everything I did

ph: *Nishe

R,

I just wish I was brave enough to talk to you.
In my head everything is so messed up, but I'll try my best to explain.

After all this time, I still don't know how to stop remembering our memories and looking for you everywhere I go. I can't stop relating us to every song I hear. I don't know if I miss you, or if I miss having someone. But I don't know if I'll ever feel as comfortable with someone as I was with you.

I miss having you to care about me and to share small things. You were the one I could tell everything, because you were the only one who completely won my trust. And I miss your hug - but I guess you already know that.

I'm sorry I never believed you when you said that there wouldn't be someone who cares about a girl more than you.

I guess it's too naive to think that we could get back together. I ruined it and I don't know how to fix it. I feel really bad about what I did to you. Maybe I was too young to actually be with someone so dedicated to me. I feel sorry about the reason I gave up one us. And it really breaks my heart that we're not together, and that is my entire fault.

I'm afraid I'm gonna tell you all those things and then one day wake up and feel completely different. I'm not sure about anything. I can't assure you a future. That's how I am, and that's how I screwed it all.

I'm also really afraid you are not the same. I'm afraid that I made you change, and you completely erased me. I'm afraid, besides almost sure, you hate me right now - and I hate myself for that. I feel the worst person in the world when I remember everything I did, and the pain you felt because of me. Then I think that you're totally right in hating and avoiding me, and I should move on. But I'm afraid I can't get over you.

If I'm right and you hate me, please do me a favor one last time: hit me hard with your words, in the way only the person who knew me the most can do, so I can't ever look at you again and feel passionate.

But if you're able to forgive, just call me - maybe you still remember my number, just like I never forgot yours - and I promise I will try my best, so things can feel right again. I promise to tell you everything and hear you carefully. I just have to warn you that some things don't change. I can be really moody and I am still insecure.

M

people like us

ph: The Funny Way

that kind of experience

ph: ylana.hunt

March 31st 2012. Seven years to the exact day since we met. I wouldn’t expect you to remember. I’m not being bitchy or malicious when I say that, I just genuinely don’t think you would remember the exact details. Well I do and every time March 31st rolls around I still think of you, even if I haven’t seen you for approximately four of those years.

March 31st was the final of a battle of the bands competition. I was with three friends, one of whom was pretty insane it must be said. It was this friend who yelled at you outside the cloakroom, much to my embarrassment. It was her that yelled, to your face, that I liked you. You see, to you, this was completely random. You didn’t know any of us, hadn’t seen us before and saw the amusing side to it by turning around to blow me a kiss.

It wasn’t random and my friend’s comment wasn’t unjust. I’d seen you around town. You used to hang around the same area I did. I used to walk past your workplace, completely unintentionally I hasten to add, this wasn’t stalker behaviour. It just happened to be on the route into the town centre. I was instantly attracted to you and even now I can’t say exactly why.

So when you responded in the way you did, I was instantly glad she’d said something. I was stupidly embarrassed by it yes, but if she hadn’t, we would probably never have spoken. You came up to me inside and spent what felt like hours talking to me. I couldn’t quite believe it. You always seemed completely unattainable yet here you were talking to me. Out of all of the girls, and believe me, as the lead singer in a band there were plenty, you talked to me.

I can’t even remember who initiated it, but after what seemed like a total blur of an evening, we kissed. It was unlike any other kiss I’d experienced. The whole cliché of the rest of the world ceasing to exist, that kind of experience. The end of the night came and with one last kiss I had to go. Even though I never wanted to tear myself away. Ever.

We never labelled ourselves, that’s what I liked about us. Everything seemed to happen easily. I loved sitting in the summertime, with our hands intertwined, at the skate park I loved that you were taller than me and bent down to kiss the top of my head when we hugged. I loved watching you roll your cigarettes. I loved the fact you ordered double espressos. I loved your laugh, which I still remember, even though the image of you seems to be fading in my mind. I love the fact you’ve started talking to me once more. I want to be unlabelled again, even though we’re hundreds of miles apart this time. More than anything, I hope this time we actually do meet up and I hope it’s as if we’ve never been apart. I hope you’re exactly how I remember you to be and the best part is I really think you might be. It might be asking a lot I don’t know, but I want just one more kiss.

Imissyou.