Wednesday, October 28, 2009

i confessed to my friends that I loved you


icanread.tumblr.com

You've loved me since the 10th grade, this I know now. But I was to absorbed in myself to see you as more than just a best friend. I broke your heart. You knew we would never be. You were always just the nice guy who was there for me whenever I needed a shoulder to cry on. I did love you, but not in the way you loved me. I took advantage of you, everyone was telling me it was so obvious that you loved me. But I wouldn't let myself see it, I blocked you out. We spent every day together in the summer going into our junior year and it continued into our junior year. We were inseparable. Then I'm not sure what started it but we started separating. Maybe you couldn't stand being just my best friend and only wanted to be my friend who was sometimes there. I'll never know. I got a boyfriend senior year and told you everything, maybe that was wrong of me. He hated when we were alone together because he knew you loved me, but I wouldn't let that separate us for good. Then you got a girlfriend. I hated her, but I told you she was cute and that I liked her. Slowly we started seeing each other less and less. Then I realized why I hated her so much. It was because I was so jealous of her. You started hanging out with only her friends and we never saw each other. Then freshman year came. We were both still in relationships. We would talk when we saw each other out at parties and have really good talks about our relationships. Mine was at the time going down hill and you helped me in a way just through our few talks. The summer going into our sophomore year I ended things with my boyfriend of 2 years, it was hard. But you were there for me. One night when we were drunk at a party I confessed to my friends that I loved you, i unconditionally loved you, more then I ever wanted to love someone. I loved you as a best friend and someone I was interested in. This made it even more dangerous. After this party I blocked out what i had confessed, but my friends will never forget it and never let me forget it. The summer went on and our relationship didn't change. We still never saw each other, you still had a girlfriend. Then 5 days ago I heard from a friend that your girlfriend had broken up with you. I immediately wanted to talk to you. But I couldn't because we are not the way we used to be and may never be that way again. I know she broke your heart and I am so sorry, I want nothing more than to be there for you right now. But I can't be. I can never tell you how I really feel. I cannot bring myself to risk such heartache of being denied. I cannot risk losing you as a friend. I need you in my life even if we aren't talking as much as we used to, we still can talk. And that is something I am not willing to give up. I love you, but I can never be with you. You don't love me the way you used to. And you never will because she broke your heart. Why didn't you tell me how you felt before? Why did you have to be the nice guy who couldn't step up to what he wanted?

-h

h...could you possibly be projecting with those last lines? let's change them around:
"why didn't you tell him how you felt? why did you have to be the girl who couldn't step up to what she wanted?"

i think you need to go for it.

41 comments:

  1. i agree. GO FOR IT! just let it all out- don't leave it up to him since he probably tried enough acting like he obviously liked you back in the day and got the hint when you didn't do anything back. now it's your move.

    ...and email lelove back so we all know how it went! :)

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  2. for sure. nothing is holding you back. always go big or go home.

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  3. That last line reminds me of another lelove post. It's from AGES ago. http://leloveimage.blogspot.com/2009/09/nice-guys-finish-last.html

    Guys who are "the friend that's always there" but are actually in love with you, never get you. Just the same way girls who are "the friend that's always there" are actually in love with you. Make a move. You have nothing to lose. Your friendship will be strong enough to get you through it.

    Or you can regret not doing it & always wonder "what if?"

    I really should take my own advice...

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  4. ^ she was actually inspired to write in by that post.

    xo

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  5. Yessss you should totally go for it! Its a gem when you find someone you can be completely comfortable with. Those people don't come often. Seize this chance! :) you only live once!

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  6. I totally agree! go for it. I mean, you have nothing much to lose anyway right. and if you don't, you'll surely regret it later. good luck, love. (:

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  7. It's always easy to say "Go for it!" like there's nothing to lose. I've been in the exact situation, and I know it is actually very hard pulling yourself together, and admitting love out loud. There is the risk of losing a friend for good, and if that friend is worth so much, you are not willing to risk it. I understand the angst she is experiencing right now, and I would rather suggest her to think it really through. She still has the power to break his heart, and if she is not sure about what she's doing, she might shatter him forever. But if she is really ready to confess her feelings, then she should go for it.

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  8. I think you should go for it. Nothing is worse than wondering "what if".

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  9. I loved by best friend for 10 years, fearing all of the unknown I remained silent.. I almost stopped breathing at the thought of losing what we had.. I came clean, after all that time, not necessarily to be together, I just couldn't pretend.. That was 6 years ago, we never got together but I never lost him, we're doing coffee this week.. I hope you find the way to tell him, feelings like that aren't meant to be buried..

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  10. omg.you should totally tell him,really.no matter what the outcome,you should tell him how you feel.it is hard to find a best friend in someone you love and vice versa.so..GO FOR IT!(:
    -gwen

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  11. tell him, after all you were still friends with him after you found out he loved you! If he's your friend he'll stay in your life. I expect he needs you, just as you need him. Good luck!
    -l

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  12. I know exactly how you feel because I'm going through the same thing! Except he hadn't break up with his girlfriend. I'm still single. I wish he know how desperately I want him right now :(

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  13. I'm at a loss for words.
    All I can say is ... PLEASE go for it. PLEASE...

