Tuesday, June 22, 2010

the problem is my house


unknown

Dear J,

The problem is my house. You made love to me in my bed. You spent TV
seasons with me under that black and white blanket on my sofa. You sat
on my front porch talking to my mom, and you snuck in through my
basement window to see me.

The problem is my house. I remember what it feels like to fit kisses
sloppily between our laughs that time on the cabana by my pool. And
the night sky through my window looks the same tonight as it did the
night you had your arms around me. And I can still feel my heart rise
when you threw me playfully onto your shoulders and whirled me around
in front of my mirror.

Never mind that you were my first lover. Never mind that once, you
held my heart in your hand. Never mind that you have discovered all of
me, my every flaw and freckle.

The problem is my house. You’ve left your memory in all the rooms and
your lips on all the cups. Your faded image flickers as it lounges on
my kitchen chair smiling, like a dream my house is having.

I want to let you go. I need to. My heart is mine now; it hasn’t
skipped an honest beat to breath your name in a while. But the problem
isn’t my heart. The problem is my house - ‘cause in it, you’re
everywhere to me.

College is coming in September, and I'll be gone. Away from this house
and this town. Until then, "I'll be seeing you, in all the old
familiar places..."

Love always, G

57 comments:

  1. this is so sad, in this unbearable kind of way and it's also beautiful :(

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  2. i loooooovee this. you are an amazing writer, be proud. this is beautiful, i have a taste of this feeling and you wrote about it so perfectly. <3 rooting for you

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  3. Wow. Beautifully written. Absolutely beautiful.

    I can't begin to imagine how many people will relate to this story. It's amazing how people can live on so vividly in our memories, how one person can touch a life in such an irreversible way.

    A sincere thank-you to the author for sharing.

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  4. I've felt this exact way for the past six months, since my yearlong relationship with my first love ended. We're acquaintances now but I frequently have misty dream-like memories of us in my bed, or lying out in the grass. I still miss him, but am happy to be discovering things on my own now and more than anything I'm happy to be moving away to university, alone :)

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  5. not that anonymousJune 23, 2010 at 2:45 AM

    Goosebumps. I love you!

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  6. i feel you. my ex and i were together for 5 years. for a whole year, we stayed in one roof. when we separated, it just hurt in every single corner. but time heals all wounds. i found that i am a completely different person without him, i was better.

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  7. I relate so much to this story. My first love just left (tomorrow will be exactly a week). I'm from Singapore, he's from Norway and we met on an island called Penang (in Malaysia). I'm leaving in 10 days' time too. But everywhere I go, it reminds me of the past 2 years we spent together and the things we did. Old places store memories. Thank you for sharing this story :)

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  8. FINALLY! someone touched on this part of lost love. the real reasons it's so hard to get over past lovers; ie. we're constantly reminded!

    i love the way this is written!

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  9. I absolutely relate to this, but I've found that it does get better. After awhile the memories fade and you no longer think of that one thing, be it your house or the car or the porch, and instantaneously only see that one person in your mind.

    You're a wonderful writer,
    J

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  10. beautiful... "The problem is my house. You’ve left your memory in all the rooms and
    your lips on all the cups"

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  11. Its been 3 years since I've seen him and I still feel this way everytime I go home from college. Every piece of my house has his memory on it. This hit my feelings right on. Beautiful.

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  12. in that case, for me, the problem is the world.

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  13. Even in my new house, which he was only in one time before he broke my heart, he is everywhere. We snuck over one day before there was any furniture and we made love on the floor of what would be my bedroom. We talked about how wonderful the summer would be and how many new memories we could make after I moved. And now I am haunted by the memory of the last time we ever slept together. Because even as he left his lingering scent and a pair of sweatpants in my empty room, he knew. And now he's gone.

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  14. this i so lovely and beautifully written.

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  15. Beautiful and very said all the same time...
    You are an amazing writer!!
    And what a beautiful love you share...
    I hope that the news walls on your new house or dorm in college be full of this kind of love but with lots of fun too!!!

