Monday, June 28, 2010

i'm Sorry


andrea huemmer

For blaming you to be the reason for my weight gain and supposed uglinesss. I was still pretty with you. And I'm sorry for never believing you. Because I know my insecurities ended us. But I was so happy at one point.

But now I'm just fat, and sad. Where there was once radiance is now replaced with underlying dullness.

But I know this is the best for us because I'm learning. It really is the hardest way but thats the only way. This pain let's me know that I'm capable of feeling. Sadness is the only passion that lets me know there is blood in these veins. I can appreciate everything. Most importantly, I will appreciate you.

I know you might not want me back for all the terrible things I said. The things I said I wanted. I'm so selfish. I never cared about anyone except for myself. And you cared about me more than you cared about you. I wish I could say the same. I understand that you are completely unattractive to the fact my cravings for experience overpower my cravings for your existence. But its not cravings for experience, but more so, for growth.

So I can feel beautiful without you telling me. So I can learn to handle this messiness. So i can put myself together and be okay. But I need to love myself first before I can love you.

24 comments:

  1. Oi!
    Tudo bem?
    Estou passando para divulgar o meu blog!
    Acessa lá!

    Bjs

    http://causaeestilo.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. laish mob ragda

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  3. i dont think anyone can love me because my face is disgusting. shallow, immature, i know, but it's the truth. no one ever has. so i dont think i ca love anyone - i dont even love myself. when i can see myself past the horrible outer appearance that I couldn't get over with.. when i can see me.. then maybe i'll start to see people. and not runaway just because i think they'll be disgusted too. i wish penelope - no- max, was real. if someone can see past my flaws - can you exist?

    ReplyDelete
  4. it's true - you can't love someone else completely until you love yourself first.

    ReplyDelete
  5. “Look not for beauty,
    nor whiteness of skin
    But look for the heart
    that is loyal within.
    For beauty may fade
    and white skin grow old
    But the heart that is loyal
    will never grow cold.”

    Marie Davis.

    http://lovers-shore.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. i'm in almost the same situation. so thank you for writing this and for finally putting beautiful words to the ugly truth.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Wow... I dont even know what to say. Im so happy I discovered your blog. Because your words are reading my soul right now.

    ELizabeth Gomez
    http://heelsandlipgloss.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sometimes we love to self inflict pain. Its like we cant allow ourselves to love correctly. Somehow uncontrollably our mind wants to ruin things for us while our heart just wishes things would work out.


    http://heelsandlipgloss.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  9. this gotta be one of the most thought provoking post I've read this week. Ah, self appreciation. Self love. Everything starts with yourself.

    ReplyDelete
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  11. yes you have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else...

    good job! you are on the right track of self-growth :)

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  12. such strong, powerful words.

    http://7-2-7.blogspot.com

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  13. To everyone above that is struggling with loving themselves, please see operationbeautiful.com. It's a great website devoted to people who write notes like "You are beautiful", "Love yourself", "This isn't a trick mirror; you have no flaws" on post-its and put them up on random mirrors at work, school, wherever.

    I was in this same situation. I looked in the mirror and didn't like anything I saw. But in writing these notes for myself and for other people, you start looking for beauty everywhere. You see it in crooked noses, big lips, faces with acne, faces with scars, curly hair, straight hair, all of it. Other people think they are flaws. You start seeing how things fit and work. Then you look in the mirror and FINALLY see beauty in you. It's a constant struggle but you are strong enough!

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  15. I loved your post--I think so many of us struggle with attempting to find ourselves in relationships, when the truth is a relationship cannot serve as a bandaid for our own wounds. The ending really moved me, "I need to love myself first before I can love," perhaps one of the hardest lessons to learn. Thanks for sharing!

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  16. thankyou for posting this, right this second i am trying to figure out whether or not to continue on with my year long relationship. i feel the exact same way. its just so hard to put into action.

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