Tuesday, September 7, 2010

happy you are coming back

Its May of 2003. I am a sophomore in college, you a year ahead of me.
I am in a sorority, and over at one of the fraternity houses. You
are visiting a friend in the fraternity, but being a "frat boy" was
never your thing. You tell me you see me in the quad, and ask your
friend who I am. Your friend tells you that I am out of your league.
You tell him "I just found the girl I am going to marry". You then
come down to introduce yourself to me...

Fast forward to January 2004. You ask all of your friends in my
sorority to hook us up. I can recall who you are, however was dating
others. Then, that fateful night at our local bar. I decide to
escape an ex-boyfriend, and walk home by myself. You catch me in the
parking lot, offer me a ride. I say no. You ask if you can have my
number. I say yes. You call me the next day and ask me out on a date
for that next week. I say yes. Our first date on January 23rd, 2004
was a night I will never forget. We clicked. Talked. Kissed. There
were fireworks. Our relationship instantly started. I was in love.
Complete head over heals love. You cooked me dinner for Valentines
day. You took care of me when I was sick. I met your mom and sister
within a month of us dating. We went to my formal together. We
laughed, cried, and touched souls. You share things with me that you
have never told anyone. I do the same. I applied to go abroad to
Italy for the summer. I get in the program. You graduate college.
You came home with me to California, and we had an amazing road trip.
We spent every moment together until I had to leave for Italy. You
said not to worry, you would be waiting for me "with open arms" when I
got back.

Summer 2004. Italy is incredible, however I miss you every day. We
email - you send me roses to my apartment. I travel, experience
everything that Italy has to offer, yet my heart has a hole in it. I
am in the most romantic place in the world, and want to share it with
you. Summer flies by. I come back to Colorado to be with you and
finish school. You tell me you got a job in Southern California, and
are leaving in 2 weeks. We have a passionate, indescribable 2 weeks
of intense love, and promise to be with each other.

Fall 2004/Winter 2005. Long Distance is hard. You are struggling in
California, I am struggling in Colorado. You push away. I cry. You
come visit. I feel like a prostitute, a hotel and a chauffeur. I cry
some more. My girlfriends tell me to let go, but I just can't. I
live for your 4 am drunk phone calls professing your love to me. We
continue this charade for months. I visit you in Southern California.
You won't hold my hand. I cry some more. I offer to move to be
closer to you after college. You say maybe. The pain cuts deep, as I
cannot go a day without thinking about you.

Spring 2005. I meet someone else, and become infatuated with him.
Unbeknown to me, you are coming back to Colorado to rededicate
yourself to me. I call you to try and tell you about this new person.
You don't call back for 3 weeks. Finally, I tell you, and you break
down. You still come to Colorado and ask me to meet you in the park
by the lake. I come. You have flowers and an open heart. Mine is
not. I tell you I can't do this roller coaster anymore. You cry. I
cry. I walk away. Even now, I can't tell you why I walked away, but I
did. You send me countless love letters. I email you saying that I
appreciate the gesture, but its too little too late.

Summer 2005 - July 2010. You have your life in California, I have
mine in Colorado. You start dating a girl from your office, and I
break up with my infatuation. I date others. You get serious with
office girl. I still date others, and find a nice boy. You and
office girl break up after 2 years. I am dating nice boy for 5
months. You call. I talk you through your break up. We joke, we
laugh, and I tell you that I will always love you. You say the same.
You go to Europe. You call me from Europe telling me that you
understood why I had to go to Italy. I break up with nice boy. You
come back from Europe to California. I get back together with nice
boy. You tell me a couple of months later that if I had not gotten
back together with nice boy, you would have tried again. I tell you
that we tried the long distance thing once, and it did not work.
Besides, I like nice boy. As much as I like nice boy, you still are
in my thoughts and dreams. You start to date another girl. We chat
online. We text. We talk to each other the way that people in other
relationships should not talk to one another. We talk to one another
the way that we should talk to our significant others. I decide to
move in with nice boy. We chat occasionally, but I try and cool off
our conversations. You seem ok with it - girl #2 suits you for the
time being. You get into grad school back in Colorado. I tell you
this will be interesting, but I am happy you are coming back. It will
be difficult, as I am still with nice boy.

July/August 2010. Nice boy turns out to be not so nice, and breaks up
with me. You have been in the same state as me for a month, however
we have not seen one another. I have a crazy several weeks. I move
out. You live with your mother, and travel a lot, and look for places
to live. August comes. We start texting each other. We have lunch.
You pick me up, and those butterflies are still there. They have
never gone away. You look so incredibly handsome. We talk. Its a
nervous and strange conversation, however I still feel so much for
you. So much of everything. I decide to go for the gusto and ask you
out on a date.

We have our date this upcoming Friday. Will this finally be our time?
We always said that we would end up together. I hope that we can do
it right this time. It seems as if fate has given us a 2nd chance,
and we sit on knife point for Friday. I hope we both fall the same way,
as I have never lost my love for you.

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