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  16. i like the notebook referance at the end, whether you meant for it to be, or not, it reminded me of it...it's impossible to get over someone when their memory won't let you have peace. i understand. i'm sorry.

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  17. this is beautiful. I'm jealous of your amazing writing skills!

    asquaredplusm.blogspot.com
    asquaredplusm.blogspot.com
    asquaredplusm.blogspot.com

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  18. I loooove this! I absolutely love this. You're writing is amazing. Every word describes my exact feelings.

    Thank you for this!

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  19. it almost sounds as if the person you're writing about has passed away. you're a great writer.

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  20. wow, you're a fantastic writer. i've felt that way before too, it's almost to the point where you're being haunted by good memories. as cliche as it is, time heals all wounds. and i'm sure in time you'll be able to look about those places in your house, and see just that-only places in your house. i wish you the best of luck G.

    <3, B

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  21. i normally read and never post comments.. but this.. this is so beautiful.

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  22. thanks for this, you really are a great writer!

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  23. Ugghhhhh, it brought me back to that time and place. AWESOME =]

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  24. aww..beautiful. =')

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  25. this piece is absolutely beautiful. i know that if something ever happened between me and boyfriend, this is exactly the way i would feel. thank you for putting such an often ignored subject into words.

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  26. this is my favorite post, yet to be posted on le love, and i read le love "religously".. it's absolutely breath-taking.

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  27. Like poetry... Hope you get better soon. =)

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  28. made me cry. i love you <3
    keep writing

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  29. i know who took that picture: Lauren Peralta. she can be found on deviantart and her username is lorelix04

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  30. Amazingly written. It touches me deep inside as I'm going through the same thing. Hope you'll feel better soon.

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  31. Wow, i can almost feel how torn you are, just from reading the words you typed.

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  32. you are an amazing writer. I just felt everything you do just by reading that. Don't stop writing...

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  33. simply beautiful. i'm in tears from the words you've written and from a personal reference. love is truly a rollercoaster...

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  34. this is beautiful. i don't relate at all. my story is nothing like this. but your writing is so touching. i wish you all the best!

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  35. i'm terrified to get to this. i can't be that strong

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  36. its the same for me! ah :(
    except im not going anywhere for the next two years

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  37. This is very very well written.

    www.eastwestcouples.com

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  38. This is so beautiful...cheers to you and good luck.

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  39. This post reminds me of a song by Savage Garden, The Lover After Me.

    "It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name
    Like photographs and memories of love
    Steel and granite reminders
    The city calls your name and I can't move on"

    Sweet :)

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  40. This is exactly how I feel.

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  41. This spoke to me on so many different levels. It also felt so personal because my Ex's name started with 'J' and mine Begins with 'G' as well. It almost felt like a letter I wrote to him.

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  42. Very powerful. You write with emotion!

    Mauricio
    www.evaphotostudio.com

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  43. Wow. you are an amazing writer. I want to cry... I felt this. Very well.

    http://heelsandlipgloss.blogspot.com/

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  44. i know exactly what you speak of. i was 17, fought constantly with my mother.. moved out with my dad and it caused a huge riff between us for a few years.. she still has no idea it was because everything reminded me of him and i wasn't ready to take his photos down.

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  45. reading this felt like a page out of my life. whoa.

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  46. the same for me - but with an entire city. don't know if i can be back there without feeling heartbreak every second of the day.

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  47. this made me cry :(

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  48. "...that this heart of mine embraces, all day through
    [...] I'll find you in the morning sun, and when the night is new
    I'll be looking at the moon and I'll be seeing you"

    every street tile holds memories of him.

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  49. the problem is your house. because your house was simply a house until he made it a home for you.
    the problem is your house. because your bed was just a bed until you learned how to share warm blankets, warm his cold feet, and sleep with him even when he hogged the bed. now you have to learn to sleep in his memory, and some nights you don't want to sleep in your bed at all.
    :(

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