Monday, April 14, 2014

i got hooked on you

Le Love Blog Couple On Bed Kissing Friends With Benefits Fuck Buddies One More Serious Than The Other Beso (Amsterdam, 2014) by Joel Sossa, on Flickr
Photo via: Joel Sossa

When I met you I didn't even think twice about you. You were just another guy from work. In fact, now that I think about it, the first time I met you I found you a bit stiff and harsh and rugged. Almost like you were something out of an action thriller or in the military or something. You were so fucking serious.

I worked on two episodes with you. I was the filmer and you were one of the reporters. I didn't see you as anything more than the guy from the News department.
Then one night, at one of the parties, you kissed my friend on the cheek. A moment later, you leaned in to kiss me too, except you totally went for my lips. I pushed you off me and went back inside. I laughed it off as a joke. You were super drunk.

Then I saw you walking on the street a few days later, we smiled at each other and nodded. That was that.

A few weeks later, at the next party, we talked some more and you were totally into me. You were way into me than I was into you, and it made me feel so special. We made out for a while that night, and then you invited me to your frat's date-night thing as your date. You put your number into my phone. You texted me the next day.

The next night I slept over. Maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have waited or something... been harder to get.

But you were so into me and that made me so into you.
Your face was so beautiful. I started to fall for your seriousness....I started to understand that it was a layer to hide everything you've been through.

You know, I'd never actually fallen asleep and woken up next to a guy, you were the first person I ever did that with and it was so special to me.
I got so hooked onto you.
Even though we'd mostly just sleep together and then watch Game of Thrones, which I didn't even like but I liked watching it with you.

You were so warm. I loved the way you held me.
But then that's all it became. You never came out and hung out with my friends and I, anytime I invited you. We basically became fuck buddies. But you always made it seem like I was special to you. It was so confusing.

When I met you after winter break, I remember you walked in the door and literally said two words before kissing me and wanting to get in bed. It felt so weird because I had all these things I wanted to tell you but you just wanted to fuck.
I hated that night. After we had sex I asked you where we were going, and you said you weren't looking for anything more than what we already had. You basically told me that if I wanted to date you or see you in daylight, that was going to be a problem.
I didn't sleep that night at all.

I stayed up and thought about everything. I was so upset and heartbroken because I realized that I was hooked onto you, and you weren't.
I'd let you in and you hadn't.

Two days later you asked me to come over for a party, and I told you that I couldn't see you anymore if all I was going to be was your fuck buddy.
You made it look so easy. You made it seem like that wasn't an issue at all.
I spent that week in bed, crying.

I hate it because you make it seem like we were nothing but to me we were.
Maybe I'm stupid and naive for all this, but I really liked you. I loved watching you wake up in the morning. I love staring into your eyes, I miss it so much.

Over the next few months I showed up at your frat a bunch of times when I was drunk and lonely and thinking of you.

You were such a dick about the whole thing. And I seemed like such a creepy stalker type person. It's the most embarrassing thing I've done in my life.

I tried to get over you with another guy who treated me really well. But it didn't last long.
Since the last three months, every time I walk around these streets I look for you.
I hope I'd secretly bump into you. I hope you'd be into me again like you were in the beginning.

It's so pathetic. I hate how much I miss you, for how little time we actually spent together. I take the long way home every night so I can pass your place. It's so fucking pathetic.
I wish you'd have fought for me.

Or at least, that first night when we made out and I started crying because I thought you were so nice to me (like nicer than any guy had been in SO long), I wish you wouldn't have lied and told me you were different. That you would never hurt me.

I wish you'd have been honest and told me all you wanted was to get into my pants.

Cause I got hooked onto you. I got addicted to your smell and fell in love with your eyes and felt so warm in your arms.

And for you, I was just another number on the list of women you've slept with.
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