Friday, August 26, 2011

what to do?

what to do love photo love image holding hands,
ph: weheartit

To all women who are still waiting for their knight in shining armour...

I met him - my knight in shining armour – a while ago. The one we all know about, riding on a white horse, coming to sweep me off my feet. Of course, he did sweep me off my feet, made my knees weak..all that stuff. For a while I was the happiest girl on the planet…until I realised, of course, it is not real. So to all those girls who still believe there is such thing as a knight in shining armour – Don’t. It may seem real for a while but that’s just until reality kicks in.

You see, he does love me and I do love him. But no matter what people say, love isn’t always good enough reason to stay with someone. I met him when we were both with someone else and weirdly enough, it was the best time we could have met. We tried to be friends and we were the worst friends the world has ever seen. We just couldn’t help it. He left his girlfriend to be with me. You know how people say that if a guy wants to be with you he would do anything possible just so he can really be with you? Well, he did. He told me that even if I decide to stay with the other guy and even if it’s for a long time, he’d still wait, because I was worth it. And he did, he waited for me to decide what I want to do. Of course all the time I wanted to be with him, I just wasn’t sure I can trust him. But I left all my insecurities so we can be together. And for a while, I was the happiest I have ever been. He is the sort of guy every girl would dream of, the perfect boyfriend – he made me breakfast in bed without me asking for it. I didn’t celebrate my last birthday because I lost someone from my family the same day. Few days after he made me a cake and bought balloons for me – he told me he didn’t want me to remember my birthday with something so sad, so he even gave me a present. I hardly knew him then. He likes films like ‘A lot like love’. He sat to watch ‘how to lose a guy in 10 days’ with me, because he likes the film. He loves cuddles. And genuinely loves all this. He tells me he misses me, he tells me he loves me, and he promised to do whatever he can to make me happy. You get the idea, the perfect boyfriend.

That was until I realised he is more in love with the idea of being with someone, of being in a relationship than he is in love with me. That’s how he is, how he’s always been. It just took me a while to realise that. Sure he cares and he loves me. But I recently realised he can’t be alone; he has not been single for years – jumping from one long term relationship to another. But he keeps hurting me without realising. I had to live through the millions text from his exgirlfriend and there was nothing i could say because I was the one who got in the way of their relationship in the first place. I had to just accept the fact she appeared on his door in 4 in the morning, crying, begging to get back with him. I was there for him when he was offered a job he deserved then the company decided to unfairly give it to his best friend instead. I still am there for him for all that. But he doesn’t realise how much all this stuff is hurting me. Or even after I tell him how much it upsets me, he still does it. He is just the sort of person who has to be nice to everyone, that’s just the way he is. And I keep telling myself that it is nothing, and that whatever has upset me will just go away with time. But I am not sure I can do that anymore. I am going away for a month to another country in two weeks to do a work experience..and I really am not sure we are gonna get through it. Or more like, that I can get through it.

I just don’t know what to do. I am in love with him, I can’t imagine losing him but I can’t keep on doubting stuff. I am stuck in a dead end street. Tell me what to do?

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