Monday, June 28, 2010
For blaming you to be the reason for my weight gain and supposed uglinesss. I was still pretty with you. And I'm sorry for never believing you. Because I know my insecurities ended us. But I was so happy at one point.
But now I'm just fat, and sad. Where there was once radiance is now replaced with underlying dullness.
But I know this is the best for us because I'm learning. It really is the hardest way but thats the only way. This pain let's me know that I'm capable of feeling. Sadness is the only passion that lets me know there is blood in these veins. I can appreciate everything. Most importantly, I will appreciate you.
I know you might not want me back for all the terrible things I said. The things I said I wanted. I'm so selfish. I never cared about anyone except for myself. And you cared about me more than you cared about you. I wish I could say the same. I understand that you are completely unattractive to the fact my cravings for experience overpower my cravings for your existence. But its not cravings for experience, but more so, for growth.
So I can feel beautiful without you telling me. So I can learn to handle this messiness. So i can put myself together and be okay. But I need to love myself first before I can love you.