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  14. He doesn't have to do all the work just because he's the guy and he loved you first. He's shown maturity by gradually moving away when he knew he couldn't win you over because you didn't see him that way. He's ready, and so are you. GO FOR IT, GO FOR IT, GO FOR IT.

    (But make sure to give him some time to heal first. Be patient, he's ready!)

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  15. i think she should take the leap. that, or she will forever be wondering what couldve happened. never regret. x

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  16. wow .. i had almost like this kind of story .. i was amazed .. well .. i regretted of those things that i did to him .. especially when i broke his heart twice .. then he went for one girl and he loved this girl even until now .. and all i can say now to myself, " let it go .. cos we arent meant to be together .. and if its so .. its fate that will decide .. "
    and its pointless to question something that already happened .. you better go for a new life and promise yourself that you are not going to do it for the second time ..

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  17. If he's so heartbroken, it will probably be too much for him to hear right now. Or it could be just what he needs. But you should tell him sooner rather than later, otherwise it could just blow away. Anyone who has been in love and not told the person always regrets it.
    Besides, this guy loved your forever. That does not go away. In the end you will at least be friends, and be better friends because you could be honest with each other.
    But it seems like everyone here, from their outside perspectives knows this can have a happy ending. Try to be fearless. Once, the first time I was in love, I wasn't. And like others before me, I still think about it and regret it six years later.

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  18. Also, we are hearing all these amazing stories, it would be wonderful to hear what is happening with them!

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  19. Sometimes I read this blog and am amazed by how often other peoples' lives parallel mine in so many ways.

    P.S. H: Tell him. You'll be glad you did.

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  20. Slow Dancing in a Burning Room by John Mayer just came on while I read this post.

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  21. http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cornwall/8329295.stm

    Read the link, please. It is amazing, so sweet.

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  22. H, I agree with lelove! GO FOR IT! Best of luck!

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  23. DO IT! or else you're gonna not only regret it, but wonder for the rest of your life "what if..?" Yeah, it will suck tremendously if he says no, but what if he says yes?...

    good luck!

    <3

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  24. this is the story of my life. I will do something about it tomorrow.

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  25. h- you should definitely go for it, I was in exactly the same situation about 2 years ago now and we were drifting apart so much and it really hurt. And when he got a gf omg. i was the jealous bitch from hell. I went for it, but it was too late for me, but maybe it's not too late for you. but i can tell you this: it didn't make our friendship any worse, in any case i think it made it better because we were honest again. just make the jump, and then from there you can move on with your life without dwelling on what could have been..

    x. o kaz

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  26. this blog creeps me out, some situations are SO similar to mine! I'd tell you, "h" to " go for it ", even if it IS easier said than done...
    I'm almost in the same situation with my best friend, now that highschool's over, we went on different paths... still talk to each other, but I'm so so afraid to slowly lose him, that only thought almost makes me cry... He's already talking bout some girl in his class, damn...

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  27. good luck, h

    -Maeva, France

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  28. GO FOR IT! I'm in a similar situation, but he has a girlfriend and I'm all alone. I would kill to be in your shoes and have your chance. DO IT!

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  29. GO FOR IT! This story reminds me so much of the book, "love, rosie" by cecelia ahern.

    They were the best of friends and seriously love each other since they were just kids. Problem was they were too scared to admit it to each other. They had different relationships for years.. They also lost contact, had less talks, less calls... Eventually the guy let it all out and finally admitted to the girl how much he loves her. Unfortunately lots of hurdles keep coming in the way... Their life continuously keeps becoming more and more EMPTY with them apparently blind about the fact that, them NOT BEING TOGETHER, is thing that keeps them in being EMPTY, LONELY AND ALONE.

    They did find out all about their LOVE for each other. They were 50 years old when they finally got to be together forever.

    The thing here is, don't waste time. Say it him. Tell him you love him. Don't be scared. And you know what, you'll be happy like never before, forever..

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  30. you never know what'll come out of it if you try.
    i was very close to my now boyfriend, and it always scared me initially that if I tried and weren't reciprocated things would never be the same.

    it's tough being friends first, lovers second.
    because you have pre-supposed definitions of what should be, clouded but what you were once before.

    but it can work out for the best. you love him more as a friend, as something more when you've tried. when like me, you post 'infinity' as a personal message, and he writes his own as 'and beyond'.

    you never think you'll get here, but if you don't try you never know. make a promise to yourself that no matter what, you'll give up your feeling to be best friends if that's what's best, and move along with that as your base.

    good luck with it.

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  31. You got nothing to lose girl! GO for IT! :-)
    Good luck ;D

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  32. its kind of my own story .
    its easy for me to tell you to go for it but i know how it is hard for me to do the same .
    i love my bestfriend since years ago and now we're still bestfriends but he has a girlfriend now . we have been together before . but now ,he kept on giving me signs that he liked me too but then he act like there was nothing but then he just looked at me again .
    we got so closed , everyday we would talk to each other . i always had to keep in mind that he's no more than a friend . im trying to get over it , that im in love with him , but then he gaze into my eyes again ..

    just go after him , girl :)

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  33. nice guys finish last because they're pussies

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  36. I've been waiting now for a long time for my best friend to tell me he's ready to ruin our friendship. And right at this moment i'm not sure if it will ever happen.
    so maybe he is the nice guy...

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  37. i wonder how this story ended..
    i'm very curious because my story was similar

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