the thought of not having the man I love by my side.
    Thank you for sending this in, it's quite beautiful.
    And I agree with your perspective of love, you've put my feelings into words.
    xo xo xo

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