Tuesday, August 21, 2012

we make a hell of a team

ph: Esben BÃ

When I met you, I was getting over someone. Someone who was great at first and whom I had given my heart to and he had stomped all over it. I didn't know how or why it ended so abruptly. I was hurt and was working on getting over him; I was working on getting past the need to find answers when someone just pushes you aside as if you were disposable. But when I saw you, I wanted you. I didn't wanted you to be my boyfriend, I knew I couldn't offer you anything, I was empty and you were ending your relationship, I knew better than to get involved with someone I couldn't give or receive anything and for the first time, I had no expectations.

It didn't start with a first date. We worked in the same place, I had seen you before, I found you attractive (very much so) I wanted to leave my feelings aside and just have a fling because you see, I always get involved. I added you to my messenger thinking here goes nothing and we started talking, we flirted and it progressed from there. We saw each other at the office, we went out for drinks with co workers but, nothing happened until one Sunday afternoon you offered me a ride home and you leaned over on a red light and kissed me. We went to your house with an excuse I can't even remember at this moment and we slept together. On the way to my house you said you were waiting to see if she would come back. I just thought it was a onetime thing.

But it wasn't, we saw each other every time we could, we didn't talk about feelings or expected anything from each other, it was raw desire and unknown territory for me.
We started spending more time together and talking and opening up and you I started to feel attached to you and wanting more out of it and in that moment, I knew I had to get out. You said to me, I can't offer you anything, you know this, if you can't handle it let me know...

But time went by and I never said what I had rehearsed in my head over and over again, I never uttered the words, let's end this before it's too late and someone gets hurt... I have never been happier to have kept quiet.

It's been almost a year now and we've had a great relationship. I have learned so much from you, I have learned so much about myself as well. We have had our ups and downs, we moved in together a bit too soon and we didn't know each other that well. But we have made it work and we have learned so much from every fight we've had and we stick together, support each other and wait the storm off together. I have never had a real, mature relationship before and you have shown me that, you have shown me real love. I love you for who you are. You have days when you are cranky, forget to take out the garbage, spend too much time in front of the mirror, you speak too loud when you're on the phone, and when you're mad and you say things without thinking them through... yeah, I still love you because you have opened your heart even though is as flawed as mine. You show interest in things that are important to me, you have learned to communicate and open it, you are sweet and caring and try to be romantic because you know how important those things are for me. You talk about plans for the future and you include me and the house we share has become our home. I want us to grow old together and deal with it all together because we make a hell of a team.

You truly are the love of my life.
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