Tuesday, January 19, 2010

dear you



Dear you.

I have known you for almost 5 years now. And for 3 of them I have been in love with you. I love how you always can make me smile, or cheer me up when I’m sad or down, or how you can make a joke only I will understand. I love how you’ll tell me secrets that no one is supposed to know, or how you can tell a story from your day and somewhat make me feel like I was there.

I wish I could tell you how you make me feel. That every time someone says your name, even if they talk about another person, there is a thump in my stomach. Or that when you call me, or we talk on the phone, and you beg me not to hang up, my heart speeds up and I smile. Or that when you hold my hand in the dark, drunk as you were, I never wanted to let go. Or that when you tell me, drunk again, how happy you are that you have me, and how kind I always am, I want to tell you how I feel. I really wish I could tell you.

I want you to know that I often look for you at school. You might not notice, but sometimes I do. I try to talk to you when I see you, or at least show you that I’m there and want your attention. I really just want to talk to you more, like we used to. A few years ago I think you might have been my best friend. I still want that. I want to be able to watch movies like we did. Scary ones, so I could sit closer to you, or sometimes even hold your hand. And you were holding mine.

I wish I could tell you all this, and that you would feel the same, but I think I’ll never be able to. I’m too scared to loose you, to lose the friendship we have. But maybe some day I’ll be able to risk it. Just to have a chance of being with you. Maybe one day I finally will. Or you will.

I wish I could be only yours,

-M

37 comments:

  1. I always find myself thinking-- hoping-- that some of these submissions are written about me.

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  2. perfect. absolutely perfect.






    p.s. same here flitter!

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  3. oh, I was in a similar situation, for a looooong while

    but, the situation ended - we're together now :)


    I bet, that once you two are ready, this could be something beautiful.

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  4. Do it girl.
    Once you tell him that and he realizes how much he loves you too, you guy will regret all those years gone to waste in shyness. Sometimes you have to risk it ALL to gain anything. Don't just play it safe all the time. It's easier said than done, but give it a try. Come on, people are much more honest when they're drunk. ;) AND he holds your hand during movies,...I mean come on. Maybe he's just really shy about the same thing to.
    Open up,
    let it out.
    Trust me, youll regret it.
    Life is REALLY short..
    TOO short.
    I've had someone special to me die before. Sucks. I wish i had grabbed my gut and done it too.
    xoskg
    http://beautyvaccine.blogspot.com/

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  5. Speaking from experience: Tell him. If he doesn't have the same feelings for you - move on. It's hard, but it's the only only only way to survive. Good luck!

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  6. girl... i did that... and it was pretty sweet at the first few months... but things are getting sour between me and him. and now, i am regretting the confession i made. but still... i would say, go for it.

    if you never try, you will never know. just don't end up like me.

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  7. Wow! Beautiful!
    Id rather not tell him. Sometimes love doesnt has to be called love or labeled love to be love b/w two ppl. Words actions and body language say it all.

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  8. this is so lovely... adorable!

    kisses, caroline.

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  9. wow i'm amazed at how much we have in common. i've known him for 5 years too. we used to be best friends and go on dates (movies) but it just never worked out. =(

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  10. I did it once, for not so long ago actually, and I was so scared she wouldn't like me back. But she did. She even claimed to love me. Sure, it all ended in pile of shit because she also loved her ex, but even though I'm hurting over it, I'm glad I took the step to ask. To tell how I felt. 'Cause if I hadn't I would be hurting without anyone knowing, including her.

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  11. Beautifully written

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  12. The photos aren't showing up for me! :-/

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  13. i'm in similar situation at the moment. this makes me insane

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  14. I know exactly what the first post means, sometimes if I clear my head and just dream, sometimes I think maybe he might feel enough for me to write "I wish I could be only yours"...

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  15. I didn't want the text to end because it was so beautiful. Lovley

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  16. Oh, wau....such a lovely blog. I also draw a lot of things attached to love, the subject keeps amazing me again and again :)

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  17. risk it now! before its too late

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  18. this story could had been written by me. almost every sentences suits to my situation.

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  19. it's funny how everyone is assuming that it's a girl and a guy when it doesnt say that it is anywhere..
    i wish that it some day wont be that way.

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  20. very beautiful written.
    i know how it feels

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  21. just go for it, seriously if you don't it's going to be one of those what ifs for the rest of your life and you don't want that. and if it does go sour you will know that at least you took that chance and life is about chances so please just go for it because this could be a beautiful romance that you are missing out on.

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  22. Can you live with the thought of not saying how you feel after few more years when he actually have someone other than you?

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  23. Tell this person. You'll regret it if you don't.

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  24. This is beautiful.

    I am amazed at how much i can relate to this.

    great blog btw!

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  25. is good to know that i'm not the onlyone, is a little bit confusin cuz i really love this guy for the last 5 years...and i'm just so afraid to let him know what i feel, he is my bestfriend, he calls me everyday, we can talk about anything anytime, I've seen him growing, he went away for a cuple of months like 2 years ago and when he came back the feelings were still there...and i don't know what to do...

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  26. That was beautiful. It felt like I was reading a part of my life.
    You should definitely do it. I was in love with my best friend for years but too afraid to act on it incase it didn't work out. But we did it! We've been together for almost 5 years now, and are perfect I think because we were best friends first.
    You have to risk it or you'll never know. And if your friendship is strong enough, then nothing will be ruined.
    xo

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  27. dont worry M,
    im goin thru the same thing,
    but i realised that if i told him i liked him... i might lose him.
    and i never want to lose him.
    he makes me sooo happy.
    he's my bestfriend.
    and i love him.

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  28. I think you gotta tell him beofre you gonna regret it. Tell him how you feel before he fall in love with someone else!! remember your biggest mistake would be that you never told him..

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  29. This was me in high school, he was definitely my best friend, I always knew deep down he felt the same way about me but I was always too afraid to let him know. Then he found someone who is brutally honest about her feelings - he chose her over me because I was too afraid. Don't wait like me, you might push him away forever. I still think about him occassionally and my heart aches. Go For It! Give yourself a chance to be happy!

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  30. would you care to share what happened of this romance?

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  31. Anonymous: Well, since I am the girl who wrote this text, I better answer your question. We are still nothing more than friends. Our friendship went through a bit of a rough time, though not in a bad way at all. We are closer than ever, and we will continue to be friends for a very long time. I think I always will be very fond of him, but I think we never will be nothing more than friends.

    Hope this was an okay answer.

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  32. I wish you to share the feeling with him, as you are so fond of him. Make a forward step. Else you will miss someone who is so special to you like me. Missing some one is a hell experience.Rather you don't ever dare to face it.All the best

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  33. I want you to speak to him once about your thinking.

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