chick porn

bittenbound

“I do know that if I don’t ask you to be mine, I’ll regret it for the rest of my life”
[Runaway Bride]

“I love that you get cold when it's seventy degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend a day with you I can still smell your perfume on my clothes, and I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night.”
[When Harry Met Sally]

“I think I’d miss you even if we’d never met.” [The Wedding Date]

“You had me at hello.” [Jerry Maguire]

These are all lines from a genre of film I affectionately refer to as… Chick Porn. Why chick porn? Well when put into context of how we, as women, view “regular porn, ” as unrealistic portrayals of a man’s idealistic view of a woman, it’s exactly the same. Chick Porn is a woman’s unrealistic view of an idealized man. We watch these movies (currently Runaway Bride is playing on my TV) and develop these subconscious expectations of our boyfriends, husbands, or future spouses. When life is less glamorous than breakfast at Tiffany’s, we blame the guy, when really we bring this upon ourselves. I’m not implying we should all swear off romantic comedies and dramas (obviously, I’m watching one even now), but I do think that we should be aware of how they affect us. I know for some friends, this means that they literally cannot watch movies that make them lust after a fictional scenario and for others it means bringing the knowledge of reality to the forefront of their minds and not holding anyone accountable to ridiculous expectations.

Life is not a movie, much to my dismay. You don’t always meet your soul-mate dancing in the rain or on the observation deck of the Empire State Building, but who wants to be in love with a story? The real thing is better.

-Allie

ever again

dropular

I have someone I love very much. But this story is not about him.

It’s a about a man from 1,320 miles away who somehow ended up a few feet away from me in the lecture hall. Smart, attractive, funny, with a way with words I’ve never heard before. Twisting words and phrases to paint beautiful pictures of the world I knew. I saw what I always did, but it was much more colorful than ever before. I’m a smart girl, not easily impressed, but this guy captured me. He’s so special, but can’t see it himself. He tells me how special I am, but it’s not the same and I can’t wake him up to it. I probably won’t ever meet anyone like him again if I live for a hundred years.

One day, while in his dorm, he kissed me. And I didn’t stop him. The only thing I said was, “I’m a bad person.” He asked why and I responded I have someone I care for very much. He didn’t mind and I didn’t have the willpower to stop him. This happen for another four consecutive days. I finally said that I couldn’t do it anymore because I was betraying the person I cared so so so much for. He cried and I felt like the worst person to have ever walked the planet.

Days following, this man persisted. While telling him that I couldn’t cheat anymore, the spell he had over me broke. He blamed societal rules and the way I think. He did not want me to “be” with him. Simply to share passion. He could care less if I had a boyfriend as long as we could share passion until his research scholarship is over in a year. Then he’ll just pick up and leave like this life here doesn’t matter.

This outright selfishness and juvenile response gave me a hard slap in the face. I feel like this was my test. Much like Sir Gawain, I didn’t pass, but I didn’t fail. For the rest of my life, this will be a reminder, my green sash. I never had a passing thought about betraying someone before, and I never will again. This lesson showed me there are capturing people out there, but there’s not another person made so perfectly for me. I won't find one if I searched for the rest of human existence. I’ve found him. I know it. And I know, short of insanity or death, he is the man I will marry.

I will never,

ever,

take him for granted

ever

again.

-LG

a retro, young kind of crush

ffffound

I've recently developed some kind of feelings for a guy in my college dorm. It merely started as a liking for his good looks, nothing more. But after a couple of weeks, we were just together with a group of friends, walking back from a night out. I don't know if it was the way the streets were dimly lit, or how the rain was still damp on the ground, it's horribly cliche but i found myself becoming more attracted to his boyish grin and the way his eyes mock my silly jokes. We bonded over music, over songs that are constantly played on my ipod. That night i fell asleep wondering how fun it would be to go to a concert with him, now, i often think of him when certain songs fill my headphones, and I wonder if he's listening to the same thing; the walls are pretty thin, and sometimes when i play our mutual favorite song, it's my way of saying 'this is for you'.

I'm generally extremely confident and comfortable in my own skin and looks, but with guys i crush on, it never actually turns out the way i hope, and so i've found that now, with him, i keep second guessing myself and annoying my friends with the constant insecurities. Everyone knows, somehow, except for him. But it's good, because i kind of have a claim to him without him knowing,and i can allow my eyes to linger on his for a few seconds longer than it should for a platonic relationship, I can ask him if he's feeling better from his cold without looking like an overprotective stalker, and I even allow myself to gush over 'hot guys', guys i would never choose over him if it comes down to it.

I love his smiles, and his sarcastic remarks over my klutziness, I find myself holding my breath when we accidently bump into each other in the hall, and it's good, in a way, to be right next to him, because I'm strangely comforted by the fact that he hasn't brought anyone back with him.

I'm by no means a stalker, or in love, and in fact, this story probably won't warm your heart or make you gush like the others, but sometimes, somewhere, not everybody's falling in love or crying over shattered hearts, they develop crushes that puts them on a slight high, even if it may amount to nothing, it's thinking about the possibilities, finding songs that match your feelings, writing about it, glorifying it. Sometimes, for some of us, it's enough. It's what we need for now.

I want him to pick up on some kind of clue, I think I won't be able to do a junior high 'i kind of like you' speech, but right now, i'm content with just sending him subtle glances, becoming giddy about the possibilities, and just enjoying the warm, fuzzy feelings I haven't had in quite a while. It feels slightly cheesy and seems so un-college, so unsexy or wild, it's a retro, young kind of crush, and I just realized how much I missed feeling like this.

-N.