...makes me feel like a bad person.

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I am extremely confused and don't know if I am a bad person or not....

In October my boyfriend of almost 3 years sat me down and told me "he's changed" and that he didnt want to be together anymore. I was devastated to say the least. We had been fighting more than normal recently, but the fights were always stupid and I tried to just let them pass as easily as I could, but he would hold onto them, keeping a tally almost of all the fights, so when another one started he would start into that this was 5th fight in two weeks, or something like that, but even then I still did not see the break up coming.

Earlier in this past summer I went to visit him, because he was taking classes at our college. While I was there I found text messages he had sent to another girl, who I knew (which is a whole other story in its self) but he called her "babe" in one of them, which is what he called me. I was mortified, and he broke down to me that night and I didn't leave him, I stayed, because he seemed to be truly sorry for what he had done. Anyways, I still had trust issues to say the least (because this was now the second girl he had texted behind my back.) So when he told me he was breaking up with me I thought it was so unfair because it had only be 4 months since this event, and one of the reasons he was breaking up with me was because my trust was not fully back. It made me angry that I had stayed with him, that I had not gotten up that night and left him then and there.

Now I thought I was going to marry this guy. I was madly in love with him, or so I thought, even though he had done that to me, that's why I took him back because I believed he loved me just as much and that he had just made a mistake.

Well, come 2 months after we break up, I met a boy who was in one of my classes randomly one night. We really hit it off and we started to hang out a lot. I really like him, and that scares me, and it makes me feel like a bad person. Am I? Tonight he looked at me and told me he really like me, and he knows I just got out of a serious relationship, but he wanted to know if I wanted to be in one with him. Caught up in the moment of looking into his eyes I said I would. Now I am not the type of girl who HAS to have a boyfriend, or NEEDS the attention of a boy at all, but he just came out of no where, and at a not so great timing in my life, but I really do like him, but I am scared. Does this make me a bad person that I am already falling for another boy now 3 months after the boy I thought I was going to marry broke up with me? I don't know what to do....

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

unknown

if there is something i believe in...

unknown

Do you believe in what people call ‘soulmates’? I, for one, do not. I’ve been told my way of looking at love is cynical but I don’t think so. I believe that a person call fall in love with anyone, given the timing is right. People fall in and out of your life, I don’t believe in destiny, things happen for no reason and you are left to try to control it - although you know you can’t. I only try to convince myself things are meant to be when something negative happens. But in the end, I don’t think it works like that.

My friends are not my friends because they are better than other people - I’ve learned to love them by being around them and getting to know them. If I spent time with most people, granted they weren’t extremely rude and had no interest in me, I could probably love them just as much as I love my friends now.

But somethings I find harder to explain, like the way you can meet people who just feel right for you. But then again, this might also be coincidence - and timing. But it is all so very shallow. I wish I could look at people and oversee their physical appearance. But of course that’s not possible. But if it was, I really wonder what I’d see.

But do not mistake me, if there is something I believe in it is love.

- K