Monday, April 14, 2014

i got hooked on you

Le Love Blog Couple On Bed Kissing Friends With Benefits Fuck Buddies One More Serious Than The Other Beso (Amsterdam, 2014) by Joel Sossa, on Flickr
Photo via: Joel Sossa

Aaron,
When I met you I didn't even think twice about you. You were just another guy from work. In fact, now that I think about it, the first time I met you I found you a bit stiff and harsh and rugged. Almost like you were something out of an action thriller or in the military or something. You were so fucking serious.

I worked on two episodes with you. I was the filmer and you were one of the reporters. I didn't see you as anything more than the guy from the News department.
Then one night, at one of the parties, you kissed my friend on the cheek. A moment later, you leaned in to kiss me too, except you totally went for my lips. I pushed you off me and went back inside. I laughed it off as a joke. You were super drunk.

Then I saw you walking on the street a few days later, we smiled at each other and nodded. That was that.

A few weeks later, at the next party, we talked some more and you were totally into me. You were way into me than I was into you, and it made me feel so special. We made out for a while that night, and then you invited me to your frat's date-night thing as your date. You put your number into my phone. You texted me the next day.

The next night I slept over. Maybe I shouldn't have. Maybe I should have waited or something... been harder to get.

But you were so into me and that made me so into you.
Your face was so beautiful. I started to fall for your seriousness....I started to understand that it was a layer to hide everything you've been through.

You know, I'd never actually fallen asleep and woken up next to a guy, you were the first person I ever did that with and it was so special to me.
I got so hooked onto you.
Even though we'd mostly just sleep together and then watch Game of Thrones, which I didn't even like but I liked watching it with you.

You were so warm. I loved the way you held me.
But then that's all it became. You never came out and hung out with my friends and I, anytime I invited you. We basically became fuck buddies. But you always made it seem like I was special to you. It was so confusing.

When I met you after winter break, I remember you walked in the door and literally said two words before kissing me and wanting to get in bed. It felt so weird because I had all these things I wanted to tell you but you just wanted to fuck.
I hated that night. After we had sex I asked you where we were going, and you said you weren't looking for anything more than what we already had. You basically told me that if I wanted to date you or see you in daylight, that was going to be a problem.
I didn't sleep that night at all.

I stayed up and thought about everything. I was so upset and heartbroken because I realized that I was hooked onto you, and you weren't.
I'd let you in and you hadn't.

Two days later you asked me to come over for a party, and I told you that I couldn't see you anymore if all I was going to be was your fuck buddy.
You made it look so easy. You made it seem like that wasn't an issue at all.
I spent that week in bed, crying.

I hate it because you make it seem like we were nothing but to me we were.
Maybe I'm stupid and naive for all this, but I really liked you. I loved watching you wake up in the morning. I love staring into your eyes, I miss it so much.

Over the next few months I showed up at your frat a bunch of times when I was drunk and lonely and thinking of you.

You were such a dick about the whole thing. And I seemed like such a creepy stalker type person. It's the most embarrassing thing I've done in my life.

I tried to get over you with another guy who treated me really well. But it didn't last long.
Since the last three months, every time I walk around these streets I look for you.
I hope I'd secretly bump into you. I hope you'd be into me again like you were in the beginning.

It's so pathetic. I hate how much I miss you, for how little time we actually spent together. I take the long way home every night so I can pass your place. It's so fucking pathetic.
I wish you'd have fought for me.

Or at least, that first night when we made out and I started crying because I thought you were so nice to me (like nicer than any guy had been in SO long), I wish you wouldn't have lied and told me you were different. That you would never hurt me.

I wish you'd have been honest and told me all you wanted was to get into my pants.

Cause I got hooked onto you. I got addicted to your smell and fell in love with your eyes and felt so warm in your arms.

And for you, I was just another number on the list of women you've slept with.

17 comments:

  1. This really really hit me hard. It was heartbreaking to read, because I´ve been there. I was one of those girls, one of those who fell so hard, so fast. In the end the guy was a douchebag, it took me so long to realize that he just wanted to get into my pants. Even though that never happened, which I´m so grateful for, I still let him in.. Opened up to him like I´ve never done with anyone else. Spent the night with him without doing "it" because he wanted to prove that he wanted something more. Even that was a big deal for me. Everything he said was lies. I feel pathetic for believing him and later getting rejected. It made me feel like I was just a number, and that is kind of one of my worse fears. I hope you can walk away, because you deserve so much better. I don´t know if I´ll get passed this, but at least I know that nothing could ever happen. I would never be in a relationship with such a person. Be strong enough to walk away. I hope you can come to terms with the things you cannot change. Because you deserve closure. Because it was never meant to be. All the best to you. //

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  2. This really hit me hard, because I'm in the exact same situation now. And I don't know how to end it.

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  3. Oxytocin, byproduct of great sex. Evil fucking chemical.

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  4. I flick through this blog mainly for the pictures if I'm honest. You're story caught my eye realising I am in the same position with a guy at university I even slipped up calling him my 'boyfriend' once. We never had a label. I confronted him one night and he slipped up. He clearly didn't want an official title as I'm not the only girl in his life. I fell for him. Don't let it make you bitter. We grow and we learn from each person we meet in life some of them more than others. If he made you feel warm and safe some nights then you would have loved the moment. Your morals make you the better person. Hold out hope for someone that will treat you right, until then just enjoy life! All my love x

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