Monday, January 27, 2014

should I go with my gut?

Photo via: iheartartichokes

There's this guy who is from CA and came to NJ for construction work. He came in and out of the bar I worked at and finally we exchanged numbers. We hung out a few times, and he had to leave earlier than he thought. He started to tell my Best Friend before he left, that he would move here to be with me and how much he liked me... Of course she told me, and not gonna lie, I got freaked out a little bit. Wondering how somebody can like me so much to move here, because I'm very shy, and was with him. Majority of the time, it was him who was talking and me just listening. Something I forgot to mention, he is 35 years old, and I am 21. So he eventually vocalized this to me, and with him being so much older, I pushed back a bit and said that he's getting ahead of himself and that I am not looking to jump into anything. I liked him, I really did, but the fact that he was 14 years older than me and lived across the country, I knew my parents and siblings would not agree and accept. We continued to talk a week after he went back, and I noticed my feelings were growing stronger for him. It got to the point where, I was hoping to look down and see his name every time my phone vibrated. Long story Short- Yesterday we didn't talk until night. I texted him and he was with his brother, and seemed to not be talkative, so I left it be because he hasn't seen anyone in months. He texted me later that night to say goodnight, but I just got a weird vibe from it that something was different. Today is the first day I haven't heard from him, and its driving me crazy. Now I'm sitting here, second guessing myself, wondering If I did something or said something, or maybe if his brother said something to him about it all. I don't want to reach out to him and bother him. I don't want to come off clingy and what not. But now I'm thinking to myself, why am I feeling this sort of way, when just the other week, I was so turned off by what he was feeling and saying. I just need advice outside of my friends. An honest opinion whether I should just go with my gut and say screw it, age doesn't matter and neither does distance, Like he said to me- "Love has no limitations, no boundaries, no age, no distance. Fear does this!"


  1. If your gut is telling you it isn't right you probably wont get comfortable .. ever. He might start holding back if he realizes he came on too strong. Get to know him a little bit more. What makes him laugh, what makes him angry, how he is when hes angry ... and try to break the news to your family gently and see what they think of it. Family can surprise you you know? :)

    Good Luck

    Maggie A

  2. Are you sure that your gut tells you it's all right to keep up with this? I think a huge part of the time your gut tells you the right thing ;)

    And regarding to why he didn't respond so enthousiastic that night, people change feelings and emotions a lot. For as far as we know, he might've sat there thinking about why this is so difficult for you to say yes to (or even pondering about difficult other situations), so he just might not've been in the mood to reach out to you. And that's natural, just like your "weird vibe" from the good night message.

    Also, I think you should just reach out to him. If he really feels so attracted to you he will respect and appreciate it if you ask him what's going on. I agree with Maggie, you should try to get to know him a little bit more. And I think explaining what you feel to him will reveal his true feelings. If he backs off he just might not've been the one you're looking for, but if he stays to talk with you, takes time to explain what he's thinking and appreciates that you reach out to him, that's surely a good sign ;)
    Don't forget that he's the one that made the first move and told you that he liked you!

    As for the long-distance love, it takes a lot of dedication to make it work. Not to scare you of course ;) But that's really true.

    Lots of Love,

    Johnny B

  3. Maturity isn't about age, it's about experience. Sure, he's older, but then again, why should that get between the two of you? I think you should go after him and see what happens, be honest, be truthful and just have fun with it.

    Good Luck!


  4. he may have said some sweet things, but he's not that into you. that's why he's no longer responsive. the sooner you embrace this fact, the sooner you will be able move on and no longer be in agony over his unresponsiveness.

    i hope you will put yourself out there more! even if you are shy, dating takes "practice". as you date different guys, you will learn what you need from a relationship, and what you deserve. but you should always guard your heart until you know you're truly in love, and that you're being loved in return. i wish you the best.

  5. this is your time to talk to him. show him you want his attention, you have the right to. and you are allowed to show him :)
    there's nothing wrong in pushing a little, ask him what's going on.
    you would love him doing the same thing, right?
    and you want to be the same for him as he is for you?

    never let it 'go with the flow'. if you want it, fight for it. you are able to get almost everything, if you're willing to give up all.
    you're worth it!

  6. About a week ago, I was going through something similar. And let me tell you, I know how hard it is to start feeling a distance between you and the one you like. You start to question yourself a lot and you start to question how much he likes you too. Sometimes men need space though. That is one thing that I learned from my situation. If you tell a guy something that he does not want to hear, and he is normal for a few days then starts to distance himself, then you should take it as him trying to cope with the things that you told him. Men have feelings too. However, do not let him distance himself for more than a week or two. You should talk to him before that and be completely honest with how you feel. Never ever feel sorry for having feelings. And never regret expressing how you truly feel to someone. But to answer whether or not you should go with your gut, I say ALWAYS go with your gut. Usually, a girl's intuition is right. Just prepare yourself for what could happen when you do talk to him. Go in with very low expectations but also be confident in what you say to him. I always prepare myself for the worst so if I do not like how it goes, then I will expect just that. But if it goes better than I imagined, then that's a plus. But always be confident in yourself. Be confident with what you feel first because that is your heart telling you what to do. Good luck and remember, there is a reason for everything. Good or bad. Know that you will be okay.
    Be strong Caterpillar and always follow your heart!

  7. Listen to your gut. Most of the time we have doubts about things were are not comfortable with. Trust your heart.

  8. Always go with your gut (Speaking from experience)


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