Thursday, October 10, 2013
safe and good
Photo via: M.Shehni
I have naturally shaky hands. They shake when I concentrate on picking something up or doing something that I'm not used to. It's called essential tremor. They shake worse when I'm nervous - that's why public speaking isn't really my thing.
When I first met him - you know the guy (Mr. Big, the one, the place for my heart) - my hands were shaking furiously. I hid them in my pockets and kept talking. During our entire conversation they shook and all I was thinking about was how rare that was for me. They usually don't shake from just talking to someone.
The first time we kissed I was glad my hands were preoccupied with touching him, because they were shaking intensely. But he didn't notice, because they were wrapped up in his hair and he was wrapped up in me.
The first time we had sex not only my hands but my entire body shook. He noticed this time, and looked at me in a way a boy has never looked at me before. He looked fascinated and like he could never get enough of me.
The only time my hands didn't shake was when I told him I loved him. I looked him straight in the eye and said it. And my hands didn't even flinch.
Even now, after dating for over 3 years, my hands still shake. When he kisses me, when he looks at me, when he smiles for me, when we sleep together, all the time. But they don't shake when I tell him I love him. It's like my body knows that love isn't really anything to shake for. It's safe and good.